


.Shattered.

by Rogue_Phoenix_San



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Amnesia, Canon - Anime, Canon Gay Relationship, Consequences, Dreams and Nightmares, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Gay Sex, Heavy Angst, Ice Skating, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Japanese Culture, M/M, Mental Anguish, Mental Health Issues, Mental Illness - Stigma, Oral Sex, Psychological Trauma, Romance, Serious, Sex Toys, Sleepwalking, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, Tragedy, Yaoi, Yaoi on Ice, Yoi - Freeform, Yuri on Ice - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2019-11-01 18:07:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 71
Words: 168,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17872184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rogue_Phoenix_San/pseuds/Rogue_Phoenix_San
Summary: Viktor's selfish desire to get back at Yuri for making him cry before the Grand Prix Final sets off an unforeseen chain of events. Words cut deeper than a knife and thoughtless actions have some tragic consequences. Yuri's life, and their future together are put in jeopardy. Can Viktor and Yuri overcome the cruel twists? What will happen once the truth comes crashing down?*********************************************************************************************************************DO NOT COPY TO ANOTHER SITE.Не копируйте это на другой сайт.





	1. The Broken Man

_*******WARNING:**_ This story starts off pretty heavy with referenced/implied character death and suicide attempt. _ *******_

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_**"Viktor! Please be my coach for one more year! This time, I will win gold for sure!"** _

_**"No."** _

The smile faded and the color drained from Yuri's face. "Eh…?"

"No, Yuri." said Viktor. "I have decided to return to skating and I need to focus on my comeback. I can't possibly do that  _and_  remain as your coach."

Yuri was in shock. His whole body felt numb. He could only sit there wide-eyed and stare unblinkingly at Viktor. He had seen Viktor's lips moving, he had heard the words coming from those lips…but his brain seemed to be having a hard time actually processing what had been said.

"Ah, Yuri…don't make that face." said a seemingly exasperated Viktor. "You were determined to retire after the Grand Prix so that I could return to skating. You made your decision, so I made mine. We need to end this."

Yuri's mouth was dry and his throat felt like it was stuffed with sand. He didn't feel like he was physically able to speak at that moment, so he nodded weakly instead.

"I knew you'd understand." smiled Viktor. "This is goodbye, Yuri."

Viktor stood up, turned around and walked away. A strangled sob rose up in Yuri's throat. He reached out to Viktor with his right hand.  _Viktor, don't go. Please don't leave me!_  For a split second, it seemed as if Viktor's stride had faltered slightly and he would turn back around.

Yuri's heart skipped a beat.

Instead, Viktor turned the corner and then was gone. As his eyes followed Viktor out, a flash of gold caught Yuri's eye. He looked down at his outstretched hand and spotted the gold ring on his finger.

He was hit with such a sudden wave of nausea that he had to cover his mouth with both hands to stop the rising bile. His head was spinning and it was getting hard to breathe. Yuri stood up awkwardly and stumbled out into the hallway. He leaned one hand on the nearest wall and hung his head as he gasped for breath painfully. His eyes darted around manically.  _Where is it?_   _Where?!_  He finally spotted the sign for the men's room and hobbled off clumsily. He still had his skates on, and although the blade guards were on, it still made getting around quite difficult.

He burst into the bathroom and nearly slipped on the tiled floor. He dove into the first available stall and retched pitifully into the bowl. The acid burned his throat and left a foul acrid taste in his mouth. His eyes were watering and it took him a few seconds of fumbling blindly before he found his target. He flushed the toilet and then leaned back against the stall wall.

His breaths were heaving and his lungs throbbed with the effort. His whole body was screaming for air, but he just couldn't seem to get enough of it in. He looked down disdainfully at his skates, as if suddenly irritated by the sight of them, and began unlacing them. Once they were loosened, he took them off and pushed them haphazardly to the corner of the stall. Next came the socks. He took off both of his black socks and saw that his right foot was bleeding. A closer inspection revealed that the toenail on his big toe had fallen right off.

A sweeping coldness started in the pit of his stomach and seemed to be spreading out to his extremities. He waited for the pain to hit him, but none came. He felt numb. Everything was becoming blissfully...numb. He shoved both socks into one skate and slowly stood up.

Yuri walked over to the sink and rinsed his mouth out with water. He looked up at the mirror and did not recognize the face staring back at him. He was pale, clammy and sweaty. His slicked-back hairstyle had begun to lose its shape and cowlicks had formed in just about every direction. His pupils were like two brown voids. His eyes looked emotionless and vacant.

He dried his hands on some paper towels and ambled out of the bathroom. He shuffled along unblinkingly on his bare feet, unsure of where they would take him.  _Did he have anywhere to go? No, he did not. It was all over._ Without Viktor, there was nothing left anywhere for him.

Viktor…the name brought tears to his eyes. He had wanted to be with Viktor forever. He had wanted Viktor to be happy. His two wants were a paradox. Yuri had convinced himself that the two things he wanted most in life would never be able to co-exist realistically on the same plane. Viktor needed to be back on the ice and Yuri was not worthy enough to keep Viktor from the world. He would not,  _could not_  be the one who killed Viktor as a competitor.

He had been mentally preparing himself for this exact outcome. He had convinced himself that he was doing it all for Viktor's sake. He had made his peace. But then he had ended up with the silver medal. He had suddenly felt like he could make Viktor even prouder if he just had another chance. He had allowed himself to hope.

_**"No."** _

And his dreams had been crushed in a single syllable.

He had never really given much thought to the power of words. He had always expressed himself with his body on the ice. The sheer brute force of that one word had cut him like a thousand blades. It felt as if someone had thrust a hand into his chest and was slowly trying to rip his heart out. The insurmountable agony of it all was overwhelming and absolute.

Those past eight months he had spent with Viktor had been the happiest of his miserably anxious life. He had grown as a skater and had come to know the meaning of love. Viktor had been his idol, his mentor, and secret true love. And now, Viktor was…gone. Yuri had always told himself that it was only a matter of time before Viktor left him. He just hadn't expected it to make him feel so broken inside.

A strong gust of freezing cold wind brought Yuri abruptly back to reality. He was taken aback to find himself standing barefoot on the observation deck of the Barcelona Arena.  _Huh? When did I get up here?_ He had been so lost in his own misery that he had not realized that he had been mindlessly making his way to that spot. He tried to remember how he had gotten there…but his mind was a total blank. The last thing he remembered was leaving the bathroom. Yuri looked around in shock as he saw that it was snowing lightly. It rarely ever snowed in Barcelona. Yuri made his way to the edge of the observation deck. He looked out into the cold Barcelona night and saw that the arena had a direct view of the church where he and Viktor had exchanged rings.

Tears flowed freely down his face. His chest felt impossibly tight and he hurt down to his very soul. Viktor had been the reason Yuri had fallen in love with skating again. Viktor had been his everything. Since the first time he had watched Viktor skate on TV, his whole life had been about him. His life was meaningless without Viktor. Without Viktor, there was no life.

Yuri stepped up onto the ledge. His feet had gone completely numb and he had some difficulty maintaining his balance. He brought his right hand up to his mouth and kissed the gold ring Viktor had placed on his finger. He stretched his arm out toward the church, closed his eyes and allowed himself to fall forward.

Time stood still. It felt as if he were falling for hours. His body impacted something hard and he heard the sound of crunching bone as his head hit the ground with great force.

_Ah. Peace, at last._

When the darkness came for Yuri, he welcomed it with open arms.


	2. When Time Stood Still

Yuri 'Yurio" Plisetsky was feeling pissed off. He had scored a gold medal at his first senior division Grand Prix, but only by the narrowest of margins. Yurio had wanted to crush Yuri Katsuki completely. But the damn pig had gone and beaten Viktor's old free skate score and forced him to skate like his life depended on it. He was extremely agitated and was having a hard time focusing on the questions he was being asked by the various reporters. Most skaters and media were rinkside trying to interview the medalists. Amid the camera flashes, he caught a glimpse of Viktor and his pet pig Yuri about 20 meters to his left. He scowled angrily at them and then turned his attention back to the reporters.

About a minute later, he snuck a side glance at the pair once more and saw the pig stretching his arm out as Viktor walked away.  _What the hell is going on with those two?_  Yurio felt a sudden jab to his ribs and looked up to see Lilia Baranovskaya glaring daggers of death at him.

"Yuri, you should focus on the reporters' questions. They are here for you, after all." said Lilia in a tone he had come to know all too well.

Yurio gulped audibly. He glanced over at the pig one last time and saw him stumbling out.  _HUH? He can't possibly be drunk already?!_

"YU-RI!" Baranovskaya called out.  _Shit. I better pay attention or I am going to get myself killed._

__meanwhile__

Phichit Chulanont was having the time of his life. He was running around trying to amass as many selfies as possible. He had missed the podium this time around, but had been too busy and too excited to feel sad. He was feeling very proud at what he had accomplished this skating season. Mostly, he was elated to see his good friend Yuri back in the game. Yuri had grown so much since the last time they had seen each other. He had become a much more improved and polished performer.

Phichit heard some strange sounds and looked up to see Yuri hobbling towards the men's bathroom. He couldn't see Yuri's face, but could tell by his body language that something wasn't right. Yuri often fell prey to pressure and anxiety and the bathroom had always been the first place he'd go to try and compose himself.  _But why would Yuri be feeling like that right now?_   _He's beaten Viktor's free skate score and won a silver medal. If anything, he should be overjoyed!_  Phichit made a mental note to send Yuri a message later, just too see if he was ok.

_meanwhile_

Otabek Altin was aimlessly wandering the arena hallways trying to kill time. He had made plans with Plisetsky and was trying to stay busy until his interviews were finally over. He wasn't an overly social person and did not want to be out where the main crowds had gathered.

As he turned the corner, he saw the door to the men's bathroom open and Yuri Katsuki walk out.  _He's barefoot? Has he lost his damn mind?_   _Hmm, it seems that he's injured, also._  Otabek stepped forward to say something, but froze in his tracks when he looked up at Katsuki's face. He stood there, speechless, as the young Japanese man walked right past him like he wasn't even there. Otabek turned and ran. He had to go find Plisetsky.

Yurio had grown tired and bored with the incessant interviews. He was anxious to get out of there and meet up with Otabek to celebrate.

He was in the middle of answering a question when he felt a hand grip his arm. He turned his head and saw Otabek standing there.

"Oy! You trying to crash my..." Yurio's eyes met Otabek's as he looked up. He knew instantly that something was wrong. There was an urgency in those eyes that could not be ignored. Yurio politely thanked the reporters and excused himself from any further questions. He took Otabek aside for some privacy.

"Hey, what's wrong? You look like you've just seen a ghost."

"No, not a ghost. A terribly broken man." replied Otabek.

"Broken man? What are you talking about? You're not making any sense."

Otabek told Yurio what he had seen out in the hallway.

"Shit. What did that pig manage to get himself into  _this_  time?"

Yurio knew they had to find Viktor.  _Maybe this has something to do with what I saw earlier._

Yurio and Otabek split up to look for Viktor. Yurio had also asked Yakov and Baranovskaya to message him immediately if they saw him. After a second thought, he decided to contact the other skaters on social media and ask them to keep an eye out for Viktor, too.

As Yurio ran into the main arena foyer, he spotted Viktor chatting with some reporters. He ran right over, grabbed him by the arm and dragged him away.

Once they finally came to a stop, Viktor spoke. "Hey, Yurio! Nice to see you! Congratulations!"

Yurio grabbed Viktor by the lapels of his jacket and brought him in close. Viktor had not been expecting that and the surprise clearly showed on his face.

"What the hell did you say to your pig earlier?!" Yurio growled out at Viktor

Before Viktor could answer, it seemed that all the others had spotted him around the same time and had converged on their location.

"What's going on, you two? Is everything all right here?", asked Chris as he joined them. His arrival was followed closely by Otabek's.

Next came Phichit. "Has anyone seen Yuri? I can't get a hold of him and I'm worried."

"You  _should_  be worried" came Jean-Jacques' voice. The others turned to face him. "I caught a glimpse of him earlier. He didn't look good at all. I don't know how else to say this, but he looked..." JJ paused.

"... _broken_." said JJ and Otabek in unison. It was Otabek's turn to have everyone look at him. He just stood there and stared silently back at them.

"Oh! This is probably  _my_  fault," said Viktor sheepishly. Everyone's attention was now on him. Yurio released his grip on Viktor's jacket and took a step back from him."

"Talk." commanded Yurio.

"Ahh, you see...after he received his medal, Yuri asked me to be his coach for one more year." Viktor began.

The range of reactions to this bit of news varied greatly within the group.

"Continue." demanded Yurio.

Viktor cleared his throat. "Well, I'm making a comeback next season. So I said no and that it was over."

Just about everyone's jaw hit the floor at the same time. Yurio had Viktor by the jacket again.

"Is that what you really intend to do?" asked Phichit.

"Of course not!" said Viktor indignantly. "I fully intend on making a comeback  _and_  coaching Yuri."

Everyone's jaw hit the ground again.

"Are you fucking insane?!" Yurio was livid. "Why the hell would you say that to him then?" shouted Yurio as he shook Viktor.

Viktor scratched the back of his head and smiled awkwardly.

"Well, you see...the night before the Grand Prix started, Yuri told me he was going to retire after it was all over."

Shocked murmurs made their way around the group.

"He made a selfish decision without even taking  _my_  feelings into consideration! Yuri was so mean!  _Especially_  since he'd put this ring on my finger." Viktor explained as he held up his hand.

Chris spoke next. "So, like some petty and scorned woman...you decided to get back at him."

The others looked back and forth between Chris and Viktor.

"I just wanted to make him sweat a little!" said Viktor. "I was going to tell him later tonight that I was just joking and that I couldn't wait to coach him again."

Everyone was floored. They couldn't believe what Viktor had just told them.

"You idiot!" roared Yuri. "You selfish Сукин Сын!"

Viktor was taken aback by Yurio's fury.

"All this time, I've thought that pig didn't deserve you. I see now that it is YOU who doesn't deserve HIM! The way you've toyed with him disgusts me." Yurio practically spat as he spoke.

Otabek stepped in and pulled Yurio off Viktor. He tried to calm the young man down.

Phichit began to speak. "Yuri is a deeply sensitive soul. It is why he is so harshly affected by his anxieties and insecurities. He is quick to doubt himself and will overthink...everything." The others nodded in agreement. "I saw this on a daily basis as his rinkmate in Detroit." Phichit then turned to Viktor. "He changed for the better after you became his coach, but he's still the same susceptible Yuri inside."

"What did you say to him exactly?" asked Chris.

"I said we needed to end this and that this was goodbye," said Viktor matter-of-factly.

JJ stepped forward. "This is bad, guys. Yuri's in danger."

"What makes you say that? He's probably just a bit upset right now," said Viktor.

"Are you really  _that_  stupid?" said JJ incredulously. "You just told your  _fiancée_  that you need to  _end this_  and that  _this is goodbye_."

The others gasped as the implication of JJ's statement hit them.

It was now JJ's turn to show his rage towards Viktor.

"How  _the fuck_  do you think he interpreted that?!"

"But he still has his ring and so do I!" Viktor shouted. "Why would..." he began.

JJ cut him off "Because of  _who he is_ , dumbass! Anxiety and insecurity are the WORST. I used to have it so bad as a kid that I couldn't even be around more than one person at a time!"

The group stood in stunned silence. No one could imagine such a polarizing version of JJ.

JJ continued. "I pretty much had to create an alter ego for myself just to be able to function in society. You got a little taste this competition of just how much that anxiety still haunts me."

Everyone still clearly remembered how JJ had almost fully self-destructed at the Grand Prix.

JJ looked down at the ground as he spoke. "Isabelle is my whole world. She's the reason I get up every morning. She's the reason I fight. I worry  _every damn day_  that I will lose her." JJ clenched both fists at his side.

"I have nightmares and irrational thoughts of her leaving me. I wake up in cold sweats whenever my sick, twisted mind manages to conjure some new way to terrify me." JJ ran his hand roughly through his hair. "They're absolutely the most demented and absurd fears...but there's not a single damn thing I can do to stop them. They flood my mind at will." JJ took a deep breath. "All I can do is put my faith and trust in her and her love for me."

Yurio looked at JJ as if he had sprouted a second head.  _Holy shit. This is...overwhelming._

JJ looked up at Viktor again. The anger was back in his eyes.

JJ stepped right up to Viktor, got in his face and poked a finger at Viktor's chest. "And do you know what I'd do if Isabelle ever said to me those same words you said to Yuri?"

Viktor's eyes suddenly went wide and the color drained from his face.

"I would rather kill myself than live a single day without her."

Things got really frantic after what JJ had said. Everyone agreed that they had to find Yuri and find him NOW. They pieced together all the information and created a timeline of Yuri's movements based on everyone's sightings. He had last been spotted by a stairwell near the Northern gate. They came up with a plan and split up into three teams of two. Otabek went with Yurio to check the Western gate, Chris went with Phichit to check the Eastern gate, and JJ went with Viktor to check the Northern gate.

When JJ and Viktor arrived at the Northern gate, they realized that they had a problem. There were two separate stairwells, each leading to a different place.

"Shit! Which one do we take?" JJ was extremely agitated. "We don't have time to search both!"

Viktor looked around desperately for any clues indicating that Yuri had been there. It was then that he spotted it; a brownish-red smear on the ground. Viktor called out.

"JJ! Over here!" JJ ran over and looked down at the stain.

"That looks like blood!" he exclaimed. Viktor nodded. "Otabek said Yuri was barefoot and bleeding, right?" JJ nodded. Viktor continued. "This  _has_  to be the right stairwell, then. Where does it lead to?"

JJ's blood ran cold. He realized that he knew  _exactly_  where the stairwell led to.

"We've gotta hurry! Go, go, go! MOVE!"

JJ ran up those stairs like a man possessed.  _Please let me make it on time. Please let me save this one._

JJ pushed open the door to the observation deck and immediately spotted Yuri on the ledge with an outstretched hand.  _Thank goodness! He's still with us!_

Viktor made it up the stairs just behind him. When he saw Yuri, he gasped. JJ brought his finger up to his lips.  _Shh, quiet._  Viktor nodded.

JJ was still trying to figure out the best way to approach Yuri when he noticed that Yuri had started falling.  _Shit! He was out of time. It was now or never!_  JJ pushed off with all his might and ran full speed at Yuri.

Time seemed to stand still. He felt as if he were running in molasses. Yuri looked like he was falling in slow motion and the snowflakes seemed to pause before his eyes as they spilled from the sky. Yuri looked miles away instead of right in front of him. He WOULD make it this time. He refused to let another life slip through his fingers.

With one last stride, JJ leapt into the air with his right arm straight out in front of him.  _Please, reach! Reeeeeaaach!_

Viktor had never felt more terrified than he did in that very moment. When he saw Yuri falling, his heart stopped. Great fat tears of regret welled up in his eyes and spilled over onto his face. He covered his mouth and fought to stay quiet. He knew why JJ had asked for silence. They didn't want to startle Yuri. Viktor wasn't a religious person, but at that moment...he was praying with everything he had that JJ would make it in time.  _Please make it, JJ!. Please save Yuri!_

JJ's hand managed to make contact with Yuri. He grabbed a fistful of hem at the back of Yuri's jacket and pulled back HARD as he did his best impression of a rugby tackle. He crashed heavily into Yuri's right side and the two of them fell awkwardly to the ground. Viktor and JJ then both heard the sickening crunching sound of bone.

Viktor got there just as JJ was pushing himself off the ground and onto his knees. As they both looked down at Yuri, they stared in horror at the pool of blood spreading out from under his head, painting the surrounding snow with crimson.

Сукин Сын (sukin syn): son of a bitch (Russian)


	3. The Aftermath

So much had happened that night of the Grand Prix final.

After Viktor had called an ambulance, he messaged the others to let them know where they were and that Yuri was thankfully still alive. Viktor had then checked JJ over to make sure that he was uninjured. JJ had miraculously escaped the incident completely unscathed.  _That's JJ for_   _you._  Viktor thought wryly. He had then given JJ a rib-crushing bear hug and thanked him from the bottom of his heart. Viktor had looked JJ in the eyes and told him that he was forever indebted to him for what he had done for Yuri that night. And if JJ was ever in need, that he would be there for him. JJ had laughed a bit nervously at this new 'serious' Viktor standing in front of him. He grabbed Viktor by the shoulders and pulled him in for a warm hug. After releasing Viktor he cleared his throat before speaking.

"Five years ago, I lost a very dear friend to suicide." Viktor's eyes widened in shock.

JJ continued. "All the signs had been there in plain sight. But by the time I had figured everything out, it was too late."

Viktor looked up at JJ and saw that there were tears in his eyes.

"I was too late for my friend, so I'm just really glad I was able to get to Yuri in time." JJ sniffled. "A huge weight has been lifted from my heart, and that's all the thanks I need."

Viktor nodded and shook JJ's hand. JJ spoke once more.

"Just promise me that you will be a man worthy of loving that life I saved." Viktor looked JJ squarely in the eyes. "It's a deal."

The others had showed up soon after. Everyone had all agreed on the same story to feed the media; Yuri had gotten a bit wild and started celebrating early. He had hurt his head when he had slipped and fallen. Given the events at the last Grand Prix banquet Yuri had attended, it wouldn't be that much of a stretch. They had all been in agreement; Yuri had already suffered enough, so they would protect him from the media scandal and stigma of attempted suicide.

In their own way, everyone had stopped to thank JJ for his heroics. Otabek had shaken his hand and given him a firm nod of approval. Chris had given him a sturdy hug and a pat on the back. Phichit had gotten down on his hands and knees in a deep wai* of respect. Yurio had stood in front of him and said "I still don't like you. But if you saved Yuri, then I guess you're not _all_  terrible." JJ had felt especially touched by that and had ambushed Yurio with a surprise hug. Thankfully, the paramedics arrived before they could kill each other.

That night, Yuri was taken to the Hospital de Barcelona. He was unconscious but in stable condition. His blood loss had, thankfully, not been as bad as everyone had feared. But, he possibly had a concussion and had yet to regain consciousness. More about his condition would become clear once he was awake.

The other skaters had all gone their own separate ways after making Viktor promise to keep them updated on Yuri's condition. Mari and Minako had already left Spain, so Viktor called Yuri's family to let them know what had happened. Well, the agreed-upon version anyway. He would tell them properly once Yuri was out of the woods. Everything had finally been taken care of and Viktor could switch off.

After all the doctors and nurses had left the room, Viktor was finally all alone with Yuri. He pulled a chair up to his bedside and sat down. He grabbed hold of Yuri's right hand and brought it up to his face. The tears began streaming down Viktor's face as everything flooded him all at once. The most overwhelming emotion was regret, so much regret. Then came the guilt, fear, worry, and helplessness. Viktor cried and sobbed until he had nothing left. Finally overcome by fatigue, he put his head down on Yuri's chest and fell into a fitful slumber.

It was two solid days before Yuri finally regained consciousness. Viktor had barely left his side during that time and had been the first one to see Yuri open his eyes.  _God, how I've missed those eyes!_ He had immediately gone to get Yuri's doctor. The doctors had wanted to ask Yuri a few questions but saw that he was still too dazed and confused to answer them. Yuri was given more pain medication, some more tests were scheduled and then the doctors left once more.

Yuri had then slept for a few more hours and woken shortly before sunrise. As Viktor continued his watch, he suddenly noticed a pair of brown eyes staring intently at him. There was something very unsettling about their stare, but he couldn't quite put his finger on why that was. Yuri looked like he was trying to speak and so Viktor went and got him a glass of water. He brought the water to Yuri's lips and helped him drink.

"Th...thank...you" came Yuri's raspy voice.

Viktor smiled. "Welcome back, Yuri!

Yuri cocked his head to the side as Viktor spoke.

Yuri cleared his throat and spoke in a slightly hoarse voice.

"Sor...sorry. Who...are you? And...how do...you know...my name?"

_terminology_

wai: bow of respect, done with hands pressed together in a prayer-like gesture. (Thailand)


	4. The Consequences of Actions

Viktor shook his head and asked himself if he had really just heard what Yuri had said.  _Did Yuri just ask me...who I was?_  Viktor opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He closed his mouth, took a deep breath in through his nose and opened his mouth again. Nothing. Yuri's scratchy voice broke the silence.

"Excuse me, Mister. Could you please give me some more water to drink? I'm very thirsty."

Viktor closed his mouth, cleared his throat and stood up stiffly.

"Of course, one moment please." Viktor returned with a glass of water and handed it to Yuri. Yuri accepted the glass gratefully and drained it in a few gulps.

"Ahh, that feels SO much better. Thank you, Mister…?" Yuri gave him an encouraging look. Viktor's heart sank.

"I am…I…" stammered Viktor.

Yuri leaned forward. "Yes? You are…?"

 _Damn, this is…this is much too cruel_  thought Viktor to himself. He looked at Yuri, flashed his best Viktor smile and said "I am…going to go get your doctor! Please wait for me, Yuri!" Viktor walked calmly out of the room, closed the door behind him, and then bolted to the men's room. He locked the door behind him and leaned back on it. He tilted his head up and covered his eyes with his left hand. He clutched at his chest with his right hand and panted as he wept silently. Once he had sufficiently regained his composure, Viktor splashed some cold water on his face. He gripped the edge of the sink with both hands and took a few deep, calming breaths. He dried his face off with some paper towels, unlocked the door and went to find Yuri's doctor.

Doctor Oliver Ramirez was in his office writing up patient records when he received a call from his assistant.

"Hello, Catalina. What can I do for you?" he said.

"Dr. Ramirez, good morning." began Catalina politely. Mr. Viktor Nikiforov is here and wishes to discuss Yuri Katsuki's case with you."

Dr. Ramirez recognized the name immediately. "Ah, yes. Please send him in."

Dr. Ramirez stood as Viktor Nikiforov walked into his office. He walked over to the man and shook his hand.

"Welcome, Mr. Nikiforov. Please, have a seat." Dr. Ramirez gestured to a free chair across the desk from his own.

"Thank you, Doctor." Viktor took a seat. The doctor sat down as well.

"How is Mr. Katsuki doing, Mr. Nikiforov?" the doctor began.

Viktor smiled at the doctor and said "Please doctor, call me Viktor."

"OK Viktor, what's on your mind?" inquired the doctor.

"Are the results from Yuri's MRI and CT-scan in?" asked Viktor tentatively.

"Ah, yes Viktor. We have the results here." Dr. Ramirez rummaged through a few folders on his desk before finding the Katsuki file. The doctor took out the images from both scans and placed them onto the x-ray reader light panel. Viktor stood next to him and stared at the images. He could tell they were scans of Yuri's brain, but had no idea how to interpret them.

"Mr. Katsuki is a very lucky man, Viktor." Viktor looked up at the doctor. "He just has a simple hairline fracture at the back of his skull where he impacted the ground."

"His skull is cracked? That doesn't sound lucky at all!" Viktor retorted.

"Ah, sorry Viktor…please hang in there. I'm not finished yet." came the doctor's gentle voice.

"Mr. Katsuki sustained a very mild concussion." continued the doctor. "Perhaps this is due to the fact that his fall was from a relatively low height." The doctor pushed his glasses closer to his eyes and scrutinized the images. "His MRI and CT-scan are both unremarkable."

"Unremarkable?" Viktor looked at the doctor in astonishment. "There's no damage to the brain?"

"There's a lot of swelling and tenderness at the injury site, but there are no visible abnormalities in his brain. Our biggest worry right now is an infection."

Viktor released the breath he didn't know he had been holding. The doctor removed the images from the viewer and placed them back in the folder. As he walked back to this desk, Viktor also returned to his seat.

"You look very relieved, Viktor. I'm glad I was able to give you this great piece of news today." smiled Dr. Ramirez.

"I am indeed very relieved and very thankful for all your hard work, doctor." Viktor shook Dr. Ramirez's hand. "I'll be forever grateful for your excellent care of Yuri during this difficult time."

As Dr. Ramirez looked at the Russian man sitting in front of him, he knew there was something bothering him. He had been a doctor for a long time, and as a result, he had managed to get really good at reading people. "You have more questions, don't you Viktor? What's on your mind?"

Viktor looked at the doctor nervously. "This morning, when Yuri woke up…he…he didn't recognize me."

"Hmm, this is an interesting new development." said the doctor thoughtfully. "This changes things somewhat."

"Wh…what do you mean, doctor?" asked Viktor. Part of him really wanted to know what the doctor meant and part of him was scared to death of what the doctor would say.

"Amnesia, or memory loss…is not uncommon with head injuries," explained Dr. Ramirez. "However, it is usually associated with injuries that cause damage to the brain. Mr. Katsuki did not attain such injuries."

Viktor was even more confused than before.  _If Yuri didn't have a brain injury…why had he forgotten him?_

Dr. Ramirez could see Viktor's confusion and so he continued his explanation. "There is another kind of amnesia, Viktor. It's known as Psychogenic Amnesia."

Viktor leaned in closer to the doctor. "So, what does that mean?"

"It means Yuri is suffering from psychological trauma to his brain and not the physiological kind."

Viktor slumped back into the chair.  _Psychological trauma?_  Viktor recalled what JJ and Otabek had said that night. Yuri had looked ' _ **broken**_ '.

The doctor continued. "Severe brain stress causes something comparable to repressed memory syndrome. Consider it a kind of self-preservation mechanism."

Viktor felt all the fight drain out of him. "So what you're saying is, Yuri experienced severe psychological trauma, and his brain erased the memories related to that trauma in order to protect him?"

The doctor nodded. "Yes, that's about the gist of it. There are two types of psychogenic amnesia. The first type is called Global Amnesia. This means the patient has lost all personal identity and sense of self."

Viktor sat up straight again. "That can't be what Yuri has. He knew his name when I used it earlier."

The doctor nodded encouragingly. "That's great news, Viktor. That means he most likely has the second type; Situation-Specific Amnesia."

Viktor understood now where the doctor was heading.

"Patients with this kind of amnesia often experience Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from the emotional shock a specific situation or event caused."

Viktor was absolutely devastated. He had no idea that he had inflicted such damage on Yuri.

Dr. Ramirez continued. "The recovery can be potentially very difficult as the patient will often re-live the trauma through painful flashbacks and nightmares."

Viktor's heart sank.  _Oh, Yuri…what have I done to you?_  "Do patients ever fully recover their memories? And if so, how long does it take?"

The doctor took off his glasses and looked at Viktor. "Yes, such repressed memories  _may_  be recovered." Viktor was just about to breathe a sigh of relief when the doctor added "BUT, the recovery time varies greatly from patient to patient and depends on the degree of trauma experienced. Some patients recover their memories rather quickly. For others, it may take years and even decades."

 _Years…decades? This was incomprehensible. There's no way he could live that long knowing Yuri didn't remember him_!

The doctor's kind voice broke through Viktor's thoughts. "I can see that Mr. Katsuki is very special to you. The worry and devastation are clearly written on your face."

Viktor nodded. Dr. Ramirez pressed on. "Memories can be triggered by things such a smell, taste or other stimuli. Once the patient has recovered from their physical injuries, exposing them to small amounts of potential triggers can help expedite memory recovery."

Dr. Ramirez checked his watch and rose from his desk. "You'll have to excuse me, Viktor...but I need to check on my patients. I'll be sure to stop by Mr. Katsuki's room first." Viktor thanked the doctor once more as he stood up.

"The most important thing is not to push too hard, Viktor. The patient must recover at their own pace and not be forced to remember before they are ready. Doing so could cause further trauma and provoke the brain into locking those memories away forever."

Viktor nodded gravely. He got what the doctor was saying loud and clear. They shook hands and then Viktor walked out of the office.

His selfish actions which had intended to 'teach Yuri a lesson' had instead shattered him. These were the consequences of his actions. He knew that his suffering was just beginning, but would see it through till the bitter end. He vowed not to rest until Yuri remembered him again. He would not allow himself to give up until he could properly apologize to Yuri and beg his forgiveness.


	5. The Lingering Memory of a Reason

Viktor went to a coffee shop near the hospital and group messaged 'The Grand Prix Five'.

 **Chat Group Name**  TGP5

 **Members**  christophe-gc, phichitchu, JJleroy!15, Yuri-Plisetsky, v-nikiforov, otabek-altin

 **Viktor:**  hi hi everyone! Yuri woke up this morning and is talking!

 **Phichit:**  that's great, Viktor! ✌(-‿-)✌

 **Chris:**  fantastic! (っ´ω`c)

 **JJ:**  best news EVER!

 **YuriP:**  you better not let him out of your sight.

 **Otabek:**  awesome

 **Phichit:**  what about his head?

 **YuriP:**  that pig better not be brain dead

 **Viktor:**  his head is sore, but no brain damage!

 **JJ:**  what a relief! ※\\(^o^)/※

 **Chris:**  even more great news!

 **Otabek:**  awesome

 **Viktor:**  ok guys, need to go back to the hospital now. L8r!

Viktor sighed and closed the chat window. One of the perks of messaging was being able to portray any emotion or feeling without actually feeling it. No sooner had he done that though then a private messaging window popped up.

 **YuriP:**  hey, what is it you're not telling us? I know there's something else

 **Viktor:**  ah, Yurio...you're much too perceptive for your age.

 **YuriP**  I knew it! what are you hiding?

 **Viktor:**  When Yuri woke up, he didn't know who I was. He has no memory of me

 **YuriP:**  ...

 **Viktor:**  ?

 **YuriP:**  ... ...

 **Viktor:**  ?

 **YuriP:**  I don't really know what to say.

 **Viktor:**  That's a first

 **YuriP:**  Shut up! This is...I don't know how...

 **Viktor:**  what did you first think about?

 **YuriP:**  I wanted to laugh at you because it serves you right

 **Viktor:**  ...

 **YuriP:**  But...but...then I didn't...I felt...

 **Viktor:**  ... ...

 **YuriP:**  SAD, OK?! It sucks and I actually feel really sorry for you!

 **Viktor:**  yeah, it does. Please don't tell the others yet. I'm not...ready

 **YuriP:**  your secret is safe

 **Viktor:**  thank you, Yurio. You're not so hopeless after all!

 **YuriP:**  Go die, you old geezer!

Viktor turned his phone off, set it on the table, and then massaged his temples. Dealing with them all at once had been utterly exhausting. They all had been sending him PMs over the last couple of days asking about Yuri and offering words of encouragement. He couldn't hide the small smile that played on his lips. 'TGP5' had become his impromptu support group. They were there for him whether he wanted them or not.

Viktor gathered his things and went to his hotel for a shower and change of clothes. He was feeling physically and mentally drained. Emotionally, he was absolutely raw. There was so much flying around in his head that he just didn't have the strength to deal with at the moment. He knew he was going to have to be strong for Yuri's sake, but didn't even know if he was going to have enough strength to get  _himself_  through.

After a long hot shower, Viktor wrapped himself in a robe and then dried his hair with a towel. He plopped down backward onto the bed and stretched his right hand up to the ceiling. He looked at the gold ring that Yuri had given him. The image of Yuri standing on the ledge with his outstretched hand flashed before his eyes. Viktor covered his eyes with both hands.  _No, not again. I don't want to see that again!_  Viktor had not missed the importance of the direction Yuri had reached out to. In that short time between their arrival at the observation deck and JJ's heroics, Viktor's eyes had never left Yuri's face. In reality, it had only been a few seconds at most, but in Viktor's mind, those seconds had dragged on for an eternity. He had seen Yuri close his eyes. He had seen the tears falling from those eyes. He had seen Yuri release one last breath. He had seen the moisture from Yuri's breath condense in the cold night air. He swears that he had even seen the falling snowflakes being disturbed by that breath. Then he had seen Yuri falling forward. Viktor was crying again.  _Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! Pull yourself together!_  He inhaled as much air as he could from his mouth and exhaled slowly and deliberately from his nose. He repeated the breathing exercise until his heart had stopped beating wildly in his chest and he felt like he had calmed himself down. Wholly exhausted, Viktor drifted off into unconsciousness.

_**"Be my coach, Viktorrrrrr!" He looked down at the Japanese skater and blushed.** Who was this drunken hot mess in front of him? What were these feelings rising up in him?  **He could see sincerity, admiration, and some other unknown…something…in those drunken eyes. They were drawing him in. He felt connected to the man in front of him somehow. Then he was gone.**_

**_He was sitting at home on the couch with Makkachin, mindlessly checking social media for anything that would catch his interest. He saw that he had been tagged in a video._ _"Yuri Katsuki attempts Viktor Nikiforov's Stay Close To Me free skate_ **

_**Viktor had had the song 'Stay Close To Me' composed specifically for him. It embodied his life and struggles at the time. He had come to a crossroads. Skating had been his only love and life for 20 years. But he had realized recently that he wanted more and skating alone was no longer enough to keep him going. He had been feeling unmotivated and directionless. The song was a reflection of his soul calling out for this missing love. His free skate performance was the equivalent of a shout in the dark. He had been calling out into the darkness, without really expecting there to be anyone listening.** _

_**He hit play and realized that he knew who Yuri Katsuki was. It was the drunken Japanese skater from the last Grand Prix. He was instantly and undeniably mesmerized.** _

_**Se potessi vederti dalla speranza nascerà l'eternità (If I could see you, eternity will be born from hope)** _

_**Yuri had this pained look on his face. It was a wish, a prayer, an indistinguishable echo of his own shout in the dark.** _

_**Partiamo insieme (Let's leave together)** _

_**Ora sono pronto (I'm ready now)** _

_**He gasped. He had skated his message into a bottle and tossed it into the vast obsidian sea. That which had drifted unanswered in the void had finally been found. His plea had been acknowledged and returned.** _

Viktor sat up with a start to the sound of his phone alarm going off. His heart was racing and his eyes were wet. He traced the wet tracks the tears had left on his face with his fingers and smiled candidly for the first time in days. The tears he had wept in his dream had not been sad ones. His heart was racing from excitement and not fear.  _Wait for me, Yuri. I'm coming to find you again._  Viktor had dreamed about the moment he had fallen in love with Yuri.


	6. The Shadow of a Feeling

When Yuri opened his eyes, the first thing he became aware of was how much his whole damn body hurt. His head was pounding madly and it felt as if his brain were trying to burst from his skull. He was dizzy and confused.  _Am I in a hospital? Did I have some kind of skating accident?_  He struggled to sit up but found that he had no strength at all in him. His bones felt like they had turned to jelly.

He suddenly became aware that someone was in the room with him.  _Who's there?_  He tried to speak but no sound came out. The person left the room before Yuri could see who it was. About a minute later a doctor and some nurses came into the room and tried to ask him some questions. He was too disoriented and their words all jumbled together. Their questions buzzed all around him like an angry swarm. All the dizziness started to make him feel nauseous. The doctor seemed to pick up on his discomfort and the questions stopped immediately. Yuri felt instant relief. One of the nurses then injected something into his IV line and he felt himself slip away into oblivion.

_**The sounds of blades gliding on the ice were familiar and comforting. He was back at the Ice Castle in Hasetsu watching someone skate. Who's skating? He squinted hard but couldn't tell who it was. As he looked around the rink, he found it odd that everything seemed totally devoid of color. Was there something wrong with his vision? He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. Why was everything in black and white? He tried again to look at the face of the person who was skating. He saw it then, that it wasn't so much a person skating in front of him, but a shadow. A featureless outline; the silhouette of a man. Yes, he could tell at least that it was a male shadow in front of him. The man-shadow continued skating in front of him. Its expert movements were fluid, expressive and captivating. He couldn't take his eyes off it. What kind of song would be a match for this kind of skating? Yuri had to know.** _

_**Silence. No music was playing at all. Yuri shook his head and strained to hear any hints of a melody. Nothing. All he could hear were the continual sounds of the shadow's blades scraping along the ice. He tried to call out to the shadow, but no sound came out of his mouth.** What the hell is going on?  **The shadow carried on skating as if all alone. It landed a perfect quadruple flip and Yuri instinctively clapped. At last, the shadow's skate seemed to come to an end. It stood, unmoving for a few seconds before turning to him. It extended an open-palmed hand to**_ _**him,** _ _**as if beckoning him to take its hand. Yuri smiled and went to take a step, but couldn't. He looked down at his feet and recoiled in shock as he saw that he was standing barefoot on the ice with bloody feet. The blood had frozen him to the ice and he couldn't move. Panicked, he looked up at the shadow. It seemed to nod once in understanding and then retracted its hand. It turned around and began skating away.** No…wait…come back!  **All he could do was mouth the words at the fleeing shadow.**_

Yuri's eyes flew open. He was suddenly and very much wide-awake. That had been one hell of a trippy dream. The lights were on in the room and they hurt his eyes. He blinked a few times in order to allow his eyes to adjust to the lighting. Someone was in the room with him again. He could hear steady breathing and the rustling of paper. His eyes darted around the room and settled on a foreign man reading a book.  _A foreigner? What was a foreigner doing in his room?_  He searched the man's face but did not recognize it. He also wasn't wearing his glasses, so everything looked fuzzy and out of focus. He didn't think it was very likely that someone so…exotic-looking…would be in his circle of acquaintances.  _Surely he must be in the wrong room_? The man seemed to sense Yuri's stare and looked up from his book. Yuri wanted to ask the man for his name, but couldn't speak. His lips and mouth were absolutely parched. All he managed to get out was a raspy cough. The man seemed to know exactly what he needed. He stood up and walked to a small circular table. Yuri followed him with his eyes. The man looked to be quite tall and athletic. He walked with great grace and purpose. He poured a glass of water from a pitcher on the table and brought it to Yuri's nightstand. The man then gently assisted him into a sitting position before bringing the glass to his lips. Yuri had never been so happy to have water in his whole life. Whoever this man was in front of him, he was his new hero for having brought him water.

"Th…thank…you." Yuri managed to get out.

The man smiled brightly. "Welcome back, Yuri."

 _Wait, this man knows me? How does he know me?_  Yuri cleared his throat.

"Sor…sorry. Who are you? And…how do…you know…my name?"

Yuri felt a pang of guilt as the man's smile faded instantly and he seemed to do a double-take. The man opened his mouth as if to speak, but no words came. The man closed his mouth, took a deep breath and then opened his mouth to speak a second time. Silence. Yuri could see that the man was struggling with... something...and decided to throw him a lifeline.

His voice still a bit scratchy, Yuri spoke. "Excuse me, Mister. Could you please give me some more water to drink? I'm very thirsty."

The man stood abruptly. "Of course, one moment please." He walked rigidly back to the table.

Yuri was sad. The man had seemed much happier before. He wished the man was still smiling like he had been earlier. He had a really nice smile. The man returned with more water and Yuri gulped it down greedily.  _Sweet, delicious water….how I've missed you!_

"Ahh, that feels SO much better. Thank you, Mister…?" Yuri tried again to coax the man into telling him his name.

"I am…I…" began the man.

Yuri leaned in closer to the man. "Yes? You are…?"

Suddenly, the man flashed Yuri another smile. "I am…going to go get your doctor! Please wait for me, Yuri!" Then the man left the room.

Yuri looked at the door as it closed behind the man.  _Eh? What just happened? How the hell had the man managed to escape him without telling him his name?_  Yuri slumped back down onto his bed and sighed. He found his glasses and put them on.  _He would get that man's name yet_.

Sometime later, an older gentleman in a white coat came into his room. Apparently, he was the same doctor who had asked him all the questions before when he had first regained consciousness. Yuri had been a bit disoriented at the time so he didn't really remember him. He introduced himself as Dr. Ramirez and asked him how he was doing.

Yuri told the doctor that his head hurt a lot and his feet were also a bit sore. The doctor nodded.

"So, what happened to me?" asked Yuri.

"Well, you allegedly got a bit wild after drinking and took a nasty spill. You hit your head on the ground pretty hard." replied the doctor.

"Hahhh…that  _does_  sound like something I would do." said Yuri with chagrin. "I am very susceptible to the effects of alcohol…"

The doctor probed him a bit further. "Mr. Katsuki, do you remember anything from that night?"

Yuri thought about the events of that day. He had skated in the Grand Prix final and had won a silver medal. He tried to recall what had happened after that...but drew a complete blank.

"I can, to a certain point...but then there's nothing." replied Yuri.

Yuri was thoughtful. "My memories seem to stop right around the time of the medal ceremony."

"May I sit?" asked the doctor as he pointed to the foot of Yuri's bed. Yuri nodded. "Please do."

The doctor began. "Mr. Katsuki, your fall has resulted in a minor skull fracture at the back of your head, as well as a very mild concussion."

Yuri gulped and nodded.  _A skull fracture? This sounds serious!_

"The fracture is very superficial and did not affect your brain. All your tests have come back negative for brain trauma."

Yuri smiled at the doctor. "That's great, right?"

"Yes Mr. Katsuki, indeed. However, you seem to be experiencing some memory loss regarding the events that brought you to our hospital." Yuri agreed.  _If he didn't have any brain injuries...why was there any memory loss?_

The doctor continued cautiously. "It seems that your memory loss also extends to...people."

Yuri looked at the doctor in surprise.  _The man in his room!_  "Tell me doctor. Who is that foreign man who has been in my room?"

Dr. Ramirez shook his head. "I'm sorry young man, you'll need to find that out on your own."

Yuri felt incredibly exasperated.  _How difficult could it be to get one man's name?!_

The doctor sensed Yuri's frustration. He got up from Yuri's bed and put a hand on his shoulder. "All I can say is that he is not a stranger to you." Yuri sighed as he shook the doctor's hand.

"We'll talk more about your condition tomorrow. Right now, you need your rest."

The doctor then left Yuri to his thoughts.

Yuri was determined. He was definitely going to solve the enigma that was this mystery man.


	7. We Meet Again!

Viktor felt invigorated and refreshed after his nap. It had been the first bit of solid rest he had had in days. His mind was clear and he had this sense of inner peace that he didn't have before. That dream he had was playing a big part in his new outlook. It had reminded him exactly of what it was that he would be fighting for. Viktor had finally found someone he wanted to live for. Yuri was the puzzle piece that he'd been searching for all this time. He'd be damned if he'd let Yuri slip away. Viktor was hopeful but realistic. This would be an all-new kind of challenge for him…he was going to be fighting for a person's heart. All his previous fighting experience was related to skating. He would have to challenge and surprise  _himself_  in different ways.

Viktor got dressed and went down to the hotel restaurant. His appetite had returned with a vengeance so he ordered a hearty meal. Sufficiently sated, he left the hotel and began the short walk to the hospital. The day after Yuri was taken to the hospital, Viktor had moved into the Hilton Barcelona. It was conveniently located just about a 5-minute walk away and surrounded by a handful of beautiful parks. As soon as Yuri was released from the hospital, he wanted to take him to at least two of them.

Viktor arrived at the Neuropsychology department and signed the visitor's log. The nurses at the station smiled and greeted him warmly. They had been incredibly nice and accommodating, going so far as letting him secretly spend the night until Yuri regained consciousness. He would make sure to get them some nice flowers later. Viktor thanked the nurses for all their hard work, made them swoon with his trademark smile and then walked down the hall to Yuri's room.

He had spared no expense on Yuri's recovery and had gotten him a private room. He had wanted to make sure Yuri wouldn't be disturbed or inconvenienced during his rehabilitation. It was also a good way to keep a lid on any information leaks to the media. Viktor was quite connected with the media and had many powerful friends in high places. He had people on the inside whom he could count on to give him a head's up if they had been found out. The Grand Prix Five were also doing their part by masterfully throwing the media off their trail. Phichit had stated he thought Yuri had been airlifted to a hospital in Madrid. JJ said he had heard Yuri was at a private hospital in Munich. Chris told reporters that he had personally invited Yuri and Viktor to stay with him in Switzerland. Yurio said Viktor and Yuri were at an undisclosed location in Russia. Otabek stated he had sent Kazakhstani lilies to Yuri's family in Japan. Viktor smiled wittingly to himself. Those five were turning out to be monsters on  _and_  off the ice. He honestly didn't think that he would be coping so well without them or their support.

Viktor knocked on the door and waited. Since Yuri didn't remember him, he had to pull back a bit and not take as many liberties as he had been used to.

"Come in!" he heard Yuri say.

He opened the door and stepped into the room. "Good aftern…" commenced Viktor.

"Ah!" Yuri sat upright on his bed and pointed a finger at Viktor. "It's YOU!" exclaimed Yuri as soon as Viktor stepped into the room. Viktor froze in his tracks. "Yuri, have you…remembered me?" he asked nervously.

Yuri gritted his teeth. "No! I have NO idea who you are!" he announced. "I demand to know your name, Mister Mystery Man!"

Viktor's left eye twitched in indignation.  _Mister Mystery Man?! Yuri didn't even remember him and had already started giving him weird nicknames?_  Viktor stood dumbfounded for a few seconds. As he took in this defiant version of Yuri, he suddenly thought how much he looked and sounded like Yurio at that moment.

"Well?!" challenged Yuri. "You're not sneaking off again until you tell me your name!" He clamored as he jabbed his index finger in the air toward him for emphasis.

A chuckle formed in Viktor's throat that quickly grew into uncontrollable giggling. Yuri slowly put his hand down and stared at him with the most adorably confused face he had ever seen. As Viktor tried to stifle the laughter, his giggles instead exploded into a hearty guffaw. Viktor was laughing so hard now that his eyes were watering and his sides hurt. He managed to lurch into a nearby chair and held up a hand to Yuri as he tried to recover from his bout of laughter. Viktor wiped the corners of his eyes with his fingers and looked over at Yuri. Yuri's mouth was agape and he looked completely baffled. It took Viktor every bit of self-control to keep from bursting into laughter again. Still heaving, and holding his sides, he began to speak.

"Ahh, haaaah…Yuri!" he managed to say. "You really…haaaah….surprised me!" finished Viktor.

"I…did?" asked a puzzled Yuri.

Viktor stood up and walked over to Yuri. He extended his hand and said "I'm Viktor Nikiforov. Please call me Viktor." Viktor flashed Yuri his brightest smile. "Nice to meet you again, Yuri Katsuki!"

Yuri bolted out of bed and gave Viktor's hand a firm handshake. "Nice to meet you, Viktor. I'm…" Yuri's vision swam. His head throbbed and he suddenly felt incredibly dizzy. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and he slumped forward.

Viktor had been in mid-handshake when he noticed that Yuri was unwell.  _That idiot, he stood up too quickly! Even though his head is still covered in bandages, he's being so reckless!_  As Yuri dropped his hand and slumped forward, Viktor caught him in his arms. Holding Yuri's body up with one arm and supporting the back of his head with the other, he gently manoeuvered Yuri back onto the bed. He straightened Yuri's legs out and sat down on the bed next to him. Viktor looked down at Yuri's tranquil face and sighed. He removed Yuri's glasses and brushed the hair back off his forehead with his fingers. He folded the glasses neatly and placed them on the nightstand. Yuri started making some moaning sounds and seemed to be waking up already. Viktor leaned in and whispered into Yuri's ear. "Yuri. Wake up, Yuuuuuuuuri."

Yuri heard someone calling his name. His eyes fluttered and opened lazily. The most beautiful blue-green color dazzled his vision.  _Was he looking at…the sea?_  He blinked a few times and realized that it was not the sea at all, but the eyes of his Mystery Man; Viktor. He had never seen such stunning eyes before and wanted to look at them properly. Yuri's hand fumbled the nightstand until he found his glasses. He put them on and tried to sit up.

"Easy there, Yuri." Viktor whispered soothingly as he placed a hand on Yuri's chest. "Don't try to sit up yet. You stood up too quickly and fainted."

Yuri nodded. "Thank you helping me, Viktor. Sorry for the trouble."

Viktor shook his head. "No trouble at all. I'm glad I could be here for you."

"Viktor, your eyes…they remind me of the sea at my hometown of Hasetsu."

Viktor's eyes widened.  _Oh, my. Yuri is just full of surprises today! Has he always felt this way about his eyes and_   _just never had the courage to mention it?_

Viktor cleared his throat "Thank you Yuri, I'm honored. Hasetsu is a beautiful place."

"You've been to my hometown?" inquired Yuri.

"Yes, I have." answered Viktor.

"Have you met my family?" asked Yuri.

Viktor nodded. "Yuuuuup."

Yuri sat up ever so slowly. "Viktor…?"

Viktor looked up at Yuri. "Yes, Yuri?"

Yuri met his stare dead on. "What are we to each other?"

"Pfffffffffffffffftttt!" Viktor just about fell off the bed. He looked over at Yuri with a newfound level of respect. It would seem that Viktor Nikiforov had found himself a new Surprises Rival!

Viktor shifted his weight and placed a hand at either side of Yuri. He leaned in close. "Well, Yuri..." he said huskily. "What do you  _think_  we are to each other?"

Yuri gulped audibly. Viktor smiled.  _Ha! I finally managed to get the upper hand today!_

"Well, I…" Yuri cleared his throat. "I think that we are very good friends."

Viktor smiled at Yuri and pulled away. "That's right, Yuri! We ARE very good friends!" Viktor remembered the doctor's words from earlier. He did not want to push Yuri too hard before he was ready.

When Yuri had asked Viktor what they were to each other, he had not been expecting the reaction he got. Viktor had turned into a pervert right in front of his eyes! He had definitely felt a bit intimidated. Then, encouraged by how at ease he felt around the man, he had said that he thought they were very good friends.

Yuri had already noticed that Viktor also seemed to be very relaxed and comfortable around him. Earlier in the day, he had tried to grill the nurses about the foreign man hanging around his room. They had refused, aggravatingly so, to disclose the man's name. But they  _had_  told him that the man had been by his bedside since he had arrived at the hospital. He needed to know what this Viktor person was to him.

When Viktor had confirmed that they were indeed very good friends, Yuri had felt incredible relief. He finally knew who the beautiful stranger was and what he was to him. He was glad that Viktor was his good friend. He was glad that that's all there was. Right…?

Then why did he feel so disappointed?


	8. The Makeover

The next day, Yuri was scheduled for a barrage of physical exams and also began physiotherapy sessions to assess his motor skills. Viktor had really wanted to invite himself to Yuri's sessions but had held his tongue because he didn't want to intrude. So he had been especially pleased when Yuri had personally asked him to be there.

The therapists spent a lot of time checking out his cervical vertebrae. They flexed and rotated his neck to check for pain, dizziness, headache or nausea. Yuri's neck was a bit sore, but that was to be expected. Dr. Ramirez had told them that a whiplash injury was very likely. Then they asked Yuri to flex his neck and upper back muscles, which he did without any problems. Yuri was in top physical shape thanks to all his training. All things considered, his body should bounce back from this quickly. Next, they had Yuri sit in a chair and practice standing up and sitting back down slowly. Viktor stood off to Yuri's right and a nurse stood to Yuri's left. They would be there in case he got too dizzy and fainted again. The first time was a bit shaky. Yuri wobbled groggily and had instinctively reached out to Viktor. Viktor clasped Yuri's hand with both of his and gave him an encouraging squeeze. Yuri closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. By the third cycle, Yuri was sweating profusely with effort and looked positively green with nausea. The therapist decided to call off the rest of the tests for the time being and resume them later on in the day after Yuri had recovered a bit. Yuri opened his mouth to thank the therapist…and lost his breakfast all over the floor. Poor Yuri was absolutely mortified.

Viktor crossed his arms and pulled his best pouty face. "Hey Yuuuuuuuri, if you didn't like the breakfast I got for you this morning, you could have just said so!" Yuri waved his arms in front of him. "N-n-no, no no!" He stammered. "That's not it at all! The breakfast was delicious!" He looked at the floor dejectedly. "I'm actually very sorry to see it go…"

"Don't worry about it, Mr. Katsuki" said the therapist. "This happens to us a lot!" she said with a laugh. "Working in the neuropsychology ward has done wonders for my reflexes." Viktor laughed. "I bet it has!"

"So don't go off thinking you're the first one to throw up in my therapy room, Mr. Katsuki." said the therapist in a mock scolding tone. "Although…" she held her hand up to her chin pensively. "You ARE the first  _Japanese_  patient to have ever thrown up on my floor."

Yuri's face turned a bright shade of beet-red. Viktor laughed. "Did you hear that, Yuri? That means she's going to remember you  _forever_!" Viktor teased. Yuri groaned and covered his face with his hands. "This is the absolute  _worst_  thing to be remembered for…" came his muffled reply.

Yuri was helped into a wheelchair by the nurse and then wheeled back to his room by Viktor. Shortly afterward, a different nurse came into the room and said it was time to remove Yuri's bandages. She had Yuri take off his glasses, and then carefully cut away his bandages.

"Ah, that feels really nice." sighed Yuri as he ran his hands through his hair. Viktor chuckled. "You say that  _now_ …but just wait until you actually take a look at yourself."

Viktor grabbed a mirror and handed it to Yuri. Yuri took one look at himself and yelped.  _What a complete mess!_  His hair was matted down, greasy, and didn't have any of its normal shine.

"Have you felt the back of your head yet?" asked Viktor. Yuri immediately raised his hand and gingerly brought it up to the back of his head. He could feel stitches there.  _Six stitches?_  He also realized that a big chunk of hair had been shaved off. "Ah! I'm missing hair!" he exclaimed.

Viktor nodded. "Yes, Yuri. They had to shave your head for the surgery to close your wound." Yuri let out a subdued sigh. "Well, thankfully it's just hair and will grow back soon enough."

Viktor sat down on Yuri's bed and placed a hand on his arm. "That doesn't mean we can't make you look handsome right now, though!" Viktor said. Yuri let out an exasperated sigh, "What could you possibly do here and now to make that happen?" he asked.

Viktor stood up abruptly. "Worry not, my dear Yuri!" Viktor threw his head back as he brushed the hair off his eyes theatrically. "I am an expert at turning frogs into princes!" he finished with a huge smile. Yuri couldn't help but laugh.

"That's mean, Viktor!" he said in between chuckles. "To think, that all this time you've just thought of me as a lowly frog…"

Viktor looked at him with such a pained expression then that Yuri could almost feel his own heart break. Viktor spoke in a low and serious voice. "I would never think of you as a lowly  _anything_ , Yuri. Please don't forget that." Yuri nodded slowly.  _Where had_ _ **that**_ _come from?_ He wondered. "I promise, Viktor. I won't forget."

Viktor's smile instantly returned and he picked up right where he had left off. "The doctor said that you can't get your head wet until the stitches come out in a few days." Yuri nodded. "Which is why I brought  _this_!" Viktor said as he reached into a bag he had brought with him. He pulled out a small bottle and handed it to Yuri. He put his glasses back on and read the label.

"Dry shampoo?" he asked as he raised an eyebrow at Viktor. "That's right! You can use it to clean hair without getting it wet." Yuri was curious. He had never heard of dry shampoo before and was a bit skeptical about how effective it would actually be.

"But wait, there's more!" Viktor said with a flourish. Yuri was laughing again. Viktor was so melodramatic!  _Has he always been this way?_  Viktor reached into the bag once more and took out electric hair clippers. "We need to do something about that bald patch at the back of your head."

Viktor said deviously.

Yuri was apprehensive at once. "Are you going to shave my whole head?!" he wailed. "Calm down, Yuri!" Viktor said with a laugh. "I wouldn't dream of it. I'm just going to even some things out and try to make it look like you actually have a hairstyle." Viktor explained.

"Is all this OK with the doctor?" Yuri asked. Viktor nodded and smiled. "Yep! I got everything cleared with him yesterday when I found out they'd be removing your bandages today." Yuri was touched. Viktor had planned this just for him. "OK Viktor, let's get started!"

Viktor helped Yuri back into the wheelchair and wheeled him into the bathroom facing away from the mirror. He wanted Yuri to only see his efforts after he was all finished. He pulled out a towel he had borrowed from his hotel and wrapped it around Yuri's shoulders. He plugged in the hair clippers and gently shaved a uniform band of hair to match the fuzz that had already started to regrow.

Yuri's hair was now long on the top half and shaved down at the bottom. As he examined his handiwork, he thought of how a  _certain someone_  would most definitely go wild after seeing Yuri's new haircut. Viktor removed the towel and shook it out in the shower before folding it and putting it back in his bag. Next he took out a small hand towel and asked Yuri to cover his stitches with it. He didn't want to take any chances and accidentally get some in the wound. He then grabbed the dry shampoo and started spraying Yuri's hair section by section. After he was thoroughly satisfied that he had covered all his bases, he thanked Yuri and took the hand towel from him.

"It smells really nice." commented Yuri. "Yes, it does." Viktor agreed. "We just need to wait about two minutes for it to dry." Viktor left the bathroom and returned with a glass of water. He handed it to Yuri and asked

"How's your stomach? Better?" Yuri nodded as he sipped the water. "Yeah, all that standing and sitting just made me really dizzy." Viktor put a hand on each of Yuri's shoulders. "You did great for your first session!" Yuri blushed. "You think so?" he asked. Viktor nodded emphatically.

"Thanks for being there for me." said Yuri. Viktor smiled. "Time's up! Now it's onto brushing!" Viktor pulled out a hairbrush from his bag. Yuri recognized it immediately. "That's my brush!" he exclaimed excitedly. "It is." Viktor said. "I thought it would be nice for you to have something familiar in the room with you." Yuri smiled and thanked Viktor.

Viktor brushed Yuri's hair smoothly, making sure that the dry shampoo got worked through all the strands. Yuri's scalp tingled as Viktor brushed his hair. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to enjoy the sensation. Suddenly, he was feeling very sleepy.

"Yuuuuuuri. Are you awake?" asked Viktor. Yuri opened his eyes drowsily and yawned. "Just barely." he replied. "Hang in there, we're almost done." Viktor went back to his bag and pulled out a hair dryer that he had also borrowed from the hotel.

Yuri chuckled. "Did you pack an entire hair salon in that bag?" Viktor smiled. "If Yuri can't go to the hair salon, Viktor will bring the hair salon to Yuri!"

Yuri laughed. "That sounds like something Viktor would do." Viktor winked at Yuri as he plugged in the dryer and then turned it on. A few short minutes later, there was indeed a prince looking back at him. Yuri's hair was not greasy anymore and had also regained some volume.

Viktor was actually quite surprised at how well the hairstyle suited him. He pushed Yuri's wheelchair out of the bathroom and helped him back into bed. Viktor handed him the mirror and waited for a reaction.

Yuri looked at himself in the mirror. The haircut was certainly different from anything he would normally get, but wasn't all that bad. Viktor had managed to work a miracle with very limited resources. Yuri smiled as he looked up at Viktor. A flash of light nearly blinded him then as he realized Viktor had just taken his picture. "Hey!" Yuri exclaimed. "Sorry, Yuri! You look so cute right now that I couldn't resist."

Yuri opened his mouth to say something, but instead let out a huge yawn. Viktor walked over to him and gently pushed him onto his back. "Yuri, you're exhausted. You need to rest for your second therapy session later." Yuri nodded listlessly and yawned again. "Will you be here when I wake up?" he asked. Viktor nodded. "I'm not going anywhere." Yuri's eyes fluttered closed as he said "Good." He was fast asleep in seconds. Viktor planted a kiss on Yuri's forehead and took a seat at the small table in the room.

 **Chat Group Name**  TGP5

 **Members**  christophe-gc, phichitchu, JJleroy!15, Yuri-Plisetsky, v-nikiforov, otabek-altin

_Viktor sent a picture._

**JJ:**  WHOAAAHHHH!  _❤︎_ _❤︎_ _❤︎_

 **YuriP:**  O.o … Viktor, WHAT have you DONE?!

 **JJ:**  It's…JJ…STYYYYYYYYYLLLE!

 **Chris:**  STFU, JJ. You're not the only one with that hairstyle.

 **Otabek:**  Yuri looks very manly

 **Phichit:**  Wow! It really suits him!

 **Viktor:**  Yuri's bandages came off today and his hair was a mess. So I fixed him up the best I could.

 **YuriP:**  He looks ridiculous. You have horrible taste, Viktor.

 **Viktor:**  :XD

 **Chris:**  How is he?

 **Viktor:**  he had his first therapy session today. He threw up all over the floor. Haha!

 **Phichit:**  Poor Yuri! He must have been SO embarrassed!

 **Viktor:**  he was. it was great.

 **JJ:**  How's the head and neck?

 **Viktor:**  he's a bit sore, but otherwise ok. he just gets dizzy if he stands up too quickly. that should stop once he's fully recovered.

 **Chris:**  That's great news, Viktor. It's good to see him smiling again!

 **Viktor:**  Yeah. Gtg eat guys. will send more updates tomorrow. keep up the interference, you're doing great!

 **Otabek:**  You can count on us.


	9. A Step in the Right Direction

Yuri had really wanted to stay awake longer. He had really wanted to spend a bit more time with Viktor. But he had been overcome by his cursed exhaustion. The more time he spent with Viktor, the more confused he felt about how tranquil and carefree he acted around him. He had thoroughly accepted a 'stranger' into his life, seemingly without any reservations. He had no prior memory of Viktor or how he fit into his life…but something deep down in his soul was ostensibly reacting to him. He had guessed that they were simply very good friends, but this little voice inside him was starting to cast some doubt on that. As Yuri drifted off to sleep, he felt a warm softness on his forehead.

_**The sounds of blades gliding on the ice were familiar and comforting. He was back at the Ice Castle in Hasetsu watching someone skate. Who's skating? He squinted hard but couldn't tell who it was…** _

_**Yuri felt a jolt of déja vu. He'd been in this situation before. He looked around and noticed that everything was black and white. He tried to speak, but couldn't. He was right, this was just like before. Yuri looked around wildly. The man-shadow! Where was it? Yuri saw it then…skating the same program from before. He watched the shadow keenly, trying to glean any kind of details from its outline. He knew from memory that its skate would be coming to an end soon. Yuri looked down at his feet and was frustrated to see that they were bloody and frozen to the ice like before. Breathe, breathe, be patient. Yuri waited with bated breath for the shadow to come to him. He was feeling excited and restless. He had a theory he wanted to test.** _

_**The shadow finally skated toward him. It stopped in front of him, but did not extend its hand like last time. Instead, it placed a hand to its ear in a familiar gesture. Yuri heard a disembodied male voice inside his head say** "I can't hear yoooouuuu."  **Yuri opened his mouth and discovered, to his great delight, that he could speak this time.** "I remember you, from before!" **he said ardently. The shadow clapped eagerly. Yuri continued.** "And not just from in here. We know each other from before here, right? I mean, that's the feeling I get…" **The shadow pirouetted and then bowed opulently in front of him. Did that mean he was on the right track? The shadow pointed down to its skates. Yuri lowered his gaze and exhaled sharply as he saw the blade of each skate magically turn a dazzling shade of gold. As Yuri looked back up at the shadow, it opened its arms wide. As it did so, the Ice Castle was swiftly bathed in color. Yuri was in awe, the Ice Castle had never looked so vivid. He looked back at the shadow. It was still standing there with open arms, as if waiting for something. Yuri couldn't explain it, but he felt an overwhelming urge to fly right into those arms. He tried to move, but couldn't.** Shit! He'd forgotten about his bloody frozen feet! **The shadow brought its arms into its chest and hung its head. The sadness radiating from it was palpable. It turned around and started skating away.** "NO! Wait! Please don't be sad!" **It stopped and looked over its shoulder at him.** "I want to! I really do! But for some reason, I can't yet."  **The shadow nodded.** "Wait for me, please." **said Yuri as tears streamed down his face. The shadow nodded emphatically a few times before it skated away into thin air.**_

Yuri awoke to a damp pillow. Confused and slightly disoriented, he then felt some wetness running down his cheeks. He'd apparently been crying in his sleep. He sat up slowly in his hospital bed and dried his eyes on the sleeves of his pajama top. He reached for his glasses and put them on. As he looked around the room, he saw Viktor with his head down on the little round table in the room.  _Was he asleep?_  He wanted to see Viktor's sleeping face. He WOULD see Viktor's sleeping face. Determined, Yuri slid his legs off the bed and donned his hospital slippers. Remembering what the therapist had taught him earlier, Yuri took a deep breath and released it as he stood very slowly. Once fully upright, he waited to see if there was any dizziness or nausea. There wasn't.  _Phew! All clear!_  He bent and flexed his knees slightly as he tentatively tested out his legs. He hadn't walked in a few days and his muscles had gotten a bit lazy. Turning to a nearby wall, Yuri braced himself with one arm and stretched his leg out with the other. He went through some basic stretches, switching arms and legs when necessary. He could feel the muscles in his calves and thigh coming alive.  _Ahhh, it feels so good to stretch!_  Yuri let out a sigh of contentment before stretching out his arms and back.

Feeling like his body was sufficiently warmed up, he took a few cautious steps forward. The first few were stiff and awkward, but then muscle memory seemed to kick in and he was able to walk a bit more fluidly. He took small steps, for the last thing he wanted right now was to get ahead of himself and inadvertently cause a setback. Finally, after what seemed like ages, he arrived at Viktor. He looked down and saw that the man was indeed fast asleep. His head was on his left arm and his hair was obscuring most of his face. Viktor's hair was an exotic color he had never seen before. He wasn't sure, but judging by Viktor's last name, he guessed that he was probably Russian. Russians commonly had varying shades of golden hair, but silver was quite unique. Yuri reached down and gently brushed Viktor's hair from his face.  _Oooh! It's so soft!_  Viktor stirred and Yuri froze.  _Crap!_ Yuri held his breath as he waited for Viktor to settle back to sleep. Yuri slowly let out the breath he'd been holding. He leaned in for a closer look and examined Viktor's features. Viktor's jawline was strong and well-defined. It was just one of the striking features on the man's face. Yuri's eyes moved up Viktor's face and settled on his lips. They were slightly parted and he was exhaling steadily from them.  _I wonder if they're as soft as they look..._  Yuri blushed as he suddenly realized what he had just been thinking.  _Calm down, focus!_  Next, he examined Viktor's tall and astute nose. Westerners had such different features from Asians. The nose was definitely a part that set the two peoples apart. He looked up at his eyes and was sad that they were closed at the moment. He yearned to see their beautiful blue-green color again close-up. Viktor's lashes were thick and the same luxurious shade of silver as the hair on his head. Yuri had to admit to himself that the man was truly a thing of beauty. He then noticed that there were bags under Viktor's eyes and felt humbled. Viktor had been so worried about him that he clearly hadn't been sleeping well or taking very good care of himself. Yuri sighed. He vowed to get better as soon as possible so that Viktor wouldn't have to worry about him so much anymore. He walked back to his bed and grabbed his extra blanket. He took it over to Viktor and gently covered him with it. Viktor sighed and stirred slightly. Yuri slowly backed away. As he turned around he heard. "Mhm..Yurrrrrrrri."  _Eh?! Is he…is Viktor…dreaming about me?!_  Yuri's face burned hot and he placed a hand on each cheek to try to cool himself down. Just then, the door to his room opened and a nurse froze mid-step as she looked up to see him standing. Yuri brought a finger to his lips and the nurse nodded before smiling. She beckoned him over. Yuri walked steadily to join her. Yuri turned off the light as they both walked out of the room.

As soon as the door had closed behind him, the nurse turned to him. "Mr. Katsuki! You're standing and walking on your own!" She had both surprise and admiration written all over her face. "Ah, well…I wanted to check on Viktor, so…" The nurse smiled warmly at him. "That was very considerate of you, Mr. Katsuki. Mr. Viktor has spent most of his waking hours here at the hospital by your side. He cares for you very deeply." Yuri nodded. "I've heard that from many people. I feel genuinely privileged to have someone like him in my life." Yuri brought up a hand and clenched it into a fist. "I'm going to work as hard as I can to recover my memories of him so that I can thank him properly." The nurse nodded and smiled brightly. "That's the spirit!" she said as she patted him on the back. "It's time for your second therapy session," she stated. "Would you like to try walking there?" Yuri nodded. "I would." The nurse called for another nurse to grab a wheelchair and walk behind them." A precautionary measure, in case you find yourself suddenly too tired to go on." she explained. Yuri took a deep breath and then began walking towards the therapy room.


	10. A Glimmer of Hope

_**It was the morning of the free skate at the Cup of China. Viktor stared pensively at Yuri's zombie-like face as he realized that the younger man had apparently not slept at all the night before. "Yuri, you haven't slept, have you?" The younger man windmilled frantically as he tried to convince Viktor that he had slept a little bit. But Viktor wasn't fooled. He made the executive decision as coach to put Yuri back in bed and have him rest right up until it was time for his free skate.** _

_**He took Yuri back up to his room and stripped him down to his briefs. He slapped his sleeping mask on his face and then pushed him down on the bed. Knowing that Yuri would likely fight him on it and try to get up again, he threw a blanket over him and then launched himself on top. Yuri was effectively turned into a blanket burrito, with a heavy dose of Russian dressing on top. Viktor wouldn't admit it at the time, but he was much happier given the current circumstances than he was letting on. He had been trying for months to get Yuri to share a bed with him, and now suddenly he was exactly where he had wanted to be. It took every ounce of control to keep his heart from beating a hole in his chest. As he rested his head on Yuri's chest, he could hear the man's heart beating madly as well. Whether it was for nerves or excitement, Viktor did not question. He simply closed his eyes and allowed himself to savor the moment.** _ _**Mhm…Yurrrrrrrri."** _

Viktor woke with a start and a very sore neck. He blinked slowly a few times and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands. The left sleeve of his sweater had a damp patch on it and he realized that he had drooled in his sleep.  _Oh, Yuri…now you have me drooling over you in my dreams as well as my waking moments._  He was going to have to tease him a bit about it later.

He blinked a few more times before looking around the room. When he looked over to Yuri's bed, his heart dropped. The bed was empty and looked like it had been recently made. Everything was in order and the blankets were folded neatly on top of the pillow. Viktor bolted upright from the chair, suddenly wide awake. He felt like a bucket of ice-cold water had just been dumped on him. His mind raced as he tried to rationalize what he was seeing.  _Yuri's gone? Has he been released? Why wasn't I told?_  Viktor blinked a few more times in confusion before remembering  _another_ reason why hospital beds suddenly become empty. A wave of sheer dread gripped his heart. "YURI!" he cried out in a panic. He stood, frozen to the spot and unable to move. His mind fought to make him approach the situation rationally, but his heart raced ahead and let the fear take over. Viktor was so lost in his perceived grief that he didn't notice when the door opened and a nurse came into the room.

Nurse García had been doing her evening rounds when she heard the anguished scream coming from the Katsuki room. She looked through the small window on the door and saw a very distraught-looking Russian standing there. She pushed the door open and stepped into the room. "Mr. Viktor? Are you alright?" No response. The nurse approached the man slowly and carefully. She could see that something was not right. "Mr. Viktor?" the nurse said more loudly. Suddenly aware of her presence in the room, Viktor turned to her and gripped her shoulders. "He's gone, isn't he? You're here to tell me he's gone, aren't you?!" Tears were running down the man's face and he appeared to be trapped in some kind of personal hell. Nurse García stared at the man in confusion.  _Gone? What is he talking about?_  She looked at the bed and saw that it was empty and made. She gasped, suddenly understanding what had the man so upset. She had been told that he was resting in the room and not to disturb him. If this is what he had woken up to, it's no wonder he was acting this way.

"Mr. Viktor. I need you to look at me." Viktor continued to stare ahead in shock.

"Mr. Viktor, look at me, NOW." She said more forcefully. The commanding tone of her voice seemed to reach the man and he finally looked down to meet her stare. She placed her hands on the man's face. "Yuri Katsuki is fine. He's in physiotherapy right now. Do you understand?" Viktor stared at the woman.  _Were his ears deceiving him? Did she just say that Yuri is fine?_

"Yuri's…not…gone?" he asked tentatively. The nurse smiled tenderly at the tall man before her. "No, Mr. Viktor. He's just fine. He had to go back to physiotherapy and you were sleeping at the time. He asked that you not be disturbed. We took the opportunity to change his bedding while he was out." Viktor nodded at the nurse and released a shaky breath. She removed her hands from the man's face and gently nudged him back down into the chair. "He's doing so well that he's even walking now." Viktor gasped and gaped at the nurse with wide, questioning eyes. The nurse laughed softly. "That's right. He saw you sleeping and walked over to check on you on his own willpower." Viktor felt all the tension leave his body. He closed his eyes and slumped into the chair, exhausted.

Nurse García pulled up a chair and sat across from the man. "Mr. Viktor, have you had a chance to talk to anyone about what's happened with Mr. Katsuki? Viktor shook his head. "No, I've been mostly here at the hospital." The nurse spoke gently. "Mr. Viktor, you shouldn't be carrying this burden alone. I suggest that you get in touch with someone you can confide in. If there is no one available to fill that role for you, I can procure a referral to our counseling services." Viktor nodded. "Thank you for your concern, nurse…?" Viktor opened his eyes and looked at the nurse. "García. Vanessa García." Viktor reached his right hand out and the nurse accepted it. "Thanks for all your help tonight. I'm sorry I lost it back there." Viktor rubbed the back of his head bashfully. "Don't worry about it Mr. Viktor. Now, how about we go and take a look at how Mr. Katsuki's doing?" Viktor nodded enthusiastically.

Viktor and Nurse García walked quietly over to the physiotherapy room. Viktor didn't want to disturb Yuri's session so he stood outside and watched through the window. His heart burst with pride seeing Yuri up and walking on his own again. With each step he took, he seemed stronger and more determined. Viktor sighed with relief. He checked his watch and saw that it was just after 7 pm. He would wait until 11 pm before making the call.

Viktor thanked the nurse again and walked back to Yuri's room to await his return. He was lost in deep thought when Yuri finally returned. The moment Yuri saw Viktor, his face lit up with a smile. It warmed his heart to see such an honest smile. "Viktor! You're awake!" Yuri was absolutely drenched in sweat. His glasses were all fogged up so he took them off and wiped them on his sleeve.

Viktor smiled back. "I heard you started walking on your own today." Yuri nodded happily. "Don't get any ideas about running away from me, now. I'm still faster than you! I'd catch you in a second!" Viktor teased as he winked at the younger man. "Then I'd have to punish you for trying to run from me." Yuri blushed madly. "Ahh…n-n-no! I-I wouldn't d-do that to y-y-you!" He managed to stammer out as he waved his hands frantically in front of him. Viktor was absolutely delighted. That was the first hint of 'Yuri' he had seen since that horrible night. It spoke of promise and gave him hope.

"Yuuuuuuri. You need a shower." Viktor said as he stepped in close and placed a finger on Yuri's chin. He tilted the younger man's face up until those mahogany brown eyes were looking right up into his own. "Shall I help you with your shower, Yuuuuuuuri?" Viktor laughed as he saw Yuri's face turn a nuclear-fallout shade of red and his brain short-circuit before his eyes. Yuri closed his eyes, put his head down and pushed Viktor away with both hands. "N-n-n-no! I-I-I can m-manage on m-m-my own!" He hurriedly grabbed a towel and his toiletries and rushed into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. Viktor laughed heartily. "I'll be right outside the door if you need me." Viktor said in his most sultry voice. "NO THANK YOU!" Came the adamant reply. Viktor chuckled to himself as he sat down in the chair and waited for Yuri to finish his shower.

Once Yuri was all clean, dried off and in a fresh pair of hospital jammies, he came out of the bathroom. He had worn a shower cap and had been very careful about not getting his stitches wet. He just had to dry the sweat from his hair. He was standing next to his hospital bed, absentmindedly rubbing his hair dry when he suddenly got the feeling that he was being watched. He looked up and saw Viktor sitting there, observing him intently through half-lidded eyes. Yuri stopped what he was doing and swallowed hard. He couldn't quite explain it, but he suddenly felt like some hapless prey animal, about to be pounced on by a powerful predator. It scared him. It excited him. Viktor stood up and walked purposely toward him. Yuri took a few steps back as Viktor closed the distance between them. Without thinking, Yuri had backed himself right up to his bed. As the back of his knees hit the side, his momentum caused him to lose his balance and start falling backward. As Yuri's arms flailed at his sides, he felt a strong arm encircle his waist and pull him back up. When Yuri looked up, he found himself staring into an ardent pair of blue-green eyes. Yuri's face immediately flushed a bright red as he struggled to come up with something to say. Viktor's thumb was rubbing soothing circles into the small of his back, and it was making it very hard for him to think. "Yuri." The way that Viktor said his name sent shivers down his spine. "Please be more careful." The younger man could only tremble and nod in response. Viktor leaned in and Yuri felt his eyes instinctively flutter close. He felt Viktor's warm, soft lips…on his nose. His eyes flew open to see a very amused Russian standing there smirking at him. "Have a good night, Yuri. See you tomorrow!" With that, Viktor walked out of the room, leaving a very flustered and frustrated Yuri behind.


	11. A Rare Opportunity

**_Mild lemon warning: self-gratification_ **

Viktor practically floated all the way back to the Barcelona Hilton that night. His body positively tingled everywhere it had come in contact with Yuri's. It thrummed with delight at the memory of the heat that had been shared between them...

When Yuri had stepped out of the bathroom, Viktor had become instantly fixated on the younger man's movements. The way Yuri had closed his eyes and sighed at the simple pleasure of drying his hair had set off something primal in him. He had sat in silence; eyes hungrily devouring the man in front of him. Yuri had seemingly forgotten about his presence in the room, for he had suddenly frozen in his tracks under his piercing gaze. When he had started walking towards Yuri, he had seen a brief flash of fear in his eyes. For a second, Yuri had looked the proverbial deer caught in headlights. He would have stopped right there and then had he not seen that fear melt into something else. Was it excitement that he had seen in Yuri's eyes? Anticipation? Arousal? Whatever it was, it had spurred him on.

When Yuri had backed up into the bed and started falling backward, he had seized the opportunity to wrap an arm around his waist and bring him flush against his body. The way Yuri's face had blushed so fiercely had elicited an evil grin from him. He had derived immense pleasure from watching the young Japanese man squirm. Viktor recalled how his gentle rubbing of Yuri's back had caused the man to arch his back slightly and push his body even closer to his own. The trembling response Yuri had had to his voice had sent ripples of desire down his spine. At that moment, he had wanted nothing more than to ravage the younger man where he stood. However, he hadn't wanted to overwhelm Yuri, he was supposed to be helping him recover. And so he had forced himself to settle for something a bit more on the chaste side. Imagine his surprise when Yuri had willfully closed his eyes and surrendered freely to his advances.

For a short moment, he had feared that he would lose control. But, having summoned every drop of restraint he could muster, he had instead settled for planting a light kiss on the younger man's nose. His efforts had paid off though, and he had been rewarded with a rather entertaining show of varying emotions as they had danced across Yuri's face. He had seen confusion, disappointment and even a hint of frustration in those eyes, and it had enthralled him to no end. He had then quickly said his goodbyes and gotten the hell out of there. He didn't think his self-control would have held out much longer.

Viktor stopped in front of the hotel and brought his fingers up to his lips. He closed his eyes as he relived the sensation of Yuri's skin when he had kissed it. He groaned as he realized that a certain part of him had made itself impossible to ignore. "It's a good thing I'm wearing this long coat." He mused. "I'd be getting evicted from this hotel right now without it!" He hurried up to his room and hastily removed all his clothing and discarded it on the floor as soon as the door closed behind him. He jumped into the blissfully hot waters of the shower and allowed himself a few seconds to enjoy the heated liquid on his skin.

Unable to hold out any longer, Viktor gripped himself firmly with his right hand and squeezed. He moaned loudly as he imagined Yuri's hand clasped around him instead of his own. He leaned forward until his forehead was pressed against the tiled bathroom wall and braced himself against it with his left forearm. He began rhythmically running his hand up and down his length, stopping to rub his thumb along the slit with each stroke. Drops of his body's own secretions quickly formed there and he used them to lubricate the sensitive head. He panted quietly as the pleasure began to overtake him. He replayed the evening's events in his mind as he picked up the pace. Yuri's scent, his warmth and the feel of his body against his...and the things he wanted to do to that body.  _Mmmmhhmmmm_. Viktor closed his eyes tightly as he felt the familiar coiling in the pit of his stomach. Now thrusting his hips in time with his hand, Viktor stroked himself even faster. He covered his mouth with his left hand as he felt the first wave of spasms hit. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and he screamed into his hand as he throbbed and pulsed for what felt like an eternity. After one last full-body shudder, he removed his hand and tried to catch his breath. He was back to leaning his head on the wall again and felt weak-kneed from the intensity of it. Once he had recovered enough and felt like he could trust his own legs to hold him up again, he finished washing up and then turned off the water.

Viktor made himself comfortable on the bed and checked the time. It was just after 11:30 pm, which meant it would be just after 7:30 am in Japan. He reached for his phone and sent a message to Minako sensei.

Ever the early riser, Minako Okukawa was in the midst of preparing breakfast when she heard her phone vibrating on the kitchen counter.  _A private message? Who would be messaging me at this time in the morning?_

She picked up her phone and was a bit surprised to see that she had received a message from Viktor in Barcelona.

 **Viktor:**  Minako sensei hiiiiiiii! Do you have some free time to chat?

She typed back a response.

 **Minako:**  hi Viktor. Is everything OK with Yuri?

 **Viktor:**  yes…and no. Can we do this over FaceTime?

 **Minako:**  sure, give me a sec.

Minako sent Viktor a FaceTime request and it was quickly accepted. When Viktor's face came through on the video feed, Minako was taken aback by the dark circles under his eyes and how gaunt he looked.

"Ah…sorry Minako sensei." Viktor laughed somewhat awkwardly. "I must look a bit of a hot mess right now."

Minako sputtered at his excuse. "A bit of a mess?! Viktor, have you slept at all since Yuri's accident?"

Viktor let out a drawn-out sigh. "It's been better since he regained consciousness. Those first two days he was in a coma were rough, though."

"How is he?" Minako asked.

"Oh, I wish you could see him! He's doing SO well! He had physiotherapy already and started walking earlier today." Viktor beamed a proud smile back at the woman on the other end.

"So, there's no…um…permanent damage?" Minako inquired cautiously.

"His brain is fine. He was very lucky to get away with just a hairline skull fracture and a mild concussion." Viktor explained. "Physically speaking, he is already well on the road to a quick recovery."

Minako studied Viktor's face as he spoke. She didn't know the man  _that_  well, but had gotten to know him well enough over the last 8 months that she could tell there was something more that he wasn't saying. His smile didn't reach his eyes...it didn't quite match the sadness he was trying and failing to hide.

"What else is going on, Viktor." She asked bluntly. "Tell me everything."

Viktor smiled wistfully at the Japanese woman. He should have known that there was no fooling her.

"When Yuri woke up after his accident, he didn't remember me." He said quietly as he looked off to the side, unable to meet Minako's stare.

Minako gasped as she covered her mouth with her available hand. He looked up to see the tears welling up in her eyes as she stared at him…speechless.

Viktor continued. "He knows who he is and remembers everyone back in Hasetsu, so I'm not sure if his memory loss even extends to anyone other than me." Viktor closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his free hand. "I haven't had a chance to talk to him about skating or other people in our circle of friends and acquaintances yet."

Minako finally spoke. "Oh, Viktor...I am SO sorry. How are you holding up?"

Viktor groaned pitifully as he stared back at the woman. "It's been hell. I was absolutely devastated when he asked me who I was and how I knew him."

"That's awful, Viktor." Minako lamented. "I know how much you care about him."

Viktor wiped away the tears that had formed in his eyes. "It's more than that, Minako sensei. I  _love_  him."

Minako nodded. "I'd figured as much. I had a feeling Yuri was more to you than just a student." She sighed as she spoke. "How is he acting? Is he…you know…himself?"

Viktor sniffled and paused to blow his nose. "Yes, for the most part." He pensively brought a finger up to his lips. "It's…the most bizarre thing. He's still the shy and easily-embarrassed Yuri we all know and love….but different."

"How so?" Minako was confused.

"It's like…he's so much more comfortable and relaxed around me." Viktor furrowed his brows as he tried to pinpoint exactly how Yuri was different. "Not so uptight and afraid to mess things up."

"Well, it's no wonder!" Minako said with a laugh. "You're just another mere mortal to him now."

Viktor tilted his head in confusion. "Huh?"

Minako smiled softly as she spoke. "Yuri has had you on this pedestal for over half of his life. You've always been this untouchable skating God to him." Minako paused and took a sip of her hot matcha tea. "You were always so far up above him in his eyes that he'd never see you as an equal."

Viktor sighed. "I knew he idolized me and looked up to me, but I never realized it was to  _this_  extent." Viktor flopped back onto his nest of pillows. "Is that why he was always still so skittish around me and worried about what I'd think of him? "

Minako smiled and touched her nose. "Bingo. To Yuri, his greatest fear is  _you_  realizing just how unworthy of you he  _himself_  feels he is."

Viktor was floored. So many things made  _so_  much more sense now. He looked back on a few specific instances with newfound perspective. Yuri's meltdown at the China Cup stood out the most.

 _I was SO completely clueless about what Yuri had been stressing out over! I had just thought it was bizarre that he was letting the other skaters' scores get to him that badly. I thought he was just being another glass-hearted figure skater who needed his heart shattered in order to get stronger and move on. **"If you mess up this free skate and miss the podium, I'll take responsibility by resigning as your coach."** Боже мой ***** , no wonder he had burst into tears! He had been looking to me to believe in him more than he believed in himself. That maybe...even if HE didn't feel like he could win it...if the "great" Viktor Nikiforov believed he could...it would be enough. How cruel I must have seemed then! Yuri had admitted to secretly wondering if I wanted to quit as his coach...and I had pretty much told him I'd drop him if he lost. _Viktor's heart tightened painfully in his chest.  _How could I so callously hurt someone I claim to love?_

He also realized why his cruel words to Yuri on the night of the Grand Prix Final had impacted him so strongly.  _I'm despicable! I pretty much made him live out his own worst nightmare! Do I even have the right to love him? After all I've put him through already?_

Minako watched as Viktor processed and struggled with what she had just told him. It gave her hope to see that the man seemed to realize his own shortcomings and show remorse. She had known Yuri since the day of his birth. She cared for him as if he were her own child. She wanted Yuri to be happy, but she was also prepared to fiercely protect him from Viktor if he was just going to end up hurting Yuri more. Now that she knew Viktor was the real deal, she wanted to encourage him.

"Viktor, look at me," Minako commanded gently.

Viktor slowly lifted his head to look at the woman. His eyes looked pained and his shoulders were slumped in defeat.

"You have a deeper understanding now of what makes Yuri tick." She began quietly. "Learn from your past mistakes and keep moving forward. I think Yuri has come to care for you quite profoundly since you became his coach. Deep down, I imagine that he's loved you since the first day he laid eyes on you." Minako placed her free elbow on the kitchen counter and used her hand to hold up her head. "His feelings of low self-worth keep getting in the way of him being happy with you. Now that you know this, you'll be better equipped to deal with his episodes in the future."

Viktor listened keenly to Minako's words. They gave him new hope.

Minako cleared her throat to get Viktor's attention. "So, how did you introduce yourself to him?"

Viktor looked back at the woman. "I asked him what he thought we were and he said  _very good friends_ ".

Suddenly, Minako bolted upright in her seat. "Viktor! What about the rings?!"

Viktor smiled sadly. "The hospital removed Yuri's ring before his diagnostic scans and gave it to me for safe keeping. I took off my own ring and have been wearing both on a chain around my neck." He reached into the hotel bathrobe and pulled out a golden chain with two rings on it. "The doctor said not to push too much information on him so soon. So I'm keeping them safe until Yuri is ready."

Minako seemed relieved by his answer and exhaled slowly. "Well Viktor, I have some good news for you."

Viktor perked up immediately. "You do?"

Minako nodded. "Right now, Yuri doesn't see you as that unattainable skating legend he's always idolized. He sees you as just a normal-albeit-devastatingly-handsome man he trusts and is comfortable around."

Viktor smiled as he sat up straight. "That's right! His head may have forgotten me, but his heart hasn't." Viktor leaned in close and leered at Minako. "Yuri's body certainly hasn't forgotten either."

Minako sputtered incoherently for a few seconds. "Viktor! Don't tell me...? That you two...? Have already...? In the HOSPITAL?!"

Viktor laughed heartily. "No, no, of course not. I've been the perfect gentleman!" He winked as he spoke.

Minako rolled her eyes. "I don't believe that for one second."

Viktor chuckled. "There HAVE been plenty of sparks though. I guess Yuri is being much more honest with himself now that he doesn't have the shadow of Viktor Nikiforov looming over him."

Minako smiled. "Get back out there, Viktor Nikiforov...and get Yuri Katsuki to fall for you all over again."

Viktor nodded. "Thanks, Minako sensei. I will."

_terminology_

 _Боже мой (_ Bozhe moy) – Russian "Oh my God."


	12. Internal Conflicts

_**Mild lemon warning: self-gratification (part deux)** _

Viktor had left Yuri just standing there, mouth hanging wide open, like some fish out of water. There was so much running through his mind at that moment. Not to mention what his body was going through. The butterflies in his stomach were doing kamikaze barrel rolls and his heart felt like it was racing an entire coalition of cheetahs. He shivered as he recalled Viktor's touch. His skin was still positively aflame where it had come in contact with him. Yuri let out an exasperated sigh and sat down on the edge of the bed. He took off his glasses and put them on the nightstand. He then placed his elbows on his lap and ruffled his hair furiously with both hands.  _Arrrrrggghhh! Are Viktor and I really just friends? I wish I could remember!_  Yuri grumbled in frustration.

Yuri had never had many friends. Being shy and socially awkward made it really difficult, and mingling was not a skill he had ever mastered. There were a handful of people he really liked and got along well with, and that had always been good enough for him. He knew for a fact that he had NEVER felt any of these kinds of things for any of  _them_. He imagined the feelings he was having to be more along the lines of what lovers or romantic interests would feel for one another.

But he wasn't exactly well-versed in those matters either. He was just a 24-year-old virgin without an ounce of real dating or relationship experience to fall back on. The short track record he  _did_  have was absolutely abysmal. His crush from his school days had gone and married the man who had cruelly tormented him throughout most of his childhood. And when a woman in Detroit had tried to hug him, he had shoved her off like some kind of annoyance.

Then...then there was the fact that Viktor was a MAN. Yuri had never really paid that kind of attention to other men before. In the world of figure skating, he only cared about things like his competitors' physical condition, flexibility, and stamina. Well, it's not like he had paid it much to women, either. He had only ever noticed one; Yuuko chan. All other women were seen and thought of by him as just part of the crowd.  _Am I into men and I just don't remember?_  Yuri groaned and ruffled his hair furiously in the opposite direction.

What he  _did_  know, was how the things that Viktor had done made him feel. For starters, the way Viktor had looked at him like he was the tastiest bowl of katsudon in the whole world. He would know, for even the mere thought of Yu-topia's katsudon was enough to make him lose control. Yuri had never had anyone look at  _him_  that way before. It had been such an intense look that it had frightened him at first. Then, in almost the same moment, he had felt excited that someone WAS looking at him that way. Yuri closed his eyes as he remembered Viktor's arm wrapping around him. The way he had been pulled against the man's taller frame. How those rubbing motions from Viktor's thumb had sent sparks shooting up his spine and made his mind go blank. When Viktor had started closing the gap between them, he had surprised himself by closing his eyes in anticipation. It had just felt like the natural thing to do. He had never been kissed before, but something in him had told him that a kiss was imminent. The kiss he had gotten though was definitely  _not_  the one he had been expecting.  _On the nose?! Seriously? Is he just toying with me?_  Yuri ruffled his hair in a frenzied blur as he growled in displeasure.  _What do I do? What do I want?_

Yuri let out an exasperated sigh. _I'm not sure what to do, but_   _I do know I want...I want Viktor..._ Yuri removed his hands from his hair and straightened his back. His eyes opened as wide as they could go and his mouth hung open in shock.  _I want...Viktor to have kissed...my lips instead._ _Yuri gasped and covered his mouth with both hands._ _Is it wrong to feel this way? Should I even be feeling this way?_ He whined miserably and flopped unceremoniously onto his back. He brought his fingers up to his lips as he tried to think of what a kiss from Viktor would feel like. All he could think about was Viktor's mouth covering his own.  _Mmhhhm, I bet his lips are really soft..._ Yuri moaned as he felt his body responding to the imagery.  _He brought his hands up to his head and rubbed his temples._ _Well, no sleep is going to be had unless I deal with_ ** _this_** _first._  He thought as he stared pointedly at the growing bulge in his pajama pants.

Yuri pulled his legs up onto the bed and straightened his body. He scooched backward until he was resting comfortably against the pillows. He then pulled his pajama top up to his neck and pushed the pants down and off his hips. He reached over and took his hardened flesh into his right hand. As he slowly and deliberately ran his hand back and forth along its length, he envisioned sharing a passionate kiss with Viktor. Yuri sighed and moaned as he imagined the feel of Viktor's hot and moist lips claiming his own. He ran his left hand across his toned stomach and sides as the kiss in his vision deepened. He fantasized about Viktor nibbling on his lips and sliding his tongue into his mouth. Yuri's left hand found its way to a hardened nipple and began to rub and pinch it. His back arched off the bed and he quickened his strokes. In his mind, he saw Viktor pull away and then start kissing his neck instead. Light feathery kisses quickly turned into hungry open-mouthed ones. Yuri imagined himself moaning as he placed his right hand at the back of Viktor's head and pulled him in even closer. He could practically feel Viktor's teeth faintly scraping the skin on his neck before the man stopped to lick and suckle the junction where his neck met his shoulder.

Yuri gripped himself tighter and added twisting motions to his strokes. He was so impossibly turned on at that moment that his need for release was almost overwhelming. Yuri licked his left index finger before he moved over to the neglected nipple. The cold, wet sensation sent his body into overdrive and he could feel himself on the edge of release. One last image of Viktor's face was all it took. Yuri thrust his hips off the bed as he felt the waves of his orgasm overtake him. He bit down on the back of his left hand as the spasms and twitches caused his mind to go blank. He squirted liquid ecstasy all over his stomach with each pulse. The throbbing seemed to go on forever, each subsequent one more intense than the one before. Finally spent, Yuri collapsed back onto the bed. His whole body trembled as he fought to catch his breath. He closed his eyes and let the euphoria wash over him. After what seemed like an eternity, he felt sufficiently recuperated. He cleaned himself up with tissues from the nightstand and rolled over onto his side. He fell asleep with Viktor's name on his lips.


	13. Filling in the Blanks

Viktor awoke to the sound of his alarm going off. He was instantly alert and out of bed, ready for the big day ahead. Today was going to be intense and he had been mentally preparing himself for it since his talk with Minako sensei the night before.

He was going to have to ask Yuri some tough questions about the things he did and didn't remember. He was very aware of the fact that he would most likely not enjoy hearing the answers Yuri was going to give him. But he absolutely  _had_  to know the extent of his erasure from Yuri's memories.  _I can't make a plan on how to slowly reintroduce things to him unless I know what the missing pieces are. He's finally recovered to a point where he can handle the questioning. I'm just going to have to face this head on._  He also had to ask Yuri where he wanted to go when he got discharged from the hospital. The original plan had been for Yuri to join him in St. Petersburg once the Grand Prix was over…but he wasn't sure that would be possible anymore. Yuri might very well want to return to his family in Japan.  _I guess I'll find out today one way or another._

Viktor brushed his teeth as he took a quick shower. He then got dressed and prepared to head out to the hospital. He would pick some breakfast up for himself and Yuri on the way in. As he checked his phone, he noticed that he had a missed call and one new voicemail message. He dialed into his voicemail inbox and played the message that had been left there.

_**Hello Viktor, good morning. Dr. Ramirez here. I have some really great news for you this morning, so please drop by my office as soon as you get in. See you soon!"** _

Viktor smiled to himself as he listened to the doctor's voicemail. Maybe this day wouldn't be so bad after all.

_later_

Viktor sat in Dr. Ramirez's waiting room, killing time by checking his Instagram feed. Yurio, Mila and Georgi were all gearing up for the Russian Nationals starting in four days' time. Viktor sighed longingly. He wished that he was going too, but he had made his decision to return to competitive skating a bit too late. He wouldn't have made it onto the roster on such short notice. He also probably would have injured himself trying to get back into a professional competition after having taken all that time off to coach Yuri. It was all probably for the best, anyway. If he somehow managed to sneak into the European Championships in January, at least he'd have a few weeks to practice for it. Throwing together a short program and free skate on such short notice would be no problem for him at all. He was always overflowing with ideas. He had already been bouncing some ideas around in his head for the new season before he had come across Yuri's rendition of his Aria.

Viktor quickly checked the JSF page for the dates the Japanese Nationals would be taking place. He saw that the dates overlapped with the Russian Nationals.  _Well, I guess Yuri won't be making it to his nationals either. The next event Yuri can participate in will be the Four Continents competition, and that's about two weeks after the European Championships. The World Championships are going down in late March and we'll both be able to compete together at that one. Well, that is…if Yuri still remembers how to skate to Eros and Yuri On Ice._ Viktor groaned as he covered his face with both hands.  _I really hope that his memory loss doesn't extend to THAT._ He couldn't imagine starting all over from scratch with such pressing time constraints.

Viktor was pulled out of his thoughts by a woman's voice.

"Mr. Nikiforov?" Viktor lowered his hands and looked up. "Yes, this is he."

The woman smiled. "Dr. Ramirez will see you now. Please follow me."

Viktor got up and followed the woman into the familiar office. He thanked her and then approached the doctor with an extended hand. The doctor stood at his desk and took Viktor's hand in a firm handshake. "Good morning, doctor."

The doctor smiled. "Good morning, Viktor. Thank you for coming in on such short notice."

"It's no trouble at all. I was coming in to spend the day with Yuri anyway." Viktor took a seat and leaned forward in his chair. "You said in your voicemail message that you have some good news for me?" Viktor wrung his hands nervously. He was anxious to know what the doctor wanted to talk about.

"That's correct Viktor. I must tell you, I am incredibly pleased with Yuri's progress. He has bounced back extremely well and I feel that he could be released as early as this afternoon."

Viktor sat up straight in his chair. "Really? This afternoon?" Viktor clapped his hands together and brought them up to his lips. "That's the BEST news!"

The doctor smiled at Viktor's enthusiastic response. "It's not a done deal YET. We've scheduled one last assessment for him just after lunch. If our staff deems him well enough to be released, then it'll just be a matter of filling out some paperwork."

Viktor nodded stoically. "I understand, doctor." Inwardly, Viktor was quad toe-flipping with joy. He couldn't wait to get Yuri away from the place. He had never liked hospitals. He thought of them as cesspools of bacteria and disease. There were so many cases in which a perfectly healthy person walked into a hospital and left in a coffin. He was also impatient to get back on the ice with Yuri and start working on his own routines. Viktor thanked the doctor, grabbed his bag of breakfast, and then let himself out of the office. As he was making his way to Yuri's room, he was approached by a familiar face. "Oh! Nurse García! Good morning!"

"Good morning, Mr. Viktor!" The woman waved cheerfully at the taller man. "Mr. Katsuki is not in his room at the moment. If you follow me, I'll take you to where he is."

"OK! Thank you!" Viktor followed the woman to a corner of the Neuropsychology ward he hadn't been to before. She led him to a door with the words 'Reading Room' on it in gold lettering. "He's in here. Please make yourself comfortable and stay as long as you like!" Viktor thanked the nurse and pushed the door open.

He stepped into the room and immediately saw Yuri. He was sitting at a table by a large window with a book in hand. The sunlight was casting playful shadows on his hair and face. His lips were slightly parted and he appeared to be completely engrossed in whatever he was reading.  _He's so beautiful_. Viktor stood mesmerized, happy to just stare at the man as he read. About a minute or so later, Yuri seemed to sense that there was someone else in the room and looked up from his book. "Viktor?"

Viktor snapped out of his reverie and waved as he began walking toward Yuri. "Hey, good morning."

"Good morning! Please, have a seat." Yuri gestured to a free chair.

Viktor sat down and placed the bag of breakfast onto the table. Yuri's eyes got huge as he eyed the bag hopefully. "Is that…?" His eyes practically sparkled with expectation.

Viktor chuckled as he saw a little dribble of drool escape the corner of Yuri's mouth. "Yes, Yuri. I brought us breakfast."

Yuri clasped his hands together and closed his eyes. "Praise Viktor of the house Nikiforov, the First of His Name, The Russian, Czar of Sustenance, Emperor of the Delectable, Bringer of Meals, Annihilator of Hunger, Lord Regnant of the Five Food Groups, King of Appetites, Breaker of Diets, and Protector of Yuri. Long may he reign over breakfast options."

Viktor burst into hearty laughter. He actually laughed so hard that he cried.  _Yuri had just caught him off-guard and surprised him again_! He wiped the tears from his eyes as he tried to catch his breath. "Yuri, I didn't know you watched Game of Thrones!"

"Yeah, I've been following it since it came out a few years ago. I hadn't read any of the books though. So when I found the first book;  _A Song of Ice and Fire_  here in the reading room this morning, I jumped on it."

"Well, we can talk more about it over breakfast. I'm starving!" Viktor opened the brown paper bag and began removing and unwrapping its contents. He had brought one ham and cheese ciabatta sandwich and one smoked chicken focaccia sandwich. "Which one do you want, Yuri?"

Yuri looked the two options over. They both looked delicious and he really couldn't decide. "How about we cut them in half so we can each try them both?"

Viktor smiled. "That's a great idea. You're so thoughtful, Yuri." Yuri blushed at the compliment. He rummaged inside the brown bag a bit and found a knife at the bottom. He pulled it out and then cut each sandwich in half. He took half of each sandwich and exchanged it with the other. "I'm so happy you brought breakfast, Viktor. Thank you. Hospital food is just…sad."

He grabbed one of the hazelnut lattes Viktor had also brought and took a tentative sip. He closed his eyes as he savored the coffee's nutty flavor.

"You're not going to throw  _this_  breakfast up too, are you?" Yuri opened his eyes and pouted at Viktor. "Viiiiiktorrrrr. Stop teasing me! I'm still feeling absolutely horrified that that even happened! I don't think I'll EVER be able to look that woman in the eyes again!"

Viktor took the other hazelnut latte for himself. "Well, you're going to get a chance at a do-over. You'll get to see her after lunch today." He picked up the smoked chicken sandwich half and took a bite.

Yuri groaned as he slumped into his chair. "Why am I always the last person to know about these things? Wait, why do I need to go back there? I thought I had completed all the necessary physiotherapy." Yuri went for the ham and cheese sandwich half first.

"I spoke with your doctor this morning. If you pass your final assessment, you'll be released from the hospital today!"

Yuri's mouth dropped open. "Today? Like…as in…later-on-from-now today?!"

"Haha, yes! Definitely later-on-from-now today."

Yuri couldn't believe it. "This is so exciting! I can't wait to get out of here. I've been going totally stir-crazy without my phone."

"Ah, sorry about that! I didn't bring it to the hospital because the doctor advised against it. He worried that you'd strain your eyes, get dizzy or give yourself a migraine. It could have set you back a few days."

Yuri nodded. "It's OK, I understand. So…where's all my stuff?"

"I've been keeping all your things in my hotel room. They're all very safe." Yuri sighed with relief. "Oh, and I've been updating your family and friends throughout your recovery too."

Yuri put his sandwich down and reached across the table. He covered Viktor's hand with his and gave it a squeeze. "Thank you for everything you've done, Viktor. I'm so very lucky to have you in my life."

Viktor blushed and almost melted on the spot.  _Wooooaaaaaahhhhh…Yuri's hand is soooooo warm!_

Yuri laughed at the Viktor-shaped puddle of goo on the chair before him. He resumed eating and the rest of the meal was shared in silence.

Once both men had finished their sandwich halves and coffee, Viktor's face suddenly became very serious. Yuri noticed the change immediately. "Viktor, what's wrong?"

Viktor cleared his throat. "Yuri, I'm going to need to ask you some questions about what you can remember, OK?" Yuri nodded slowly. "If they become too uncomfortable for you or cause you any kind of pain or dizziness, please tell me right away and I'll stop."

Yuri took a deep breath. "I'm ready."

"What's the last memory you have before your…accident?"

Yuri thought on it for a bit before answering. "I remember winning a silver medal at the Grand Prix. The Russian Yuri got the gold and Jean-Jacques got the bronze."

"That's good. So your memory stops at the medaling ceremony?"

"Yeah. I've tried many times to remember things past that point…but I keep coming up blank."

"So you remember what happened in Sochi last year?"

Yuri sighed and looked absolutely miserable. "How could I ever forget? It was the most humiliating day of my life."

"I've always wondered, Yuri. What happened to cause that? Did you just buckle under all the pressure?"

Yuri sighed sadly and cast his eyes down at the table. "The night of the short program, my parents called and told me that my dog had just died."

Viktor gasped and covered his mouth with his hand. "Oh, Yuri…I am SO sorry."

Yuri could feel the tears threatening to fall and took a few deep breaths to calm himself. "I felt so guilty. I left Vi-Chan with my parents when I went to Detroit. I hadn't seen him in five years. Then…he was gone and I didn't even get to say goodbye."

"Your dog's name was Vi-Chan? Is that some Japanese dog-naming system or something?"

Yuri had to laugh a bit at that one. "His name was Viktor. We called him Vi-Chan as a term of endearment."

Viktor coughed and sputtered a few times before clearing his throat.  _He named his DOG after me?_  "Ahhh, I see. Well, as a fellow Viktor, I must commend you on your good taste in name choices."

Yuri gave him a strange look. "I couldn't actually tell you why I called him that. Seems like kind of a weird name for a dog."

Viktor smiled.  _If only you knew…_  "So who's the coach behind your silver-medal success?"

"Celestino Cialdini."

Viktor felt like he had just been sucker-punched in the gut. He had not been prepared for how much it would hurt him to hear that answer.

Viktor stared at the table dejectedly. "I see."

Yuri looked over at Viktor, surprised by his abrupt change in demeanor. The man had literally deflated before his very eyes. "Viktor…?"

Viktor continued looking down at the table. "How did you choose the music? Where did you train? Who choreographed it?"

Yuri found himself suddenly overwhelmed by the rapid-fire questions. "I…in..it was…" Yuri balled his hands into fists and pounded them against his forehead. "Gaahhhh! Why can't I remember?!"

Viktor snapped out of his pity-party when he heard Yuri's anguished scream. He reached over and grabbed Yuri's fists and pulled them away from the younger man's face. "Shhh…shhhh. It's OK Yuri. I'm sorry, I pushed you too hard." He stood up and pulled Yuri up with him. He took Yuri into his arms and held him. He cradled Yuri's head against his left shoulder and gently stroked his hair. "Shhh…I'm here for you." Yuri wrapped his arms around Viktor's waist and held on for dear life.


	14. The First Truth

Yuri was being overrun by a raging torrent of thoughts and feelings. He felt disoriented, helpless and quite bitter about his accursed memory loss. It was all just so incredibly unsettling. When Viktor had asked him who his coach was, he had been able to answer without any hesitation. But the other questions had totally stumped him.  _If Celestino is my coach…certainly I would have a ton of memories relating to our journey to the Grand Prix. They should be the easiest things to recall!_  And then, there was the face Viktor had made when he had mentioned Celestino's name. He swore he'd seen a flicker of pain there before the man had looked away. If there was one thing Yuri had noticed this past week was that his memory loss seemed to be intimately connected to Viktor somehow.  _Could it be? Could he…?_  It was then that Yuri became aware of being held against something hard and warm.  _Ah, that's right…Viktor took me into his arms during my meltdown earlier._  He closed his eyes as he felt the soothing strokes to his hair.  _I never thought I'd enjoy my hair being touched. I've never really let anyone get this close to me before._  Yuri sighed contently as he breathed in Viktor's scent. The man always seemed to smell so damn fantastic. He nuzzled closer and gripped fistfuls of Viktor's sweater as he tightened his embrace around the man's waist.

Viktor heard Yuri's sigh and felt the subsequent nestling against his chest.  _Oh, ooh, oooh…this is bad. If Yuri gets any cuter, I won't be able to hold back!_  As the younger man tightened his grip on him he almost groaned aloud.  _Yuri is going be the death of me!_ Viktor reluctantly stopped caressing Yuri's hair and placed his hands on the younger man's shoulders. "Yuri." He felt lips moving against his chest and heard muffled mumbling. His whole body tingled at the sensation.  _Вот дерьмо_ *! He had to get himself away from Yuri before he lost himself completely. He gently began to push himself away and wriggle free from the younger man's grip. Yuri held on tighter at first, but then finally loosened his hold on him. Viktor sighed with relief as he was finally able to put some distance between them. Then he made the mistake of looking down. The look on Yuri's face nearly wrecked him. Yuri's eyes were still closed, his hair was all messy and his cheeks were slightly flushed. Viktor's gaze honed in on the younger man's upturned lips and he cursed himself inwardly.

He had spent more time in close physical contact with Yuri in the last week than he had in all of the recent 8 months as his coach put together. He had tried, and failed, so many times to get Yuri to open up to his touch. But Yuri had always managed to keep him at arm's length. They'd shared hugs and a few other affectionate gestures, but Viktor always felt that there was still a wall Yuri was keeping up between them. As if he couldn't  _allow_  himself to be loved. Even the kiss at the Cup of China had been mostly one-sided on his part. And now…Yuri was right in front of him, without a single defense in sight…and he couldn't bring himself to take advantage of the situation. It just didn't feel right. "Yuri." He gave the younger man a gentle shake of the shoulders. Open your eyes, Yuri."

Yuri opened his eyes and blinked a few times as he looked up at Viktor. He stepped away and bowed curtly in his direction. "Sorry to have troubled you. I guess I just got carried away." Yuri turned away from him and went to sit back down at the table. Viktor stood there, unsure of what to do. He felt like he had just been given the cold shoulder.

Yuri spoke without looking at Viktor. "I want you to answer the next question with absolute honesty."

Viktor was a bit surprised by the seriousness of Yuri's tone. "Uhh, sure thing."

Yuri looked at him then, determination written all over his face. "PROMISE ME."

Viktor waved his hands defensively in front of him. "Ok, OK! I promise."

Yuri relaxed visibly and took a deep breath. "Who is my coach, really?"

Viktor swallowed hard as his mouth went dry.  _Was this really the best time to be doing this? What if Yuri can't accept it? What if he has another breakdown?_  "Yuri, are you sure you want to do this right now?"

"You promised."

Viktor sighed and ran his hand roughly through his hair. "OK, give me a minute to set this up." Viktor checked his watch. It was just before 10 am in Barcelona, so that meant that it was just before 4 pm in Bangkok.  _They should be in practice if my guess is correct_. He took out his phone and sent out the FaceTime request.

Yuri looked on in confusion.  _What the hell is Viktor doing? All he had to do was answer my question! Why does he have his phone out?_

Viktor waited and waited to Phichit to pick up on the other end. He was just about to give up when a sweaty and breathless Thai figure skater popped up on the video feed.

"Hi Viktor!  _Sawadee krap_ *!" Phichit wiped the sweat off his brow with a gloved hand. "Sorry it took so long to pick up, we're in the middle of practice!"

Yuri perked up at the familiar voice.  _Viktor and Phichit know each other?_

"Sawadee krap Phichit! Sorry to bother you, but it's very important."

Phichit's face showed immediate worry. "Is everything OK with Yuri?"

"Yes, Phichit…Yuri is just fine. I just have a small favor to ask."

Yuri's eyes nearly bugged out of his head.  _They know each other to the point of discussing my well-being freely with one another?!_

"Sure. I'll do what I can. What do you need?"

"Is Celestino available right now?"

Yuri's mouth dropped open as Viktor spoke that name.  _WHAT?! He knows Celestino too?!_

Phichit gave Viktor a strange look. "I think so, I can go ask him. What's this about?"

Viktor smiled warmly at Phichit "I'm trying to clear something up for Yuri. Will you help me?"

The Thai skater's eyes widened in sudden understanding. "You got it. Hold on tight!" The video on Phichit's side shook and blurred a bit as the young man skated around with his phone in hand. The phone was handed off and soon Celestino's face appeared on the video feed.

"Viktor! Ciao ciao*!"

"Celestino! Hiiiiii!" Viktor waved to the man on the other side. "Sorry to disrupt your practice, I just need to check some information with you." Viktor put the conversation on speakerphone.

Celestino nodded. "Sure, what do you need to know?"

What happened between you and Yuri after Sochi?"

Yuri bolted upright from his chair.

Celestino looked downright confused. "You  _know_  what happened. Why are you asking me about this so suddenly?"

"Ah, sorry Celestino…but there's someone here that just really needs to hear it. Please humor me for a bit. I'll buy you a bottle of your favorite champagne next time we meet!"

Celestino stared silently at Viktor for a few seconds before nodding his agreement. "Bene*. I accept." He cleared his throat and continued. "After the disappointment in Sochi, Yuri was unable to recover in time and bombed Japanese Nationals. Shortly after that, he let me go as his coach and returned to his family in Hasetsu."

Viktor continued. "Who became Yuri's coach after you?"

Celestino scratched his chin, still unsure of where Viktor was going with this line of questioning. "He got really depressed and didn't skate professionally for about 4 months. During that time he didn't have a coach at all. Then in April of this year YOU showed up at his family's onsen and straight up  _told_  him you were going to be his coach from then on."

Viktor snuck a quick glance over a Yuri to make sure he hadn't fainted or anything. He saw Yuri just standing there, mouth open and looking thoroughly flabbergasted. He breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks so much, Celestino. That's all I needed. Could you please put Phichit back on?" Viktor turned off the speakerphone.

"Sure thing." The phone was handed back to the Thai skater.

"Viktor, are you sure everything is ok? I think Celestino is wondering if you've lost your mind or something."

Viktor laughed. "He  _would_  think that! Thanks so much for your help today, Phichit! I'll message you later with some more details, I promise."

Phichit nodded his acknowledgment slowly. "I'll hold you to that! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to practice! Bye, bye!"

"Bye bye, Phichit!" Viktor closed the app and turned to face Yuri. He was still standing there with his mouth hanging wide open.

Viktor approached him slowly. "Yuri, are you alright?"

Yuri seemed to finally snap out of the trance and looked up at him. He raised his right arm and pointed his index finger right at him. "Viktor."

"Yes, Yuri?"

"You…"

Viktor braced himself for whatever was coming next. He would take anything Yuri threw at him. He  _would_  survive the barrage.

"You can skate?!"

And just like that, Viktor was KO'd by Yuri's one-two punch. The shock knocked him flat onto his rear before it tossed him listlessly onto his back. He was down for the count.

"Viktor!" Yuri scrambled over to Viktor's prone body.  _Ahhhh! What have I done? I think I broke Viktor!_ Yuri stood there, inwardly panicking for a few seconds until he saw Viktor open his eyes. He leaned over until he was looking down at Viktor's face. "Vi-Viktor?"

Viktor sat up slowly, temporarily looking like some kind of zombie rising from the dead. Yuri took a few steps back.

Viktor stared straight ahead as he mumbled to himself. "I shall learn from this crushing defeat and make all the necessary changes to the Yuri-defense strategy." He stood up and dusted himself off before turning to face Yuri once more. "You were saying?"

Yuri squirmed uncomfortably as he spoke. "I… ** _*ahem*_** …believe I…uh…wanted to know if you could  ** _*ahem*_** …skate."

Viktor winked at the younger man and smiled his most devastatingly dashing smile. "You could say that I know a thing or two about it! I wouldn't be your coach if I didn't, right?"

Yuri practically melted under the brightness of Viktor's smile. He nodded at the taller man and smiled weakly. "Yeah, I suppose you're right." Yuri sighed and rubbed his temples. "I need to sit down."

Viktor was by his side in an instant. He wrapped an arm around Yuri's waist and walked him back to the table. "Do you need anything? A glass of water, maybe?"

Yuri shook his head. "No thanks, I'm good. I just have a lot of information to process right now." Viktor dipped his head in understanding. "Could you…please just sit with me for a bit while I try to process it all?"

Viktor reached over and patted Yuri's shoulder. "Take as long as you like. Just gimme a minute to go grab a book and I'll be right back." Yuri watched as Viktor walked over to the bookshelf and began his selection process. He turned away and stared out the window at the Barcelona winter. _Hmmm? Why do I feel like there should be some snow on the ground?_ Yuri shook his head to clear his thoughts.  _Well, now at least I know why Viktor was so hurt earlier. Taking into account what Celestino said, Viktor has been my coach for at least 8 months. That's a big chunk of time to suddenly disappear without a trace. Geez, how hard did I hit my head?_ He looked away from the window as he noticed that Viktor had returned to the table.

"Why did you call Phichit to talk to Celestino instead of telling me yourself?"

Viktor set his chosen book aside on the table and put both elbows on the table before bringing his hands up to his face. "I figured it was best for you to hear it from someone you actually remembered."

Yuri grit his teeth. "I'm sorry I hurt you earlier. I honestly thought Celestino was still my coach."

Viktor removed one hand from his face and used it to wave dismissively at Yuri. "It's OK. I know you can't really help it right now."

Yuri unleashed a drawn-out plaintive sigh. "I hate this. I really, really hate this. You know more about  _me_  than I do about  _you_." He pounded a clenched fist on the table. "You've done nothing but help me. And how do I thank you? By not even remembering something as important as you being my coach! I won my silver medal because of you for crying out loud!"

Viktor's heart ached as he watched Yuri's struggle. He reached an open hand across the table at the troubled man. Yuri looked down at the hand and seemed to hesitate. "Go ahead, Yuri. I'm not mad at you." Yuri's eyes shot up to meet Viktor's gaze. He was shocked that Viktor seemed to understand his feelings at that moment. He timidly placed his hand in Viktor's awaiting one. Viktor closed his bigger hand around Yuri's and gently held it there on the table.

"I know you feel incredibly frustrated right now and are impatient to recover your memories. But we have to take things one day and one revelation at a time. Trying to rush things could have some pretty dire consequences."

Yuri remained silent but gave Viktor's hand a gentle squeeze.

Viktor smiled. "I'm not going anywhere without you. I'll be with you every step of the way." Viktor winked at Yuri. "You're going to get so sick of me that you'll be wishing that you could forget me all over again."

Yuri growled as he reached across the table with his free hand and grabbed a hold of Viktor's nose. "THAT'S. NOT. FUNNY. VIKTOR." He pinched and twisted for emphasis on each syllable.

Viktor yelped in pain and surprise. When Yuri finally let go of his nose, he quickly covered it with his free hand. "Owwww, Yuri…that hurt!" Viktor's nose stung and his eyes were watering a bit.

"It did? Good! So did your comment!"

Viktor eep'd and sat up straighter. Yuri looked over at him very sternly. "Every time you make some reckless or callous comment without thinking, your nose is gonna pay the price! Got it?"

Viktor's eyes widened in awe as he nodded fervently. He was seeing a whole new assertive side of Yuri he didn't know was even possible for Yuri to have.  _Wooooowwww!_

Yuri let go of Viktor's hand and crossed his arms over his chest. "Hopefully you'll learn to start thinking about what you say  _before_  you say it." Yuri was feeling quite proud of himself.  _Ha! That'll teach him not to mess with me anymore!_  As he looked over at Viktor, he almost fell out his chair. The man had both hands clasped in front of his open mouth, eyes practically twinkling with delight.

_terminology_

Вот дерьмо (Vot der'mo) – Russian 'Oh shit!'

Sawadee krap -Thai 'Greetings/Hello' (for men. Women say 'Sawadee kaa')

Ciao - Italian 'Hello/Goodbye'

Bene – Italian 'fine'


	15. Freedom

Yuri was so nervous about going back into the physiotherapy room that he refused to eat lunch.

"I really don't want to risk throwing up in there again." He blushed fiercely as he recalled the last time he had been in that room. "If I don't eat anything, then there's nothing to bring back up. Breakfast should be long gone by then."

Viktor didn't push the matter and had said that he would be happy to wait to have lunch with Yuri till after it was all over.

The two men had decided to stay in the reading room and read quietly in each other's company until it was time for the appointment. Yuri had carried on with  _A Song of Ice and Fire_  and Viktor had picked out a random book based on the picture on the front. He had laughed to himself earlier when he had chosen that particular book. He had literally judged a book by its cover.

There were two loveseats about 1.5 meters apart arranged in an L-shape in the room. Each skater had claimed one as their own reading nook. Yuri had removed his hospital slippers and was sitting cross-legged on his chosen couch. Viktor had also removed his shoes, but was sitting on his own loveseat with his legs stretched out and his back against the armrest. His strategic position gave him the best vantage Yuri viewpoint. Viktor was only pretending to read the book. He was more interested in secretly watching Yuri read instead. Viktor loved observing the different facial expressions Yuri made as he worked his way through the story. Viktor had not had many chances to do seemingly mundane and non-skating related things with Yuri. He felt strangely comfortable and at peace sitting there in silence with him. He checked his watch and saw that it was almost time for Yuri's appointment.

"Yuri, it's time."

Yuri looked up from his book and nodded. He dog-eared the page he had stopped at and then removed his glasses. He put the book down on the loveseat and rubbed his bleary eyes. "I really hope this goes well. Ahhhh, I can almost taste the freedom!"

Viktor chuckled. "I don't see any reason why they'd need to keep you any longer. Your doctor told me earlier that he's absolutely astounded by your quick recovery."

Yuri put his glasses back on and stood up. He put the slippers back on and walked over to Viktor and waited for the man put his own shoes back on. Once finished, Viktor stood up and the two headed for the physiotherapy room.

A different physiotherapist was on duty that day so Yuri was spared the embarrassment of facing the one he had been dreading running into. As soon as he realized this, his demeanor immediately changed and he was much more relaxed.

Viktor sat off to the side as he watched the therapist run Yuri through his paces. Twenty minutes later, Yuri had his discharge papers. He looked so happy, you'd think he had just won the lottery or something. The papers just needed to be signed by Dr. Ramirez and then he was free to go. Viktor told Yuri to go ahead and take the forms to the nurse station and ask them to help him get the signatures he needed. He wanted to talk to the physiotherapist about post-concussion care and would meet him back in his hospital room. "OK, Viktor! See you back at my room in 10?" Viktor bobbed his head in agreement and waved to Yuri as he left the room.

Yuri practically skipped to the nurse's station. He was so excited to be finally getting out. He smiled brightly at the nurses as he asked them as politely as possible to help him get Dr. Ramirez's signature on his release forms. Nurse García recognized Yuri and personally took charge of his release forms. "Don't worry Mr. Katsuki, I'll make sure these get signed right away." He bowed to the woman out of habit and then shook her hand.

Yuri walked back to his room and noticed a familiar black backpack on his bed. He propped it up and opened it. He found it stuffed with his own clothes, a plastic bag containing black boots, and some toiletries. He pulled out a pair of blue jeans, a gray t-shirt, a black sweater, gray socks, and a charcoal gray winter coat. At the very bottom of the backpack, he found a pair of navy blue briefs. He blushed as he realized that Viktor had been the one who had packed the bag for him.  _I wonder why he chose the navy blue ones. Is that his favorite color?_

Yuri shrugged and stripped out of his hospital pajamas.

When Viktor finished speaking with the physiotherapist, he headed straight for Yuri's room. He stopped to look in through the small window before knocking. He saw Yuri getting ready to change into his street clothes and decided to wait and watch the show instead.

Once Yuri was finally dressed, he went into the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth. Just then, he heard a knock at the door.

Yuri had a mouthful of foamy toothpaste but still managed a garbled "Come in!" He stuck his head out of the bathroom to see Viktor walk into the room.

"Hey, you ready to go?"

Yuri signaled for Viktor to wait a minute and then disappeared back into the bathroom. He rinsed out his mouth, washed his toothbrush and dried both off on a nearby towel. He left the bathroom and checked the room over one last time in case he'd forgotten anything. He looked up at Viktor. "Ready. Do you know if the paperwork has been signed?"

"Yup! It's all at the nurse's station. Nurse García must have set a new world record for fastest release forms signing time!"

Yuri smiled. "Oh, is that her name? She obviously knew who I was, but I don't think she ever dealt with me personally."

"She helped me through some of the…shall we say…tougher times...this week."

Yuri sighed as he placed a hand on Viktor's arm. "Sorry, I know it must have been incredibly nerve-wracking for you."

Viktor shook his head as he covered Yuri's hand with his own. "No need to apologize. We both got through it in the end. Now, let's get to the nurse's station. They need both of our signatures as well."

_later_

Release papers in hand, they had made it all the way down to the main hospital exit when Yuri suddenly stopped in his tracks and turned to Viktor. "How cold is it outside right now?"

"It's about 8 degrees Celsius." Viktor turned to Yuri and winked. "This is considered perfect picnic weather in Russia."

Yuri looked at him like he had grown a few extra heads. "Viiiiiiiktooorrrrr. My ears and fingers are going to fall off out there!" He walked up to Viktor and grabbed onto the lapels of his long winter coat. Yuri shook the man as he lamented the impending loss of his digits and earlobes. "I need my fingers, Viiiiiktoooorrrr, they're important to meeeeee. Without ears, my glasses will fall offfff!" Yuri's eyes filled with tears.

Viktor smiled and patted the younger man gently on the head. "I wouldn't dream of allowing such tragedy to befall you, my dear Yuri. Check your coat pockets."

Yuri tearfully reached into his coat pockets. He pulled out a pair of black gloves from the left pocket and a black beanie from the right. He beamed a megawatt smile as he threw his arms around the man. "Viktor, you're the best! I lo-"

_***Grrrrrrrrrrrrooooowwwwwwwllllllll*** _

Yuri's cheeks flushed a bright pink as he tried to hide his face in Viktor's jacket. Viktor laughed as he patted Yuri soothingly on the back. "I knew it! You're starving, aren't you? You always get all weepy and vulnerable when you're really hungry."

Yuri let go of Viktor's jacket and stepped back.

"It's almost 2pm. We're  _way_  overdue for lunch."

Yuri looked up sheepishly at the taller man. "Does that mean we can go eat now?"

"Yes, Yuri. I have the perfect place in mind. How do you feel about Italian?"

Yuri nodded enthusiastically and the telltale drool made its presence known in its usual corner.

"Andiamo*!"

Two heaping plates of spaghetti later, the two men were ready to take on the world once more.

Yuri dabbed his mouth with the cloth napkin before folding it up and placing it on the table. "Hey, Viktor...I wanted to ask you something."

"What is it, Yuri?"

Yuri fidgeted a bit before he spoke. "Where do we go from here? What are our plans?"

"Well, prior to your unscheduled hospital visit, we had agreed that you'd move to St. Petersburg to train with me."

Yuri found himself quite a bit surprised by that. St. Petersburg? Why not Hasetsu? Wouldn't that be more convenient?"

Viktor took a deep calming breath. "Answering that question is going to require another revelation, and we've already reached our revelation quota for the day."

Yuri shook his head. "I'll be fine, Viktor. Please? I need to know so that I can understand."

Viktor sighed again as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. "We both made some big decisions recently. Training in St. Petersburg is a kind of compromise."

Yuri nodded thoughtfully. "What decision did  _you_  make?"

"YURI..." Viktor's voice was a low rumble.

"No way. C'mon, Viktor. You've already committed to telling me. Don't leave me out in the dark!"

Viktor sighed in exasperation for what seemed like the thousandth time. He paused briefly before he spoke.

"I made the decision to return to competitive skating for one or two more seasons."

Yuri slammed his palms on the table as he shot up from his seat. "Ehhhh?! Return to competitive skating? Aren't you like...30 or something?"

 _Th-thir-THIRTY?!_  The word echoed relentlessly in his brain. Viktor's color drained completely from his face as his eyes twitched and hands clenched and unclenched in the air. "Goodbye, cruel world..."

Yuri watched, aghast, as Viktor's soul attempted to leave his body. "No, no, no, no! I'm sorry, so sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry!" He reached across the table to shake Viktor's shoulders. "I don't remember, remember?" Viktor flopped back and forth like a dead fish. "Aaaahhhh! What do I do what do I do what do I dooooooo?" Yuri spotted some water in a nearby glass. He picked up the glass and threw the water in Viktor's face.

Viktor shook his head a few times and seemed to finally snap out of it. He reached for his cloth napkin and dried his face and hair.

Yuri stood and trembled in silence.

" _For the record_ , I'm currently  _ONLY_  twenty-seven years old." He fixed Yuri with a steely gaze. "And memory loss is  _not_  an excuse for rudeness."

Yuri's body stiffened as he clenched his fists at his sides. He bowed sharply to the man in front of him and held his position. "My deepest apologies, Mr. Nikiforov-sama! I humbly beg for your forgiveness!"

Viktor cringed when he heard himself being addressed by his last name plus the honorific.  _Crap. I let my hangups about my age get the best of me again._ Viktor stood up and cradled Yuri's face in his hands. He gently lifted the younger man's head until he standing up straight again and facing him. Yuri's eyes remained clamped shut.

"Yuri..."

Yuri flinched as he heard his name. "I accept your apology. I forgive you."

Yuri didn't budge. Viktor sighed. "I guess you leave me no choice..."

Yuri clenched his eyes tighter and trembled harder. Viktor removed his right hand from Yuri's face and flicked him in the middle of the forehead with his index finger.

Yuri's eyes immediately flew open. He stared, completely dumbfounded, at the man in front of him.

"Oh, good! You're still in there. Phew! Had me worried there for a bit when you went into uber Japanese apology mode."

Yuri carried on gawking at him.

Viktor stroked Yuri's face with the hand that was still cradling it. "Come on, let's get out of here. There's a really nice park I've been waiting all week to take you to."

Yuri nodded meekly. Viktor called a server over and gave him his credit card. Once the receipt was signed, he gathered their things, grabbed Yuri's hand and walked them out of the restaurant together.

As they waited for the pedestrian crossing light to turn green, Viktor turned to Yuri. "I'll tell you about the decision you made, too." Yuri finally raised his head to look at him.

"Let's go find a nice spot first. Then I'll tell you all about it."

Yuri finally spoke. "OK."

Viktor smiled kindly at the younger man as they walked, hand-in-hand, all the way to the park.

_terminology_

Andiamo - Italian 'Let's go'


	16. Plans for the Future

The last twenty-five minutes of Yuri's life had been a death-defying rollercoaster of emotions. First, he had insulted Viktor by assuming he was older than he really was. Then he had outdone himself by throwing water in the man's face. He had practically had a heart-attack when Viktor called him out on his tactlessness. He had gone into unchecked panic mode and apologized the only way he knew how. If the table hadn't been between them, he would have performed a dogeza*.

_**"I guess you leave me no choice…"** _

Yuri recalled the ultimate dread he had felt at those words. He figured that Viktor was most likely absolutely furious with him. He wasn't sure what he had expected to happen, but the sharp flick to his forehead had definitely not been it.  _That's…all?_  Sure, it had stung like crazy…but he had expected…something more...more...angry. Then he had seen Viktor standing there, looking tenderly back at him and stroking his face in absolute forgiveness.  _Why?_  Those sea-green eyes, seeming to hold  _so_  much more.  _Why?_  There wasn't a hint of anger on his face at  _all_.  _WHY?_  Then Viktor had grabbed hold of his hand, and Yuri's thoughts were finally made still. He had then kind of floated around in a fog for a bit, not really thinking about anything. Viktor had said something about taking him somewhere and he had nodded absentmindedly. Later, when Viktor had spoken to him, he had mindlessly agreed to something or other. All he could think about was the fact that he was holding hands with Viktor, and walking around like it was the most natural thing in the world. Yuri scanned the area, expecting to see the people around them reacting to them in some way. But no one seemed to notice nor care. He found himself really wishing that he hadn't been wearing gloves at the time. Suddenly, there was a slight tug on his hand. He looked over to see Viktor pointing to a park bench.  _Oh, that's right. Viktor said he wanted to take me to the park._

The two men sat down on the bench, their intertwined hands between them. Viktor made no move to let go and so neither did Yuri. The bench was facing a large pond that was full of swans and ducks, despite it being December. They sat in quiet peace for a few minutes, drinking in the serenity of the scene.

Viktor broke the silence "Before the Grand Prix final, you spoke of retiring if you won gold."

Yuri tried to process what Viktor had just told him. "What reason did I give you for saying  _that_?"

"You wanted to release me from my duties as your coach so that I could return to professional competitions."

Yuri's eyes widened as he stared down at the ground. He didn't  _want_  to ask the next question but realized that he  _had_  to know. "Was I…dissatisfied with you…as my coach?" Yuri closed his eyes, bracing himself for the answer.

"No. I think it was actually quite the opposite."

Yuri looked up at Viktor then. "That doesn't make any sense! If you're such a great coach, why would I want to let you go?"

Viktor smiled sadly at Yuri. "I think…you put me and my career ahead of yourself and your own."

"How did  _ **that**_  conversation go?"

Viktor let out an uncharacteristic snort. "It  _wasn't_  a conversation. You sat me down and pretty much told me what you had decided…for the both of us."

Yuri was horrified. "なんてことだ*! I did what?!"

Viktor couldn't help but laugh at Yuri's reaction. How different things had been just a short time ago. "You had your own reasons for doing what you did. But in the end, we both agreed to wait until the Grand Prix final results before making any decisions."

"You said earlier that you made the decision to return."

Viktor nodded. "I did."

"So what did  **I**  decide?"

Viktor used his index finger to tap Yuri on his nose. "Did you already forget what you asked me earlier about our future plans?"

Yuri gasped. He covered his mouth with his free hand as he stared at Viktor in disbelief. A few seconds later, he put his hand down on his lap before turning his whole body toward Viktor. "You get to compete again, I get to keep you as my coach AND we get to move to St. Petersburg?!" Yuri's eyes glazed over as he stared blankly into space. "Is this real life?"

Viktor's ears perked up at Yuri's choice of words.  _ **"…we get to move to St. Petersburg…"**_  His own eyes glazed over as he stared blankly into space.  _ **"..we.."**_

Still holding hands, both men sat motionless on the park bench, their eyes twinkling with delight, and with blissfully stupefied looks on their faces.

Once the two men had sufficiently recovered from their daydreaming, they began making plans in earnest. Viktor used his phone to check flights from Barcelona to St. Petersburg. He found a few decent options with only one stop, and with departures in the evening of the following day. Viktor stopped himself from booking one on the spot. He had to double-check something with Yuri first.

"Yuri, are you sure you don't want to stop off in Hasetsu to see your family first? They've been so worried about you."

Yuri shook his head. "They're used to me being away from home. You've been updating them about my condition, right?" Viktor nodded. "So then they already know that I am out of the hospital and doing just fine. I need to get myself ready for Japanese Nationals."

Viktor facepalmed. "Ahhh, Yuri…I have some bad news. Japanese Nationals start in two days."

Yuri's jaw dropped to the ground. "WHAT?! How the hell are we gonna make it in time?"

Viktor put his hand on Yuri's shoulder. "We're not. I have already notified the JSF that you won't be able to make it. You're still technically recovering from your injuries."

Yuri sighed in disappointment and pouted at Viktor. "I had really hoped to redeem myself at Nationals this year. I bombed them  _so_  hard last year." As Yuri lamented his situation, he suddenly remembered something. "Viktor…what about Russian Nationals?"

Viktor shook his head. "I missed the registration deadline, so I won't be competing in them this year. If I'm lucky, team Russia might be able to squeeze me in for the European Championships."

Yuri placed a finger on his chin. "Hmmm. When are the European Championships this time around? If I recall correctly, they're usually at the end of January."

"That's right, January 25th to the 29th."

"Will you be able to throw together two whole new programs between now and then? Viktor, it's going to be 9 months since you last skated professionally. How the hell are you going to pull this off?"

Viktor ran his fingers through his hair and pulled his hand away with a flourish before flashing Yuri one his heart-melting smiles. "You have nothing to worry about, Yuri! You haven't even seen me skate yet!"

Yuri looked the taller man over skeptically. "If you say so..."

"I DO say so. Now, how about we get back to the hotel? I need to get my belongings in order and make some final arrangements."

Yuri nodded and the two men left the park.

Yuri gawked at the hotel Viktor had chosen to stay at. "This...this is so fancy! I'd never be able to afford staying at a hotel like this on my own."

"I mostly chose it due to its location. It's only a five-minute walk from the hospital."

They took the elevator up to the 8th floor and walked over to room 816. Once at the door, Viktor suddenly came to a stop, put a hand on his hip and tilted his head playfully at Yuri.

"Is...something wrong?" Yuri asked nervously.

"I'm going to need my hand back now if you please."

Yuri looked down and noticed that he was, indeed, holding Viktor's hand. He blushed a bright red before letting go, taking a step backward, and waving his arms frantically in front of him. "Ahhh! Sorry! I forgot that I still had it!"

Viktor chuckled.  _Yuri is so cute when he's flustered!_  He took the room key card out of his pocket and opened the door.

The first thing Yuri noticed was how opulent the room was. The second, and most pressing thing he noticed, was that there was only  _one_  bed in the room.

He tried to remain calm. Ohmygod...Viktor...me...one bed...ohmygod! He was two seconds away from short-circuiting when Viktor spoke.

"Your phone is plugged in by the nightstand. You have a lot of messages from your family and friends. I bet they're super anxious to hear from you. I'll get our flights to St. Petersburg booked. Any preference for flight times?"

Yuri breathed a sigh of relief. His tension had instantly dissolved once he'd been given a task to focus on instead. "Not really, any time is fine."

Viktor nodded and the two men were left to their own devices.

Viktor booked a flight that had a manageable 3-hour layover in Frankfurt. The first flight would be just over 2 hours and the second would be just under 3 hours. Once the two business class tickets were secured, he then messaged Yakov about a potential airport pickup. Next on his mental checklist was the professional house-sitting services he always used. He asked them to prepare the house for his arrival and to stock the fridge and cupboards up with the usual. He then messaged Minako sensei about getting Makkachin ready for a flight to St. Petersburg. He would message her again once all the arrangements were finalized. He just needed someone to drop him off at the airport.

Viktor looked over at Yuri and saw the younger man furiously texting away. He was probably going to want to FaceTime his family soon, and would most likely appreciate some privacy.

"Yuri, I'm stepping out for a bit. I'll pick us up something up for dinner while you and your family catch up."

Yuri looked up from his phone and nodded.

"Your luggage is in the closet. Feel free to take a shower and get comfortable."

"Thanks Viktor, I will!"

After Viktor grabbed his coat and left, Yuri got right down to business. First, he called his parents. He apologized for having called them so late, but that he hadn't wanted to keep them waiting another day to hear from him. He also reassured them that, despite his poor judgment that fateful night, he was just fine and was recovering like a pro. He told them that Viktor had decided to return to competition while also staying on as his coach. So to make things more convenient, he would be moving to St. Petersburg until further notice. He promised that he would be back to visit them as soon as he could. He had similar conversations with his sister Mari and Minako sensei.

Feeling rather exhausted and emotionally drained from the exchanges, Yuri flopped backward onto the bed and sighed contentedly at how soft it was. He was about to reach the point of maximum relaxation when he was hit with the image of Viktor in the same bed next to him. "Eep!" He vaulted off the bed as if it were on fire. Having just sabotaged his own chance at repose, Yuri decided on a hot shower instead. He pulled his luggage out from the closet and found the t-shirt and pair of jogging pants he liked to sleep in. He found the box with his silver medal in it and opened it. He admired the medal's details and contours but found himself not really connected to it emotionally.  _Shouldn't I be feeling something? Anything? I'm looking at a Grand Prix silver medal like it's just another piece of_ _metal. What the hell happened to me?_  Yuri sighed and put the box back in his luggage.

He stepped into the spacious, well-lit bathroom and spotted two super fluffy bathrobes hanging on the door. He grabbed a handful of the sleeve and brought it up to his face.  _Whhhoooaaaahhh! It's so soft! It smells so clean! How has this level of softness been achieved?!_  Tearing himself away from the bathrobe of paradise, Yuri turned on the water and then rummaged through the basket of complimentary toiletries before finally finding a shower cap. He had to wait about 3 more days before getting his stitches out, so he still had to be careful about getting his head wet. As he was about to open the package, he noticed the detachable showerhead and an idea struck him. He stripped all his clothes off and pulled the shower head off its mount. He tilted his head forward over the tub and gently wet the hair at the top of his head. He set the shower head down at the bottom of the tub and reached for the shampoo. As he massaged the shampoo in his scalp, he moaned at the sensation of it.  _I'm never going to take something as simple as being able to wash my hair properly for granted ever again!_ Yuri picked the shower head back up and once again tilted his head over the tub. Once he was all done, he grabbed one of the smaller towels and soaked up as much water as he could. He then grabbed a fresh towel and wrapped it around his head like a turban. He put the shower head back and stepped into the tub to finish out his shower normally.

Once Yuri was all snug and warm in what could definitely be described as the world's best bathrobe, he stepped back out into the room.  _Hmm, I guess Viktor isn't back yet._  He eyed the bed nervously before deciding to sit in the armchair instead. As he sank down into it, he felt the chair practically conform to his shape.  _Is everything in this hotel designed to be the most comfortable thing ever?_  Yuri nestled into the chair as he sighed in pleasure. He was clean, warm and comfortable. He closed his eyes to savor the moment and was soon fast asleep.

_terminology_

dogeza - is an element of Japanese etiquette which involves kneeling directly on the ground and bowing to prostrate oneself while touching one's head to the floor.

なんてことだ  _– Nante kotoda_  'Oh my gosh/god'


	17. Confrontations

Viktor wandered around aimlessly for the first 20 minutes he was outside. He kept looking at the hand he'd used to lead Yuri out of the restaurant earlier.  _How did it get to be so comfortable and natural between us? Yuri didn't even try pulling away. Not once. Even though I knew he was somewhat worried about it, the way he was looking nervously at the people around him. I let it go on, just to see how far it would go. I never expected it to go on for as long as it did._  Viktor brought his two hands into his chest and held himself tight.

_I fell in love with the Yuri who idolizes me and was too scared to even approach me, but I'm also falling in love with this Yuri who is so free with himself because he doesn't remember how to be around me. Is it wrong that I'm feeling this way? Am I dishonoring my feelings for him? Yuri is Yuri after all, right?_

Viktor stopped and ran his hand through his hair.  _This must be some kind of divine punishment for what I did to Yuri. The gods must be having one hell of a good laugh at my expense._  He checked his watch and estimated that he'd given Yuri enough time to sort out his affairs. He stopped by the familiar restaurant near the hotel and ordered a large Greek salad, a large fruit salad, and some roasted chicken breasts. They both needed something lighter and healthier after the big spaghetti meal earlier. Viktor checked his phone while he waited for the food and saw that Yakov had messaged him back about picking them up at the airport. He wrote that he'd pick them up at the main gate at midnight. His house-sitting contact had confirmed his request, and all seemed to be in order. He stood up when his number was called, picked up his food, and returned to the hotel.

Viktor messaged Yuri to let him know that he was on his way back but did not receive a reply. When he opened the door, he immediately saw why. Yuri was passed out on the armchair. Viktor set the food down on the counter and removed his shoes and coat. He hung up his coat in the closet and approached Yuri's unconscious form.  _He looks so peaceful._   _I hate to do this to him, but it's too early to go to sleep. He needs to eat, too._  Viktor gently placed a hand on Yuri's shoulder and gave him a few gentle nudges. Yuri slowly opened his eyes and saw Viktor standing in front of him.

"Ehh? Viktor? What time is it? Is it morning already?"

"No, it's only late evening. You dozed off for a short while." Viktor reached for Yuri's sleeve and rubbed the fabric between his fingers. "This bathrobe is pretty magical, isn't it?"

Yuri rubbed his eyes and yawned. "No kidding. I'd love to get my hands on one for myself." He sniffed the air. "What did you bring? It smells amazing."

Viktor winked at Yuri. "Come sit at the table and you'll find out."

Once they had both finished their meal, they decided to watch a movie to pass the time. Viktor sat in bed and Yuri was back in the armchair. Viktor figured Yuri just really liked the chair so he didn't question it. Halfway through the movie, Viktor could tell that Yuri was struggling to stay awake, but stubbornly refusing to fall asleep.

"Yuri, come to bed."

Yuri jerked his head up at the sound of his name and shook his head vehemently. "N-n-no thank you. I'll s-s-sleep in the chair tonight."

"Yuri, that's ridiculous. There's tons of space here for you and the bed is one hundred times more comfortable than the chair!"

But Yuri wouldn't budge. Viktor sighed. "OK. I'm going to take my shower now. Goodnight, Yuri."

Yuri waited for Viktor to disappear into the bathroom before he slipped off the bathrobe and changed into his sleepwear. He sat back in the armchair and was soon fast asleep.

Once Viktor was done with his shower, he stepped back out into the room. As expected, Yuri was already asleep.  _Perfect!_  He quickly grabbed his black duffel bag out of his suitcase and packed it with all the necessary items they would need on their surprise day trip tomorrow. Viktor had requested a rental car at the concierge earlier and it would be waiting for them at the hotel tomorrow morning.

Viktor walked over to Yuri and poked him a few times to check how deeply he was sleeping. No response. With a mischievous glint in his eye, he gently picked Yuri up and placed him on the bed _. He'll be mad at me at first, but then he'll thank me later when he's not a sore wreck for our flights tomorrow._ Viktor turned off the lights, removed his bathrobe, and settled in under the covers next to Yuri. Soon, he was asleep as well.

Yuri was asleep on his right side, tucked into a pleasantly warm and cozy ball. So when he heard the alarm going off, he didn't want to acknowledge it.  _When did I get a blanket?_  He snuggled deeper into the warmth.

"Yuri."

He felt a puff of wind at the top of his head. Then gentle laughter.

"Yuuuurrrrri"

He reluctantly opened his eyes. He had been expecting to get an eyeful of the room, but instead got an eyeful of creamy pale expanse.  _Huh? What is this? I can't see without my glasses._  He reached out and touched it with his fingers. Something moved under the covers in front of him.

"Ahhhh! Yuri, that tickles!"

Yuri was suddenly very much awake. He sat straight up and noticed that he was in bed and not on the armchair.  _How the hell did I get here?_  Then he looked down at the bed and noticed a very, very naked Viktor laying there.

"Hiiiiiiiii Yuri!"

Yuri's nose exploded in a gush of blood and he fell backward off the bed. As he lay twitching on the floor, Viktor's face peered at him from the edge of the bed.

"Now's not the time to play, Yuri. We need to get dressed, pack up and then go eat breakfast. I have something very special planned for us this morning."

Yuri's face remained a fierce shade of red right through breakfast. As much as Viktor found it absolutely adorable, he figured he should probably do something before Yuri's extremities started suffering from lack of blood.

"Yuri, we've shared the same bed before. There's no need to be embarrassed."  _Well, it was only once, and I had clothes on at the time…but it still counts!_ "I picked you up and put you there myself last night. You already have a hard time getting enough rest on flights. I didn't want you to start the journey with a crick in your neck."

After Yuri's face had finally returned to a more natural color, Viktor grabbed the duffel bag he'd packed the night before, and along with all his gear, ushered Yuri and his own luggage to the hotel exit.

Yuri stared curiously at the duffel bag. "What's in the bag?"

Viktor smiled furtively at Yuri. "Stuff."

Yuri furrowed his eyebrows and sighed. "That's not telling me much. Where are we going?"

Viktor's impish smile grew larger. "Somewhere."

Yuri growled in frustration. "You're not going to tell me anything, are you?"

"Nooooooope. Just hop in and enjoy the ride."

"Hop…in…?" Yuri shot Viktor a perplexed look.

Viktor pointed to a red car stopped in front of the hotel. "Our chariot awaits."

A man came out of the vehicle and approached Viktor. "Are you Mr. Nikiforov?"

Viktor nodded. "I am."

"Please sign this insurance form and I'll hand the keys over to you."

Viktor signed the form. Yuri watched the exchange between the two men silently.

"Here you go, Mr. Nikiforov. Thank you for renting with us. You may drop the keys off at our airport kiosk before your flight this afternoon."

Viktor thanked the man as he took the keys from him. He opened the trunk and all their luggage was placed inside. He motioned for Yuri to get in the car as he did the same. Soon, they were on their way.

The two skaters sat in relaxed silence for most of the 1-hour car ride. Yuri was content to just watch the scenery as it zoomed by. Spain was quite beautiful, even in the winter. Yuri sat up straighter when he noticed that their onboard GPS was telling them to make a right turn. He looked up to see if he could spot where they were going. He saw a building that looked suspiciously familiar.

Yuri looked over excitedly at Viktor. "Is that a…?"

"…skating rink? It sure is! I've booked it for just the two of us all morning."

Yuri was suddenly so ecstatic that he could hardly sit still. "Why did we come so far out of Barcelona though? There are at least three skating rinks in the immediate city."

Viktor parked the car and turned off the ignition. "We'd be too conspicuous inside the city. I'm still trying to play keep-away with the media. They'd jump down your throat in a heartbeat if they knew where you were, Yuri."

Yuri seemed taken aback by what Viktor had just told him. "I hadn't really thought about it before, but now that you mention it…I haven't been hounded by any media at all."

Viktor nodded. "You've got quite a few guardian angels looking out for you, Yuri. They've been helping me keep the media off your back until you're ready and able to deal with them."

Yuri was touched. He hadn't realized just how much Viktor had been doing for him. He looked over at Viktor and his eyes softened. "Thank you, Viktor, for everything."

Viktor blushed and cleared his throat. "Well, let's get started, shall we?"

Viktor led the way as they walked into the building. To their immediate left was a reception desk being manned by a lone employee. He went over how to connect his iPhone to the sound system and was shown the basic facilities. It was a small rink, but it was big enough to suit their purposes. The best part was its location in a small town outside of Barcelona.

Viktor handed Yuri a small case with his contact lenses in it and pointed him in the direction of the men's bathroom. While Yuri was in the bathroom, Viktor filled up the water bottle he'd brought.

The two men then got changed and went to put their skates on. A flash of gold caught Yuri's attention and he stopped to stare fixedly at Viktor's golden blades. Viktor registered that Yuri had stopped moving and looked over at him.

He followed Yuri's line of sight and saw that he was looking at his skates. "Is something wrong?"

Yuri couldn't tear his eyes away from Viktor's golden blades. "I'm...not...sure. My brain feels like...it's tingling."

"Tingling? Have you felt that before? Is it painful?"

"No, this is the first time. It's not really painful...but more like an itch I really want to scratch...but can't get to because it's deep in my brain." Yuri scratched his head as he continued to stare at the blades. "Like a fuzzy thought or details of a fading dream."

 _I wonder if that's how he reacts to a memory stimulus. Dr. Ramirez said it's a bit different for each person._  Viktor placed a hand on Yuri's shoulder.

"Think you'll be OK to skate?"

Yuri nodded. "Mhm. Yeah, I'm good."

The two men finished lacing up their skates and then warmed up next to each other. As Yuri was about to step out onto the ice, Viktor held out his arm and stopped him. "What are the names of your short program and free skate?"

Yuri looked up at Viktor. "On love: Eros and Yuri on Ice."

Viktor's relief was palpable. "Thank goodness you remember their names. Now, let's see if your body remembers the moves that go along with them."

Viktor paired his iPhone to the sound system and then turned to Yuri. "Take your time getting reacquainted with your skates and the ice, don't rush. I'll go out there and skate a bit with you until you're ready."

Yuri's body tingled with anticipation. He felt the familiar chill of the ice around him and took a deep breath. He nodded to Viktor and stepped out onto the ice. Yuri relished the feel of the ice beneath his blades. It was very intimate and reassuring. He closed his eyes and allowed the elation to take over. Viktor skated up next to him and the two of them went through some basic warmup exercises. After Yuri had worked up a bit of a sweat, he stopped to drink some water.

Viktor held out his hand for the water bottle. "How do you feel?"

"I feel good. I'm not dizzy at all."

"Are you ready for the short program?"

"Yeah. Let's do this."

"Just go through the movements. No spins and absolutely no jumps. Got it?"

Yuri brought his hand up to his forehead in a mock salute. "Yes, Viktor Kōchi."

Viktor waited for Yuri to take his position and then pushed play. The sounds of Eros flooded the rink's speakers. He watched critically as Yuri went over the program from beginning to end. Technically speaking, Yuri was right on point. But the movements themselves were flat and without any feeling behind them. _Well, I guess when he lost his memories of me, he lost the connection between his feelings for me and the song. ***SIGH*.**  We might end up having to go back to katsudon for a while._

Yuri skated back to Viktor and was greeted with a pat on the back.

"That was really good, you nailed it. Before the end of next week, we'll have you doing the whole thing… _with_  all the bells and whistles."

"It just feels really good to be back on the ice."

Viktor nodded and handed Yuri his iPod. "When I take my position, I want you to push play. It's  _my_  turn to skate."

Yuri was left with his mouth hanging wide open. "Viktor is going to skate  _my_  program? This I  _have_  to see."

Viktor winked in his direction. "Don't take your eyes off me, Yuri."

Yuri blushed lightly and nodded.

As the music began to play, Yuri watched an exceptional change take place. An ordinary man seemingly morphed into an ethereal creature right before his eyes. Viktor commanded the ice as if he had been born for it. Yuri was utterly captivated and bewitched by the man on the ice. Eros positively spilled forth from his every pore and drenched the ice.  _やばいな_ _*! He wasn't kidding when he said he could skate._  Yuri felt like a borderline voyeur as he watched Viktor's sultry movements. As he looked on in awe, he found himself feeling incredibly aroused.  _Is it wrong to think…to hope, even…that maybe…he's skating just for **me**  right now?_

As Viktor stepped off the ice, Yuri launched himself at him and wrapped his arms around his neck. "That was AMAZING! I've never seen anything like it! Teach me how to skate Eros like  **that**!"

"Ah, thanks…Yuri." As Viktor caught his breath, he grabbed Yuri's arms and pulled them off his neck. He averted his gaze as he stepped away from the younger man before turning and reaching for the water bottle." He missed the look of pain that crossed Yuri's eyes. He didn't see the dark expression that replaced the previously happy one.

When Viktor turned back around, he saw that something was off with Yuri.  _Is he worried that he won't be able to get his Eros back in time for Four Continents? I should say something._ Viktor reached for Yuri's shoulder. "Don't worry, you'll…"

***SLAP***

Viktor stumbled backward as Yuri's hand made contact with his own. First, he looked down at his hand in disbelief. As if doubting that the stinging sensation he felt was real. Then he looked at Yuri. He had his head tilted downward and his eyes were obscured by his hair. All he could make out were Yuri's clenched teeth and trembling mouth.

"Y-Yuri?"

Yuri turned wordlessly on his heel and stormed off. Viktor slipped on his blade guards and followed after him. Having long legs helped him close the distance between them, so when Yuri turned into the men's locker room he was right behind him.

"Yuri, what's wrong?"

Yuri turned around but still did not look up. "Neh, Viktor. Do you get some sick pleasure out of making me suffer?"

Viktor stood facing Yuri as he rubbed his hand.  _What in the world has gotten into him so suddenly? We only went over the program once, I didn't think I'd pushed him_ ** _that_** _hard._

"Suddenly speechless?" Yuri snorted disdainfully. "That's a first."

"Yuri, what are you going on about?"

Yuri's voice was low and steady as he spoke. "You hold me, touch me, tease me and even let me hold your hand. You look at me with these eyes that make me question everything I've ever known." Tears began streaming down Yuri's face. "You make me feel all these confusing  _things_  for you and put me in conflict with myself. And...and...then..." Yuri looked up at him then, eyes full of hurt and overflowing with tears. "...then you just push me away!" Yuri wiped his eyes with the back of his hands. "You push me away like it's some kind of game to you!"

A gut-wrenching sob escaped Viktor's mouth as he finally clued into what he'd done. "Oh, Yuri...How do I keep so royally messing things up between us?!" Viktor looked up at Yuri before him, tears also streaming down his face. "All I wanted to do was protect you. I..."

"Protect me by making me feel  _worthless_? By toying with my emotions as if they were nothing to you? How  _noble_  of you." Yuri practically choked out the last four words.

"NO!" Viktor went to take a step toward Yuri but stopped when he saw the younger man back further away from him. "I didn't want to..." Viktor averted his eyes. "I didn't want to take advantage of you."

Yuri harshly ruffled his hair with both hands. "Take advantage of me? What the hell are you talking about? Are you trying to turn this back on  _me_  somehow?"

"No, I'm not. But the fact is, you don't have any of your old memories of me." Came the sad reply.

"Yeah, I got that. We established that day one at the hospital, remember?" Yuri's voice was heavy with sarcasm.

"You also don't remember your...feelings for me." Viktor spoke so softly that it was barely just above a whisper. "But I still have all of  _mine_."

Yuri listened in stunned silence.

"I didn't want to force you into anything. I didn't want you to...do anything...with someone who was practically a stranger to you." Viktor expelled a shaky breath. "So I pushed you away and kept you at a distance...for your sake...and mine."

Nothing was said for a while as Yuri processed what he'd just heard.

"So you pretty much did to me what I did to you the night before the Grand Prix Final." Yuri sighed as he leaned back on the row of lockers." You selfishly decided something on your own without even finding out what  **I**  wanted."

Viktor lowered his head and sniffled miserably. "Yeah..."

Yuri tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling. His recent memories of Viktor were replayed in his mind like a movie reel. Every touch, every look, every small detail. So much had happened in such a short time. He couldn't deny that Viktor stirred something unknown within him. Regardless of who his old self may have been to Viktor, this new 'clean-slate' version of himself knew what he wanted. He would focus on the present for now and worry about the past later. "All those...things...you've said and done. Did you really mean them?"

Viktor's eyes widened and his head shot back up. "Every single one! My...affection for you...is as real as it gets!" Viktor covered his face with both hands. "You have no idea how hard it's been...having to force myself to hold back."

Yuri pushed off from the lockers and walked up to Viktor. He grabbed the taller man's wrists and pulled his hands down away from his face. "Viktor Nikiforov. Your actions and words have caused me a great amount of distress."

"I know, Yuri. "I'm so sor-"

"And I think you need to take responsibility for them."

Viktor looked down at him in total disbelief. "Yuri?"

"Isn't it about time we both stopped suffering alone?"

Viktor gulped. As he looked into Yuri's mahogany-brown eyes, he saw nothing but sincerity in them. Tentatively, he cupped the younger man's face with his right hand and stroked his cheek with his thumb. Yuri closed his eyes and nuzzled his hand. Viktor gasped with delight. He then moved the thumb to Yuri's lips and gently ran it across them.  _So soft!_  Viktor stared down at Yuri's flushed face and slightly parted lips. He wanted to burn that image into his mind forever. Not wanting to waste any more time, he closed the distance between them and softly covered Yuri's mouth with his.

Their first kiss was delicate and tender. As they parted, Viktor brought his other hand in to cup Yuri's face. "Are you absolutely sure about this, Yuri? I won't be able to stop myself from kissing you or touching you anymore."

Yuri looked back up at Viktor with heavy-lidded eyes. "What if I said that I didn't want you to stop?"

Viktor's cheeks burned a bright pink. "Yuri, Yuri...you don't realize your own effect on people." Then Viktor brought his lips down on Yuri's for a second time. This time, the kiss was deliberate, sensual and infused with every ounce of pent-up passion between the two of them. When Yuri moaned, Viktor slipped his tongue into his mouth. Yuri snaked a hand to the back of Viktor's neck to pull him in closer. The two tongues fought for dominance as the kiss deepened further. Viktor spun them around so that Yuri's back was against the wall. He brought a knee up between Yuri's legs and pressed his body against him.

"Ah! Viktor!" Yuri was all flushed and gasping for breath. His hands grabbed at Viktor's shirt and fought to pull him even closer.

"Yuri, you look so incredible right now." Viktor lowered his head further and began kissing and nibbling Yuri's neck. The younger man writhed and twisted against his body. His cries were music to his ears. Viktor's common sense was rapidly leaving him and all he could think about was how badly he wanted Yuri right there and then.

There was a loud knock at the door before the rink employee stepped through the door. "Sorry, your time's u…p..." The poor girl froze, mid-step as she fully processed what she had just walked in on. "Umm…I….you…I mean…"

Viktor sighed before turning to face the incredibly flushed and embarrassed employee. "We'll be out in 10 minutes. Is that alright?"

"Y-y-yes! It's fine. It's totally fine. It'll be fine. I'm fine!" She turned back around and scrambled out of the room.

Viktor growled. "Well, that's  _one_  way to kill the mood."

_terminology_

やばいな – Yabai na 'Oh crap!'


	18. Confessions

The men packed up their things in silence, each distracted by their own thoughts.

Yuri was going through the physical motions of gathering his things, but his mind was a million miles away. His heart still raced like a startled jackrabbit and he was starting to feel lightheaded from the sustained adrenaline rush. Yuri brought his fingers up to his slightly swollen lips and sighed.  _That was my first kiss. My first kiss ever…and it was with another man._ Yuri blushed at the memory and slid down onto the nearest bench. Another sigh. He blinked a few times and shook his head before packing his blades away into the black duffel bag. Next was changing out of his soggy practice clothes. As he pulled his sweaty t-shirt over his head, his hand brushed the side of his neck and he shuddered. It was slightly tender from Viktor's actions earlier. Yuri sighed again as his blush deepened. He stopped mid-strip, brought his arms down in front of him, and sat staring unblinkingly into space.

Viktor had stood and watched Yuri wander around in a zombie-like trance for the last few minutes. He was already changed and ready to go, but could see that Yuri seemed to be struggling with basic functions. He knew that Yuri was as innocent as they come in terms of affection and physical contact. Every experience they would have from now on was going to be breaking new ground for him. He would have to remind himself to be extra patient with Yuri and take things slow. The memory loss situation further complicated things and he didn't want to hurt Yuri ever again. He could tell that the Japanese skater was still processing everything that had happened earlier and had wanted to give him some space, but at this rate they'd never make it out in 10 minutes. Viktor grabbed Yuri's clean t-shirt and sweater and knelt down in front of him.

He covered Yuri's hands with his own and then looked up at the rosy-cheeked skater in front of him. "Earth to Yuri, come in Yuri. Do you copy?"

Yuri seemed to snap back to reality at the sound of Viktor's voice. He looked down at the man at his feet and smiled. "Sorry, I guess I must have been spacing out a bit."

Viktor winked. "Maybe just a  _little_  bit." He brought up his index finger and wagged it at Yuri. "It's all good though, I managed to catch you before you left Jupiter's orbit."

Yuri laughed. "Thanks goodness for  _that_! If not for you just now, I would have crashed and burned into the rings of Saturn for sure."

"Whooooooaaaaaaaah!" Viktor's eyes widened comically as his mouth formed an exaggerated 'o' shape. "Are you saying that I  _saved you_ , Yuri?"

Yuri smiled as he placed a hand on Viktor's cheek. "You sure did. Viktor…my hero!"

Viktor choked and sputtered as he did his best impression of an overripe tomato. He crossed his arms and pouted as he looked away with a huff. "Yuuuuuuuuuuri. You have to warn me before you say such cute things! My poor heart can't take it!"

Yuri chuckled before nodding. "はい, はい*. I'll do my best, Viktor."

Fully grounded once more, Yuri was able to finish getting changed and the two men made it out of the building with one minute to spare. They had passed the rink employee on their way to the door and she was still looking very much flustered by what she had walked in on earlier. Viktor winked, flicked his hair and blew a kiss at her on their way out. That proved to be too much for the poor woman and she ran screaming to the ladies' bathroom.

Yuri shot Viktor a disapproving look. "Viktor, that was mean."

Viktor rubbed the back of his head bashfully. "Sorry, I just can't help myself sometimes!" He then pulled out his wallet and took out an autographed photo of himself. He placed it on the counter where he knew the employee wouldn't miss it. "There, that should make things up to her somewhat."

Yuri looked at Viktor in pure astonishment. "You carry around autographed pictures of yourself? What are you, famous or something?"

Viktor had to use every ounce of his self-control then to not burst out laughing. He simply smiled, shrugged and said "Something like that."

During the car ride to the airport, Viktor noticed that Yuri was getting a bit fidgety in the seat next to him. He guessed that Yuri maybe wanted to say something, but wasn't quite sure how to approach the subject.

"You look like you have something on your mind, Yuri." The Japanese man seemed a bit startled that he had been found out. "Would you like to talk about it?"

Yuri cleared his throat a few times before he spoke. "I…uh…want to know how many people…Viktor has… _been with_  before." Then he looked up at Viktor suddenly and waved his hands frantically in front of him. "But…but…if-that's-too-personal-and-you-don't-want–to-talk-about-it-then-just-forget-it-and-I'll-mind-my-own-business!"

Viktor sighed. "Yuri, it's fine. Please calm down. Breathe. Don't ever be afraid to talk to me about anything. I will always hear you out."

Viktor's words seemed to have a soothing effect on Yuri and he was able to compose himself. "Thank you, Viktor."

"I've had girlfriends before; only three. The longest relationship I've ever had lasted just six months."

Emboldened by Viktor's words of encouragement, Yuri pressed on. "So, why did it not work out between you?"

"Hmm. Mostly because skating took up most of my time and energy. I couldn't really afford to allow myself such distractions as having a life or love outside of skating."

Yuri pondered this new bit of information for a bit. "Wasn't it, lonely?" Yuri turned his head to look out the window. "You…have a lot going for you. Surely it would stand to reason that it'd be easy to find a woman who'd wait for you."

Viktor stole a quick glance at Yuri before he spoke. "It's not that easy, actually. Those same things you said I have going for me are also a kind of curse."

Yuri turned to stare at Viktor. "What? How?"

"Well, I never knew if someone was really interested in me as a person or if they were just after my good looks, name or wealth.

Yuri was stunned.  _Just who the hell_ _ **is**_ _Viktor?_ Yuri blushed and twiddled his fingers nervously as he prepared to ask the next question. "So…you've been with…men…too?"

Viktor chuckled. "Nope. Never."

Yuri looked at Viktor as if he'd sprouted a third eye. "Ehhhhhh?!"

As they came to a stop at a red light, Viktor looked over tenderly at Yuri. "It's true. You're the first man I've ever kissed."

Yuri was incredulous. "You…you…" Yuri covered his face with his hands. "You could have your pick of beautiful women at your side at any moment…and  **I'm**  the one you go for?!"

Viktor reached over and pulled Yuri's left hand off his face. He brought it up to his lips and planted a kiss on it. Yuri squeaked and pulled his hand away as if it had been burned.

"That's kiss number three!" Viktor gloated with glee.

"Wait, three? There's only been two!"

Viktor smiled deviously at Yuri. "Nope, definitely number three. There's one more, our first one, that you can't remember at the moment."

Yuri blushed beet red as his mouth hung open in shock. "Good grief, what  _else_  have we done that I don't remember?!"

Viktor moved in for the kill. "Well, there  _was_ this one rather scandalous time when we…"

Yuri reached across the gap in their seats and covered Viktor's mouth with both of his hands. "N-n-no! N-n-never mind! Forget I asked!"

Viktor licked Yuri's palm and laughed heartily as the younger man practically flew back into his seat.

"Ahhh, haaa…Yuri, you're much too easy to tease!" Viktor reached over and patted Yuri on the head. "Don't worry. We haven't done anything other than kissing."

Yuri breathed a sigh of relief. "That's a rel-"

Viktor leaned in close, put his mouth right up to Yuri's ear and gave it a lick. "YET."

Yuri sputtered and thrashed in his seat. Viktor laughed as he made sure the doors were locked so that Yuri didn't accidentally flail himself right out of the vehicle.

Viktor's demeanor was suddenly very serious and Yuri stopped to quirk an eyebrow at him.

"No woman has ever made me feel the way that I feel when I am with you, Yuri. You're…special." Yuri grabbed his scarf and buried his face in it. "To me, it doesn't matter that Yuri is a man. Yuri is Yuri, and  _that_  is what I care about."

Yuri completely covered his face with his scarf. He was embarrassed by the tears of joy that were leaking out of his eyes. No one had ever said such things to him before and he could honestly say that he felt complete happiness at that moment.

The rest of the trip was uneventful. Once they arrived at the airport, Viktor parked the car at the designated rental car lot. They removed all their luggage from the trunk and made their way into the departure hall. They checked in for their flight, dropped the car keys off at the kiosk, cleared customs and then looked around for a place to eat.

After lunch, they headed toward their gate to wait for their boarding call. Yuri was feeling a bit tuckered out so he took off his shoes and stretched out across three seats. He was out cold within seconds. Viktor sat down next to Yuri's head and began scrolling through social media. There was a lot of speculation as to Yuri's whereabouts since no one in the media had sighted him at all during the last week.  _Hah! Serves all of you right. You may have your fancy resources, but I have five international Yuri guard dogs!_ As Viktor updated TGP5, Yuri dreamed a familiar dream.

_**Yuri found himself at the familiar Ice Castle in Hasetsu, its radiant colors now giving it a welcoming atmosphere. He looked to his right and saw the man-shadow, skating the same program it always did in his dreams. Yuri was very happy to see the shadow again. It felt like he hadn't seen him in a long time, and was anxious to greet him. He looked down at his frozen and bloody feet and was delighted to see that the ice around his toes had thawed and that he could actually wiggle them. He waited restlessly for the shadow to finish its skate.** _

_**The shadow stood with its back to him, staring forlornly into the rafters. Yuri remembered that he found his voice in a previous dream and shouted out to the shadow.**  "Hey, aren't you coming over to say hello?" **The shadow spun around suddenly and raced over to him at top speed. It skidded to a stop right in front of him in a shower of ice shavings and threw its arms around him. Yuri laughed and wrapped his own arms around the shadow.** "It's good to see you too!"  **The shadow nodded enthusiastically against his shoulder before pushing away from him. It raised a hand and cupped his cheek. Yuri was surprised to feel warmth behind the touch. He closed his eyes and covered the shadow's hand with his own. A short time later, the shadow pulled Yuri's hand down off his face and kissed the top of his fingers. A flash of gold caught Yuri's eye as the shadow released his hand. He looked down and saw a gold ring on his right hand that had not been there before. He looked up at the shadow and it held its right hand up as well. There amidst the blackness of its silhouette, was a matching gold ring.**_

_"Yuri…"_

_"Wait, you know my name?"_

_"Yuuuri…"_

_"What's YOUR name? Who are you? Why do we have the same rings?"_

_**The shadow vanished before his eyes.** _

Yuri bolted upright as he gulped in frenzied mouthfuls of air. He looked around wildly while trying to get his bearings.  _Where am I? What's going on?_  A hand grabbed his arm and he jerked away violently.

"Yuri! It's me, Viktor. Calm down!"

Yuri turned his head in the direction of the voice.  _Viktor?_

"Viktor!" Yuri threw his arms around Viktor's neck and trembled in the man's arms as he tried to catch his breath.

"Shh, it's ok Yuri. I'm sorry I startled you." Viktor gently stroked Yuri's head with one hand and rubbed his back with the other.

Yuri was severely embarrassed and hid his face in Viktor's shoulder.

"Our plane is boarding now, that's why I woke you up. Do you feel ready to get up and go line up or do you want to just sit here for a bit longer?"

Yuri shook his head against Viktor's shoulder. "Can…we stay like this for just a few more minutes, please?"

Viktor held Yuri tighter. "No problem at all. Take as long as you need."

Yuri closed his eyes and focused on Viktor's calming scent. Soon, he was breathing normally again and his heart rate returned to normal. Yuri pulled away from Viktor and nodded. "I'm ready now."

They stood together and boarded the plane.

_terminology_

はい, はい – Japanese (hai, hai) : 'yes, yes'


	19. TGP5 Update

While had Yuri slept, Viktor had messaged the TGP5 group. It was time to bite the bullet and tell the other three what was really going on.

 **Viktor:**  Hi everyone! We're at the airport waiting to board our flight to St. Petersburg!

 **Phichit:**  That's great news! How's Yuri?

 **Viktor:**  he's doing well. we went skating earlier today and everything checked out with his two programs.

 **Chris:**  That's a huge relief. I'm guessing your plan is to have him ready for Four Continents?

 **Viktor:**  yup!

 **YuriP:**  It doesn't matter, I'll crush all of you, especially that pig 🐷, at World's.

 **Viktor:**  can you crush him AND me? My, my...the kitten is so riled up! ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

 **Phichit:**  Oooh! That's right! Viktor is returning for the last few events this season.

 **JJ:**  Your confidence is admirable, Yuri...but we all know  **I'll**  be taking gold in all the events.

 **Otabek:**  You already take gold in all 'talking out of your ass' events.

 **Chris:**  sweet burn, Otabek! 🔥🔥🔥

 **Phichit:**  I felt that one here in Thailand!

 **YuriP:**  Haha! Suck it, JJ!

 **JJ:**  ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **Viktor:**  Wow. I didn't know you had it in you, Otabek. All joking aside, though...there's something important I've gotta talk to you guys about.

 **Chris:**  You haven't told us everything about Yuri, right?

 **Viktor:**  o(╥﹏╥)o yeah. when he woke up, he didn't remember me...at all. it's like I've been completely erased from his life. even from before I became his coach. I'm sorry I didn't mention it until now...it was a huge shock to me and I wasn't ready to talk about it yet.

 **JJ:**  That's terrible, Viktor. I am truly sorry you and Yuri are going through this.

 **Otabek:**  No memories at all? How did you introduce yourself to him?

 **Viktor:**  I asked him what he thought we were and he said "really good friends".

 **Chris:**  Ouch. That had to hurt, man.

 **Viktor:**  yeah, it did. Still does tbh. I've filled him in on some basic stuff like me being his coach and our plans to move to St. Petersburg. he's handled it all well so far.

 **YuriP:**  What did the doctors say? Will he ever get his memories back?

 **Viktor:**  yeah, the outlook is hopeful. I have to slowly expose him to things that might help jog his memory. Earlier today, my golden blades seemed to trigger something briefly.

 **Phichit:**  OMG Viktor! What about the rings?!

 **Viktor:**  they're safe on a chain around my neck. I'm going to be keeping them out of sight until I think he's ready for them. that may not be for a while though.

 **Chris:**  you're not somehow trying to use this situation to your advantage, are you? We all know about your intentions towards Yuri.

 **Viktor:**  man, I must really put out the wrong kind of vibe if my own friends think I would stoop to something so low… ⊙﹏⊙

 **Chris:**  Sorry, sorry! I had to ask.

 **Viktor:**  No, of course not! if anything,  **I'm**  the one who's had to actively keep Yuri at a distance. without his memories, he's actually much more relaxed around me and much more honest with himself. His brain may not remember, but his feelings are all still very much in there.

 **YuriP:**  What?! Is he the one chasing you now or something?

 **Viktor:**  sort of...;)

 **Otabek:**  That's a version of Yuri I can't quite imagine.

 **Phichit:**  Ikr? Yuri barely had the courage to even just speak to Viktor before!

 **Viktor:** he's a bit different for sure. he's still shy and gets easily flustered. but...he's also a bit bolder and direct. He's forgotten how he used to act around me and has been giving me surprise heart attacks all week!

 **YuriP:**  Mr. I-Must-Always-Surprise-The-World has been repeatedly on the receiving end of the surprises in such a short period of time? I can't wait to meet this new version of the pig...

 **JJ:**  Sounds interesting. I wonder how this will affect his anxiety. Without it holding him back, he might just become the ultimate skating beast!

 **Otabek:**  Let's hope he doesn't turn out like YOU.

 **JJ:**  Pfft. If only he'd be so lucky...

 **YuriP:**   ***** barf *****  (」ﾟﾛﾟ)｣

 **Viktor:**  we've gotta board our flight now. I'll fill you in on what he knows and doesn't know later. but please don't say anything about our rings, or our relationship. I'm trying to limit Yuri to one revelation a day.

 **Otabek:**  Understood

 **Phichit:**  got it

 **YuriP:**  whatever

 **Chris:**  anything for you, Viktor. *kiss* ( ˘ ³˘)

 **JJ:**  OK

 **Viktor:** byyyeeeee! (づ￣ ³￣)づ

Viktor closed the chat window and put his phone away. He looked down at Yuri and noticed that he had started mumbling in his sleep and his face was twitching slightly.  _He must be having some kind of dream._   _I_   _need to wake him up, though. We need to board our flight._  At first, Viktor tried waking Yuri up by calling his name. When that didn't have the desired effect, he tried gently shaking Yuri's shoulder. Viktor must have startled him, because Yuri bolted upright from the chairs he had been sleeping on. When Viktor tried to grab his arm, Yuri was spooked even further and jerked his arm away.  _He must have had some sort of bad dream!_

"Yuri! It's me, Viktor. Calm down!"

That seemed to do the trick and Yuri snapped out of it. He then threw himself into Viktor's arms and just trembled. Viktor was alarmed. It was the most agitated he had seen Yuri since the Cup of China. Yuri was borderline hysterical and Viktor was still reeling from the shock of seeing him like that. He held Yuri and tried to wordlessly assure him the best way he could through physical touch. It took a few minutes, but then thankfully the only thing he could sense from Yuri was embarrassment. He comforted him until he had calmed down sufficiently enough to board their flight.  _That was a really violent reaction. I wonder what he was dreaming about? I'll see if he wants to talk about it later or not._

The two skaters boarded their flight without further incident and settled into their seats. The first leg of their flight would take them to Frankfurt. They would have 3 hours to kill while there before taking their second flight to St. Petersburg. As he had expected, even with the increased comfort of business class, Yuri was unable to get any sleep and was quite restless for both flights. Viktor had tried to stay awake in an act of solidarity for as long as he could, but eventually, the fatigue took over and he passed out for an hour or two at a time on each flight.

At 11:23 pm local Russian time, they were stepping off their plane onto the Pulkovo Airport. Viktor was a bit tired, but Yuri was nearly dead on his feet as they made their way through customs. Viktor propped Yuri against a wall while he quickly ran off and bought an espresso shot to tie the younger man over until they made it home. He ran back to find that Yuri had slid halfway down the wall and was barely holding himself up on his visibly wobbly legs.

"My goodness, Yuri…am I going to have to sling you over my shoulder and caveman you out of the airport?"

Some nondescript mumbling came from Yuri's direction and Viktor leaned in closer. He took Yuri's hand and placed the shot of espresso in it.

"Yuri, drink this. It's got double sugar so it'll help wake you up a bit."

More nondescript mumbling interspersed with a few snorts followed. Viktor thought he may or may not have heard the word 'hot' in there somewhere.

"I asked them to put some cold water in it so it's not so hot. Come on Yuri, drink it all in one shot."

Yuri's eyes seemed to regain a bit of focus and he looked down at the offering of liquid caffeine in his hand. He pulled his surgical mask off his face and downed the sweet black liquid in one go.

While they waited for the effects of the caffeine to kick in, Viktor rummaged through Yuri's luggage and pulled out an extra sweater and handed it to him.

"You'll want to put this on. I asked Yakov to bring an extra jacket for you but it's still pretty cold outside."

Yuri seemed to be a little more awake as he nodded and took the sweater from Viktor's outstretched hand. He took off his coat, put the extra sweater on and then put the coat back on. Viktor handed him his hat, gloves, and scarf and he put those on too.

Viktor looked at Yuri and chuckled. "You look like a festively plump penguin, Yuri."

Yuri grumbled and tried to say something witty, but his words got swallowed up by the scarf.

Viktor laughed. "Ha! I guess that's why they call it a 'muffler' in England!"

Yuri crossed his arms and pouted. Viktor walked over to him and patted his head. "Alright, alright…I'll stop teasing you…for now. Let's go get our luggage."

After they had found all their luggage, they headed to the main exit to look for Yakov's olive green Lada. As Yuri stepped out into the chill of the Russian winter night, his blood nearly froze in his veins. If he hadn't been woken up by the coffee earlier, he was certainly very much awake now. He felt a tug on his jacket and saw Viktor pointing to a car parked nearby. "That's Yakov's car over there! Come on, Yuri."

As they pulled their luggage over to the waiting car, they saw Yakov step out and open the trunk. Viktor ran over and greeted Yakov with a big hug.

_**(("...")) denotes Russian speech** _

(("Thank you, Yakov. I really appreciate you coming to pick us up."))

Yakov grunted. (("It's fine, I'm used to your selfish requests."))

Yuri cleared his throat. Both men turned to look at him. Yuri bowed and spoke. "Thank you for your kindness, Yakov."

Yakov quirked an eyebrow at Viktor

(("Is he always this formal?"))

(("He's Japanese, it's a lifestyle. Also, he's most likely forgotten meeting you.")) Yakov shot Viktor a quizzical look.

(("I'll tell you about it later."))

Yakov turned to Yuri and spoke with a thick Russian accent. "It's no problem. Vitya has decided to return to competitive skating. So I'm back on babysitting duty."

Viktor gasped and elbowed Yakov playfully. "Yakov, that was uncalled for!"

Yuri looked back and forth between the two men and giggled.

Yakov grunted. "Let's go. It's cold."

The car was blissfully heated and with all the layers of clothing adding to the comfort, it didn't take long for Yuri to pass out in the back seat. Viktor sat in the front passenger seat and kept looking in the rearview mirror to check on him.

(("Has he recovered from his accident?"))

Viktor sighed. (("It wasn't an accident."))

(("What do you mean? It's all over the news. He got drunk again and fell down doing something stupid."))

(("We're going to be living and training here for a while, so I want to be upfront with you."))

Yakov stole a glance at the man sitting next to him. In all the years he had known Viktor, he had seen that face only one other time. Viktor was being deadly serious about something. Yakov grunted.

(("What I am about to tell you never leaves this car, understood? Plisetsky already knows because he was there. But not a word to Mila, Lilia, or Georgi. They'll get the watered-down version."))

Yakov nodded. (("Understood."))

Viktor visibly relaxed and slumped back into his seat. He checked on Yuri one last time before taking a deep breath.

(("I said some incredibly stupid and hurtful things to him the night of the Grand Prix final. He had hurt my feelings the night before and I had just wanted to get back at him. To let him feel some of that same hurt, you know?"))

Yakov nodded but remained silent.

(("Yuri being the sensitive soul that he is, took my words to mean that I was leaving him and never wanted to see him again."))

Yakov narrowed his eyes. He didn't like where this was going.

(("He…he…"))

Yakov heard Viktor's voice break and was startled to see tears streaming down the man's face. He thought that, after practically raising the man, that he  _knew_  Viktor. But the Viktor sitting next to him was not one he had ever dreamt of seeing.

(("Vitya…"))

(("I'm fine! Let me finish!")) Viktor angrily wiped the tears from his face and took a deep breath.

(("He tried to kill himself."))

Yakov gripped the steering wheel hard as he felt himself lose control of the car for a split second.

(("What? Are you fucking serious?"))

Yuri mumbled and stirred in the back seat.

(("Keep your voice down!" Viktor said through gritted teeth. (("Of course I'm serious! Why the hell would I lie about something like  _that_?!"))

(("I didn't mean to accuse you of lying. I'm just…shocked."))

(("He was about to throw himself off the roof when JJ stopped him."))

Yakov was speechless. He couldn't even find the right profanity for the situation, so he just remained quiet.

(("He hit his head when JJ tackled him to the ground. We were all so happy that he was alive. That we had made it in time."))

(("But…?"))

Viktor laughed bitterly.

(("Yeah, there's always a 'but', isn't there?"))

He rubbed his eyes tiredly with his gloved hands.

(("When he woke up from his coma two days later, he didn't know who I was. He still doesn't. I've been completely obliterated from his mind, Yakov. I hurt him so bad that his own brain is protecting him from me."))

Yakov could not pretend to know the depth of the connection between the two men in his car. It had not been his business since Viktor had effectively left the competition to 'play coach' to the Japanese skater. What he  _did_  know, what he could  _see_ …was that this situation hurt Viktor deeply.

(("But he's here with you  _now, right?_  He trusts you even if he doesn't fully know who you are."))

Viktor raked a hand roughly through his hair.

(("Yeah. Thank heavens for small miracles! I've told him about some important things, but have held back on some of the really major stuff. We have to take it slow."))

Yakov nodded with a grunt. (("Good luck. Let me know if you need anything."))

Viktor reached over and squeezed Yakov's arm. (("Thank you."))

They arrived at Viktor's house less than 15 minutes later. Yakov helped carry their luggage inside the house while Viktor tried to rouse Yuri from his slumber. Once Viktor got Yuri up on his feet, he guided the somnolent Japanese skater into the house. He looked over his shoulder back at Yakov.

(("Please give me 2 minutes, I have to put Yuri to bed. I'll be right back."))

Yakov nodded and smoked a cigarette outside while he waited.

Viktor made quick work of Yuri's boots and winter wear. He guided him toward his bedroom and then removed the two sweaters and Yuri's jeans. Next, he pulled back the covers and gently nudged Yuri down onto the bed. He removed the younger man's glasses and placed them on the nightstand. He pulled the covers up to Yuri's chin and kissed his forehead.

"Goodnight, Yuri."

Viktor rummaged through his luggage and quickly found what he was looking for. He picked up the bottle and walked to the front door. He opened the door and found Yakov standing outside having a smoke.

(("Here. I got you something good."))

Yakov reached for the bottle. His eyes nearly fell out of his head when he saw the label. The cigarette dropped from his gaping mouth.

(("Is...this...?"))

(("That 100-year-old Spanish Brandy you've been searching for for years?")) Viktor smiled his patented smile and winked.

(("It sure is! Not bad for someone who only 'thinks of himself', no?"))

Yakov laughed a hearty belly laugh. (("Ah, you got me on that one. Come here."))

Viktor stepped into Yakov's arms as the man threw them open for a hug.

(("Be strong, Vitya. Have faith that things will work out if they're meant to be."))

Viktor snorted.

(("Fate is for dreamers. I have always made my own destiny."))

Yakov patted Viktor on the shoulder and smiled gruffly.

(("I'm going home now. Thanks for the brandy...you're not  _totally_  hopeless after all."))

Viktor laughed as he waved goodbye to the man. Once the car was gone from sight, Viktor turned around and closed the door behind him.


	20. Initiative

Viktor leaned back on the door and closed his eyes.  _Ughh…this day has just dragged on forever. I need a hot shower._ He removed his coat and hung it up in the hall closet. He then picked Yuri's stuff off the armchair and hung it up as well. Viktor stopped to look at the thermostat. The house was nice and warm and at a perfect temperature for a cold Russian winter. He was thankful that the house sitters had come in earlier and turned the heat on. He would not have been happy returning to a frigid house.

He walked over to his room and quietly grabbed some drawstring pants and a clean towel. He chose to go into the half-bathroom because it had the spacious shower. A long bath would have to wait another day. He really just wanted to get clean so he could go to bed.

Viktor stood under the hot water and allowed his muscles to relax and soften under its heat. He reached for the shampoo and quickly washed his hair.  _Mhhhmm, a hot shower is truly one of life's best simple pleasures._ Viktor dried off, toweled his hair and then put the pants on. They were his most comfortable pair and he loved how they hung low on his hips. As Viktor stepped out of the bathroom, he noticed a sleepy Yuri standing in his hallway, looking very confused and lost.

"Yuri?"

Yuri turned to look at him and sighed in audible relief. "Viktor! Thank kami I found you! I woke up to use the bathroom and I had no idea where I was."

"We're at my house, Yuri. You fell asleep in the car on the way here and I helped put you in bed as soon as we arrived."

Yuri blushed lightly and bowed. "Thank you, Viktor. Sorry to have troubled you!"

Viktor walked over to Yuri and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Listen to me, Yuri. You don't need to be so formal with me. OK? We're going to be living together for a while, so no more bowing, alright?"

Yuri nodded and smiled. As he did so, his eyes drifted down from Viktor's face. The smile faltered slightly as his stare reached Viktor's exposed torso. His blush deepened and he quickly averted his eyes. "Ok, Viktor."

Viktor did not miss Yuri's reaction. He smiled and gritted his teeth.  _Pace yourself…pace yourself…_

"Is there something you  _need_ , Yuri?" Viktor's voice was low and husky.

"A-aaa-ahh…I was trying to find the bathroom!" Yuri brought his hands up and nervously fidgeted his fingers together. "I smell and feel disgusting…so I was hoping to take a bath or shower before turning in for the rest of the night."

"Oh, I see! That's a great idea. I often can't sleep well unless I shower at night before bed, too."

Viktor pressed an index finger against his lips. "I'll help you, Yuri. Go get yourself a clean change of clothes and I'll draw a bath for you."

Yuri looked a bit surprised. "A bath? Wouldn't a shower be quicker?"

"Yes, but you still have your stitches in. A bath would also help to relax your muscles a lot better. They're probably all bunched up from the traveling."

Yuri nodded in agreement. "A bath  _does_  sound pretty fabulous right about now. I can't remember the last time I had a good soak."

"Probably the last time we were at Yu-Topia before the Grand Prix final."

Yuri stared at Viktor in amazement. "You…? Me…? We…? Yu-Topia…? Together?"

"Oh, yes! Many times. I lived at your family's hot spring resort for a good 6 months before we left for competitions."

Yuri was having a hard time controlling all the mental images of a naked Viktor that were suddenly flooding his mind.  _Oh-my-god…I've seen his…he's seen my….oh-my-god!_  Viktor knew exactly what Yuri was thinking about. It was practically written all over his little red face.

"So we've already seen  _all_  of each other. I've even helped you with your flexibility in there a few times. The hot water really helps muscles get more stretchy!"

Now, images of him and Viktor in incredibly inappropriate positions were taking over his mind. His blood had literally all gone south and he was trying not to pass out from the lightheadedness of it all. Thankfully, Viktor decided to show some mercy and didn't take the teasing any further.

"Go on, Yuri. Get your things. I'll start the water running."

Yuri nodded vigorously and ran back into the bedroom as if the hounds of hell were nipping at his heels.

Viktor chuckled.  _He really does make it WAY too easy…_  He went into the main bathroom and turned on the hot water. He grabbed his favorite bubble bath and poured in a measured amount once the water was deep enough. When he was done, he turned around to find an embarrassed-looking Yuri standing in the doorway.

"What's wrong, Yuri?"

"I…uh…don't have any clean clothes to wear."

"Oh! That's not a problem at all. I can lend you something." Viktor walked back into the bedroom and rummaged through some drawers. "Let's see, you prefer to sleep in a t-shirt and pants right?" Yuri nodded.

"Here you go. They might be a bit big on you, but they'll do the trick. We can do some laundry later when we wake up."

Yuri took the clean clothes and thanked Viktor. He walked into the bathroom and was about to close the door when Viktor's hand pushed back against it. Suddenly confused, he looked up. "Viktor?"

"Viktor smiled innocently at Yuri. "I'm going to help you wash your hair."

Yuri was immediately super flustered. "Ahh…haaahhhh…that's not really necessary! You've done so much for me already! I'll be fine on my own, really!"

Viktor shook his head. "I know how you hate having dirty hair. Besides, it's considered very rude to turn down a Russian host's hospitality!" Viktor knew he was not playing fair with that last part, but sometimes you just had to fight dirty to get what you wanted.

Yuri sighed. "You're not going to let this go, are you?"

Viktor smiled and winked. "Nope!"

Yuri lowered his head in defeat and opened the door for Viktor.

Viktor stood in the corner and watched as Yuri first stripped off his t-shirt and then his briefs. Yuri gingerly stepped into the bathtub and sighed in delight as he sank down and fully immersed himself in the bubbly hot water.

"Ahhh, this really feels amazing!"

Viktor grabbed an inflatable u-shaped pillow from a nearby shelf and blew air into it. He gave it to Yuri to place at the base of his head. "Just rest your head on this and tilt back a bit. Go ahead and relax, I'll take care of washing your hair for you."

"Mhm." Yuri's eyes closed as he leaned back and did what Viktor had said to do.

Viktor pulled out a small stool from under the sink and placed it on the ground near Yuri's head. He grabbed a plastic cup from the sink and the shampoo from the shelf. He used the cup to take some bath water and pour it onto Yuri's hair. The younger man sighed contentedly as he felt the hot water saturate his hair. Viktor squeezed some shampoo onto Yuri's hair and began a slow and methodical lathering process. After a few minutes, Viktor had to cut the washing process a bit short as the sounds Yuri was making were beginning to test his self-control. He quickly rinsed off Yuri's hair and dried it with a small towel.

"Yuri, I'm finished."

"Mhm…thank yoouuu." Yuri sounded drowsy and his words were a bit slurred. As he sat up in the bathtub, his stomach complained loudly.

Viktor laughed. "Ha! Why am I not surprised?"

Yuri looked at Viktor with pleading eyes and pouted. "Hungry…"

Viktor sighed in mock annoyance and rested his head on one hand as he looked at Yuri. "Alright, I guess I'll have to feed you too if I want to get  _any_  sleep tonight!" He stood up and pushed the stool back to its original place. "I'll go into the kitchen and prepare something quick for us. You go ahead and rinse off and get dressed. I'll be waiting for you."

Yuri nodded and watched Viktor leave the room.  _Why does it feel so amazing to be touched by Viktor? I could have happily sat there and let him wash my hair for hours._  Yuri sighed as he rinsed the soapy water off his body and gave the tub a quick clean. He dried off and put on the clothes Viktor had lent him. As predicted, they were a bit oversized on his smaller Asian frame.  _Well, at least I have something clean to sleep in._  Yuri grabbed a handful of the t-shirt and gave it a sniff. It smelled pleasantly of fabric softener. He left the bathroom and tried to find his way to the kitchen. It turned out to be quite easy as all he had to do was literally follow his nose. He could smell the toasted bread the moment he opened the bathroom door. As he walked into the kitchen, he noticed how spacious it was. He was blown away by how much counter space there was.

"I guess it's not every day you get to see a kitchen bigger than most apartments in Japan." Viktor mused.

"Yeah. This is…wow."

Viktor pointed to the island in the middle of the kitchen. "There are stools here. Have a seat."

Yuri sat down but continued to stare in awe at Viktor's kitchen. "You could have ten people cooking in here at the same time and they'd  _never_  bump into each other."

Viktor laughed. "I don't think it's  _that_  big, Yuri." He said as he placed a plate containing a turkey, lettuce and tomato sandwich on toasted whole wheat bread down on the counter in front of him. That was quickly followed by a mug of piping hot chocolate.

"This looks amazing! I have never been so excited to eat a sandwich before!"

Viktor sat down across from Yuri and cradled a mug of hot chocolate in his hands. "I'm glad. Please enjoy my humble offering."

Yuri clapped his hands together and bowed his head. "いただきます!*" He was about to bite into his sandwich when he noticed that Viktor did not have one. "Aren't you going to eat something?"

Viktor shook his head. "No, I'm not really hungry."

Yuri looked down at his sandwich and back up at Viktor. "It doesn't feel right…eating something you made for me when you didn't make anything for yourself."

Viktor sighed. He knew Yuri would outright refuse to eat the sandwich unless he did something about it soon. So he reached over and covered Yuri's hands with his own. Then he pulled the hands toward him, opened wide and… ** _*NOM*_** …took a big bite out of the sandwich. He let go of Yuri's hand and chewed carefully, savoring the saltiness of the turkey and tartness of the mustard. Yuri sat there with his mouth hanging wide open, hands still in the same position where Viktor had left them.

"Mmm, that was very tasty. Thank you for sharing your sandwich with me, Yuri."

Yuri's eyes widened as he realized what Viktor had just done.  _That little sneak! He did that just to make me feel better!_  He smiled at Viktor and nodded.

"You're welcome, Viktor."

Without a second thought, he quickly devoured the rest of the sandwich. He could see that Viktor was absolutely exhausted and nearly falling asleep where he sat. He pounded the mug of hot chocolate and placed his dishes in the sink. He grabbed Viktor's empty mug and placed it in the sink as well. _I'll help wash those tomorrow. Right now we both seriously need some sleep._ The two men stood next to each other in Viktor's en-suite bathroom and brushed their teeth in silence. Viktor was the first one to crawl into bed. He patted the empty space next to him as he called out to Yuri.

Yuri hesitated. "A-a-are you s-s-sure?"

"Yuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrriiiiii. I don't have the energy to argue with you right now. Please come to bed."

Yuri nodded and crawled in next to Viktor. The taller man rolled over onto his right side to face him. "Good night, Yuri. Let's sleep until we can't sleep anymore."

"Sounds like a plan. Good night, Viktor." Yuri waited until Viktor closed his eyes. With stealth and quickness rivaling those of the Hasetsu Castle ninjas, he leaned in and placed a brief kiss on the man's lips. He then rolled onto his own right side as fast as he could so that Viktor couldn't see how red his face was.

Viktor was suddenly wide awake.  _Did Yuri just…? ***GASP***  He did! He totally did!_ He could feel the younger man's embarrassment radiating off him in waves and so he chose not to tease him about it. He simply moved in closer to Yuri and wrapped his arms around his waist. He breathed in Yuri's scent and snuggled closer. The younger man tensed up momentarily before relaxing and settling back against Viktor's chest. It wasn't long before the two men were both fast asleep, nestled snugly against each other.

_terminology_

いただきます! – Japanese (itadakimasu) 'Let's eat!'


	21. Lost Inhibitions

**_Lemon warning : Viktor and Yuri finally get some nude action._ **

Viktor's eyes opened slowly. He was very warm and cozy in his own bed in St. Petersburg with another warm body snuggled tightly against him. He looked down and recognized the top of Yuri's raven locks. The younger man had his face buried in the crook of his neck and his arms were wrapped around his waist. Viktor smiled and released a contented sigh. He remembered Yuri's quick kiss from the night before and blushed happily.  _Yuri, Yuri…you_   _went and surprised me again. I hope I never get sick of your surprise attacks!_

Yuri began stirring in his arms and seemed in the process of waking up. Instead, he snuggled closer and started nuzzling Viktor's neck. Viktor moaned softly as he felt his body reacting to Yuri's actions.  _This is bad…he's not awake…he's not aware of what he's doing…_ Viktor tried to gently push Yuri away as he softly called out his name, but nothing happened.  _I don't want to startle him like I did at the airport. What do I do?_  At that moment, Yuri's right leg came up and lodged itself between those of Viktor's. The sudden contact caused him to gasp loudly. It also caused a certain part of him to fully awaken and stand at attention. Viktor closed his eyes and covered his mouth.  _Oh god, this is torture!_  Viktor took a few deep breaths and tried rousing Yuri once more. This only resulted in Yuri pulling in closer and pushing his leg even higher. Viktor couldn't stop himself from crying out. "Ahh! Yuri!"

Yuri was drifting in a dark, warm and happy place. He was snuggled against something equally warm and wished for nothing more than to burrow himself closer to it. But something was trying to drive him away.  _No…I don't wanna let go…_  He pushed himself further into the warmth. He thought he heard his name.  _Hmmm? Is someone calling me?_

Yuri opened his eyes to find himself in a bit of an odd situation. He was in bed and wrapped around something warm. As he pulled away slightly and saw a human neck, it all hit him at once.  _Oh-my-god I'm in bed with Viktor! I fell asleep with his arms around me! Oh-my-god-oh-my-god…I kissed him last night!_  As Yuri tried to push himself away from Viktor, his leg moved up inadvertently and lodged itself higher yet.

"Ahhh! Ngghh!"

Yuri looked over at Viktor, startled by the strange sounds that had come from the man's lips. He was further alarmed by the expression on Viktor's face. The man's cheeks were flushed and he was panting lightly. His eyes were half-closed and he seemed dazed.  _Is he sick? Does he have a fever?_ Yuri squirmed as he tried to push himself into a sitting position. Viktor yelped and panted as he gripped his shoulders roughly. He brought his forehead down against the top of his head.

"Yuri…for the love of….STOP MOVING."

Yuri was seriously confused.  _Did I hurt him somehow?_  He had no idea what was happening to Viktor. That is, until he felt something hard twitch against his leg. Yuri lowered his gaze and followed the line of his right leg to its end-point; the spot between Viktor's legs. Yuri's eyes nearly bulged out of his head as he suddenly realized what that hardness against his knee was.

"Oh. Ohhhh. OH. MY. GOD!"

Viktor managed to huff a laugh between all the panting. "Wow…hah...Yuri. I never...hah...imagined that you'd…hah...attack me in your sleep!"

"Viktor, I am SO sorry! I didn't realize that I was… that you were…OH MY GOD."

"It's...nghh…fine. Just let me get...hah...out of bed and I can go take care…of it myself."

Yuri stopped and looked, really looked, at the man he was currently entangled in bed with. His skin was pale, beautiful and without a blemish in sight. The red flush of his cheeks provided a stark contrast with its alabaster surroundings, and his silvery mane periodically reflected light like a well-polished mirror. His parted lips looked slightly moist and his face had a slight sheen to it from sweat. Yuri swallowed hard and licked his lips.  _He's absolutely stunning._

Viktor fidgeted and squeezed Yuri's shoulders. "Yuri, please...it's becoming painful."

Yuri pushed off with his left leg and shoved Viktor onto his back.

"Yuri? What…?"

Yuri closed his eyes and took a deep, calming breath. When he reopened them, he leaned in close and stared directly into Viktor's sea-green orbs. "You're like this…because of me. Let me…help you." Yuri blushed a fierce shade of red as he spoke, but did not break eye contact.

Viktor was astounded. As he searched Yuri's eyes, he found nothing but fierce determination in them. He tilted his head and smiled at Yuri as he reached up and caressed the younger man's face. "OK Yuri, my body is all yours." Viktor grabbed Yuri's hand and brought it to rest against his hardness. He gasped and arched his back slightly off the bed.

Yuri felt Viktor's arousal grow larger and harder under his touch. "Viktor…I've never…I don't know what to do…"

Viktor smiled. "Don't worry, Yuri. I can be your coach for this as well."

Viktor sat up and brought his lips down onto Yuri's. As they kissed, Viktor encouraged Yuri to move his hand and stroke him through his drawstring pants.

"Ahh…hah…yes, Yuri…that feels good." Viktor untied his pants with one hand and pushed them down to his knees. His arousal sprung free and twitched against his taut stomach.

Yuri's eyes widened as he looked down at Viktor. He covered his mouth and blushed deeply. Viktor's body had just revealed yet another amazing aspect of itself to him.  _Wow. That is…certainly…not Asian-sized!_

Viktor had a pretty good idea what Yuri was blushing about this time around and chuckled. "Yuri, focus!"

Yuri shook himself out of his reverie and sat back on his heels. He placed his clenched fists on his lap and bowed his head. "Please teach me what to do, Viktor!"

Viktor leaned in and ruffled Yuri's hair. "You're so adorably cute, Yuri! I could just eat you up." Viktor licked his lips and Yuri gulped. "You've pleasured yourself before, right?"

Yuri nodded.

"Try to think about it that way. Do the same things to me that you would do to yourself to feel good."

Yuri nodded vigorously.  _This much I think I can do._

He moved from his position and slid in behind Viktor. He spread his legs and nestled the taller man between them.

"Oh! That's a good idea, Yuri." Viktor leaned back against Yuri's chest and got comfortable. He turned his head and pulled Yuri in for a kiss. As he took Yuri's hand and guided it to his center, Viktor lowered his voice and stared heatedly into his eyes. "Take me, Yuri."

Something about those words set off sparks in Yuri and he growled. He took Viktor in his hand and gave him a hard squeeze.

"Ngghhh!" Viktor threw his head back and his hips jerked reflexively forward. Yuri began with slow and deliberate strokes up and down Viktor's full length. The sounds that the taller man was making were urging him on and setting off a fire within his own body. He experimented with different speeds and grip and watched the distinctive expressions intently as they flitted across Viktor's face.

"Does it feel good, Viktor?" Yuri was surprised at the husky quality of his own voice.

"Mhhm, yes Yuri. It feels…hah…SO good. Touch me more. Kiss me more."

Yuri increased the speed of his strokes as he planted wet kisses on Viktor's neck. Viktor moaned loudly and began thrusting his hips in time with Yuri's strokes.

"Ahh! Nghh…hah…faster…harder…nghh!"

Yuri looked down at Viktor's glistening chest and noticed the man's dusky and erect nipples. Curious, he reached for the left one and gave it a squeeze. Viktor cried out loudly and arched himself fully off the bed. His head tossed from side to side and he panted heavily.  _Viktor looks so erotic right now._

"Please…Yuri…I'm…nggh…at my limit…"

Yuri continued squeezing Viktor's nipple and brought his mouth to the man's earlobe. He took the earlobe into his mouth and nibbled on it. This combination of actions turned out to be too much for Viktor and he lost himself.

"Ahhhhh! Yuri!" He screamed loudly as his body was wracked by wave after wave of violent spasms. Ribbons of his release spattered across his stomach and dribbled onto Yuri's hand. Yuri looked down at it, entranced.  _This is Viktor's…_ His cheeks flushed a deep pink as he looked down at the sweaty and trembling man collapsed against his chest. Pride swelled within him.  ** _I_** _did this. **I**  made Viktor feel this good._

They both sat in silence as Viktor caught his breath. Without looking, Viktor brought a quivering hand up to Yuri's cheek and stroked it. "Yuri, that was amazing! Thank you." Viktor reached for the box of tissues on the nightstand. He grabbed a few and cleaned Yuri's hand. Then he cleaned himself off and threw the dirty tissues into the bin under the nightstand. He pulled his pants down the rest of the way and tossed them onto the floor. A fully naked Viktor sat up and turned around to face Yuri. "Now, I believe we have  _your_  situation to deal with, no?"

Yuri looked down at his pants and noticed the pronounced bulge and wetness that had formed there. He tried to cover it up with his hands. "Ah, sorry Viktor! This is SO embarrassing."

Viktor reached down and took Yuri's hands in his own and held them. "Embarrassing? How? This is how your body reacts to its desire for me. It's hot." Viktor smiled at Yuri and winked. Yuri blushed. "You weren't embarrassed earlier when you saw  _my_  body's reaction to its desire for  _you_." Yuri opened his mouth to say something, but couldn't think of any witty retorts. "Never be ashamed of your Eros, Yuri."

Yuri looked up at the mention of the word. "I have Eros?"

Viktor covered his face with a hand as he laughed. "Oh, Yuri. Your innocence truly is one of your most endearing qualities."

Yuri quirked an eyebrow at Viktor.

"If you didn't have any Eros, you wouldn't have been able to do those things to my body." Viktor crawled seductively forward and Yuri scooted backward. "Without Eros, you wouldn't have been able to make me cry out like you did." Viktor crawled further forward and Yuri scooted further backward. "You wouldn't have been able to  _make me come_  the way you did." Yuri tried to scoot backward again but found himself backed against the headboard. Viktor placed a hand at either side of Yuri's head and leaned in. "You have SO much Eros still in you, Yuri. I can't wait for you to show me."

Viktor then covered Yuri's lips with his own, his tongue immediately entering the younger man's mouth. Yuri moaned and brought his hands up to tangle them in Viktor's hair. Viktor wriggled himself closer to Yuri until he was straddling him. As he rolled his hips back and forth, Yuri moaned louder. Viktor pulled away from the kiss and tugged Yuri's t-shirt over his head. He tossed it on the floor next to his pants. He ran his hands up Yuri's arms, chest and stomach and savored the feel of the toned muscles under his touch. Yuri closed his eyes and allowed himself to enjoy the sensation of Viktor's hands trailing blazes on his body. He tingled everywhere they touched. Viktor grabbed Yuri by the shoulders and flipped their bodies toward the foot of the bed. Yuri was now on his back and Viktor had him pinned underneath him.

Viktor laced his fingers with Yuri's and held his hands down against the mattress. He brought his mouth down on Yuri's neck and assaulted it mercilessly with licks, kisses and love bites. Yuri cried out and writhed helplessly beneath Viktor.

"Mhhm, Yuri looks so Eros right now."

As he panted, Yuri cracked one eye open to look up at Viktor. Viktor slid down Yuri's body and gave one of his nipples a lick.

"Arrgh!" Yuri's back arched off the bed as he cried out.

"Oh! Yuri is so sensitive here." Viktor continued licking the same spot for a bit before moving over to the neglected nipple.

Yuri was thrashing and bucking so wildly that Viktor was having to push harder on him to hold him down. As he did so, he found himself getting hard all over again.

Viktor pushed himself up and sat back on his heels. He grabbed Yuri's pants by the waistband and pulled them off completely. They joined the pile of discarded clothes at the foot of the bed. Viktor took a moment to take in Yuri's beautifully aroused body.  _Yuri is truly special, I have never felt this way looking at another man's body before._

Wondering why Viktor had suddenly stopped, Yuri opened his eyes. He saw Viktor gazing down upon him and gasped. He was taken aback by the depth of fervency in them. Intimidated, Yuri crossed his arms in front of his face and turned his head off to the side. "Why are you looking at me like that?" Yuri mumbled plaintively. "There's nothing really special to see..."

Viktor grabbed Yuri's arms and pulled them down off his face, but Yuri's eyes remained closed. "See, this is where I beg to differ." Viktor leaned in and placed a kiss on Yuri's forehead. "To me, you're the most beautiful man in the world." Viktor kissed Yuri's left cheek. "Your body is perfect." Viktor kissed the right cheek. "You make me feel things I've never felt before." Viktor then kissed Yuri tenderly on the lips. "There's no one else on this planet I'd rather be with."

Yuri's eyes flew open. His mahogany-brown gaze met Viktor's blue-green one. Tears welled up in his eyes. "M-me too." Viktor caressed Yuri's face before flashing a wicked smile. "Well then, I believe it's  _my_  turn to make  _you_  feel good." Viktor reached down and took Yuri into his hand. The younger man practically yelped at the contact. "It's ok, Yuri. Relax." Viktor began with firm, slow strokes as he leaned in to nibble and suck on Yuri's lips. Yuri moaned loudly as he brought his arms up and wrapped them around Viktor's neck. He pulled Viktor's head in closer and took his lips into a deep kiss.

As their tongues pushed and danced against each other, Viktor picked up the pace of his strokes. Yuri squirmed under him and pushed himself flush against his body. The heat generated by their bodies was intoxicating and they glistened with sweat.

"Ahhh...Viktor...feels so good. Nghh!"

Viktor pushed himself up to straddle Yuri.

"Look, Yuri. Look what you do to me. You've already got me like this again." Panting, Yuri looked down at Viktor and blushed to see him fully erect once more. Viktor took Yuri's hardness and his own together into his hand. The sensation of the contact caused Viktor to suck in a harsh breath. Yuri cried out and trembled. Viktor gripped firmly and began pumping them together. Both men quickly became overcome by the new sensations their intimate contact was bringing them. As Viktor rubbed them faster, Yuri brought his hands up to Viktor's thighs and began stroking and clawing at them.

"Ahhh, Viktor! I can't hold it ... I'm going to...Ngghhh!" Yuri's eyes rolled to the back of his head as he screamed. His nails dug into Viktor's thighs as his body convulsed with pleasure.

"Yuri...I'm also...I..." Viktor's release soon followed as he too cried out and shuddered. He collapsed on top of Yuri and the two men held each other as they heaved and trembled.


	22. The First Day in Russia

Once the two skaters had recovered and cleaned up, Viktor turned to Yuri and blushed lightly. "Yuri, would you like to…shower together?"

Yuri's eyes lit up and he nodded. "Y-yes. I would." They both grabbed some fresh towels and headed for the bathroom. Viktor made Yuri wear a shower cap and even had him pose for a glamor shot with it on.

"I'll take you to a local clinic on Monday to have them check your incision and take your stitches out. Then you'll be able to take normal showers and baths again."

Yuri sighed. "I'm really looking forward to that. My head's been quite itchy lately."

"Oh! You should put some vitamin E cream on that. I have some. I'll put it on for you after we're done."

Yuri and Viktor shared a hot shower together. Washing each other's backs was sandwiched between bouts of kissing and butt grabbing. Only their growling stomachs finally drove them out.

It was well after 2 pm by the time the men had made their way into the kitchen. They settled on a hearty brunch menu to make up for the missed meals. Viktor gave Yuri the task of chopping an onion and a green pepper for some scrambled eggs and set off to make a special treat. While chopping the veggies, Yuri peeked over to see what Viktor was doing. He recognized eggs, flour and sugar, but was confused by the tub of white lumps.

"Hey Viktor, what's that?" Viktor looked down at what Yuri was pointing at.

"This is called tvorog (творог). It's Russian cottage cheese."

"Oh! I've heard of cottage cheese before. It's not very popular in Japan and is usually only available in some special or international supermarkets. What are you making with it?"

"I'm making syrniki (сырники). It's a kind of Russian breakfast food."

Yuri smiled. "I don't think I've ever had that before. I'm excited to try it."

"It's one of my favorite things to eat on a rare lazy weekend. I hope you like them!"

The rest of the meal was prepared in silence. Yuri toasted some bread while Viktor made a big pot of coffee. Tomatoes were sliced and placed on the table on a plate with sliced ham and cheese. Viktor fried the syrniki in coconut oil and set them on a plate with paper towels to absorb the oil and allow them to cool off. Yuri watched as Viktor placed honey, sour cream and blueberry jam on the table, as well as the tvorog.

"What's all that for? Do people in Russia put those things in their sandwiches?"

Viktor laughed. "No, silly. That's all for the syrniki. I wanted you to try them with different condiments. Everyone has their favorite way to eat it, I wanted you to discover yours."

Yuri nodded as he placed milk, sugar and orange juice on the table. "How did you get all this food here in such a short time? Haven't you been away for a while?"

"I have a house-sitting service. I called ahead to have them stock the fridge and pre-heat the house before we arrived. Otherwise, we would have arrived to a foodless, icy house."

Sandwiches were assembled with the scrambled eggs, ham, cheese and tomato. Viktor took a piece of toast and put some plain tvorog on half of it and then put a bit of salt and pepper on the other half. After trying both, Yuri decided that he liked the seasoned half much better.

As he chewed on a bite of his sandwich, Yuri's mind wandered.  _This feels…so…normal. I don't know how to explain it, but living with Viktor just feels…right. He **did**  say that we had lived together previously in Hasetsu…but that was at Yu-Topia with all my family around. I doubt that we did…um…things like we did this morning…there. _Yuri blushed lightly at the memory of the day's earlier actions. His brain started doing that crazy tingling thing again and his eyebrows twitched slightly. He absentmindedly rubbed the ring finger on his right hand and brought the hand up to his lips.

Viktor swallowed hard as he saw Yuri touching his ring finger.  _Is he remembering the rings?_  His heart stopped as Yuri brought that hand up to his mouth.  _Come on Yuri…remember…please remember…_  Viktor sighed dejectedly when Yuri brought his hand back down to the table and continued to stare blankly into space. He reached over and covered the hand with his own.

"Hey Yuri, are you alright?" The sound of Viktor's voice and his touch brought Yuri's wanderings to an end. He blinked a few times before looking up at the Russian man across the table from him.

"Yeah, I'm good. Sorry about that."

Viktor gave Yuri's hand a light squeeze. "Is there something on your mind? Please know that you can talk to me about anything."

Yuri looked down at the table and furrowed his brow. "All I  _have_  are things on my mind." Yuri rubbed the bridge of his nose as he sighed. "Everything is all jumbled up. I guess I just need time to work through it all."

Viktor pulled Yuri's hand up to his lips and kissed it. "Take as long as you need. I'm not going  _anywhere_."

Yuri smiled and the two men resumed their brunch. Once the sandwiches were finished, the syrniki were put on the table. They had cooled down significantly but were still warm. Viktor grabbed three little dipping sauce dishes and spooned a bit of each condiment into their own dish.

"So the sour cream tastes just how it sounds. I wouldn't recommend having it on its own. Most people mix that with some honey or some jam. You can also try the honey and jam individually."

Yuri eyed the options in front of him and reached for the blueberry jam. He put a dollop of it on his plate and then reached for the sour cream. He mixed them both together into a creamy swirl on his plate. First he tried one without anything on it. It was crispy and golden brown on the outside and warm and creamy on the inside. The differences in texture added to the experience, and the coconut oil it was fried in added to the depth of the flavor.

"Wow! It's really good!"

Viktor blushed at the compliment. "Thank you! I'm glad they turned out well."

"How do  _you_  eat them, Viktor?"

Viktor reached for the honey and sour cream. "I like this combination best. Here, try some."

Yuri leaned in and took a bite of Viktor's offering. "Mmm! That's good too! I don't think there's a wrong way to eat these."

Viktor smiled mischievously at Yuri. "Are you sure about that? You haven't tried them with just sour cream yet." Yuri eyed the sour cream and decided to give it a shot. He slathered a bit onto a piece of syrniki and took a bite. His body shuddered as the sourness hit his taste buds. His face scrunched up but he forced himself to swallow. He reached for the orange juice and gulped a few mouthfuls to wash it down. Viktor threw his head back and laughed. Yuri dabbed at his mouth delicately before clearing his throat.

"I stand corrected."

The rest of the day was spent doing menial things. The table was cleared, and the dishes were washed. Next was unpacking and laundry. Yuri had originally asked to stay in the guest bedroom, but Viktor managed to convince him that sleeping together in his room was the best option.

"If you're not in the same bed with me, I just won't be able to sleep well. Then I'll have to sneak into your room in the middle of the night. You'll be too far away to attack me in your sleep, too."

Yuri had blushed fiercely at that last comment and tried sputtering an apology before Viktor cut him off.

"I don't mind, Yuri. Like I said, my body is all yours." Viktor grabbed Yuri's chin with his fingers and tilted the younger man's head up towards him. "You can attack me any time you want, Yuri. I welcome it."

Utterly defeated, Yuri nodded weakly. Viktor gave him a quick peck on the lips and then let him go. As the afternoon wore on into early evening, Viktor could see that Yuri had slowed down significantly and was looking rather sleepy.

"Yuri, why don't you lie down for a bit? The living room sofa is quite comfortable. I'll keep you company." Viktor sat down on the sofa and patted the space next to him. Yuri blinked tiredly at Viktor, removed his glasses, and made himself comfortable next to him on the sofa. Yuri curled up on his left side and put his head on Viktor's lap, he was out cold in seconds. Viktor smiled and gently stroked Yuri's hair.

As Yuri slept, Viktor bought a plane ticket for Makkachin and forwarded the e-ticket to Minako sensei. He messaged her with all the necessary details and told her to contact him immediately if there were any problems, regardless of the time difference.  _Yuri probably doesn't remember Makkachin…so it'll be like meeting him all over again! I'm so excited! Especially now that I know about his first dog Vi-chan._  Viktor giggled as he flashed back to the moment Yuri had told him his dog's name.  _That boy really has Viktor on the brain!_  Viktor stopped when he realized the irony of the situation.  _Well, he_ ** _used to_** _have Viktor on the brain. Now his brain has no memory of me that is older than one week._  Viktor _looked over at Yuri's sleeping form and sighed sadly. I hope…I really hope Yuri can get his memories back someday. New memories are great, but I want Yuri to remember me!_  Viktor stifled a yawn as his eyelids fluttered. He leaned his head back, and before he knew it, he was also asleep on the couch.

Sometime later, Yuri's eyes flickered open and he sat up. He yawned and rubbed his eyes before looking around for his glasses. He found them on the table next to the sofa and put them on. Once able to see, he noticed that Viktor was passed out on the sofa.  _He looks so peaceful. He's even more beautiful when he's sleeping._

Yuri yawned as he set off in the direction of the bathroom. His bladder was getting quite full and demanding his immediate attention. He reached for the doorknob and opened the door. His hand fumbled around for the light switch for a few seconds before finding it. When he flipped it on, he was nearly blinded by a flash of gold. He suddenly realized that, in his half-awake state, he had taken a wrong turn somewhere. Yuri stepped into a room that was wall-to-wall trophies, medals and framed pictures.  _Whoa…are these all Viktor's?_  He walked around in awe as his eyes drank in all the hardware. There were Grand Prix Final gold medals, Olympic gold medals, Russian National gold medals, European Championship gold medals, and World Championship gold medals.  _This is incredible! I had no idea that Viktor was such a prolific skater!_

As Yuri walked around the room, he saw that the Viktor in the pictures seemed to be getting younger. At the end of the line of pictures, he came across one of a long-haired Viktor in a black outfit.  _Wow,_   _Viktor used to have long hair?_   _He looked so elegant and ethereal then._   _He must have been in Juniors still at that time._  As Yuri stepped closer the picture, his eyes widened.  _Hey, that's my Eros outfit!_

 ***Pulse*** Yuri's head throbbed.

**_"By the time I was twelve, Viktor, four years my senior, was already number one in the world."_ **

_Eh? Where did that voice come from?_ Yuri blinked a few times and looked around the room. He was suddenly hit with a vision of himself seeing Viktor skate with that same outfit on.  _That's right, that was the first time I'd seen Viktor skate. How could I forget?_

**_"I want to eat katsudon with you, Viktor. I want to keep on winning and keep on eating katsudon!"_ **

The voice he had just heard in his head was his own, but the words it said sounded foreign to him. When did I say  **that**?

**_*Pulse*_ **

A scene flashed in his mind's eye. Yuri saw himself at the Hasetsu Ice Castle with Viktor.  _Why was he talking about eating katsudon with Viktor?_   _Someone else was there, too...who was it?_

 ** _*Pulse*_** Yuri flinched as his head throbbed harder.

**_"So I'll skate to Eros. I'll give it all the Eros I've got!_ **

_Oh, right...that was the day Viktor assigned me the Eros short program. I remember now, Russian Yuri...Yurio...was there. He got assigned Agape._

The pain in Yuri's head doubled and he grunted as he tried to shield his eyes from all the shining gold.

**_"I'm going to become a super tasty katsudon. So please watch me! Promise!"_ **

_A competition, that's right. A skate to determine if Viktor stayed in Japan or returned to Russia. Katsudon was the inspiration I chose for my Eros. How pathetic..._

The pain in his head became more intense. His temples pulsed as if his blood wanted to burst out of his veins.

**_"Of course, I love katsudon."_ **

_That was Viktor's voice! Viktor loves katsudon...but **I** was katsudon. Did Viktor mean...?_

**_*Pulse*_ **

"Gahhh!" Yuri gritted his teeth and scrunched his eyes shut. His brain felt like it was getting stabbed by a hot poker.

**_"Who am I dancing for? I know who..."_ **

Yuri leaned his forehead and palms against the wall. He had begun to feel dizzy.

**_"Yuri! That was the tastiest katsudon I've ever seen! Wonderful!"_ **

Viktor's voice sounded off again in his head.  _Please, make it stop. It hurts! No more voices!_

**_*Pulse*_ **

Yuri's forehead was beaded with sweat and he began drawing in ragged breaths.  _What's happening to me?_  Viktor…help me!

Viktor opened his eyes and yawned. As he stretched his arms over his head, he looked around.  _Hmm? Where did Yuri go?_

As he walked down the hallway, he heard a strangled cry.

"Yuri? Was that you? Is everything ok?"

After a few more steps, Viktor noticed that the door to his trophy room was open. "Блядь*! He's in  **there**?! He'll be overwhelmed!"

Viktor burst into the room and saw Yuri leaning against the wall, trembling.

"Yuri!"

Yuri managed to turn his head to look at Viktor. Sweat was absolutely pouring off his face and his eyes were bloodshot.

"Vik...tor..." Yuri's eyes closed and he began sliding down the wall.

Viktor ran across the room and caught Yuri as he slumped over. He picked him bridal style and rushed him to the bedroom.

_terminology_

Блядь* - blyad (Russian) 'fuck'


	23. Professions

**_A/N: Thank you to all of you who have been following this fic from its inception. I hope that my writing is enough to keep you interested and stick around till it's all wrapped up. This is going to be one of those 'slow burn' long stories. I really wanted to explore the process of recovering from amnesia and how it affects people and their personalities. I want to delve deeply into the dynamic between Yuri and Viktor and how their relationship will grow and evolve as a result of their hardships. I plan on having lots of fluff, naughtiness and skating in this fic's future. Songs for programs have been picked and I have worked out routines in my mind. This fic has SO much planned already for its future…but I don't want to rush things and skip over any good character/plot development opportunities. So please hang in there, I'm enjoying this writing process very much and so I hope that you can keep loving this story! Thanks, fam!_ **

Viktor carried Yuri into their bedroom and lowered him gently onto the bed. Yuri was still conscious, but breathing heavily with his eyes closed. Viktor turned on the lights and Yuri hissed and whispered harshly.

"No lights!"

Viktor quickly turned the lights off again.

"Sorry, Yuri. What do you need?"

Yuri moaned plaintively. "Just quiet darkness. My head is killing me."

Viktor stroked Yuri's face. "I'll go get you some headache medicine." Viktor hurried to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and grabbed his strongest pills.  _One benefit of living in Russia is that you can get pretty strong stuff over the counter without a prescription._  He ran into the kitchen and opened the fridge. He reached for the gel eye mask he always kept in there for when he had his own headaches. He poured a glass of water and walked quietly back into the bedroom.

"Yuri?"

"Mhm."

Viktor walked up to the bed and sat down gingerly next to Yuri.

"I brought the medicine. Can you sit up for a bit?"

Yuri nodded and pushed himself up on his elbows. Viktor grabbed another pillow and pushed it behind Yuri for extra support. He put the two pills in Yuri's hand and gave him the glass of water. Once Yuri had downed the pills, he helped him lie back down and get comfortable.

"I brought you something else that will help you feel better. It's going to feel a bit cold at first, but just bear with it."

Yuri nodded "OK."

Viktor placed the cold gel mask on Yuri's eyes. Yuri sucked in a harsh breath and squirmed a bit, but after a minute he relaxed and let out a sigh of contentment.

"Mmm, that feels great."

"Told you so."

Yuri half-smiled back at Viktor. "Lie down with me, please?"

Viktor made himself comfortable next to Yuri and grabbed his hand. He brought the hand to his chest and held it there. He lovingly stroked Yuri's hand and rubbed soothing circles in the space between the thumb and index finger. About thirty minutes passed before Yuri's breathing returned to normal and he had fully relaxed next to him. He was anxious to find out what had happened in the trophy room but didn't want to rush Yuri before he was ready.

"Viktor, I'm really sor-"

"Stop. No apologies. You've done nothing wrong. Could we please just talk about what happened in there?"

Yuri sighed in resignation. "I was looking for the bathroom, but I was half asleep…so I went into the wrong room."

"Hmm, it happens. The house is pretty large and there are a lot of rooms. That's going to keep happening until you get used to everything."

Yuri pushed himself up into a sitting position. "You're amazing, Viktor. You have so many gold medals, trophies and awards. I had no idea…I didn't remember."

"Thank you, Yuri. I've been a skater all my life. I've worked hard for all those medals."

Yuri looked down at Viktor, who was still lying in bed next to him. "I know. I…remembered a few things."

Viktor quickly sat up and squeezed Yuri's hand. "You did? That's great, Yuri!"

Yuri nodded. "I remembered the first time I watched you skate when I was twelve years old."

"That's progress. What triggered that memory?"

"The picture of you in the Eros outfit."

"Oh, the one I wore when I was in Juniors and had the long hair in the ponytail?"

"Yeah." Yuri sniffled and rubbed at his eyes.

"Yuri, what's wrong?"

"What's  _wrong_?! I've apparently known about you for half of my life! How did twelve years of Viktor just get erased from my brain like that?!" Yuri turned to Viktor with an anguished look on his face. "How have you been able to stand it, Viktor? Knowing what you know…having the memories that you do…and then…" Tears streamed down Yuri's face. "…And then having to deal with me…treating you like some…stranger!"

Viktor sat up and wrapped his arms around Yuri's distressed form. "It's not your fault, Yuri. It really isn't."  _Oh Yuri, this is really all_ ** _my_** _fault._ ** _I_** _made you like this!_ "Please don't blame yourself."

Voice low and raspy from crying, Yuri continued. "I remembered the Hot Springs On Ice event in Hasetsu…and the first time I skated to Eros."

"That's right, Yuri. You were amazing! You managed to channel your love of katsudon and enthralled the audience."

Yuri pushed himself away from Viktor and looked him right in the eye. "Viktor, how long have you loved me?"

Viktor gasped, completely caught off-guard by Yuri's question. "Yuri…I…how did you…?"

"Before I stepped onto the ice for my skate, I said I was about to become a super tasty katsudon and asked you to promise to watch me." Yuri cupped Viktor's face with both hands. "You said you loved katsudon…but the look in your eyes when you said it…" Yuri stroked Viktor's cheeks with his thumbs. "Looking back on it now…I know you weren't talking about the dish."

Viktor nodded and covered Yuri's hands with his own. "I've loved you since before I became your coach."

Yuri's face openly showed the shock that he felt at Viktor's statement. He closed his eyes and brought his forehead up to rest against Viktor's. "It hurts me to think about how much you've suffered recently because of me."

"Yuri, it's fine. Please don't feel guilty. I know you can't remember everything and may not even be able to return my feelings yet…but…"

Yuri cut Viktor off with a kiss. "I do."

Viktor's mouth dropped open and he stared unbelievingly at Yuri. He tried to speak, but seemed physically unable to formulate words at that moment.

Yuri opened his eyes and smiled. "I told everyone that my inspiration was katsudon…but even from that first Eros performance…I was always skating for YOU."

Viktor smiled back at Yuri as tears of joy streaked down his face. "I love you, Yuri."

"I love you too, Viktor." The two men leaned in and shared a tender kiss. Then they lay down next to each other and just cuddled in silence. They held each other and reveled in the body heat shared between them. After some time, Viktor broke the silence.

"I'm happy that we feel the same way about each other, Yuri. But please don't feel rushed or obligated to move faster than you're comfortable with."

Yuri placed his head on Viktor's chest and wrapped an arm around the man's waist. "I know. Thank you, Viktor."

They stayed in each other's arms for a while longer, but then both men began to feel a bit restless. Neither was ready for bed yet and the brunch meal was keeping their hunger at bay.

"Hey Yuri, do you want to do some stretching and conditioning? We'll be hitting the rink hard starting tomorrow. It wouldn't hurt to be limbered up in advance."

Yuri's eyes lit up at the suggestion. "Oh! That's a great idea! I have all this pent-up energy to burn."

Viktor tried to keep his thoughts from swan-diving into the gutter as he smiled sweetly at Yuri.

"Great! Let's change into some sweats. I'll show you to the exercise room."

Yuri looked over at Viktor, bewildered. "I know I shouldn't be surprised…but you have your own exercise room?"

"Yep. It made it a lot easier to train whenever I had the time. I also didn't have to worry about driving to a gym somewhere."

"That sounds really convenient."

"It is. There's lots of space for running in the backyard as well. Well, when there's not forty centimeters of snow on the ground." Viktor opened the door to the exercise room and allowed Yuri to step inside. Yuri whistled as he was greeted by all the top-of-the-line exercise equipment. There was a full home gym, stationary bike, treadmill, exercise balls, free weights and benches. There was even a wall-mounted resistance training corner.

"Viktor, this is amazing! I'm going to be in the best shape of my life!"

"We both are. I need to do some catching up now that I am returning to the professional circuit. I'm going to need your help to motivate and push me!"

Yuri looked over at Viktor with a sinister glint in his eyes. "Oh, ho, ho…putting yourself in my hands now, are you?" Yuri rubbed his hands deviously. "I'm a real stamina monster, Viktor. Are you sure you're going to be able to meet my demands?"

Viktor took a step back when he saw the look in Yuri's eyes.  _Gwah! Yuri looks so scary!_

Yuri and Viktor put their heads together and decided on a circuit-training program focusing on the core and lower body. They chose a nice mix of exercises that incorporated strength, resistance and agility. They would spot for and encourage each other at each station. First, they stretched and warmed up together. Then they went through their circuit together. They did calf raises, step-ups, lunges, squats, butt squeezes on the exercise ball, hip lifts, wall plank, dead bugs, L-sit and agility ladder. By the end of their circuit, both men had flushed faces and were dripping with sweat. Yuri took a deep breath and puffed out his chest.

"That felt great! I feel like I could go another round."

Viktor groaned loudly and then plopped down on his back. "Please Yuri, no more! This was our first workout together and I barely survived it!"

Yuri squatted down next to Viktor and poked at his stomach playfully. "Your strength is good, but you struggle with low stamina. I bet you put all your jumps in the first half of your programs."

"Guilty as charged. It hasn't stopped me from winning, though."

"Well, you're going to be competing again after having taken almost a year off. Your body has most likely forgotten all its previous conditioning. You're also going to be battling head-to-head with ME. And I don't plan on going easy on you." Yuri winked at Viktor.

"Wow! Yuri, did you just issue an official challenge?" Yuri reached out a hand to Viktor and helped pull him up.

"I sure did." Viktor stood up and pulled Yuri in toward him. "Challenge accepted."

The two skaters hit the shower together and partook in a passionate cleaning session. Once again, their hunger cut their fun time short. Viktor grunted in annoyance.

"I think we need to start having snacks before we take our showers."

"Maybe we should just put a fridge in your bathroom."

Viktor laughed. "That's actually…not a bad idea."

They headed to the kitchen and decided on a salad with boiled egg. It had protein in it but wasn't too heavy to eat before bed. The salads were washed down with plain water and then men then set off to get ready for bed. Viktor managed to convince Yuri to ditch the t-shirt and sleep in just his pajama bottoms. He cited his biological need for skin-to-skin contact with Yuri as the reason. Yuri could not deny the logic behind this reasoning, so he had finally agreed. Curled up in each other's arms, the two men drifted off to sleep together.


	24. Breakfast in Bed

**_Lemon warning : Yuri Viktor bed = sexy shenanigans._ **

Viktor slowly opened his eyes and yawned. He was curled up on his left side with Yuri spooning him from behind. Yuri had his arms wrapped around his waist and his head was resting against the middle of his upper back. Viktor shifted a bit and discovered that his body was, as expected, a bit sore from last night's workout. It was a good kind of pain, though. It was affirmation of an effective workout and reminded him of his younger training days. Viktor stretched his arms out in front of him and straightened his legs. He heard incoherent mumbling coming from behind him as Yuri held him tighter, and pushed his body flush against his back. Viktor's eyes grew wide as he felt a persistent hardness pushing up against his backside.  _Seriously?! Does Yuri's off-ice Eros only activate when he's asleep?_  Viktor frowned as he pouted.  _I'm going to have to work on bringing it out when he's conscious._  A diabolical look abruptly crossed Viktor's features.  _But in the meantime…_

Viktor managed to extricate himself from Yuri's hold as he rolled the younger man over onto his back, and then settled between his legs. Yuri's arms flopped limply at his sides, but he did not wake. Viktor bit down on his index finger as he saw Yuri's excitement pushing against the pajama pants. His eyes roamed Yuri's unconscious body before they settled on his peaceful sleeping face.  _Hey Yuri….your face doesn't quite match what you've got going on in your pants._ A look of pure lust flashed in Viktor's eyes.  _Allow me to amend the situation._

Viktor reached down and gently palmed Yuri's arousal. He kept his eyes trained on Yuri's face, ready to catch any kind of reaction. As he applied more pressure, a small sigh escaped Yuri's lips. Viktor grabbed the hem of Yuri's pajama pants and shimmied them carefully down and off the younger man's hips. He licked his lips as he ogled Yuri's hardness. It rested rigidly against his stomach and there was a drop of wetness already at the tip.

Viktor ran the back of his hands lightly up the sides of Yuri's stomach. The dozing man's abdominal muscles flexed slightly and his fingers twitched at his sides.  _Mmm, Yuri looks so delicious right now._  He leaned in and gave Yuri's muscled stomach a long and deliberate lick. Yuri's eyebrows twitched and a small moan departed his lips.

He brought his face down to Yuri's center and breathed in the heady musk. It was a combination of smells he couldn't quite pin down, but it was Yuri's unique scent. Viktor softly blew cold air along the length of Yuri's arousal. He smiled as it twitched right off the stomach and the wetness at the tip grew. Yuri's head fell to the side and his hips thrust forward ever so softly. Spurred on by desire, Viktor repeated the same action, but this time, with his tongue. Yuri's hands trembled and clutched at the sheets as he moaned loudly. His hips twisted on the bed, subconsciously trying to push further into the sensation. Viktor stopped to look at Yuri's flushed face and determined that the younger man was still asleep.  _Hmm, I wonder what kind of dream Yuri must be having right now._

Viktor delicately took Yuri into his right hand and licked inquisitively at the wetness that had gathered on the tip. It tasted slightly salty and surprisingly…not at all terrible.  _Mmm, Yuri tastes as good as he looks._  As Viktor savored Yuri's taste, the sleeping man's head rolled to the opposite side and a breathy moan sprung forth from his lips. Suddenly impatient, Viktor took Yuri fully into his mouth.

Yuri woke with a start to the most amazing feeling in the world. There was something hot and moist in between his legs and his body quivered and shook at the wonderful sensation. When he looked down, he was taken aback to see Viktor's face looking back at him. In Viktor's mouth was…

Yuri felt like a bucket of ice water had just been dumped on his head. He was, all at once, very awake and very horrified. He sat straight up in bed.

"GAH! Viktor, what are you doing?! Take that out of your mouth!"

Viktor shook his head and looped an arm under each of Yuri's thighs. He lay down on his stomach, leaned in further, and used his hands to grab at Yuri's hips. He then began slowly bobbing his head up and down along Yuri's length. With each movement, Viktor's hair brushed against Yuri's sensile flesh.

"Arhh! Viktor…!"

Yuri fell back weakly onto the bed and knotted his hands in Viktor's silver locks. His hips jerked erratically as Viktor carried on with his actions. Every time Viktor reached the tip, he encircled the head with his tongue and aso ran it along the slit. Each time he did so, Yuri moaned louder and writhed more forcefully beneath him. Viktor was positively enthralled by the expressions flitting across Yuri's face.

He removed his right arm out from underneath Yuri and used the hand to wrap around the base. He began stroking and sucking Yuri together rhythmically. Yuri panted and whined as he tossed his head from side to side. He had detached his fingers from Viktor's hair and fisted them in the fitted sheet instead. Knuckles white, he continued to clench at the fitted sheet until he managed to lift its edges from the mattress.

"Oh god, Viktor…nghh…you're…driving me…crazy!"

Viktor removed his left arm from under Yuri's thighs and used the free hand to massage the tender flesh directly beneath Yuri's hardness. Yuri brought a hand up to his mouth and bit down on it as he let out a strangled scream.

"Viktor…I'm going to…"

Viktor doubled down on his actions and increased the force of his suction. Yuri threw his head back, mouth open in a silent scream, as his body convulsed powerfully on the bed. His hot fluid filled Viktor's mouth, who did his best to swallow it all. It was a bit thick and slightly on the bitter side. Viktor removed his mouth and pumped Yuri a few times to ensure that he had fully emptied.

As the spent Japanese man's chest heaved, Viktor reached for the water bottle he always kept on the nightstand and took a few swigs. He sat down on the bed next to Yuri and stroked the man's lightly damp hair. Yuri was still a bit winded as he unclenched his eyes and looked up at Viktor.

"You're going to end up...giving me a heart attack...if you plan on...waking me up like that again."

"This is your fault, you know. You're apparently a horny sex demon in your sleep."

Yuri looked at Viktor in confusion. "Horny sex demon? What are you talking about?"

"I woke up this morning to you, fully aroused, grinding against my backside."

A blush quickly rose to Yuri's cheeks as he sputtered in embarrassment at Viktor's claim.

"You didn't have to…you know…use your… _mouth_. Didn't it…taste bad?"

"It's alright, Yuri. It wasn't bad at all." Viktor leaned in and whispered seductively in Yuri's ear. "I actually…really enjoyed it." Viktor winked at Yuri as the younger man looked up at him with large eyes. "You didn't seem to mind it, either."

Yuri groaned and tried to bury his face in the pillow. Viktor laughed and rubbed Yuri's back soothingly. He sighed wistfully and spoke softly, "What did it...feel like?"

Yuri slightly lifted his face off the pillow and looked up at Viktor with one eye. He saw that Viktor was blushing a bit and looking shyly off to the side.  _Oh my kami...he_ _looks so damn_ _可愛い_ *! Yuri abruptly sat up on the bed and tore off his pajama pants. He then combed his hair back and off his face with his hands. He turned to face Viktor and licked his lips alluringly. When he spoke, it was in a deep and throaty voice.

"I think that…"

Yuri brushed Viktor's hair off his face with his left hand.

"I should just…"

Yuri leaned in until his lips were just barely brushing Viktor's.

"show you…"

Viktor's breath caught in his throat. He swallowed hard as he stared into Yuri's burning eyes. He was thoroughly mesmerized and  _very_  turned on. Yuri snaked his right hand to the back of Viktor's head and pulled it down to close the short distance between them.

Yuri kissed Viktor hungrily and pushed his body against him. Viktor moaned into his mouth and reached around to grab his butt to pull his body even closer. Yuri took advantage of the fact that Viktor's hands were occupied and flipped the man onto his back on the bed. Yuri untied Viktor's pants and yanked them off his legs.

"Wow, Yuri! You're so…mmph!"

Viktor was cut off by another passionate kiss from Yuri.

"Don't talk. Just feel."

Viktor's eyes twinkled with delight as he nodded eagerly. Yuri leaned in and sucked fervently at Viktor's neck. When Viktor tried grabbing Yuri's hair in his hands, Yuri took those hands and pushed them down on the bed above Viktor's head.

"No hands. No touching."

Viktor gulped as he nodded slowly.  _Wow, Yuri is so…assertive right now!_   _Did I manage to flip his switch?_

Sure that he would not be interrupted again, Yuri returned his attention to Viktor's body. He ran his tongue along Viktor's collarbone and periodically stopped to nibble on it as well. Viktor closed his eyes. He moaned at the heat of Yuri's tongue and gasped at the slight pain from the bites.

As Yuri reached Viktor's hardened nipples, he took one into his mouth and suckled it. Viktor's breath hitched as he arched his back off the bed. Yuri then brought his index and middle fingers to his mouth and licked them. He used those moistened fingers to rub Viktor's other nipple while he licked the first one. Viktor moaned loudly and fisted his hands roughly in the blanket.

Yuri licked, kissed and sucked his way down Viktor's torso until he had reached his dripping arousal. He wasted no time in taking hold of Viktor and licking him thoroughly from base to tip. The older man whimpered and panted at the overwhelming sensations.

Yuri stared right into Viktor's eyes as he tasted the wetness that had gathered at the tip. Viktor cried out and trembled beneath him. He had to cover his mouth with both hands to keep himself from calling out Yuri's name. Yuri continued his ministrations until Viktor's hardness had been fully lathed by his tongue. He bucked his hips uncontrollably with each flick of Yuri's tongue.

Satisfied that Viktor had been properly primed, Yuri finally took him fully into his mouth. Viktor screamed as he arched his back fully off the bed. As he worked Viktor over, Yuri's gaze never left the man's face. He relished the facial expressions that Viktor made. They turned him on and had made him harden once more.

Yuri swirled his tongue around the head while his hand encompassed Viktor's length. He brought his free hand down between his legs and used it to stroke his own arousal. As Viktor looked down and saw Yuri pleasuring himself, he irrevocably came undone. Viktor threw his head back as he screamed and released himself into Yuri's waiting mouth.

Yuri's eyes grew wide as he felt the hot liquid hitting the back of his throat. He moaned at the sensation and pumped himself faster. Not long after Viktor had finished his release, Yuri's own followed.

_terminology_

可愛い (Japanese) – Kawaii 'cute'


	25. Sports Champions Club

Viktor lay on his back with his eyes closed, body numb, as he rode the high of Yuri's actions.  _That was…really something_.  _Who could have known that Yuri had it in him all along?_  As Viktor opened his eyes, he saw Yuri sitting back on his heels on the bed…with his back to him. His shoulders were slumped and his head was hung low. Immediately concerned, Viktor sat up. He placed a hand softly on Yuri's back and leaned in. Yuri's face was a bright crimson and his eyes were hidden by hair that had fallen back down into its usual position.

"Yuri, are you hurt?"

Yuri shook his head. Viktor gasped as a mortifying thought suddenly hit him.

"Yuri…did I…taste bad?"

Yuri shook his head vigorously as he clenched his hands on his lap.

"Then, what is it?"

Yuri slowly turned around, head still hung low, and pointed at his right thigh. Viktor looked down and noticed that there was a large amount of sticky white residue there. He looked back and forth between Yuri and his thigh and put everything together.  _Yuri feels ashamed that he came on me…after all that we've done together already?_ Viktor wanted to laugh at how silly and ludicrous the whole situation was, but fought back the urge. He furrowed his brow as he tried to figure out what to do next. Then, Phichit's words from the night of the Grand Prix Final came back to him.

" ** _Yuri is a deeply sensitive soul. It is why he is so harshly affected by his anxieties and insecurities. He is quick to doubt himself and will overthink…everything."_**

 _So Yuri is insecure right now? Why? He was so confident and decisive a short time ago…as if we'd always been like this._  Then it hit him.  _He's insecure because we've only been intimate twice. Well…for **us**  it's been twice, but for Yuri…it's been twice in his  **whole life**. He doesn't have the experience. He's literally never been in this situation before. _Viktor covered his face with his hand. _I've been so focused on the parts of Yuri affected by his memory loss that I have neglected the parts of Yuri that make him who he is._

Viktor noticed that Yuri had begun fidgeting next to him.  _I need to tell him something before he feels any worse._ Viktor removed his hand from his face and used it to pat Yuri on the head.

"This is proof of Yuri's desire and love for me, so I don't mind that it's on my body."

Yuri's head lifted about an inch.

"There are many ways to show love, and I don't think there's any shame in any particular way…as long as the other person is OK with it."

Yuri's head lifted a bit higher.

"Would you like to help clean me up, Yuri?"

Yuri looked up at him then, face still red, but with hope in his eyes instead of dejection.

"Y-yes!"

Viktor smiled warmly.

"OK! Go to the bathroom with the tub in it. Under the sink you will find some hand towels on a shelf. Take three of them. Wet one with hot water and add some soap to it. Wet one with just hot water and keep the third one dry."

Yuri nodded enthusiastically. He put his pajama pants back on quickly and rushed off to the bathroom. Viktor lay back down on the bed and waited for Yuri to return.  _I need to start paying more attention to Yuri's insecurities. Hell, my failure to do so is how I almost ended up losing him that night._

Yuri returned with the three hand towels and sat down on the bed next to him.

"Yuri, take some tissues from the nightstand and wipe my thigh with them first. Then use the soapy towel and follow it up with the wet one. When you're finished, you can dry it. Got it?"

Yuri nodded, but avoided eye contact as he cleaned Viktor up. Viktor grabbed Yuri's wrist and spoke gently.

"Yuri, look at me."

Yuri slowly raised his eyes to look at Viktor.

"I love it when you touch me, Yuri, regardless of the reason. Don't you enjoy…touching me also?"

Yuri's head whipped up immediately.

"Yes, of course!"

"Then please don't look away from me when you touch me. It makes me feel like…you don't like it."

"I'm sorry, Viktor. I won't look away from you again."

Once the cleaning was done, the two men showered and had a light breakfast. They packed their skating essentials, a change of clothes, and some light snacks into their backpacks. They changed into their practice clothes and got ready to leave. Viktor used his remote car starter to fire up his little red Lada Priora in the garage while Yuri bundled up. Once both men were ready, they headed to the garage and got in the car.

As Viktor drove, Yuri caught his first glimpse of St. Petersburg since he had arrived. They had flown into darkness on Friday night and stayed in all of Saturday. Viktor seemed to live in the outskirts of town; borderline countryside, in an area with lots of space and few neighbors.  _I guess it makes sense to be away from people if he's that famous. With all the competitions and traveling, he's probably not around that much, either. He would be just throwing money away on rent if he had a place in the city. I bet he owns the house outright._

Viktor snuck a peek at Yuri. The younger man seemed to be lost in thought as he stared out the window at the passing scenery.  _I should take him sightseeing once we've sorted out a training schedule._   _We're going to need to have at least one day a week on which we train separately. I can't show Yuri all my cards if we're going to be in competition against each other._

Some twenty minutes later, they were pulling up at the Sports Champions Club. Sunday wasn't a normal training day and the parking lot seemed mostly deserted. Once Viktor had parked the car, the two men grabbed their backpacks and went inside. They were in the change room, lacing up their skates when the door was violently pushed open.

"Viktor! Katsudon!"

Viktor looked up and saw Yuri Plisetsky standing there at the door.

"Oh, Yurio! Hiii!"

Yuri looked back and forth between Viktor and the angry-looking blonde standing at the door.  _Katsudon? Yurio? Huh?_

"Hey Viktor, what's wrong with the pig? Did he break his tongue as well as his head?"

Yuri finished lacing up his skates and stood up. Before Viktor could speak, "My tongue is just fine. I just generally don't answer to people calling me by unflattering names."

The angry blonde seemed momentarily taken aback by his response. Viktor quirked an eyebrow at the exchange and stood up as he addressed Yuri.

"Yuri, you remember Yuri Plisetsky, right? Your sister Mari gave him the nickname Yurio because having two Yuris at Yu-Topia was too confusing."

Yurio stomped over to Yuri and stood in front of him with crossed arms.

"So you hit your head, lost your memories  _and_  suddenly grew a pair of balls? My, haven't  _you_  been the busy one."

Viktor stepped in between them and put a hand on Yurio's chest. "That's enough, Yurio. He only recently started recovering his memories. He just hasn't gotten to you yet."

Yuri stepped around Viktor so that he was facing Yurio once more.

"I have exactly three memories of you, Yuri Plisetsky. The first is of you kicking down my bathroom stall door at Sochi, during the lowest point of my life, and yelling at me to retire."

Viktor shot a quizzical look over at Yurio, but the young man seemed too stunned to notice.

"The second is of you throwing a hissy fit at the Ice Castle in Hasetsu because Viktor assigned you Agape instead of Eros."

Yurio was incensed. "I did not throw a hissy fit!"

Nonplussed, Yuri continued. "The third memory I have is of you standing on the podium with a sour look on your face after winning the Grand Prix gold medal. As if annoyed that you had actually won."

"I WAS annoyed! I was annoyed that I only beat you by 0.12 points! I had wanted to crush you like the pig that you are!"

Yuri turned to Viktor. "Angry, violent, and with a sharp tongue…is he  _always_  this charming?"

"You filthy pig! After all we did for you that ni-"

Yurio never got to finish his sentence as Viktor had covered his mouth with his hand.

"Yuri, why don't you go ahead and get warmed up? I'll meet you on the ice in a bit."

Yuri gave Viktor a strange look, but then nodded and left the change room.

Yurio tore Viktor's hand away from his mouth.

_**(("...")) denotes Russian speech** _

(("What the fuck is wrong with him? He's turned into a total asshole!"))

Viktor sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

(("Listen to me, Yurio. He doesn't remember much yet, OK? He only  _just_ remembered a few things on Saturday and the pain it caused him almost made him pass out."))

The angry teen seemed to calm down a bit.

(("The memories he  _does_  have you aren't very flattering, I'll give you that.")) Yurio snorted and rolled his eyes.

(("But please…please try to be patient. We absolutely  _must not_  rush things and push him to remember before he is ready. The doctor said it could result in the memories getting locked away forever." ))

Yurio's face showed concern as he looked up to the older Russian.

(("Wait, there's a chance he  _won't_  remember?"))

Viktor sighed tiredly as he nodded. (("Yeah."))

(("How has he been otherwise?"))

(("Physically, he's fine. His skating wasn't affected at all by the head injury and he's practically fully recovered. I'm taking him to the doctor tomorrow to get his stitches out."))

(("No, I mean…what about his personality?"))

Viktor groaned. (("Like being on a rollercoaster ride. One moment he's old Yuri, the next he's this strangely confident and almost brutally upfront version."))

(("Hmm, can't say I envy you. You  _did_  bring this down upon yourself, though."))

Viktor shot the Russian teen a sarcastic look. (("Gee, thanks."))

(("Sorry I let my temper get the best of me. I'll try to be more…understanding…in the future."))

(("Ok Yurio, thanks. I need to get to practice now, though. Did you just start or are you on your way out?"))

(("I finished up just before you guys got here. I got here really early, since I've got plans with my grandpa later."))

(("Alright. See you around."))

Viktor left the change room to join Yuri on the ice as the younger Russian stayed behind to change out of his practice clothes.


	26. Flippin' Flutzered

When Viktor stepped out of the change room, he saw Yuri practicing combination spins on the ice. He waited for Yuri to stop spinning before he made his presence known.

"Hey, sorry about that. Yurio is a bit hot-headed and has difficulties controlling his anger on most days."

"You don't need apologize for him. He is the way that he is." Yuri reached for the water bottle and took a big swig. "I'm not sure how any memory I may have of him could possibly change what I currently think of him…but given what's happened to me in the last week…I suppose anything is possible."

Viktor smiled wistfully at Yuri.  _Don't pass judgment on Yurio yet, Yuri. He cares about you a lot more than he shows. You didn't see him that night. One day, when you remember, I can tell you just how many people care deeply about you._

The two skaters hit the ice hard after that. Viktor was pleased to discover that, other than a slight loss of flexibility due to muscles and ligaments being wound a bit too tight, Yuri was in top form.

"How's your head? Is it bothering you at all?"

"Head's fine. I got through all my usual spins and spin sequences without feeling any dizzier than usual."

"That's great. Let's work on jumps, then. We'll start with doubles as a warm-up and then work our way into the 5 quad jumps."

When Viktor mentioned the five quad jumps, the young man didn't seem phased at all. Why isn't he saying something?  _When I first started training him, he could only land the toe loop consistently in competitions. He learned how to land the Salchow from Yurio, and by the Grand Prix final he had added the flip to his repertoire. Does this mean he can do them after all?_

The doubles and triples went off without a hitch. Before they started on the quad jumps though, Yuri asked for a timeout.

"Hey Viktor, would you be able to show me all five quad jumps before I attempt them?"

Viktor was a bit surprised by the request but agreed.

"My quad Lutz isn't the best, you should probably have Chris show you that one. He's perfected it."

"Chris? Who's that?"

"Christophe Giacometti, the Swiss skater."

"Oh! You're friends with him?"

"Yeah, we've been competing head-to-head for quite some time. He's the only non-Russian skater I ever really got along with."

"Well, he's not around at the moment…so I guess I'll have to settle for the quad Lutz of a 5-time world gold-medalist." Yuri winked and smiled at Viktor.

Viktor placed a hand on each cheek as he blushed.

"Well, now I just have to show you the best quad Lutz possible. Yuri is counting on me after all!"

Yuri watched intently as Viktor went through all the quad jumps. He started off with the easiest one; the toe loop, and then worked his way through the loop, Salchow, flip and Lutz.

Yuri placed his fingers on his chin and skated around in lazy circles as he mentally processed everything he'd seen. Viktor skated off to grab a drink of water before returning to Yuri. He was a little sweaty and out of breath.

"Phew! That was a bit of a workout. It's been a while since I've had to do all 5 jumps in succession like that. I don't use the quad Lutz too often in competitions."

Yuri looked up at Viktor. "Oh, really? Why's that?"

"The quad flip is my 'signature jump' if you will. It's the one I have chosen to perfect to the point of being able to do it in my sleep."

Yuri nodded. "Hmm, I don't think I've got a jump like that. Something tells me the toe loop and Salchow don't give me a hard time. I also remember being able to do the quad flip by the GPF final.

"Ok Yuri, please show me your quad flip."

Yuri skated around and built up a bit of speed before he pivoted into the backward approach. He launched himself into the air and landed beautifully.

Viktor clapped as Yuri skated back up to him. "Well done, Yuri! Great execution!"

"Thanks. That went quite well, but for sure the Lutz will be a pain. It's nearly identical to the flip. Those edges are tricky."

Viktor took another swig of water and wiped his mouth with the back of his gloved hand. "Yeah, it's so easy to end up on the inside edge and turn it into a 'flutz'. Some skaters keep their free leg too high and end up mule kicking or toe hammering."

"That would help make the jumping part easier, but wouldn't it lower the jump height and give the skater less control in the air?"

Viktor nodded. "That's right, Yuri. Skaters with good Lutz technique don't fear taking off on the outside edge. They embrace it and actually deepen it as they take off."

"I see. Let me give it a shot, then."

Yuri's first attempt ended up in a flutz. His second attempt ended up in a fall.

Viktor sighed as he saw the familiar scene playing out in front of him.  _Yuri is overthinking things again._

"Yuri, you always fall on jumps when you're worrying too much about their mechanics."

Yuri ruffled his hair in frustration as he grunted. "Yeah...I know, I know. There's gotta be  _some_  way to make this a bit easier, though."

Viktor skated up to Yuri and placed a hand on each shoulder.

"Sure there is. You actually have a few options."

Yuri stopped turning his hair into a bird's nest and stared intently at Viktor. He pressed his palms together and brought them up to his forehead. He closed his eyes and bowed forward slightly.

"Please teach me, Viktor Kōchi!"

Viktor's eyes sparkled with delight at Yuri's request. He threw his arms around the younger man's shoulders and pulled him in for a big hug.

"Anything for you, Yuri!"

Once the two men had disentangled from each other, they headed over to the whiteboard at the end of the rink. Viktor grabbed a marker and began writing.

ONE: Spiral entry.

TWO: Associated step sequence.

THREE: Plyometric training

Viktor put the marker down and turned to Yuri.

"So, the first option would be to incorporate a high leg takeoff by going into the jump from a spiral. That would be one way to get used to the jump and get accustomed to taking off and landing on the outside edge. BUT, I worry that it would cause you to develop the bad habit of relying too much on the leg as a lever."

Yuri nodded. "Yeah, I don't think that would be a good idea."

"The best thing to do would be to associate the jump with a specific step sequence or move. Something along the lines of a mohawk or 3 turn, that ends on a back outside edge. That way it becomes muscle memory and much more natural."

Yuri stepped in closer to the whiteboard. "I get the feeling that that would be the wisest option, but what's  _plee-oh-metric_  training?"

"It's pronounced pleye-oh-metric. It's a special kind of training to increase jump height and develop explosive jump power. It also helps with speed and strength."

Yuri was immediately intrigued. "That sounds perfect for ice skaters! Why haven't I heard of it before?"

"Well, it's been around since the 1960s, but it's mostly been used by martial artists, American Football players and track and field athletes. Recently, it's trickled down into other sports like basketball and volleyball. Not many ice skaters are using it yet, but I know for a fact that Jean-Jacques Leroy incorporates plyometrics into his training schedule."

"Oooh, JJ! Really?! He is a jump-monster! He always has so many quads in his programs. I've always wondered how he was able to pull them off so easily…even though his stamina didn't seem to be that impressive."

"Well, now you know his secret."

Viktor asked Yuri to try a quad Lutz at the end of his first step sequence in Eros. On his first attempt, Yuri leaned too far forward on the landing and touched the ice as he spun out. On his second attempt, he landed a lot more cleanly, but still had to put a hand down on the ice. On his third attempt, he landed it with a slight wobble, but managed to stick the landing.

Yuri was ecstatic. "I did it!" He charged at Viktor and threw his arms around him. Then he surprised the older Russian by giving him a quick peck on the lips.

"Wow, Yuri! I am going to have to do more things for you if this is how you thank me afterward!"

Yuri blushed but didn't pull away.

"I'll be sure to thank you…properly…later." Yuri's face went a shade redder before he quickly pushed himself away from Viktor and scurried off the ice.

Viktor watched for a few seconds, dumbfounded, as Yuri skated away before he gave chase.

The two skaters put on their blade guards and went back to the change room. They changed out of their sweaty practice clothes and tucked into their snacks. Yuri noticed that Viktor kept checking his phone and messaging someone, but didn't want to seem nosy so he tried to ignore it. They left the Sports Champions Club and hopped back into Viktor's car. Right away, Yuri noticed that they were headed in a different direction from Viktor's home.

"Are we stopping somewhere before heading back to your home?"

"Yes, we're making a pit-stop somewhere special before we head back to  _our_  home."

"Where are we going?"

Viktor winked at Yuri. "It's a secret."

Yuri sighed in exasperation as he pouted. He crossed his arms and sulked while he stared out the window.

Viktor laughed at how cute Yuri looked when he was sulking.  _He better not have this face later after he meets the wigglebutt again!_

Once Yuri realized where they were, he shot Viktor a perplexed look.

"Viktor, why are we back at the airport?"

"It's part of the secret…"

"Arrrgh!" Yuri threw his hands up in vexation and sank back into his seat. "I give up!"

Viktor parked the car at the edge of the lot near a grassy patch. He asked Yuri to stay in the car and promised to return as soon as he had the 'package' he came to collect.

Viktor left the engine running so that the car would stay heated for Yuri. He grabbed his 'blending in' kit from the trunk. It consisted of an oversized black beanie and sunglasses. He combed his hair back with his fingers before putting the beanie on.  _Excellent. Hair fully covered…check!_  Then he put on a pair of oversized black sunglasses. Feeling like he had sufficiently hidden his most recognizable features, Viktor hurried into the airport.

At first, Yuri tried to pass the time by browsing social media. Sadly, nothing really interesting was happening. Even the media interest surrounding his accident had died down quite a bit.  _I should make a press release of some sort tomorrow. I missed Japanese Nationals after all. The JSF will be expecting some kind of statement._ The efforts from the day's practice the previous night's workout finally caught up with him and Yuri suddenly felt exhausted. The cozy warmth of the heated car was the last straw, and soon he had drifted off to sleep.

Viktor waited anxiously at the Aeroflot cargo facility counter. He had all of Makkachin's documents ready and had brought all the necessary forms. The clerk at the counter recognized him immediately once he took his sunglasses off.

-Hello, Mr. Nikiforov. Thank you for flying your pet with us again."-

Viktor smiled as he lied through his teeth. -No, thank  _you_. I always get such  _efficient_  and courteous service from Aeroflot."-

The clerk checked and stamped all the forms, made copies of them and asked him to sign Makkachin's release papers. Then he disappeared behind a door. Five minutes later, Viktor had an extremely happy and excited standard poodle wriggling up a storm inside his travel carrier. He reached a couple of fingers in through the door and scratched his chin.

"Let's get outside quickly, Makkachin. You probably need to poop and pee. Also, Yuri is here to see you!" The dog stopped panting for a second and tilted its head to the side when it heard Viktor mention Yuri's name. "Oh! Good boy, Makkachin! You remember him! He hurt his head and can't remember you right now, so make sure to love him lots and lots until he can, OK?"

Makkachin's travel carrier thankfully had wheels at the bottom, and so Viktor was able to get through the throng of people quite quickly. Once he got close enough to the car, he opened the door to the travel carrier and watched Makkachin make a beeline for the grassy patch. The excitable standard poodle quickly went about his business and returned to Viktor's side once he was all done. Viktor reached into his coat pocket and took out a treat. Makkachin snarfed it down without a second thought. The Russian skater ruffled the fur at the top of the poodle's head before walking up to the car. He peeked in through the windshield and saw that Yuri was passed out in his seat.

 _He must be exhausted. Today's practice was a bit rough with all the jumping._  Viktor looked down at Makkachin. "Let's wake Yuri up together!" Viktor opened the driver's side door and ushered Makkachin inside. He immediately went straight for Yuri and began licking his face.

Yuri was dreaming that someone was washing his face with a warm, wet towel.  _Why is someone cleaning my face? Did I forget to wash it today or something?_ Yuri slowly opened his eyes and saw a furry face and two black eyes staring back at him.

"V—Vi-Chan?!"

A long wet tongue slurped his face with such enthusiasm that it knocked his glasses off his face. His hands fumbled around on his lap until he was able to find them. He quickly put them back on his face and stared at the dog that was suddenly next to him in the car.  _Wait a minute…this isn't Vi-Chan…who is this?_ Yuri heard the sound of Viktor's laughter and turned his head to see him getting into the car next to him.

"Yuri, this is Makkachin. You've met before…but probably don't remember."

As Yuri stared into Makkachin's fluffy face, the memories started flooding in. He recalled the first day he got Vi-Chan and how he had shown him off to Yuuko-Chan at school. Vi-Chan had been a result of his apparent obsession with Viktor. The dog had even been named after him. He remembered that day after his short program when his parents had told him that Vi-Chan had died. Then he was back at Yu-Topia, getting bowled over by this same dog and thinking the exact same thing; that he was Vi-Chan.  _That was the day Viktor showed up to be my coach! I remember it now!_  Tears started streaming down Yuri's face as he stared unblinkingly at Makkachin's face.

A hand was suddenly on his shoulder, gently shaking him.

"Did you remember something, Yuri?"

Yuri nodded as he wiped the tears from his eyes.

"I'll tell you about it later." Yuri sniffled as he was overcome by a huge yawn. "Can we please just go home now? I'm exhausted."

"We sure can."

Yuri pulled Makkachin into his lap and started stroking his head. He rubbed behind the dog's ears and planted a kiss on top of his head. Makkachin repositioned himself a bit more comfortably on Yuri's lap and was soon comatose. Viktor took out his phone and snapped a picture.

"My life's two loves…together in one photo…this is just too perfect!"

"Viiiikkkkttoorrrrr!"

"Ok, Ok…I get it! We're going home now, I promise!"

The little red car pulled out of the parking lot and the two men headed back home with their new furry addition.


	27. Rub-a-dub-dub

**_Mild Lemon Warning_ ** **_: fun time in the bath_ **

As soon as the car door opened, Makkachin shot out like a rocket. He ran circles around the snow-covered yard in an apparent attack of the zoomies. Viktor and Yuri both laughed as the older dog ran around kicking up snow and then trying to eat it as it fell back down.

"Hahaha! I think being cooped up in that airplane has made Makkachin go a bit batty. He hasn't acted this way in ages!"

"He's really fired up! I'm getting tired just watching him!"

Viktor walked up to Yuri and wrapped an arm around his waist. "Maybe he's just really excited to see you again." Viktor leaned in and gave Yuri a kiss on his cheek. "I'd probably react the same way too if I hadn't seen you for a long time. I just wouldn't be able to contain myself!"

Yuri looked between Viktor and Makkachin a few times before he burst into uncontrollable laughter. He was laughing so hard he had doubled over and tears were streaking down his face.

Viktor put his hands on his hips and pouted. "What's so funny?"

Still bent over and with hands on his knees, Yuri managed to compose himself enough to speak. Still out of breath, he looked up at Viktor with the biggest, goofiest smile on his face.

"I pictured…your head…on Makkachin's body and…I just…"

Yuri fought and lost the battle to contain his giggles. As the younger man laughed on, a devious look crossed Viktor's porcelain features. He stealthily reached down and grabbed a handful of snow. He pushed it together with both hands and shaped it into a ball.

"Hey, Yuri!"

When Yuri looked up, he received a face full of snow. It completely obscured his glasses and had even gone into his mouth. As he stood there, stupefied, Viktor laughed with reckless abandon. Yuri calmly removed his glasses and cleaned them off on his scarf. He wiped his face and prepared for the counter-attack.

 _Oh my god! That was hilarious! The look on Yuri's face when the snowball hit him…priceless!_ As Viktor looked up, he saw that Yuri was gone. He looked left and right but did not see him.

"Yuri? Where did you go? Please don't be mad…I was just playing around!"

Viktor's guard was down and he was totally unprepared for Yuri's tackle from behind.

He had just enough time to utter a startled yelp before he went crashing down, face first, into a pile of snow. Yuri straddled the older skater as he laughed. Yuri leaned in and whispered in Viktor's ear.

"Refreshing isn't it? All that cold snow on your face? I enjoyed it  _so much_  that I thought I'd share the experience with you…"

It was Yuri's turn to be surprised as Viktor flipped their positions in one fluid movement. Viktor used his hand to wipe the snow from his face.

"You shouldn't pick fights with people who are stronger than you, Yuri."

Yuri laughed awkwardly as he looked up at Viktor's suddenly-serious face. He brought both hands up to the Russian's chest and patted him soothingly.

"OK, OK…sorry Viktor. I guess I got a bit carried away."

Viktor grabbed Yuri's hands and pinned them down on the snow at his sides. He leaned in until their noses were touching.

"Feel free to challenge me any time, Yuri. Just be aware of the consequences if you lose."

Yuri gulped as he looked up into Viktor's eyes. "Consequences?"

Viktor bit down gently on Yuri's glasses and pulled them off his face with his teeth. He turned his head and released them into the snow next to Yuri's neck. Without warning, he then brought his lips crashing down hard onto Yuri's. He used the younger man's muffled squeal to his advantage and slipped his tongue into his mouth. He rocked his hips against Yuri as he ravaged the younger man with his lips. Yuri squirmed and moaned beneath him. Viktor smiled as he paused briefly to nibble and nip at Yuri's lips. Satisfied that he had gotten his point across, he put Yuri's glasses back on, stood up and brushed himself off. He looked down and saw that the Japanese skater was still lying prone on his back, looking rather dazed and bewildered.

"We should get back inside and warm up before we both catch a cold."

Yuri continued to stare unblinkingly into space. Puffs of condensed air formed as he gasped for breath. Viktor laughed and extended a hand out to him.

"Yuri, you're going to have to stand up soon unless you want to end up naked in the snow."

The younger man seemed to snap himself back to reality and reached for Viktor's hand. He muttered intelligibly as they grabbed their things from the car. Viktor leaned in and tried to pick up on what was being said.

"What are you grumbling about, Yuri?"

Yuri blushed sullenly as he mumbled. "You can't make the consequences of losing to you something worth losing for…"

Viktor laughed as he pushed Yuri toward the house. Once on the front steps, he dusted the snow off the young man's jacket and then unzipped it before ushering him into the abode.

"Could you go run a bath while I take care of Makkachin?"

Yuri nodded before taking his boots off and hanging up his scarf and beanie. After he left for the bathroom, Viktor called Makkachin to the door. The happy canine came running in from behind the house and bounded happily through the snow till he was at the front door. He grabbed a rag from the front closet and used it to dry the dog's wet paws. Once the dog's feet were dry, Viktor removed and hung up his own winter gear. He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a pair of stainless steel bowls from under the sink. He filled one with water and the other with two scoops of kibble from a container on the counter. Viktor left the dog to enjoy its meal and followed the sound of running water to the bathroom. Yuri was squeezing in some bubble bath when he walked in.  _Oh! He remembered it from the other night!_

After Yuri had turned off the water, Viktor stepped up to him and removed his glasses for the second time that day.

Viktor? What are…?"

Viktor put a finger up against Yuri's lips.

"We're going to take a bath together. Can't very well do that with foggy glasses, now can we?"

Yuri was a bit surprised. "I thought that the bath was for you."

"It is! But it's also for  _you_. Didn't you say something earlier about repaying me for showing you all the quad jumps?"

Yuri blushed as he recalled the comment he had made earlier at the Sports Champions Club.

He sighed and nodded before reaching for his sweater to pull it off. Before he could do so however, he was stopped by Viktor.

"Let  _me_  do it. So far I've only had the chance to undress you with my eyes. I want to  _really_  undress you."

Yuri hid his face with both hands. "Geez, Viktor! You say the most embarrassing things!"

Viktor stepped in and gently pulled Yuri's hands off his face before placing a kiss on each palm.

"We can do it together. I don't want to miss an opportunity to be undressed by Yuri either!"

Yuri looked down and off to the side as he raised both arms above his head.

"よろしくお願いします*. I am in your care."

Viktor fangirl'd internally as he looked at Yuri's face.  _This boy is so darn cute when he goes into shy Japanese mode!_ He reached behind Yuri and took a butt cheek in each hand. The man startled a bit at the contact but did not make any moves to extricate himself from the situation.  _Good, he's getting used to my sneak attacks!_  Viktor ran his hands slowly and deliberately up Yuri's butt before he finally reached the hem of his sweater. Slowly, he lifted the sweater until it had cleared Yuri's arms. It was unceremoniously tossed on the floor in a heap. Next, he reached for Yuri's t-shirt. He first slid his hands under the t-shirt and ran them across Yuri's abdomen and lower back. Yuri shuddered and closed his eyes while drawing in a sharp breath. Viktor grabbed the hem of the t-shirt and pulled it on it. As he pulled it up, he made sure to brush Yuri's nipples with his hands. There was another gasp as Yuri trembled lightly at the contact. Once the shirt had just barely cleared Yuri's face, Viktor planted a quick kiss on the man's lips. He pulled it off the rest of the way, and soon, it too had joined the sweater on the floor.

Yuri lowered his arms and opened his eyes. He saw Viktor standing there and gazing intently back at him. It was such a fiery gaze that it made him want to cover himself back up. Almost as if sensing Yuri's line of thought, Viktor grabbed his hands and brought them to his own sweater.

"Your turn."

Yuri put his hands on Viktor's shoulders and ran his hands down the man's arms. The sweater was made of high quality wool and super soft to the touch. Yuri allowed himself to relish the softness of the fabric and the hardness of Viktor's muscles underneath it. He slowly pulled the Russian's sweater over his head and was left with just an undershirt to contend with. Yuri spun Viktor around so that the man was facing away from him. He ran his hands down the front of the taller man's torso, stopping only to tweak the hardened nipples pushing against the fabric. Viktor moaned as he leaned his head back on Yuri's shoulder.

"I love it when you do bold things like that, Yuri. Surprise me more!"

Yuri nibbled on Viktor's ear as he slipped both hands under the shirt. He ran them along the front and back lengths of Viktor's muscular torso before finally pulling the shirt over the man's head.

Viktor turned himself back around and brought Yuri in for a kiss. They pushed their upper bodies together and relished the shared body heat.

Viktor reached for Yuri's jeans, and without breaking the kiss, unbuckled the belt. He undid the front button and zipper, then pushed the garment off the man's hips. It slid down to Yuri's ankles and he stepped out of them. Yuri reached for Viktor's pants and did the same. Yuri's eyes widened as he got a good look at Viktor's bikini brief thong.

"Have you always worn those?"

Viktor looked down and laughed.

"Yep. They're my favorite. I guess you haven't seen them before because I am either fully dressed or just about naked every time we've been together."

Yuri looked down at his own boxer briefs and grimaced. 'Sorry, I guess these must seem very boring to you."

Viktor grabbed Yuri by the butt and brought their hips together. "They suit you perfectly, Yuri. I couldn't imagine you in anything else. Well, except for nothing, of course."

Yuri laughed as he reached behind Viktor and placed his hands on the man's muscular butt. "This style most definitely suits you, Viktor. It suits me as well, for it allows me direct access to your skin."

The men kissed a bit longer before they finally disposed of their last articles of clothing. Viktor stepped into the bathtub first and held out a hand to Yuri. Yuri took the man's hand, but instead of stepping in across from him in the tub, he slipped in behind him.

Viktor shot Yuri a quizzical look, but didn't say anything. It wasn't long before the two men were happily and comfortably settled in the hot, bubbly water. Yuri put his hands on Viktor's shoulders and began massaging and kneading the muscles there.

Viktor sighed happily as he felt Yuri's hands working the tension out of him.

"Not that I am complaining, but what's this about, Yuri?"

"This is part one of my gratification plan. To thank Viktor for being such a good coach today."

"Ooohh! Part one? What's part two?"

Yuri leaned in and nipped at Viktor's earlobe, drawing a startled gasp from the man.

"It's a secret."

"C'mon Yuri, just give me one little hint!"

Yuri shook his head "Nope."

Defeated, Viktor sat rigidly in the tub as he sulked. And, as much as he tried to carry on moping, Yuri's magic hands soon had him turned into a pile of goo.

"Mmmm…Yuri…you're really good at this."

Yuri placed butterfly kisses on Viktor's back as he massaged each individual arm and hand. Once Yuri had Viktor nearly falling asleep in the tub, he nudged him gently and said that they should rinse off. Viktor pulled the stopper and started the water draining from the tub. Then, two men stood up and helped rinse each other off with the detachable shower head. After drying off, they each wrapped a towel around their lower bodies. Yuri grabbed Viktor by the hand and led him down the hall to the bedroom.

_terminology_

よろしくお願いします (Japanese) – Yoroshiku onegaishimasu


	28. Love Training

_**Lemon warning**_ _ **: Two hot men bringing each other to orgasm**_.

Yuri walked into the bedroom with Viktor in tow. He instructed the Russian man to lie down on his back and get comfortable. Yuri first removed the towel around his own waist before reaching over and removing Viktor's. Sea-green eyes watched with intense curiosity as the younger man moved about the room to take the body lotion from the dresser. Yuri leaned in and planted a quick kiss on Viktor's lips before placing some in his hands and rubbing it in his palms to warm it up. He then sat back on his heels next to Viktor's right leg and began massaging the man's thigh. Viktor closed his eyes and allowed himself to enjoy the sensation of Yuri's fingers kneading the tight bundles of muscles. He hadn't really managed to recover from the stress of Yuri's accident and hospitalization, let alone everything that had happened since. So this special attention felt heavenly. He relaxed further, feeling as if he had melted into the bed. Yuri continued down the length of his leg before finally reaching his feet. Ice skaters quite frequently have some of the most abused feet of any sport. There's bruising, blistering and often missing toenails. It's an absolute treat when there's time and opportunity to have them pampered.

"I didn't know you were so skilled in massages, Yuri. You really know what you're doing."

"Thank you, Viktor. But I can't claim full credit for it. Phichit taught me everything I know. I had those 5 years we skated together in Detroit."

Viktor sighed happily before closing his eyes and leaning back into the pillows once more.

"I'm going to have to personally thank that boy the next time I see him."

Yuri chuckled before he continued the gentle foot massage. Once he felt satisfied that Viktor's foot had been sufficiently rubbed down, he shifted his position on the bed and moved over to Viktor's left leg. He added more lotion to his hands and began the same process. Once he had finished with Viktor's left foot, he nudged him lightly before asking him to turn over onto his stomach. Viktor rearranged the pillows before turning over and sliding his arms under them.

Yuri spread Viktor's legs apart and made himself comfortable between them. He missed the look of lust that crossed Viktor's face as he did so. This time around, Yuri first began with Viktor's calves. They were quite tight and the massage was a bit uncomfortable at first. Then, he moved up to the back of Viktor's thighs and finally up to his butt.

As Yuri's hands skillfully plied and molded the ample bundle of muscles, Viktor's own hands fisted in the sheets under the pillow. As much as he wanted to relax and enjoy the massage, knowing that Yuri's hands were on his butt was really turning him on. The more Yuri worked on Viktor, the more Viktor got worked up. As Viktor's arousal grew, he began grinding his hips into the bed. A minute or so later, and unable to keep quiet any longer, Viktor let out a loud moan.

Fearing that he had hurt Viktor somehow, Yuri stopped his actions immediately.

"Viktor? Is everything alright?"

Viktor nodded, but didn't turn around to look at him. Yuri grabbed Viktor's shoulders and rolled him onto his back. A flushed and slightly sweaty face stared back at him.

"Viktor, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, Yuri. In fact, you're just too good with your hands."

As Viktor spoke, he grabbed Yuri's hand and placed it onto his hardened flesh.

Yuri's eyes widened in shock before he looked down.

"Oh!"

Viktor's arousal twitched in his hand and Yuri's face turned a deep shade of crimson.

"Ohhhh!" Yuri looked down at Viktor and shook his head.

"This was supposed to be something relaxing and soothing for you. I didn't intend to get you all excited. Sorry..."

"Yuri, saying you didn't intend to get me all excited is like saying the sun didn't intend to shine."

Yuri blushed even redder.

Viktor chuckled. "Are you just going to leave me to suffer like this, Yuri?"

Before Yuri could answer, Viktor grabbed his head and brought him in for a deep kiss.

Once Yuri finally managed to pull away, he stroked Viktor's face lovingly.

"I wouldn't dream of it."

Yuri leaned in and planted kisses on Viktor's neck. He slowly worked his way down to the man's collarbone and traced its line with his tongue. Viktor closed his eyes and trembled. Yuri lay down on his left side next to Viktor and propped himself up on his elbow. As he used his right hand to explore Viktor's body, he watched the taller man's face for reactions. He noticed that when something felt particularly good, Viktor would bite the corner of his lip.

Yuri trailed his fingers down Viktor's torso, stopping just before the mass of curls, and allowing his hand to linger there for just a moment. He then ran the back of his hand up and down the length of either thigh, relishing the shivers it garnered from the pale man next to him. Yuri repeated the actions a few more times, getting tantalizingly closer to Viktor's center with each subsequent pass. Viktor's arousal would twitch in anticipation each time Yuri drew closer to it. Viktor's moans turned into impatient grunts, and soon he was staring pointedly at Yuri.

"Yuuuuuuuuuriii. I get that you want to get to know my body and everything...but you're driving me  _absolutely_  insane right now." Viktor's eyes were pleading and his voice heavy with need as he spoke.

"Please don't make me wait any longer."

Yuri licked his lips as he heard Viktor's words.  _Viktor is so cute when he begs!_  Without a single warning, Yuri reached down and took Viktor fully in his hand. The sudden contact caused Viktor to gasp and throw his head back into the pillow.

Yuri leaned in and captured Viktor's lips in a passionate kiss. He darted his tongue into Viktor's mouth and began slow, languorous strokes.  _Mmmm, Viktor's lips are the best! I could kiss him forever!_ Yuri began stroking Viktor in time with his tongue's movements. Viktor's moans grew louder with each caress. The two men broke apart when the need for air became too strong.

"Wow…Yuri…your kisses are…amazing! You've really improved…in a short time."

Yuri tapped his two index fingers together as he smiled shyly.

"That's because…Viktor's lips feel really good…and I like kissing them…a lot."

Viktor smiled as he caressed Yuri's face with both hands.

"And I love it when you kiss me. Kiss me any time, Yuri!"

Yuri smiled and nodded.

"Viktor, could you sit up please?"

Viktor did as he was asked. "What have you got in mind, Yuri?"

"Could we try rubbing against each other? I really…liked that…the last time we did it."

"Of course, Yuri! I'm happy you can tell me what you like and what you want. Let's always tell each other!"

Viktor sat cross-legged on the bed and motioned for Yuri to face him and then sit on his lap. He reached for the body lotion and squeezed some into his hand. He spread some of the lotion into his other hand and then reached in between them. First he rubbed the lotion down his own length, and then did the same for Yuri. The younger man hissed between clenched teeth as Viktor's slicked hand ran along his arousal. Then, he reached between them and took both of them together in his hand. As he began stroking them both, Yuri gasped and moaned.

"Does it feel good, Yuri?"

Yuri closed his eyes and nodded.

"Cover my hand with yours, Yuri. Let's do it together."

The two men wrapped their free arm around each other and pressed their lips together in a heated kiss. The closer they got to completion, the hungrier and messier the kisses became. The added lubrication from the body lotion soon proved to be too much for the lovers as they both reached orgasm within a short time.

They held each other for a minute as they caught their breath before cleaning up together. As they cuddled in bed, Viktor stroked Yuri's hair.

"Yuri, I want to make love to you."

Yuri whipped his head up to look at Viktor. His voice was a strangled squeak.

"Right now?!"

Viktor blinked for a few seconds before he burst into hearty laughter.

"Oh Yuri…you're absolutely almost unbearably adorable sometimes! It's encouraging that the most pressing matter to you is the timing and not the actual logistics behind it!"

Embarrassed, Yuri hid his face in the crook of Viktor's neck. He mumbled incoherently for a few seconds before Viktor sat up, removing his hiding place in the process. Yuri immediately plunged his face into the nearest pillow. Viktor reached down and gently rubbed Yuri's back.

"I think, that we both need to do some research and preparation before we can get to that point, though. I have never been with a man before, and things work quite a bit differently than they do with a woman. We're both totally blind in this situation."

Yuri lifted his head off the pillow and turned to look at Viktor.

"Y-you don't know w-what to do either?"

Viktor shook his head. "I have the general idea…but no solid information."

Feeling a bit relieved and slightly less embarrassed, Yuri sat up and twisted to face Viktor.

"Then we can…learn together?"

Viktor smiled and nodded.

A few minutes later, the two men put on pajama pants and prepared two mugs of hot chocolate. They made themselves comfortable on the living room sofa before Viktor opened his laptop. The two men stared at the main Google search page before turning to stare at each other.

Yuri broke the silence. "So…what exactly do we start with?"

A few hours, online forums and YouTube videos later, the two skaters finally emerged from the internet rabbit hole they had fallen into.

Yuri sat back on the sofa and stared blankly into space. "Well…that was…informative."

Viktor sat back on the sofa next to Yuri and threw an arm around the man's shoulder.

"We're in this together, Yuri. Don't forget that. If things are moving too fast or you're uncomfortable with anything, we can always put the brakes on. There's no rush."

Yuri turned his head and gave Viktor a quick kiss.

"I know Viktor, thank you. But, I  _do_ …want you to make love to me…and I also want…to make love to you."

Viktor smiled as he took Yuri's hands in his own.

"We can look at this as a new kind of training. Love training!"

Yuri laughed as he squeezed Viktor's hands.

"Ok Viktor, let's do love training together!"

Energized, the couple visited a website that belonged to an adult sex toy store. Together, they chose a variety of 'training tools' and lube…lots and lots of lube. They got scented, unscented, flavored, water-based and silicone-based; a little bit of everything. Everything they had read mentioned lube being an indispensable part of the whole process. So they wanted to make sure they had enough. Once they had all their items ready in their cart, they checked out and paid with Viktor's credit card. Express shipping guaranteed that their items would arrive within a few days.

"We can stop by a pharmacy tomorrow after we get your stitches out and pick up a small bottle of lube so that we can start experimenting before our goodies arrive."

Yuri looked at the date on Viktor's laptop and gasped.

"Viktor…it's Christmas Day!"

Viktor looked down at the date on the laptop.

"Oh, you're right! Sorry, I don't have a Christmas tree or anything…Christmas in Russia is not really a big deal. We get much more excited about New Year's."

"Really? Hmm, I guess it's more a North American holiday after all."

"Do they not celebrate it in Japan?"

"Yes, and no. I think people in Japan like the  _idea_ of Christmas. They put up decorations and some people exchange gifts, but we don't get any time off for it or anything. I mean, the most famous Christmas tradition we have is eating KFC and strawberry shortcake."

"That's interesting. Fried chicken and cake for Christmas."

"It's nowhere near the level of insanity that the holiday reaches in America. Those years in Detroit were eye-opening. Christmas music and decorations show up in all the stores right on December 1st. People get super stressed out decorating their homes, making sure everyone has a gift and cooking the perfect turkey. Stressed out and angry people with guns result in at least half a dozen Christmas time murders every year."

Viktor was shocked. That sounds intense. Let's make sure we never go to America during Christmas, OK?"

Yuri nodded eagerly. "Trust me, I've had enough of Christmas to last me a lifetime."

As their stomachs growled, the men realized they hadn't had anything to eat since the light lunch they'd had after practice. Viktor sent Yuri ahead into the kitchen as he ordered one more special item for them from the sex store.  _This should be one hell of an experience once we're both ready for it!_ Viktor joined Yuri in the kitchen and got to work on a meal fit for two kings.


	29. Close to Me, My Dreams, My Nightmares

That night, as the two men slept, a recurring dream made its way into Yuri's slumber.

**_Yuri found himself at the Ice Castle in Hasetsu. "Oh, I'm back here again!"_ **

**_He looked down at his feet and saw that they were no longer bloody and that he had become unstuck from the ice. Yuri squealed with glee at the new development. He took a few tentative steps on the ice, careful not to slip._ ** _If only I had some shoes or something. This ice is uncomfortably cold._ **_No sooner did he think about his cold feet then did a pair of skates suddenly appear on them. "I can finally move about!" As Yuri looked around, he noticed that there was no sign of the man-shadow at the rink. "Where could he be? He's always here…" Yuri skated the circumference of the rink before he spotted an MP3 player leaning against the rink wall. He picked it and saw that the playlist only had one song on it. "Stay Close To Me? Why does that sound so familiar?" As Yuri pushed the play button, the rink was flooded with sound. "Oh! I can finally hear the music!" A soft instrumental sound occupied the first few seconds of the song. Then a male operatic voice took over. Yuri somehow knew it was Italian, but didn't understand the words._ **

_Sento una voce che piange lontano_

_Anche tu, sei stato forse abbandonato?_

_Orsù finisco presto questo calice di vino_

_e inizio a prepararmi_

_Adesso fa' silenzio_

**_Before he knew it, his body moved on its own. He glided toward the center of the rink and began skating along to the music. He recognized the moves he was making as those he had previously seen the man-shadow make._ ** _Ah, so this is the song he's been skating to._ **_Yuri wanted to think that he was just recalling the shadow's movements, but it felt like he had a deeper connection to the song than that. He was so engrossed in his skating that he did not notice the encroaching presence of the shadow._ **

" ** _Skate with me."_**

**_Yuri faltered and stumbled on the ice when he heard the shadow's voice. Just as he turned around, he saw the shadow standing there with a hand extended out to him. Yuri caught a glint of gold on the shadow's hand and quickly looked down to his own right hand. He felt an overwhelming sense of relief when he saw the matching ring on his own finger. He couldn't explain it, but the ring felt like a lifeline. Yuri skated over to the shadow and placed his hand in its extended one. They pushed off together and skated in tandem at first. It didn't take long for them to sync up though, and soon they were skating to the song as if it had been made for a pair skate. Yuri smiled as he skated with the shadow. Skating with him felt natural and easy. They would do their jumps side-by-side and meet up and link their hands again after each one._ **

_Stammi vicino, non te ne andare_

_Ho paura di perderti_

_This part sounds so beautiful. I wonder what it's about._   ** _Yuri heard the shadow's voice in his head. 'It means: stay close to me, don't go away. I am afraid of losing you.'_**

**_Something about those words caused a sharp pain in Yuri's heart. His smile faded as he released the shadow's hand to clutch at his chest. As he did so, the scene around him faded to pitch black. A voice rang out in the darkness._ **

" _No."_

**_It cracked the air like a clap of thunder. It was so loud and booming that it instantly gave him a splitting headache. Yuri squinted as the pain throbbed in his head. An orb of light suddenly appeared in front of him and took the shape of a human outline._ **

" _We need to end this."_

**_Another sharp pain wracked Yuri's body and he fell to his knees. He peered up at it and saw that it was walking away from him._ **

" _This is goodbye, Yuri."_

**_Sheer panic gripped him. This person meant the world to him. He couldn't allow this important person to leave him! His mind was screaming at him to say something, but his mouth seemed paralyzed by fear. He stretched his arm out and tried to will himself to speak. Tears streaked down his face as the shape moved further and further from his reach…_ **

Viktor had been enjoying a rather steamy dream involving Yuri when the subject of his dream began thrashing around on the bed next to him, waking him. He opened his eyes, sat up in bed and looked around groggily.

"Yuri?"

As he looked over at Yuri, he saw that the man was in the throes of some kind of horrid nightmare. The poor man was crying and flailing about on the bed. One hand was clutching at his chest and the other was stretched out in front of him, as if reaching for something. Viktor was instantly awake and almost in a panic.  _I have to snap him out of it!_

"Yuri! Wake up, Yuri!"

Viktor despaired as his voice had no effect on the situation. _How do I break him out of this nightmare? I heard it's bad to touch people when they're like this. What the hell do I do?!_ Viktor looked frantically around the room for something…anything…he could use. He briefly recalled something about thermal shocks and ran to the nearest bathroom. He filled a cup halfway up with ice cold water from the tap and ran back into the room, not caring about the water that spilled out of the cup as he ran. When he reached the bed, he took a deep breath and threw the water in Yuri's face. The Japanese man heaved violently and was instantly rendered awake and sputtering. His entire body trembled as he sat up and wiped the water from his face. Yuri sat hunched over on the bed as he struggled to draw in raspy and ragged breaths. His hair was plastered to his forehead and his eyes were still glassy and unfocused from sleep.

"Yuri?"

The younger man's head snapped up and his wide eyes darted about wildly as he looked around the room for the source of the voice. Once he spotted Viktor, he launched himself at him and the two men fell to the floor together in a heap. A soggy and quivering Yuri wrapped both of his arms in a vice grip around Viktor's waist and sobbed fitfully against his chest. Viktor wrapped his arms around Yuri's head and just held him. He didn't dare move or make a single sound. Once Yuri had calmed down a bit and his breathing had returned to a somewhat more normal level, Viktor finally spoke.

"Yuri, I need to get something from the bathroom. Can you wait for me here? I'll be right back, I promise."

Yuri shook his head vehemently and gripped Viktor harder.

"OK, no problem. I'll just take you with me. Let's stand up, Yuri."

Yuri nodded against his chest and moved with Viktor as he stood up.

Viktor pulled Yuri's arms up to wrap around his neck and then wrapped his legs up and around his waist. He supported Yuri's weight by placing his hands on the younger man's butt and walked them to the half-bathroom. Viktor then released Yuri's legs and allowed them to slide down the floor. He opened the medicine cabinet, grabbed two Lunesta tablets and put them in the pocket of his pajama pants.  _I'm glad that I kept these around for my bouts of insomnia. They're just about the only thing that can help Yuri right now._  He filled another cup with water and set it on the counter as he re-wrapped Yuri's legs around him. He used one hand to support Yuri's weight and the other to carry the cup of water.  _It's a good thing the bathroom isn't that far from the bedroom. I don't think I could hold out for very long._

Viktor carried Yuri back to the bedroom and set the cup of water on the nightstand. He released Yuri's legs once more and took the two tablets out of his pocket.

"Yuri, take these. They will help you calm down."

Yuri nodded weakly against his neck and pulled away. He kept his head down and didn't look up at him. Viktor handed Yuri the pills and then gave him the cup with water in it. Yuri looked away as he put both tablets in his mouth and emptied the cup. Viktor took the cup away from him and turned to set it back on the nightstand. Yuri had re-attached himself to Viktor's neck before the cup made it back to the nightstand.

"Let's sit back down, Yuri."

Viktor backed his legs against the bed and slid down to the floor. He repositioned Yuri more comfortably on his lap before wrapping his arms around the man's waist. He leaned back against the bed and offered Yuri quiet comfort. As they sat in silence, Viktor could tell that the Lunesta was starting to take effect. First, Yuri's iron grip around his neck loosened significantly and his breathing slowed down quite a bit. Then his head drooped against his shoulder and his body slumped against him. Viktor sighed with relief as he felt Yuri would be unconscious soon.  _The best thing about Lunesta is the dreamless sleep it brings._

Yuri stirred slightly in Viktor's arms. With a great degree of effort, he used his hands to push himself upright and was able to lift his head to stare sleepily at him.

"Donnn weebe me Biktoorrruuu."

Viktor furrowed his brows as he tried to make sense of Yuri's slurred words.  _C'mon, you've heard him speak while drunk...this is just like that time in Sochi._

"Shtay crose to meee. Schtammeee bee chee no." Yuri's eyes filled with tears as he spoke.

Viktor's eyes widened as he finally put together what Yuri was trying to say. He pulled the man back close against his chest and hugged him tight.

"I'll  _never_  leave you. Stay close to me, Yuri. Stammi vicino."

He could feel Yuri nod feebly against his chest before his whole body went limp. Viktor held Yuri tight as he stared up at the ceiling, his own tears streaming down his face.


	30. The 'Hangover'

Yuri was floating happily in a black void. There were no images, thoughts, or feelings….just blissful nothingness. There was no heat or cold, just a perfect heavenly balance. He wished that he could stay there forever, but something seemed to be forcibly dragging him away. Once consciousness had forced him out of his happy dark place, Yuri's hands reached up to rub his eyes. He found them to be crusty, dry and sticky.  _Ugh. My eyes feel so gross._  He slowly pried his eyes apart and tried picking off the dried goop clinging to his eyelashes. As Yuri tried to swallow, he discovered that his mouth had turned into a desert overnight. He brought his fingers up to his lips and ran them over their parched length. He placed both hands on his pounding head and moaned.  _What the hell happened last night? Did I get drunk or something? I don't remember drinking anything last night, but I'm so dehydrated right now I might as well be a raisin._

Yuri sat up in the dark room and looked around. He had been sleeping alone in bed on the side that Viktor usually slept in. When he put his left hand down on the bed to reach for his phone, he noticed that it was a bit moist.  _Huh? Why is the bed damp?_  His right hand arrived at the nightstand on his usual side of the bed and grabbed his phone. When he pushed the home button, he was surprised to discover that it was already 10:37 a.m. When he turned on the nightstand lamp, he noticed a can of coconut water, two ibuprofen gel caps, a bottle of eye drops and some unsalted soda crackers. There was also a note.

**_Dearest Yuri,_ **

**_The drops will help your dry gunky eyes. The coconut water will rehydrate you and replenish your electrolytes (it's at room temperature…so it'll be a bit gross…but just drink it as fast as you can). Use the ibuprofen if the headache isn't gone after you drink the coconut water. Eat the crackers, if they make you feel like throwing up after…it means you're not ready for breakfast (or lunch…depending when you wake up)._ **

**_Love you!_ **

**_Viktor._ **

Yuri smiled as he read the note. He would have shed tears of joy had he had any moisture left in his body. _I love this man!_  Being as parched as he was, he decided to go for the coconut water first. He popped the can open and chugged it as fast as he could. Viktor was right it  _was_  a bit unpalatable…but because he drank it so fast, the taste didn't bother him too much. Next, he went for the eye drops. He sighed with relief as he practically felt his eyes drinking in the moisture. After setting the bottle back down on the nightstand, Yuri grabbed all the pillows on the bed and propped them up behind himself in a kind of linen nest. He leaned back into the pillows and allowed his hands to fall down at his sides. He lay there, motionless, and let the coconut water do its thing. At about a quarter after 11, his stomach started complaining to him about its current state of emptiness. He sat back up again and opened the package of soda crackers. He forced himself to eat them slowly, allowing them to dissolve on his tongue a bit before he chewed them.

He then flopped back onto the pillow nest and closed his eyes. He drifted in and out of consciousness for a bit longer before finally feeling as if he could solidly stay awake and function _. I wonder where Viktor is. I haven't heard any sounds around the house at all._  A few minutes later, his phone buzzed next to him and he picked it up. There was a text message from Viktor.

**_Hey sleeping beauty. Awake yet?_ **

Yeah

**_Did you keep the soda crackers down?_ **

Yeah

**_Yuri, you are terrible at texting_ **

Yeah…

**_Come to the kitchen. There's food waiting for you._ **

OK

**_Oooh! A different answer!_ **

_._

Yuri pushed himself off the bed and stood up. He stretched his arms over his head and then put on a clean t-shirt. When he opened the bedroom door, he was hit with a symphony of smells and sounds. The food smells sent his stomach into anticipatory spasms and his saliva production into overdrive. As he walked into the kitchen, he saw Viktor setting the table.

"Hey, good morning."

Viktor looked up at the sound of Yuri's voice.

"Good morning? It's already afternoon!"

"Ehhh?" Yuri looked up at the clock in the kitchen and saw that it indeed was the afternoon already.

"Viktor, what the hell happened last night?"

"Sit, Yuri. Let's have some food first. I'm  _really_  hungry. We can talk about it in a bit."

Yuri was anxious to find out what was going on, but was also ravenous. Whatever Viktor had made smelled delicious and he was just about drooling all over himself. Yuri placed a plate with a roasted chicken breast, scrambled eggs and wheat toast on it. Next to it he set down a bowl with sliced banana and applesauce and followed it up with some apple cinnamon tea.

"Wow! This looks amazing, Viktor. Thank you!"

"You're welcome. All this food is filling, but also easy to digest…and shouldn't give you a hard time…even if you're feeling a bit nauseated."

Yuri nodded and waited for Viktor to set his own food down on the table before he said his  _ittadakimasu_  and tucked into it.

Once the main dish had been consumed by both men, Viktor wiped his mouth with a napkin and then folded his hands on the kitchen table.

"What do you remember from last night?"

Yuri looked up at Viktor and tried to think back to the night before and drew a complete blank.

"I remember going to bed last night…and then I remember waking up this morning feeling like crap. Was I sleep-drinking or something?"

"No, you weren't Yuri. Let's eat our bananas before they turn brown."

The two finished the rest of their meal in silence. Viktor was preoccupied with trying to find the best way to tell Yuri about what happened last night and Yuri was engrossed with worrying that he had done something stupid the night before. Unable to stand the suspense anymore, Yuri blurted out the first thing on his mind.

"Please, just tell me what happened. I'm driving myself mad with worry over here."

Viktor was jolted from his reverie and looked down bashfully at the teacup in his hand. He set it back down on the table before raising his eyes to meet Yuri's.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to make you worry. I was just trying to figure out how to tell you."

Yuri raised an eyebrow at Viktor, but didn't say anything. The taller man took a deep breath and began speaking.

"I woke up around 2 or 3 in the morning to you thrashing violently in bed next to me. It appeared that you were trapped in some kind of hellish nightmare."

Yuri was surprised to hear this. He wasn't known for having nightmares, especially not such violent ones. But as he looked at Viktor's eyes, he knew without a doubt that he was being told the truth.

"I tried calling your name, but it didn't have any effect. I wanted to shake you awake, but then I remembered what happened at the airport and that it's bad to wake people up from nightmares that way."

"So what did you do?"

"I threw cold water on your face, sorry!"

"Oh, that must be why my side of the bed was damp this morning."

"Yeah."

Yuri noticed a change in Viktor's voice and looked up questioningly at him. He had a look in his eyes he hadn't seen before and wasn't sure what to make of it.

"So then, what happened?"

"You woke up finally, but you were…a total mess."

"What do you mean?"

Viktor turned his head and looked off to the side. He gritted his teeth as he spoke.

"You held onto me like your life depended on it, trembled and cried for…the better part of an hour."

Yuri gasped and covered his mouth with his hands. He was truly and absolutely floored by what Viktor had just told him. As he looked at the man, his heart ached.  _Waking up to a scene like that_ … _it must have been horrible for him._  Yuri stood up and walked over to Viktor. He wordlessly leaned down and wrapped the taller man up in his arms.

"Thank you for taking care of me last night." Yuri gently stroked Viktor's silver locks. "I'm sorry I put you through that. You must have been really worried."

Viktor brought his arms up and wrapped them around Yuri's waist. He sniffled and nodded wordlessly against the younger man's chest.

"So you gave me something to help me sleep, right?"

Viktor looked up at Yuri, then; eyes red and bloodshot. His words tumbled out in a frenzied rush. "I'm sorry, Yuri. I-I didn't know what else to do…I didn't know how else to get you to calm down…I-I…"

"Shhh. It's OK, Viktor. I'm not angry. If you felt that you had to give me something, then it must have been really necessary."

"I was so scared…and so worried about you. I've never seen you like that before. The way you clung to me…you wouldn't let me go for even a second."

"Come with me, Viktor. Let's go sit somewhere more comfortable."

He grabbed Viktor by the hand and led them into the living room. Yuri sat down on the sofa first with his back against the armrest. He straightened his legs out and then held his arms out to Viktor. The taller Russian lay down on the sofa and Yuri wrapped his arms around him again.

"Did you manage to get any sleep at all after what happened?"

Viktor shook his head and sighed. "No."

"What have you been doing all morning?"

"Shoveling snow."

"You've been shoveling snow since 4 a.m?!"

"More like 5. I held on to you a bit longer after the drugs kicked in to make sure you were really OK. After I set you down on the bed, my adrenaline was off the charts and I was going stir-crazy not being able to sleep." Viktor stifled a yawn as he spoke. "So I took Makkachin outside and we, mostly me, cleared all the snow around the house."

"Viktor, you must be absolutely exhausted!"

"Yeah, it started hitting me about a minute ago. My full stomach and your hugs have got me feeling all warm and fuzzy inside."

"Oh my God, that's right…you made lunch, too!" Yuri gave Viktor a loving squeeze and kissed the top of his head. "That's it. You are forbidden from doing anything else today. Whether it be for me, or for yourself."

Viktor looked up groggily at Yuri as he spoke.

"But I still have to take you the doctor's today for your stitches."

"Nonsense. We can always wait until tomorrow."

"But Yuuuuuuuuri, your head is all itchy. And I want to be able to take proper showers with yoooooouuuuu."

"You can easily help me remove them tonight, right here at home. Then we can have the best, most Eros shower ever."

Viktor's dazed eyes twinkled with delight.

"Promise?"

"It's a promise. Now close your eyes Viktor, and get some sleep. It's my turn to hold you and watch over you until you wake up."

"I was really worried about telling you about last night, Yuri. I even briefly considered  _not_  telling you about it at all. I'm glad that I did."

"I'm glad too, Viktor. Let's not hide such important things from each other, ever."

Viktor started to speak, but was interrupted by a mammoth yawn that quickly turned into a goofy smile.

"You got it."

Viktor closed his eyes and let sleep finally take him.


	31. Showering to Get Dirty

Sleep is contagious. Watching Viktor sleeping so comfortably against him on the sofa made Yuri all sleepy again. Viktor's rhythmic breathing was irresistibly hypnotic, and the shared body heat between them just added to the coziness. So it didn't take very long for him to join the Russian in the act of slumber.

A few hours later, Yuri was the first one to regain consciousness. At first, he was confused as to why the blanket felt so heavy, but after he looked down, he realized that his 'blanket' was actually a 180 cm pile of ice skating muscle. Yuri smiled as he saw the peaceful look on Viktor's face. As much as he admired the man's eyes, seeing him looking so serene was also quite a treat. Yuri marveled at the man's sterling mane. He had never seen such a color occurring naturally at birth on anyone, and it genuinely fascinated him. Yuri reached down and softly ran his fingers through the silvery strands. He watched, mesmerized, as they flowed fluidly through his fingers.  _Is there_ ** _any_** _part of this man that_ ** _doesn't_** _scream 'extraordinary'? I feel so plain standing next to him._ Yuri sighed as he continued stroking Viktor's hair.  _I wonder what he sees in me._

Yuri's left leg was starting to go a bit numb, so he shifted his weight on the couch a bit to make himself more comfortable. Viktor mumbled something in his sleep and wrapped his arms tighter against his middle. Yuri smiled down at the older man.  _He is such a contradiction, this one. He can act so responsible and considerate when he's taking care of me. Yet, he is also quite childish, selfish and a bit pushy sometimes. How is it that I went through my whole life without even dating anyone…but have managed to fall so hopelessly in love with…another man, no less…in the span of a week? I know it's been much longer for Viktor…he admitted to loving me even before he became my coach. I'm aware that we've actually been working together for over 8 months…so have my feelings been there all this time? Or did they only develop recently? Why does being in love with Viktor feel like the most natural thing in the world?_

Yuri groaned as he found himself trapped once again in the cyclical thought hell that had become part of his daily life. He was impatient to regain his memories and just have everything finally be settled.  _What the hell did I dream about yesterday that caused me such terror? Viktor doesn't seem to know, either. If I was freaking out that much, he probably didn't want to risk making things worse by asking._  Although he was grateful that the sleeping pills had managed to get him through the ordeal, he also lamented that they were most likely contributing to his inability to recall what happened.  _This is so frustrating. I don't know when my memories will return to me, or if they'll even fully return at all. I didn't think just hitting your head on the ground would be able to cause so many complications._

"Yuri?"

Yuri nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard Viktor's voice calling his name. He looked down and saw a pair of sleepy sea-green eyes staring up at him in mild concern.

"Ah…sorry Viktor…did I wake you?"

"No, I think I just woke up on my own. But more importantly…why do you have such a scary look on your face?"

Yuri sighed as he tilted his head back and stared at the living room light fixtures.

"Sorry, I was just thinking about all the sudden developments in my life as of late…and feeling a bit bitter as to why I seem to have such little control over most of them."

Viktor pushed himself up on the sofa and yawned.

"Did you remember what you dreamed about last night?"

Yuri shook his head, voice laden with sarcasm as he spoke.

"No. But remembering things hasn't really been my forte as of late."

Viktor brought a hand up and caressed his face.

"It's bound to come back to you eventually, Yuri. Hang in there."

Yuri nodded as he covered Viktor's hand with his own.  _I wish I had your faith in things, Viktor._  He nudged the taller man as he made a move to also sit up on the sofa.

"Let's go clean the kitchen. We left everything on the table earlier. Then you can help me remove my stitches."

The two men got up from the sofa and went to work. They cleared the table, washed the dishes and then placed all the trash just outside the front door. Viktor fed Makkachin while Yuri wiped down the table. Satisfied that everything was finally in order, the two men left the kitchen. Back in the living room, Yuri asked Viktor if he had nail scissors or clippers. Viktor said he thought he had some nail scissors in the half-bathroom and left to go search for them. Yuri used his phone to take a picture of the back of his head. As he examined the photo, Viktor returned with the nail scissors.

"Found them!"

"Perfect! Come here and take a look at this."

Yuri showed Viktor the photo on his phone.

"Do you see these two threads in almost a v-shape?"

Viktor zoomed into the picture and nodded.

"Each 'v' corresponds to a stitch. So all you have to do is take hold of it and pull it away from the skin a bit. You just need to cut the suture material next to the knot and then pull it out. There are six in total."

"OK. Sounds simple enough."

They decided to go into the shower bathroom to do the deed as the lighting in there was the best of all the available rooms. Viktor did exactly as Yuri had instructed and found that removing stitches was quite easy. As he threw the remnants in the trash, Yuri reached up with his hand and had himself a very rewarding scratch of the back of his head.

"Mhhmmm. Feels sooo good."

Viktor stepped in close to Yuri and pulled him in flush against his body.

"You know what else feels really good?"

Yuri decided to play dumb.

"A good stretch?"

Viktor pulled Yuri in closer.

"Try again."

Yuri tapped his index finger against his lips as he pretended to think hard about his answer.

"Ummm, a super comfortable bed?"

"Yuuuuuurrrriii."

Yuri laughed as he leaned in and planted a quick kiss on Viktor's lips.

"You're so impatient sometimes, Viktor! Do you wish to collect on my Eros shower offer?"

Viktor nodded eagerly.

"Yes please!"

**_[Mini Lemon starts here]_ **

As per his promise earlier, Yuri gave Viktor a steamy shower in more than one sense of the word. He started at the top, and first shampooed Viktor's hair, giving him a bonus scalp massage in the process. Then he took his time soaping up the man's body, paying special attention to the more sensitive places. By the time Viktor was ready to have his body rinsed off, a certain part of him was standing tall at attention. Yuri licked his lips in anticipation and went down on his knees in front of Viktor. He grabbed hold of the hardened flesh with his right hand and guided it into his waiting mouth. Viktor whimpered loudly and fisted his hands in Yuri's wet hair. Yuri moaned and the vibrations it made caused Viktor to cry out. He looked up, locking eyes with the Russian man, before he began bobbing his head on his length. He found that the water from the shower provided added lubrication and made it even easier to pleasure Viktor with his mouth.

Unable to stop himself, Viktor began thrusting into Yuri's mouth. Caught off-guard by Viktor's arousal hitting the back of his throat, Yuri coughed and sputtered.

"Yuri! Are you alright?"

**_*Cough*_ **

"Yeah."

**_*Cough*_ **

"I'm ok. That was just…a bit sudden…and…."

**_*Cough*_ **

"…unexpected. I'm fine, really."

Yuri took Viktor back into his mouth, but sensed that the taller man was holding back. He reached behind Viktor and placed a hand on each butt cheek. He pulled the man's hips forward until he was thrusting in his mouth again."

"Ngghh! God, Yuri…that feels amazing!"

"Mmmmhmmm."

Viktor threw his head back and screamed as the vibrations wracked his sensitive flesh. Yuri used his tongue on every inch of Viktor's length as the man thrusted into his mouth on his own again. Yuri wrapped his right hand around the base of Viktor's center and used his left to massage the tender bits that dangled below. He tugged gently at the sac and massaged its contents rhythmically in his hand. The symphony of sounds that was coming from Viktor's mouth was severely turning Yuri on and the frequency of his own moans increased. This of course only excited Viktor more and the man's thrusts became more forceful and erratic.

"Oh god…Yuri…I'm gonna…come!"

Yuri pumped Viktor faster and sucked him harder. Viktor grabbed Yuri's head and thrust himself to the hilt into the younger man's mouth. He unleashed a guttural scream as his hot fluid spurted into the back of Yuri's throat. Yuri held his breath and tried his best to swallow everything that Viktor gave him. Once Viktor was fully spent, Yuri stood up and rinsed his mouth out in the shower. Viktor's whole body was flushed and he trembled all over.

"I…don't think I can…move, Yuri."

Yuri smiled as he helped Viktor lean against the shower wall.

"You just stay here until you've recovered enough. You can watch while  **I**  shower."

"Wow! Perfect!"

Yuri poured shampoo into his hand and turned to face Viktor as he lathered up his hair.

"Mhmm, this feels great! I can FINALLY wash my whole head again!"

Viktor watched, with lust laden eyes, as Yuri washed his hair. As the suds were rinsed from his hair, Viktor's eyes followed the path they took down Yuri's body. Next, Yuri slowly and deliberately soaped up his body in front of Viktor. The taller man's stare was so intense that it made Yuri feel like his skin was on fire. His own arousal grew under Viktor's gaze.  _How is he able to do that? How can he make me feel so hot with just his eyes? It's addicting. The more he stares at me, the more I want to show him._

Yuri looked around the shower stall and spotted the bottle of conditioner. He grabbed it and squeezed some onto his hand. When he grabbed hold of his arousal, he sucked in a harsh breath through gritted teeth. It was a bit cold, but felt absolutely incredible. Yuri closed his eyes and moaned as he began stroking himself.

Viktor couldn't believe that Yuri was pleasuring himself in front of him. It was just about the most erotic thing he had seen the younger man do so far. He wanted so badly to ravage Yuri himself…but the same man had previously done quite a number on him just a few minutes earlier, and he wasn't sure that the blood flow had returned to his legs yet. He just didn't trust himself to stand on his own.

Struck with a sudden idea, Viktor grabbed Yuri's left hand. He brought the younger man's fingers into his mouth and began sucking them and licking them.

"Ahhh! Viktor... ***gasp***...that's so...ahhh!"

Viktor smiled as he saw the effect his actions were having on Yuri. As the younger man stroked himself harder, Viktor also picked up the pace and strength of his ministrations. Unable to hold back any longer, Yuri screamed as he spasmed and spurted on the shower floor.

Happily sated, the two men had one last rinse before cleaning up after themselves and calling it a night.


	32. Sorting Things Out

**_A/N: sorry, just a quickie today. I promise an extra limey one for the next one!_ **

The following day was full of practice, errands and things they had to catch up on from the day before. The first thing the two men did was drive to the Sports Champions Club. After speaking with Yakov, Viktor managed to find someone to do plyometric training with Yuri once a week on Thursdays at the club. Viktor would use that day to work on his own programs away from Yuri. On Tuesdays, Viktor would consult with a sports therapist. Since he was past what was considered 'retirement age' in the ice skating world, he figured it would be a wise precautionary measure for himself. On those days, Yuri would have a chance to work on his own programs without Viktor there. Yakov agreed to be there as a consultant, should Yuri have any questions about anything.

Once all the details were sorted out, they got down to practice. Viktor smiled knowingly as he saw that Yuri's Eros skate had improved by leaps and bounds since the last time he'd seen it.  _You no longer have to imagine what sexual love is, Yuri. You've got growing experience to draw from._  Viktor's spirits came crashing down though as soon as he saw the Yuri On Ice skate.  _Of course it would fall flat. The whole program is based on his skating story and how I come in and change things in the middle. Yuri doesn't remember that. I have to try to get him to connect it with something more recent._  Viktor took a deep breath and called Yuri over. The younger skater joined him a few seconds later.

"Yuri, your Eros skate is the best it's ever been! I can't wait to see how much better it gets after our love training is completed."

Viktor winked and licked his lips seductively. He was rewarded with a fierce blush from his student.

"Viiiiikktoooooorrr! Shh! Don't talk so loudly…other people will hear!"

Viktor feigned the hurt as she spoke. *Gasp*! Yuri…are you  _embarrassed_  by our love?

"N-n-n-o! Of course not! I'm just worried, Viktor. I've heard that two men being together in public is  _dangerous_ …here."

Viktor was stunned. He had no idea that Yuri knew about the situation in Russia. His heart ached when he realized that they would never be able to 'be themselves' in public as long as they lived here.  _Perhaps a change of venue will be in order in the near future. I've given the RSF my whole life, but now I need to think about my future...no...OUR future. Japan was pretty amazing. I think I'd quite enjoy living there again._

"Alright, Yuri. I promise to be more cautious when we are in public."

Visibly relieved, Yuri sighed and then reached for the water bottle.

"Yuri, do you remember why you called your free skate "Yuri On Ice"?

Yuri stopped in mid-swig and looked over at Viktor. He wanted to answer the man, but was drawing a complete blank. He shook his head dejectedly as he swallowed the mouthful of water.

Viktor sighed and pulled Yuri in for a hug. After releasing him, Viktor motioned for them to skate to the rink edge.

"It's alright. Let me fill you in, then."

Viktor told Yuri the story behind his free skate. How, at the beginning, Yuri felt like he was skating and fighting all alone. Then, about the point in the song that represented his entrance into Yuri's life, and how things began to change for him. Yuri listened raptly as Viktor spoke.

"Do you recall the details behind the music at all?"

"I remember that the music was a reworked version of something I had commissioned before, but never ended up using."

"Right. Back when you were with Celestino in Detroit, you tried suggesting that song for a skate…but it was…a bit…underwhelming."

"I remember that the original score wasn't very memorable. But if it was supposed to represent my skating career…then it sounds just about right."

Viktor put his hand on Yuri's shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

"That may have been the 'old' Yuri, but the 'new' Yuri has set the ice skating world on fire. Did you forget about the Grand Prix silver medal?"

"That may have been true twelve days ago, but my free skate isn't what it used to be, right?'

Viktor sighed.

"No, it isn't. BUT, that's only because of the memory loss. You can't put your emotions into your program because the memories associated with them are temporarily missing."

Yuri groaned and ruffled his hair with his two hands.

"So it's hopeless."

"No, it's not. I have a suggestion."

Yuri's head snapped up.

"You do?! What is it?"

"Why don't you base the program on the last twelve days…and counting?"

Yuri was completely confused.

"What?"

"How about you make the part where I come into your life…the day we met each other again in the hospital? Your life has changed considerably since then, right? You could use your feelings about that to pour into your program."

Yuri thought about what Viktor had just said. He realized that he had more than enough material to use towards his YOI program.  _It's worth a try, anyway_.

"Alright, I'll give it a shot at the next practice. I need to work things out in my head first."

"I understand. Are you ready to call it a day, then?"

"Yeah, let's go grab some lunch."

Viktor surprised Yuri by taking him to a Japanese restaurant. He knew he had made the right decision when he saw the happy tears welling up in the man's eyes.

"You haven't had a taste of home in a while, so I figured you'd be a bit homesick for this kind of food."

Yuri gave Viktor a heartfelt smile.

"Thank you. This really makes me happy."

Once lunch was over, Viktor dragged Yuri to a clinic with English-speaking doctors. Even though he had removed the stitches the night before, he wanted a professional to check on the incision site and check to make sure that all the stitches were out. While Yuri was getting checked out, Viktor popped over to the pharmacy next door and picked up a bottle of self-warming lube. He was a bit embarrassed at first, since he hadn't had to purchase anything like that before, but the cashier didn't even bat an eyelash as she scanned it and took his payment. Relieved that it had gone so smoothly, he walked back to the clinic and waited for Yuri to finish up. A few minutes later, Yuri stepped out of the office with a clean bill of health. Finally satisfied that at least physically speaking, Yuri was just fine, he then drove them to a supermarket. Their rations were getting a bit low and they needed to restock.

Shopping done, the two men finally headed back home. As Viktor stole a glance at Yuri, he smiled devilishly.  _Hang on to your hat, Mr. Katsuki. Love training begins tonight._


	33. Love Practice - Round 1

**_ Warning _ ** **_: This chapter contains an entire orchard-full of lemons, limes, and grapefruits. Pretty much any kind of citrus you can imagine. It carries on to the next one, too!_ **

Yuri absolutely insisted on cooking dinner for them that night. He refused any help from Viktor and actually banned him from the kitchen. Viktor decided to make the most of the situation by setting up for his post-shower seduction plan. He placed the bottle of lube on the nightstand on his side and prepared some hand towels. He would prepare some moistened ones later during their shower. As he left the bedroom, he caught the scent of fish and spices.  _Mmmm! That smells delicious! I wonder what Yuri cooked for us._

Viktor knocked on the kitchen door.

"Yuri, can I come in yet?"

"NO!"

Viktor sighed and walked back to the living room. He sat down on the sofa and pulled out his phone. He sent out a quick message to the TGP5 group and told everyone Yuri's stitches were out and everything was fine and also how he had managed to remember a few things but that the road to memory recovery was still a long one. Viktor then messaged Minako Sensei and thanked her again for all her efforts towards flying Makkachin back out to him. He let her know that Yuri was doing well and had made some progress towards memory recovery, but things were still ongoing. Having done all the updating, there was still no word from Yuri. So Viktor did some more research on what he had planned for the evening. He found so many helpful tips and diagrams. It was a bit awkward how a part of his anatomy he had never paid much attention to was now suddenly in the forefront of his love life. Viktor smiled as he mused inwardly. _Yuri really did crash drunkenly into my life and turn it all upside down, didn't he?_

"Viktor?"

Startled, Viktor fumbled his phone and nearly dropped it. He looked up to see Yuri standing in the kitchen doorway.

"Hey Yuri, what's up?"

"I'm all finished. You can come into the kitchen now."

Viktor walked into the kitchen and was hit in the face with the most amazing blend of amazing smells. He looked down at the table and saw steamed salmon with sliced lemon, pepper and rosemary. There was a pile of steamed veggies next to the fish and garlic basmati rice. A glass of white wine was placed to the right of each plate and the bottle was in a bucket of ice in the middle of the table.

"Wow! Yuri, this is incredible! What did I do to deserve all this?"

"What did you do? You mean, besides taking care of me since my accident, training me, housing me…loving me…?" Yuri walked up to Viktor and threw his arms around him. "There are so many things I am thankful to you for…I could cook a meal like this for you every night and still feel like I haven't repaid you enough."

Viktor gently pushed himself away from Yuri.

"Repay me? Oh, Yuri…please don't think like that. I don't want you to feel like you owe me or that I am keeping a tab for all the things I do for you."

He reached over and cupped the younger skater's face with both hands.

"I love you. Having you live here with me, loving me back…being my lover…has been the most rewarding experience of my life.  _I_  should be the one thinking of ways to repay  _you_."

Yuri leaned in and kissed the taller Russian on the lips."Thank you, Viktor. I love you too. Now let's go eat dinner before it gets cold."

After the super delicious dinner, the two men went into the living room and cuddled on the couch as they watched a movie and digested dinner. After they finished the bottle of wine, Viktor was feeling pleasantly buzzed, but Yuri seemed a bit more affected by the alcohol. He had a bit of 'Asian Flush' going on and had this sappy and glazed over look on his face.

Viktor stroked the Japanese man's dark locks. "Are you feeling alright?"

Yuri nuzzled his face closer to Viktor's chest and wrapped his arms around the man's waist.

"Mhm. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside."

Viktor chuckled as he gave Yuri's right butt cheek a squeeze.

"Shall we go have our shower, then?"

Yuri pushed himself up and turned his body to face Viktor.

"Can I…kiss you first?"

Viktor smiled at the flushed Japanese man staring up at him.

"Always."

Yuri leaned in and gently nibbled on Viktor's lower lip. In between nibbles, he ran his tongue along it. Viktor closed his eyes, mesmerized by the sensation of Yuri's tongue.

Yuri snaked his right hand behind Viktor's head and pulled him closer as he fully pressed his lips against the Russian man's. Viktor's lips readily parted as Yuri's tongue demanded entrance. Yuri pulled himself up on Viktor's lap and fisted his left hand in the man's shirt. He rolled his hips back and forth as he ravaged the taller man's mouth.

In desperate need of air, the two men briefly broke apart.

"You're…so bold…tonight, Yuri."

"Mhhmm, I just...love…kissing you."

"Then by all means, don't let me stop you."

Yuri resumed his assault on Viktor's mouth. Things heated up really quickly, and soon the two men were down to their undergarments. The living room filled with the sounds of their moans, gasps and groans. Yuri clawed at Viktor's back as he rocked his hips harder. Viktor grabbed Yuri's firm butt and pulled it towards him as they ground their growing arousals against each other through the fabric. Reluctantly, Viktor pulled away from Yuri.

As the two men tried to catch their breath, Viktor stroked Yuri's face.

"Yuri, let's take this to the shower."

Viktor stood up with Yuri still in his lap and carried him to the bathroom.

After Viktor turned on the hot water, he pinned Yuri against the bathroom door and had his own turn commanding the kiss. He tore Yuri's briefs off before removing his own. As the steam fogged up the room, Viktor pushed his hips forward, effectively pressing their hardened flesh closely together. Yuri cried out as he threw his head back and pushed his own hips back into Viktor's. Viktor groaned loudly as he reclaimed Yuri's mouth and deepened their kiss. Unable to take the stuffiness of the steam-filled room any longer, the two men pulled apart and entered the shower.

Viktor grabbed the body wash and lathered up the front of Yuri's body leisurely. He then turned Yuri around and started washing his back. As his hand dipped lower and lower toward Yuri's butt, Viktor leaned in to whisper into the younger man's ear.

"Hey Yuri, can I wash your butt?"

Yuri turned his head to look at Viktor.

"You've washed my butt before, why are you asking  _now_?"

Viktor cleared his throat and tried again.

"I mean your  _butt_ , butt."

"My butt-butt?"

"Yes Yuri, your butt-butt."

"What's a butt-butt?"

Viktor sweatdropped as he cleared his throat once more. He blushed fiercely as he spoke.

"Your ass, Yuri. I want to wash your ass."

Yuri's eyes widened as understanding dawned upon him.

"Ohh! My BUTT butt!"

Viktor groaned and facepalmed.

"That's what I said!"

"Sorry! I didn't get what you meant at first."

Viktor sighed and ran his hand through his wet hair.

"So…may I?"

It was Yuri's turn to blush fiercely as he stared back into Viktor's eyes. He gulped and nodded.

"Don't worry, I won't try to go inside."

Yuri smiled and nodded.

"I know. I trust you."

Viktor asked Yuri to place both hands on the wall and lean forward. He soaped up his hand and began by washing the exterior butt cheeks. Then he slowly worked his hand into the crevasse dividing them. Yuri tensed up at first, but relaxed once he got used to the new sensations. It's one thing to wash yourself in that way, but it feels a whole lot different when someone else does it. It's why people are unable to tickle themselves, but can absolutely lose their minds when someone else does it to them. Viktor took his time working his way down to the puckered surface housed further in. As he ran his fingers over it, Yuri yelped in surprise.

"Sorry! Did that hurt?"

"N-no…it's not that. It's…I don't know how to describe it, I've never felt anything like that before."

"Did it feel bad?"

"Not really." Yuri looked up bashfully at Viktor. "Could you…do it again?"

Viktor smiled and nodded eagerly. He returned his hand to Yuri's behind and dipped his fingers in low again. He began making circular motions over the furrowed flesh and was surprised when Yuri moaned loudly and began wiggling his hips from side to side.

"Does it feel good, Yuri?"

"Mmmmm."

Emboldened, Viktor dipped further forward and caressed the space between the puckered flesh and the dangling sac. Yuri threw his head back as he screamed and balled his hands into fists against the shower wall. He turned his head to look over his shoulder at Viktor. The look Yuri was giving him was a look Viktor had never seen before. It was incredibly lewd, and it incredibly turned him on.

Viktor leaned in and captured Yuri's lips in a fiery kiss as he continued stroking the same area with increasing pressure. Every few seconds, Yuri would buck roughly against him as he ran his finger back over the creased ring of skin. Yuri's panting and whimpering filled the bathroom and his actions became more feverish and erratic.

"Oh God, Viktor…I'm coming! I'm coming!"

With one throaty scream Yuri emptied himself against the shower wall.  _Wow, he came a lot!_  Viktor was really and truly surprised that his actions were able to bring Yuri to orgasm. Yuri's arousal hadn't been touched even once. He didn't have much time to think about it though, for Yuri's wobbly legs seemed to give out under him and he sunk to the floor. Viktor knelt down beside Yuri and placed a kiss at the base of the trembling man's nape.

"All good?"

"Haah...It was SO good...haaah..."

Viktor laughed.

"I meant YOU, silly. Are  _you_  all good?"

Yuri seemed a bit dazed and unable to think very well, but managed to mumble something about being fine.

"Just stay here and recover for a bit while I clean up. Then you can wash MY butt-butt."

"Haah...ok...haaah."

Viktor kept a close eye on Yuri as he washed his hair. By the time he had finished, the younger man had managed to catch his breath and wasn't trembling anymore. Viktor held his hand out to help Yuri stand back up. Yuri shook his head.

"I'm going to stay down here." Yuri gave Viktor a bit of a lopsided smile. "Besides, I kinda like the view from down here."

A light flush colored Viktor's cheeks as he stared down into Yuri's eyes.

"If this is how you get every time you drink, I'm going to need to have a bar built in the house."

Yuri clicked his tongue impatiently.

"Are you going to just stand there and chat or are you going to let me have a go at your butt-butt?"

Viktor just about melted on the spot.

"Ah, Yuri…you've been surprising me all evening! I love it! Yes, yes…please…have your way with my body!"

Yuri grabbed the body wash and soaped up his hand. Because of his position in front of Viktor, he encountered the expanse of flesh just behind Viktor's tender sac first. As Yuri ran his fingers along it, Viktor shuddered.

"Oh wow, that feels  _really_  good."

"It should. That's where the prostate is, remember? It's the male equivalent of the G-spot."

" _Someone_ 's been doing their homework!"

Yuri suddenly applied increased pressure to the area as he slid his fingers back and forth along it.

Viktor gasped loudly as his hands came down and gripped Yuri's shoulders roughly.

"Y-Yuri!"

Yuri licked his lips as Viktor's center came to life and hardened in front of his eyes. He slid his fingers further back until he found Viktor's puckered circle of flesh. He locked his eyes on Viktor's face as he ran his fingers over it. Viktor let out a long moan and his eyes rolled to the back of his head. His grip on Yuri's shoulders tightened and Yuri could feel Viktor's fingernails digging into his skin. He continued stroking Viktor's orifice, alternating between circular motions and back-and-forth ones. When he tried taking Viktor into his mouth, however, Viktor's pushed him back.

"Ngh…no, Yuri…I want to come just from this…like you did."

"OK, Viktor. I'll make extra good then."

Yuri soaped up his other hand and asked Viktor to spread his legs. After Viktor had complied, Yuri slid his right hand to Viktor's opening and his left hand to the prostate. He began stroking both together rhythmically.

"Nghh! Ahhh…Yuri!"

Yuri winced as he felt Viktor's nails break the skin on his shoulders, but didn't stop. He applied more pressure to both areas and Viktor became further undone. His hips rocked forward and the sounds coming from him grew louder and more desperate. Yuri couldn't believe how beautiful Viktor looked at that moment. His skin was flushed and his skin shone with sweat. Yuri moaned as he watched Viktor's hardened flesh bounce back and forth with each hip thrust. It was coming tantalizingly close to his mouth, he wanted so badly to take it into his mouth…but he respected Viktor's wishes and restrained himself. Soon, his sacrifice paid off as he got a front-row seat to Viktor's orgasm. Viktor's gruff and broken scream reverberated in the shower walls. White ribbons of his release spurted mostly onto his abdomen, with a few errant squirts landing on Yuri's face. Yuri pulled his hands away and stood up. He first washed his hands under the stream of hot water and then cleaned his face. He turned Viktor about and wrapped his arms around the man's waist, being careful to stay away from the over sensitized flesh. He nuzzled the taller man's neck gently.

"Viktor?"

Viktor seemed to be in a complete stupor. He was still a bit out of breath and his body trembled all over. Yuri just held him and let him have his recovery time. A few minutes later, Viktor seemed to have finally returned to himself. He reached back with his left hand and stroked Yuri's face.

"That was  _really_  intense."

"Right? Who knew? We've apparently been missing out."

Viktor laughed.

"Well, we're going to have to do all sorts of catching up then, to make up for lost time."

"I won't argue with  _that_."

The two men finally finished their shower and dried off. When Yuri reached for his pajamas to put them on, Viktor stopped him.

"Oh, we're not done  _yet_ , Mr. Katsuki. I want to see if your stamina is as good  _off_  the ice as it is  _on_  the ice."

"You're going to regret unleashing my inner stamina monster, Viktor. You just won't be able to keep up."

"Oh hoh! Have you just issued a challenge, Yuri?"

Yuri stepped in closer to Viktor and stared him down.

"If that's what you want to call it, then…yes."

Viktor felt suddenly energized.

"OK, game on! Now, come with me."


	34. Love Practice - Round 2

**_Warning: LEMONAAAAAAADE! Get your EXTRA limey lemonaaaaaaaade!_ **

The two skaters walked into the bedroom. Viktor told Yuri to go lie down and make himself comfortable on the pillows. He walked back into the bathroom and soaked a few hand towels with hot water. He rung them out a bit and then balled them together. By the time they'd be ready to use them, hopefully they'd still be warm. He walked back into the bedroom to find Yuri lying comfortably on his back with his hands folded behind his head. Viktor walked over to his side of the bed and picked up the bottle of lube before he lay down.

"Viktor, is that…?"

"Yeah, it's a bottle of lube I picked up while you were at the doctor's office."

"So…what's the plan?"

"Well, I figured we could try to get to know ourselves a bit by loving our own butt-butts."

Yuri suddenly seemed a bit nervous.

"You mean, just using our fingers, right?"

Viktor touched Yuri's arm gently.

"Yes, Yuri. We're going to take things slow, remember? Besides, our goodies won't arrive in the mail till later this week."

Yuri was visibly relieved.

"Ok…so what do we do?"

"Well, I think we should start by rubbing the opening like we did in the shower. Using this lube will be even better than the soap earlier. Everything I've read suggests stroking yourself too while doing it. Then, when ready, slowly try to push in. How much of your finger goes in and how fast are all up to you."

Yuri sat up on the bed.

"Won't it…hurt?"

"If you do it wrong, then yeah. But that's why I suggested that we start with ourselves and not each other. You know your own body better than anyone else. You'll be able to know when you're ready for the next step."

"What are  _you_  going to be doing?"

"Why, the same thing of course! I'll be on the bed next to you…getting intimate with my  _own_  buuuuuuuuutt-buuuuuuutt."

Yuri couldn't help but laugh and the tension in the room dissipated immediately.

The two men lay down on the bed next to each other. Viktor reached over and gave Yuri's hand a reassuring squeeze. He then picked up the bottle and poured some lube into his hand before handing it over to Yuri. After Yuri had taken some for himself, Viktor placed the bottle on the bed between them, to make it easier to take more later.

Viktor was the first one to apply the lube to his tender flesh. He was surprised by how quickly it warmed up on his skin…and how unbelievable it felt. Next to him, Yuri was also discovering how wonderful the warming lube was. Both men were moaning and fully hard just a short time later.

Yuri looked over at Viktor and was incredibly turned on by the sight of the taller man pleasuring himself. Yuri's arousal grew bigger in reaction to the scene in front of him. Viktor had an identical reaction when he snuck a peak over at Yuri.

"Ahhh….Viktor…ngh…we need to get more of this stuff! It's absolutely…ahh…fabulous!"

"Mhhmm…I…haah...totally...agree."

Viktor grabbed more lube and squirted it onto his stomach. He picked some up with his right hand and rubbed his palms together. He switched the grip on his arousal to his left hand and allowed the fingers of his right hand to drift downward. A pair of mahogany-brown eyes watched his movements intently. Yuri stroked himself slowly and deliberately as he watched Viktor's actions. As Viktor's fingers reached his puckered opening, he ran them over it. He was a bit surprised again that it felt, surprisingly good. Not as good as when Yuri did it, but still quite pleasurable. Viktor closed his eyes as he focused on the sensation and released a contented sigh. Feeling a bit more encouraged, Yuri followed Viktor's lead and did the same. He also added more lube, and when his fingers made it down to his orifice, he was astonished by the jolt of gratification that followed. He resumed stroking himself as he rubbed his opening.

Viktor was getting increasingly excited by the whole situation. There was the physical stimulation from his own hands to contend with as well as the visual stimulation of seeing Yuri doing the same next to him. The two scenarios were feeding off each other and ramping up his desire by the second. Ready for the next step, Viktor placed the palm of his finger against his opening and gently tried to push in. He was surprised to find that it was actually quite easy to slip in. His body fought the intrusion a bit, and the ring of muscles tightened rhythmically around his finger. He couldn't help but imagine how amazing it would feel to have that same thing happen around a certain…larger part of his body. Having just inserted the tip of his finger at first, he experimented with moving it around in different ways. He tried circular movements at first and then progressed to in and out ones. He moaned and whimpered as he found both to be equally enjoyable. Viktor suddenly sensed some movement to his left, and was stunned to find Yuri appear on his knees in between his legs.

"Yuri?"

"I couldn't see properly from where I was, so I decided to give myself the best seat in the house."

Viktor's face became flushed and he smiled seductively as he stared at him through half-lidded eyes.

"I'll be sure to give you my best performance, then."

When Yuri looked down, he saw that Viktor already had his finger inside.

"How does it feel, Viktor?"

"Mhmmm, it feels really good. The way the muscles tightened around it is amazing. It makes me excited to think that you'll be inside me one day."

Yuri moaned as the imagery flooded his mind. As he thought of Viktor being the one entering him, his finger slipped inside. He gasped as his ring of muscle clamped down violently against it.  _Wow, that's so powerful!_

"Wow, Yuri…you're inside. How is it?"

"Ngh…a bit…strange…like my body is trying to push it back out."

"Move it around, Yuri. Show me."

Yuri blushed as he did what Viktor asked. It sent tingles all the way to the ends of his fingertips and toes.

"Yuri, imagine it's me that's in you right now. How would you want me to move?"

Yuri groaned and then slowly pushed his middle finger in to the knuckle. He gasped and threw his head back. His whole body shivered and he temporarily stopped stroking himself.

"Oh God, Viktor…it feels good."

"Look Yuri, my finger is all the way in too."

Yuri looked down and moaned. Viktor looked like the most erotic entity on Earth at that very moment. The Russian man's toned body was covered in a light sheen of sweat and his chest heaved with every breath. He was on his back with legs spread wide, his hardness in his own hand and a finger all the way inside him. The visual spurred him on and he began pumping his finger in and out. Viktor moaned and licked his lips as he watched Yuri fingering himself.

"That's so hot, Yuri. I'm getting so hard watching you right now."

"Ngh...Viktor...I didn't…expect it…to feel  _this_  good…"

Viktor grabbed the bottle of lube and squirted some onto Yuri's hand before doing the same for himself.

"Think you're ready for two fingers, Yuri?"

"I-I th-think so. Do it with me, Viktor."

Both men inserted a second finger into their slick opening. It was a bit uncomfortable at first as their bodies grew accustomed to the intrusion and stretched to accommodate. After about a minute, Yuri began slowly pumping his fingers in and out again. He suddenly squirmed and made a strange face.

"Viktor…it feels like I have to go…"

"Go? Go where?"

Yuri blushed fiercely as he bashfully looked off to the side. His answer was a barely audible whisper.

"…to the bathroom…"

"Oh! Yuri, I think that means you found your p-spot! Keep rubbing it. Don't forget to keep stroking yourself, too."

Yuri did as Viktor suggested. It wasn't long before he found his rhythm and was panting and writhing from the sheer ecstasy he was feeling. His arousal had turned a dark crimson-purple color and was seeping copious amounts of fluid from the tip. Viktor was amazed, he had never seen it turn that color or leak so much before. He began pumping his own fingers in and out of himself and it wasn't long before he encountered a similar feeling to what Yuri had described.

"Yuri, I see what you mean…it feels…as bit strange."

Yuri could no longer speak coherently. He was a hot mess of moans, grunts, panting and gasping. His body dripped with sweat and his hair was plastered to his forehead. Viktor could tell that Yuri was at his limit and his arousal grew impossibly harder in his hand as he pumped his fingers faster.

"Haah…I want to see you come…Yuri. Come…on…me."

Viktor's words pushed Yuri over the edge. The younger man squeezed his eyes shut and threw his head back. He bucked his hips forward erratically and cried out hoarsely as he emptied himself onto Viktor's hands and hardened center. Fully spent, Yuri slumped over and flopped onto his side in a fetal position. His body continued to be wracked with spasms as he lay there gasping for breath. Viktor's breath had hitched as he felt Yuri's hot liquid spatter onto his skin. It had added to his slickness and soon he was over the edge as well. Viktor's vision blurred as he experienced his second intense orgasm of the evening and his body trembled and shook with the force of his release. He cried out in a continuous wail until his breath ran out and his mouth hung open in a silent scream. Once he had fully finished riding the high, his hands dropped down at his sides. He closed his eyes and tried to regain some kind of normal breathing rhythm. He couldn't stop thinking that if things felt this unreal with just his fingers…that they would be absolutely indescribable once Yuri was actually making love to him. Viktor would have hardened again at the thought if he could have, but felt quite certain that a certain part of his body was down for the count.

Yuri felt positively exhausted. He had always taken pride in his stamina, but at the moment he felt as if he couldn't even sit up. He just barely managed to lift his head and peek over at Viktor. He had heard more than seen Viktor's orgasm earlier, so he knew that the taller man was going through his own recovery period at the moment. Yuri used all of his remaining strength to slither his way up Viktor's legs and to his waist. He placed his head on the man's chest and draped his right arm over him. Soon, Viktor's hand had reached his head and was lazily stroking his damp hair.

"Well, I'm just about ready for another shower now," Yuri mused.

A few more seconds passed before Viktor seemed able to speak again.

"Can you even move right now?"

Yuri groaned loudly.

"Nope."

"Ok, I don't feel so bad, now. I think I would genuinely fall flat on my face if I tried to stand up right now."

"Then let's just stay like this until we can both move. Deal?"

Viktor nodded and placed his left hand on the arm that Yuri had draped across him. They held and caressed one another as their bodies calmed down and their breathing became more natural. Soon though, both men started feeling pretty sticky and gross. They readily agreed that the situation needed to be remedied.

Viktor had never been more thankful for planning things ahead as much as he was that very moment. He reached over to the nightstand and pulled out the damp hand towels. He unfurled the ball he'd made earlier with them and discovered that they had managed to retain some of their heat. He handed one to Yuri and started wiping himself down.

"Viktor, this is brilliant…when did you have the time to set this up?"

"Well, a certain someone barred me from being in the kitchen earlier and I had no choice but to find something to do."

"Ah…sorry about that…but now I'm really glad I did!"

"When we're done, help me change the bedsheets?

Yuri nodded and finished wiping himself. He grabbed a clean towel and used it on his damp hair. He found his pajama pants and put them on before gathering the dirty sheets and towels and tossing them into the laundry basket.

"Hey Viktor, is your washing machine in English?"

"Yes, it is."

"OK, I'll take the laundry and get a load started."

"I've burned through that whole dinner and am feeling quite hungry. So I'm going to make a sandwich, would you like one?"

Yuri's eyes absolutely shone and dazzled at the mention of food.

"Oh-my-god-yes! I didn't realize how hungry I really was until you said the magic 'food' word."

As if on cue, Yuri's stomach growled aggressively and noisily.

Viktor laughed.

"OK, OK…I get it! Meet me in the kitchen when you're done putting the laundry in."

Once the laundry was taken care of, Yuri walked into the kitchen just as Viktor was finishing up their sandwiches. He walked up behind Viktor and wrapped his arms around the taller man's waist. Yuri perched his head on Viktor's shoulder and peered down at the counter.

"What did you make?"

"Ham and cheese"

"Ooh, good choice. Did you make any tea?"

"Oh! Sorry, I didn't."

"No worries, I'll make us some."

The two men sat at the table and hungrily devoured their sandwiches and tea. A bit later, as they stood next to each other brushing their teeth, Viktor was struck by how normal their life together seemed. They practically acted like a married couple, but without the rings. Viktor felt a pang of guilt as he thought of the rings. He had squirreled them away in a safe location in the house until he felt Yuri could handle seeing them. Regardless of the lack of rings, Viktor felt complete and at home with Yuri. It was hard for him to imagine a life without Yuri in it. He would never want to go back to the loneliness that he was experiencing before Yuri came into his life.

"Yuri…thank you." Yuri looked over in confusion at Viktor.

"For…what?"

"I'm just…so happy and lucky to have you in my life."

Yuri blushed as he looked over at Viktor.

"I feel the same…about you." That night, the two men fell asleep in each other's arms on a set of fresh bed sheets.


	35. The Pig and the Princess

The next few days were a blur of skate practice and 'love practice'. On Wednesday, Viktor and Yuri trained together and worked on their respective programs. On Thursday, Yuri had his first plyometrics session with his trainer Andrian 'The Wolf' Volkov. After a grueling assessment by the no-nonsense trainer, Yuri was told that his muscle conditioning was not yet up to a level suitable to begin plyometrics. He would first have to be able to successfully barbell squat half his own bodyweight and just wasn't quite there yet. So the trainer put him on a specific training regimen to build up his leg muscles as quickly as possible. He also put him on a severely restricted diet with weigh-ins and measurements each week. Their first session was a blur of weighted squats, weighted squats with an exercise ball against the wall, lunges with dumbbells, toe squats with overhead reach (with dumbbells of course) and then using an aerobics step to do the last set of weighted exercises. After all was said and done, Yuri was a sweaty mess. He was left incredibly sore and nearly unable to walk. As he hobbled into the change room, he ran into Viktor.

"Yuri! How was your first session?"

Yuri flopped down on a bench and lay down on his stomach. He allowed his arms to flop down either side of the bench and groaned plaintively.

"Everything hurts. That man is a pure sadist."

"Ha! Mr. Volkov is indeed renowned for being extremely….challenging…but he gets results and is the best in town, maybe even the whole country. We were extremely lucky to get him."

"I'm not feeling very lucky right now."

Viktor walked over to Yuri and rubbed soothing circles on his back.

"C'mon Yuri, you need to keep moving. If you stay still too long it'll be even harder and more painful to move later. Turn over, I'll help you stretch."

Yuri did as Viktor suggested. He hissed loudly as his muscles screamed with pain at the indignity of being forced to move again. As his butt came in contact with the bench, Yuri yelped and jumped off it as if burned.

"That was a bad idea….baaaaaad idea. I think a mere gust of wind could hurt my butt right now."

Viktor knew that Yuri was genuinely in pain in discomfort, so he fought back the urge to laugh.  _Poor guy. Volkov must have worked him over pretty hard on his first session. I bet that was his milder 'introductory' session, too. Things will only get tougher for Yuri from now on…_

"It's alright. Let's stretch while standing up, then."

Viktor did the best he could to help Yuri stretch. Yuri tried to grit his teeth and bear it, but every once in a while a whimper of pain would escape him. After about ten minutes, Yuri seemed able to at least be able to walk a bit better. Viktor told him that he should go take the hottest shower he could handle and continue stretching in there. The hot water would help with his sore muscles as well. While Yuri was stretching in the shower, he quickly took care of his own needs and then ran out to grab them some lunch. When he got back to the change room, he discovered that Yuri was still in the shower.

"Yuri, everything OK in there?"

"Yeah, I feel a lot better now. At least I'll be able to move again. Tonight might be a different story, though."

"Don't worry about tonight. I'll take care of you."

Yuri looked up at Viktor and saw the suggestive look on the man's face. Heat pooled in the pit of his stomach as his imagination didn't have to wander too far to figure out what it meant. Viktor smirked as he saw the knowing look Yuri gave him.

"So hurry up and get dressed. I got us some lunch."

Yuri groaned as he saw the sandwiches.

"I guess I'll have to start my new diet tomorrow, then."

"Volkov put you on a diet, too? Wow, he must really like you!"

Yuri coughed and sputtered in disbelief. "Was that sarcasm? You're joking, right?"

"No, actually. Most of the time he just lets athletes eat whatever they want and then punishes them with extra excruciating training sessions if their weigh-in and/or measurements are not…satisfactory. So something about you impressed him enough to actually make a personalized plan."

Viktor wracked his brain trying to think what it was about Yuri that made such an impression on Volkov. Then he remembered that Yuri was in fact, very Japanese.

"Did you follow his commands without question and do everything he asked you to without a single complaint?"

Yuri looked at him as if he had grown a second head.

"Of course I did. He's a professional trainer hired to put me through my paces. Why wouldn't I?"

Viktor laughed.

"Mr. Volkov has trained most of the top Russian athletes in the world. The problem with top athletes is that they tend to get a bit cocky once they hit a certain threshold of success and recognition. They start thinking they know more than their trainers and become very difficult to work with. You're probably the closest thing to a dream client he could ever wish for!"

"I guess I should be thankful for small favors, then."

Suddenly, Yuri shuddered.

"If that's how he treats someone he likes, I wonder what he does to those he doesn't…"

"Let's hope you never find out, Yuri."

That night, as promised, Viktor took care of Yuri. First, he massaged the younger man's legs from toe to butt with tiger balm. Yuri alternated between yips of pain to sighs of contentment as Viktor kneaded and worked over his abused muscles. Then he took care of Yuri's  _other_  needs. He asked the younger man if he could be the one to finger him this time around, and after a short period of consideration, he agreed. Viktor made sure to wash his hands thoroughly as tiger balm near any kind of sensitive flesh would be a very unpleasant experience.

**_Mini-lemon!_ **

Viktor was nothing but gentle and spent a lot of time rubbing the outside as he kissed Yuri and stroked him with his free hand. Yuri was so distracted by Viktor's actions that he didn't even notice it much when the taller man's finger slipped right in. A short while later one finger turned into two and Yuri was soon writhing in earnest on the bed while making the most deliciously lewd sounds into Viktor's mouth. Viktor then added more lube and inserted a second finger. He searched around until he thought he'd found the hyper-sensitive nodule of flesh and pushed up against it with both fingers in a circular movement. Judging by Yuri's reaction, he hit the jackpot. Yuri clamped down hard on his arms with his hands and dug his fingernails into his flesh. His back arched fully off the bed and he broke their kiss to make a sound that was a mix between a scream and a strangled sob. He came immediately and without any warning, his walls clamping down rhythmically on Viktor's fingers. Viktor nearly came undone as Yuri's release coated his hand. He made a sound akin to a growl at the back of his throat. He was so incredibly turned on by Yuri's reaction. He practically purred as he spoke.

"Well, that was quick."

Yuri wanted nothing more than to give Viktor a witty retort, but his brain seemed unable to formulate cohesive thoughts and his mouth wouldn't obey his commands to speak. His attempt at a scowl failed miserably and came out looking more like a facial twitch. Viktor chuckled as he cleaned up and then stroked Yuri's face lovingly with his the back of his hand.

"Once you're fully recovered, I'm more than willing to allow you a chance to get your revenge."

Yuri raised an eyebrow at Viktor.

"Are you sure about that? I won't go easy on you."

"I would be mad at you if you did."

Yuri didn't waste any time. He raised his hips and used the leverage to push Viktor up and roll him onto his back. He launched an immediate assault on Viktor's lips, earning a surprised gasp from the man over the immediate intrusion of his tongue. Yuri pushed Viktor's shirt up roughly and ran his thumb over a nipple. The flesh beneath it hardened immediately and Viktor moaned into his mouth. Yuri broke the kiss briefly to pull Viktor's pants down to his knees and lube up his hand. Just when Viktor seemed to get over his breathlessness and was about to say something, Yuri was back on his lips…sucking on them hungrily. He slid his right hand down to Viktor's puckered opening and his left hand into Viktor's hair. He pulled the man's head back, fully exposing his neck. As Viktor cried out, Yuri's lips were already on his neck, nibbling and suckling on it.

"Y-Y-Yuri! S-s-slow down!"

Yuri all but snarled against Viktor's throat.

"No."

Yuri bit down on Viktor's neck to further make his point. As Viktor cried out, Yuri slipped a finger inside.

"Ahhhh! Yu-…mmph!"

Yuri had sensed Viktor was about to speak and had inserted his fingers into the man's mouth. He started pumping his fingers in and out of Viktor's mouth as he inserted a second finger down below and started pumping those two fingers as well. Yuri quickly found Viktor's spot and pushed up against it as he made a 'come hither' motion with them. He took one of Viktor's hardened nipples into his mouth and sucked hard on it. Viktor let out a muffled scream, Yuri's fingers keeping the sounds from fully escaping his mouth. His orgasm was powerful and violent and his hot release squirted onto his abdomen as his hardened center twitched vigorously. Yuri closed his eyes and moaned as he felt Viktor's inner walls grip his fingers like a vice. He removed his fingers from both of Viktor's orifices and cleaned them up. He smiled triumphantly as Viktor lay on his back, gasping for breath with eyes glazed over.

"You may have made me come quickly, but I made you come without even touching your hardon. I win."

Once Viktor was fully functional again, he crossed his arms and pouted at Yuri.

"I was told before that you really hate to lose...I wasn't expecting it to also apply to this particular area of life."

Yuri smiled wickedly.

"Well now you know. Don't be so hasty when challenging me again in the future."

Friday morning rolled around and the two men were back at the Sports Champions Club. Yuri was still a bit sore from Volkov's training, but a lot better off than if he hadn't done any stretching or if Viktor hadn't given him that massage. He didn't want to risk trying any jumps today so he decided to work on the artistic side of things and try to increase his flexibility.

As Yuri made his way onto the ice, he noticed that Yuri Plisetsky was already on it and occupying one end of the rink. Yuri removed his blade guards, skated over to the opposite end and began his warm-up.

It wasn't long before he had a bristly Russian teen up in his face.

"Hey, Katsudon! Did you hit your head and forget your manners, too?"

Yuri sighed as he looked up at the angry blonde in front of him.

"My name is Yuri, not Katsudon. My head and my manners are just fine, but it seems that yours might need some work."

Russian Yuri skated right up to Yuri's face and put his hands on his hips before uttering a rather loud and annoyed sound.

"Huuuuuuuuh?!"

"Are you hard of hearing as well? I won't repeat myself."

"You've turned into quite an asshole, you know that? You used to be a much nicer pig before your "accident" or whatever. Plisetsky had made the air quotation signs when he said the word 'accident' and for some reason, that really got on Yuri's nerves.

"Listen, we may have made some pleasant memories in the past, but I don't  _currently_  have any. If you want others to treat you with respect, you must also be willing to give it. Your attempted insults and bravado are not really helping your case."

Plisetsky was stunned. He'd always thought that Yuri was rather spineless and a bit of a weakling. The Yuri standing in front of him was firm, assertive and stared him down without breaking eye contact.  _This is unexpected. I didn't know this guy had it in him. I wonder what the hell Viktor's done to him._

Undaunted, Plisetsky tried a different angle.

"Fine! Let's have a competition, then! I want to see how many quad jumps you can land compared to me!"

Yuri shook his head.

"Sorry, I'm not working on jumps today."

"Huuuuuuuuh?! What's the matter, scared you can't cut it against me?"

Yuri rolled his eyes and sighed as he called upon every aspect of Buddha's divine patience to help him deal with the young man in front of him.

"Don't be ridiculous, of course not. I had my first training session with Volkov yesterday and my legs are still recovering from the abuse. So I am foregoing any jumps today and focusing on other skills."

Plisetsky was clearly surprised and caught off-guard by that statement.

"You're training with Volkov? THE Andrian Volkov?!"

"That's the one. Are there any others?"

"No smartass, I'm just a bit shocked. He's  _incredibly_  selective about who he takes on … and you're not even Russian."

"I guess Yakov and Viktor both might've had something to do with  _that_."

"But wait, if you had your first session yesterday…how are you even able to stand today? I heard that guy is a…"

"Complete sadist?"

Plisetsky's eyes widened and he nodded his head vigorously.

"Yup. The reputation is indeed well-deserved. I could barely walk into the change room afterward. Viktor helped me stretch a bit and then I carried on stretching for another 30 minutes under scalding hot water before I was able to walk normally again. Viktor's massage last night is the only reason I can even skate today at all."

Plisetsky huffed as he pouted.

"Fine. I guess jumps are off limits today, then. What were you going to work on?"

"Artistic elements."

Plisetsky made a face and stuck his tongue out in disgust.

"Bleh. I get enough of that with Lilia. I'll pass."

"Well, I'm going to get started on my practice. You should probably continue with yours, then."

Plisetsky silently fumed that Yuri had had the audacity to try and tell him what to do. He smirked as he thought of a way to get back at him.

"I'm  _so_  sorry for calling you Katsudon earlier. That was what I called you before, but I guess you don't remember. May I call you  _svin'ya_  (свинья - pig)? It's a Russian term for colleague."

Yuri took one look at the young Russian's face and knew he was being deceptive.  _Does he honestly think I'm that stupid? He's a terrible liar. OK, no problem…two can play this game._

Yuri put on his most gullible face and smiled sweetly at the young Russian.

"That's quite a nice gesture on your part. Allow me to return the favor. In Japan, the term is  _hime sama_  (ひめ さま - princess).

Yuri thought he caught a brief flash of guilt cross Russian Yuri's face and it gave him a sense of victory.  _Ha! I'm glad he has enough of a soul to feel bad about trying to deceive me. I can't wait to see his face when he realizes what I've decided to call him._

Plisetsky looked around awkwardly before excusing himself and returning to his corner of the rink. Just then, Viktor also got onto the ice and joined him.

"Were you having a normal conversation with the Russian kitten just now?"

Yuri sighed as he turned to look at Viktor.

"Yes…and no. We  _did_  have a decent conversation for a while, but then I am pretty sure he's insulted me somehow. Tell me Viktor…what does 'svin'ya' mean?"

Viktor sighed and rubbed his face.

"It means 'pig'. Did he call you that?"

Yuri laughed.

"I figured it was something along those lines. He's a bad liar. His body language gave him away immediately, but I played along with it."

"Do you want me to talk to him and ask him to stop calling you that?"

Yuri shook his head.

"No, no. Don't worry, the joke's on  _him_. When he gave me his Russian term for 'colleague', I gave him a Japanese term in return. I'm going to be referring to him as _Hime Sama_  from now on."

"What does that mean, Yuri?"

Yuri's mouth lit his face up with an evil smile.

"It means Princess."

Viktor snorted loudly and nearly doubled over in laughter. He wiped the tears from his eyes as he tried to catch his breath.

"Oh my god…that's so perfect it hurts."

"Right? That's the impression I got from him…high maintenance."

Later on that day, as the men arrived back home, they noticed a parcel on the doorstep. As Viktor picked it up, he shot Yuri a look of pure excitement.

"Yuri! Our goodies have finally arrived!"

Yuri blushed as he remembered the things they had ordered. He stared back at Viktor and nodded giddily back at him.

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's get inside and open it!"


	36. Toys

**_ Lemon warning _ ** **_: There are so many lemons here, not even India or Mexico could keep up. This is typical in any kind of new relationship, wherein couples go at it like jackrabbits. Especially considering that Yuri was a virgin prior and just discovered the joys of sex. And let's be honest…if you had 24-hour access to Viktor…you'd want to be jumping his bones any chance you had, too. ;) I am living vicariously through Yuri here…_ **

Viktor picked up the box and brought it into the house. In their excitement, the two men fumbled clumsily with their winter wear and boots. Viktor let Makkachin out into the back yard and then sat down on the sofa next to Yuri with the box in his lap. He grabbed the box-cutter and cut the tape on the packaging.

When shopping online, sometimes you don't realize just how much you actually bought until the package actually gets delivered. This was certainly the case with the box the two men found on the doorstep. As Viktor pulled item after item out of the box, Yuri's eyes grew wider and wider.

"Did we actually buy  _all that_?"

Viktor blushed a bit as he looked at the growing line of products being placed on the coffee table.

"I guess we may have gone a bit overboard. It didn't seem like that much when it was sitting in our online shopping cart!"

"Seriously, Viktor. We could open our own store with all this stuff!"

They looked at the array of butt plugs lined up in front of them. There were different sizes, shapes, and materials. Then there was the lineup of lube they had bought as well. Silicone-based, water-based, oil-based, hybrid, scented, flavored, and more of the warming stuff they were already familiar with. They had no previous experience or knowledge to draw from, so they had decided to get a little bit of everything and test things out to find out what they liked and didn't like. The last thing Viktor pulled out of the box was the one Yuri was most excited about. It was called a Fleshlight and it was a self-pleasuring tool. When he had first seen it, he did not imagine using it just on himself; he imagined using it together with Viktor. It was clear and would allow them to see everything as they rubbed against each other in the confined space. Just thinking about it made Yuri hard with need. When Viktor turned to ask Yuri which toy they should start with first, he knew his answer immediately by the way Yuri was looking at the box he was holding in his hand. He looked down at Yuri's pants and saw a telltale bulge forming there.  _Well,_   _Yuri has certainly gotten over being a virgin quite quickly. I think I may have unleashed a sex addict!_  Viktor smiled wickedly.  _Well, I guess that settles what we're using first!_

"Shall we start with the Fleshlight, Yuri?"

Yuri's face absolutely glowed as he looked at Viktor and nodded enthusiastically. The Russian man had to practically shield himself from the radiance that twinkled in the eyes staring back at him.

"Yuri, you're sparkling!"

Yuri just sat there and stared back at him, so overcome with excitement that his lips trembled.

Viktor couldn't resist and leaned it to steal a kiss from the young Japanese skater.

"I have to go let Makkachin back in and feed him. Why don't you take our new toy into the bedroom and get a few things ready for the cleanup later? Then you can take your clothes off and wait for me…naked…on the bed."

Yuri nodded as he took the Fleshlight box from Viktor's hands. As he turned around to leave, Viktor stopped him. He picked up a box from their lube selection and gave it to Yuri.

"This is the ultra-warming stuff. If the regular warming stuff feels good, I can't imagine what  _this_  will feel like!"

Yuri took the two boxes and scurried off to the bedroom.

Viktor double-timed it into the kitchen and got Makkachin's food ready and refilled his water dish. He dashed to the back door and opened it, half expecting Makkachin to be at the door waiting for him. He wasn't. Viktor grunted in impatience.  _Of all the days for him to want to play hide-and-seek!_ He first called out Makkachin's name, but there was no sign of him anywhere.

Meanwhile, back in the bedroom, Yuri had managed to get their cleaning stuff ready. He opened the Fleshlight box and put it on the nightstand, then did the same with the box of lube. He stripped off his clothes and threw them on the floor in a heap. He jumped into bed and got comfortable.  _What is taking Viktor so long? I thought he'd be as excited as me to try this out._ After waiting another minute, Yuri decided to get started without Viktor. He grabbed the bottle of lube and squirted some into his hand. As he rubbed it along his length, he was in for a big shock. A warming sensation quickly became hot and then outright felt like fire. Yuri screamed.

Viktor's patience had run out and he was feeling particularly unimpressed with his dog. He switched to his Russian 'dad' voice and issued an ultimatum.

-"Makkachin, if you don't get your butt back here right this moment…so help me…I will make you sleep outside tonight!"—

His actions had the desired effect, and soon there was a snow-covered standard poodle standing at his door. Viktor tugged gently on the dog's nose as he reprimanded him.

"I love you to pieces, Makka, but don't keep me from Yuri again."

Viktor dusted Makkachin off and dried his wet feet before allowing him back into the house. He shut the door and stopped in the living room to pick up their beginner silicone butt plugs before making a beeline for the bedroom. Halfway there, he heard Yuri's scream. Worried and scared out of mind, Viktor ran the rest of the way. As he burst into the room, he saw Yuri, naked on the bed, and fanning himself with a pillow.

"Yuri! What's wrong?!"

"Ahhhh! My dick's on fire!"

Viktor blinked in disbelief as he tried processing the scene playing out before him. And when the specific wording Yuri used finally sank in, he couldn't hold back his laughter. He doubled over as the hilarity of everything hit him all at once.

"Viktooooorrrrr! It's not funny! That lube is like lava! Stop laughing and come help fan me!"

"I'm sorry, Yuri…I couldn't stop myself!" Viktor hurried over grabbed the other pillow and quickly began fanning Yuri.

"How much did you use?"

"The normal amount!"

Viktor's jaw nearly dropped on the floor.

"Seriously?! Did you not read the reviews when we were buying it? Every single one said to use the smallest amount possible!"

Yuri's face turned beet-red.

"Uhhh, no."

Viktor shook his head. He did not envy Yuri's position at all. As Viktor helped fan Yuri, he was struck with an idea. He put the pillow down and ran to open the window. He discretely grabbed a handful of snow and turned around. He stepped up to Yuri and threw the snow on his arousal before he had the chance to see what he was up to.

"Gahhhhhhhhhh! That's COLD!"

"Sorry, Yuri! It was for your own good!"

Viktor turned around and went to close the window before he let all the heat out of the room. As he did so, he suddenly noticed that the room had gone deathly quiet. He whipped around and saw Yuri still sitting on the bed, small towel in hand, and a very perplexed look on his face.

Viktor approached the bed quietly to further assess the situation. Yuri's eyes were wide and he was staring dead ahead at some nondescript spot on the wall. His breathing was shallow, sweat had beaded up on his forehead and his skin was covered in a light shimmer. Viktor was surprised to see that the cold snow had done nothing to abate Yuri's arousal. In fact, it seemed to be slightly twitching and reacting to something on its own accord. Viktor leaned in and blew a puff of cold air on the head. Yuri's eyes rolled into the back of his head and his whole body trembled. His breath caught and he seemed to stop breathing altogether for a few seconds as what appeared to be waves of pleasure rolled over his body. Viktor's shock clearly showed on his face.  _Well, this was unexpected!_

Yuri finally seemed to remember to breathe and gulped in a few ragged and uneven breaths. Viktor leaned in once more and blew a longer stream of cold air, from base to tip. Yuri's arousal twitched powerfully and the younger skater whimpered helplessly as his body was wracked by spasms. Unable to take any more, Viktor tore off his own clothes. He reached for the bottle of ultra-warming lube, making sure to take a conservative amount, lest he also set himself 'on fire' accidentally. He was immediately made aware of what Yuri appeared to be going through. A searing heat encompassed his full length and everything became instantly over sensitized. He seemed to be able to feel even the slightest disturbance in the air around him. Just then, Viktor felt a gust of air in his direction and was nearly bowled over by the overwhelming sensations it triggered. As he looked around to see where it had come from, he noticed a heavily panting Yuri, smiling wryly at him.

"That…haaah…was…payback…haaah."

"Yuuuuurrrrrriii…nghh…you're so….mean!"

Yuri raised an eyebrow and smiled mischievously at Viktor.

"All's fair…in love…and war."

The two men sat back on the bed for a few minutes as they rode out the rush from the ultra-warming lube. Then they reached for each other's hardened flesh and stroked each other quickly to completion.

Viktor sighed happily. "Mmmmm, that was incredible. I think maybe we should mix that ultra stuff with our regular warming stuff until our bodies get used to it a bit. That was really intense."

Yuri nodded in agreement.

"Right? I swear I could actually feel the molecules of air touching my skin. I've never felt anything like it!"

"Well, I am definitely looking forward to using that stuff again once we've…adapted to it a bit more. But for now…"

Viktor rolled over and pinned Yuri's body beneath him.

"I  _really_  want to ravish you."

Yuri lifted a hand to weaved it in Viktor's hair.

"Ravish away."

Viktor covered Yuri's hand with his own before bringing it lovingly down to the bed. He grabbed Yuri's other one and then pushed both hands above his head roughly. Yuri gasped at the sudden movement, his current position causing his back to arch slightly off the bed. Viktor covered the younger man's bare throat with his mouth and began sucking fervently on it. Yuri closed his eyes and squirmed as the feeling of Viktor's hot lips on his skin sent a surge of electricity through his body. Viktor raked his teeth softly over Yuri's exposed flesh and stopped at a few places to give the younger man a few sharp nips. Each pinch drew a sharp intake of breath from the man beneath him. Viktor smiled against Yuri's skin. He absolutely loved how responsive Yuri was. He teased Yuri endlessly with kisses to his neck and face, coming just close enough to the younger man's mouth to brush their lips together, but without actually making full contact. Yuri tried tilting his head back in his attempts to get Viktor to kiss him, but Viktor pulled away every time. Yuri wriggled and wormed beneath him, actively struggling to free his hands from Viktor's grip. Viktor refused to let go and tightened his hold, smiling as he heard the impatient sounds coming from Yuri's mouth.

"Viktor, please!"

"Please what, Yuri?"

"Just kiss me already!"

"Hmmm, not if you say it like  _that_  I won't."

Yuri sighed in exasperation.

"I want your hot lips on mine. I want your tongue in my mouth. I want you to kiss me till I can't remember my own damn name!"

Viktor swelled with pride as he heard Yuri saying such things to him. He made the decision to not keep the younger man waiting any longer. He leaned in and fully pressed his lips ever-so-lightly against Yuri's, earning a whimpering sigh from the man. Viktor then began a slow and unhurried dance with Yuri's mouth, slowly building up the pace before darting his tongue in and out and running it over his lips. Yuri moaned against his lips and Viktor was consumed by a desire to dominate the man beneath him. He amped up his kisses and delved his tongue deeply into Yuri's hot mouth, exploring every surface within reach.

Yuri had been slowly driven crazy by Viktor's teasing and now was just about losing his mind due to the actions of the taller man's tongue. Yuri bucked and thrust his hips urgently against Viktor's. He needed…more. He needed to have every inch of his exposed skin pressed up against the man's. What he had now…wasn't enough. He broke his kiss with Viktor and pleaded with him breathlessly.

"Haah…please…I need…to touch…you…haah…"

Viktor decided to take pity on the man and released his hands. They immediately flew to his head and entwined themselves in his hair. Yuri pulled himself flush against Viktor's sultry body and engaged their tongues in a battle of wills. Yuri released Viktor's hair and moved his hands down to fully cup the taller man's muscular butt. He spread his legs a bit wider and pulled Viktor's hips towards him. The room filled with the sounds of their moans, gasps and grunts as their arousals pushed up against one another.

"Y-Yuri…ngh…let's use…the Fleshlight."

Yuri's eyes widened as he suddenly realized that he had completely forgotten about the Fleshlight.

Viktor gave Yuri one more lingering kiss before pushing himself up and reaching for the Fleshlight and their normal warming lube. He poured a generous amount into the Fleshlight and drizzled some over himself and Yuri. The two men rubbed and smeared the lube on themselves, further causing engorgement to their excitement. Viktor sat down on the bed and made a pillow pile against the headboard. He motioned for Yuri to come toward him and then instructed him to sit on his lap and straddle him. Once both men had settled in comfortably, Viktor slowly brought the Fleshlight down to encompass both of their hardened centers. The delectable tightness was like nothing either men had ever felt before. They both sat there, unmoving, as they adapted to the myriad of sensations and the thrill of being so intimately pressed up against one another. Yuri cupped Viktor's face with both hands.

"Are you ready?"

Viktor nodded and began pumping the Fleshlight up and down along their confined lengths. Yuri immediately cried out and slumped forward against Viktor's shoulder, chest heaving with ragged breaths. His hands slid down to the taller man's upper arms and his nails dug into the creamy white flesh. Viktor moaned loudly as his body trembled and quivered. He lowered his head and pressed a cheek against Yuri's head. He brushed his lips against Yuri's ear, savoring the ripples of shivers it elicited from him.

"Ahh….Yuuuuri…look at me."

Yuri moaned against his shoulder.

"I-I-I c-c-can't m-m-move."

"Hmm, this won't do at  _all_."

Viktor grabbed a handful of Yuri's hair with his free hand and pulled the younger man's head back and off his shoulder.

"Ahhh! Viktor!"

"Don't take your eyes off me, Yuri. Watch me till the very end."

Viktor picked up the pace of his actions. The pleasure he was feeling was borderline overwhelming and it took every ounce of his self-control to keep his  _own_  eyes open. When he saw Yuri's eyes starting to droop, he tightened his grip on the man's hair.

"Yuri!"

The younger man's eyes snapped back open and refocused.

"Good, Yuri. Ngh…good. Eyes…on me…only."

Yuri moaned, his short gasps becoming more like sobs the closer to completion he got. Viktor couldn't get enough of Yuri, he had become hopelessly addicted to the man. Every look, every sound, every touch…kindled a deep and ardent desire within him. Looking into Yuri's eyes, Viktor could almost feel himself getting lost in their rich ruddy tone. Meanwhile, Yuri was drowning. He had always reveled at the beauty of Viktor's eyes, but staring so deeply into them was intoxicating. Those eyes, bluer than any sea, swallowed Yuri up in their depths. Yuri's chest was tight and he felt like he couldn't breathe, but couldn't bring himself to care.

Both men thrust their hips in time with the rhythm Viktor had set as they neared completion. Their eyes were now locked on each other and Viktor disengaged his hand from Yuri's hair, allowing it to drop down to the back of his neck. Both men were panting heavily, their faces and chests flushed red and bodies covered in sweat. Their thrusts became more and more erratic as they verged closer to orgasm. As Viktor stared fixedly into Yuri's eyes, he actually saw the younger man's pupils dilate a short second before his release. As Yuri came, his eyes went impossibly wide and his mouth opened in a silent scream before sputtering forth strangled and stuttered sobs. Seeing the younger man in such an impassioned state kicked off its own chain reaction in Viktor. Something within his body snapped and he screamed as his own release spilled forth unbidden, flooding the Fleshlight chamber and mixing with Yuri's. Once he had managed to catch his breath, Viktor closed his eyes and leaned in, placing a tender kiss on the younger man's lips. Yuri returned his kiss, bringing a pair of trembling hands to Viktor's face. Once they parted, Viktor rested his forehead against Yuri's. Neither skater spoke, and simply luxuriated in their shared company.

Viktor was the first one to break the silence, as they had a bit of a predicament to deal with.

"Yuri' we're going to have to go to the bathroom to remove this. It's going to cause a bit of a mess if we try to do it here."

Yuri looked down at the Fleshlight and then back up at Viktor.

"How in the world are we going to do  _that_?"

"Well, the way I see it, we have two options. The first involves us both crab-walking to the bathroom in a post-coital waltz. The second option requires me picking you up and carrying you into the bathroom. Which option would you like to go for?"

Yuri tried imagining the two them awkwardly trying to walk to the bathroom and decided against taking that course of action. As he thought of Viktor carrying him, he blushed, but realized that it was their best option.

"I think it's best for you to carry me. If it's not much trouble, that is."

Viktor beamed back at him.

"It's no trouble at all! Let's get going, then. I REALLY want a hot shower right now."

Yuri had to agree with Viktor on that one. He felt quite sticky and gross and imagined Viktor was feeling much the same. The two men shimmied together until Viktor had gotten to the edge of the bed. He asked Yuri to take control of the Fleshlight as he would need both hands to hold onto him. Then he gripped Yuri's butt and stood up. He quickly made it to the bathroom without incident and turned on the water as he allowed Yuri's legs to slide back down. He stepped into the shower backwards and Yuri followed him in. Once under the running hot water, Viktor removed the Fleshlight. There was a large volume of mess that the removal made, and both men were genuinely glad they had waited to take it off in the shower. Viktor took the unit apart and rinsed it out thoroughly while Yuri took charge of washing his back. One uneventful shower later and the two men were back in the bedroom.

Viktor took the opportunity to show the next set of toys off to Yuri.

"You want to use those…now?"

"Well, I was thinking that we could put them in tonight and sleep with them in. We won't have to do any walking or sitting. I chose the smallest, soft and squishy silicone ones to start with."

Yuri thought about it and admitted that it was a logical step in their 'training'.

"So…we just stretch ourselves out and then pop it in?"

Viktor sputtered a bit at the use of the word 'pop.'

"I recommend going a bit slower than a 'pop', Yuri. This is going to feel quite a bit thicker than two fingers."

Yuri gulped as he sobered at the thought of having something rather substantial inserted into his body. Viktor sensed the Japanese man's sudden apprehension and stepped in to pull him into a hug.

"Don't worry, Yuri. We'll do it just like that first night we fingered ourselves. Just take it at your own pace and use lots and lots of the water-based lube.

Yuri looked up into Viktor's eyes and nodded in acquiescence. The Russian man released Yuri and went to collect their new toys from the dresser. There was a magenta one for Viktor and a blue one for Yuri. That way, they'd always know which one belonged to whom. The two butt plugs were removed from their boxes and the two men made themselves comfortable on the bed with the bottle of warming lube once again between them. Now somewhat more familiar with their own bodies, the two men had no problem quickly bringing themselves up to two fingers.

"Remember, Yuri…you don't want to get yourself too excited. Focus on stretching your opening so that it can accommodate the butt plug."

Always the trailblazer, Viktor was the first one to insert his butt plug.

Yuri watched him intently with bated breath, looking for any signs of pain or negative reactions from the taller man. None came.

Yuri's curiosity could wait no longer, "What's it like?"

"It actually felt…kind of good going in. There's this feeling of fullness…it's not unpleasant at all. My body fought the invasion a bit at first…but it's actually quite comfortable."

Yuri resumed his activities and Viktor lay quietly next to him, not wanting to disturb him or distract him.

Yuri finally mustered the courage to insert his own butt plug. Viktor was immediately there for him, helping him by pouring the lube.

Yuri reminded himself to relax and not clench as he felt the tip of the toy pushing against his opening. He took a few deep and calming breaths as he slowly began to wiggle the toy side-to-side while he gently pushed it in.  _Viktor was right…it feels…kind of good._ Before he knew it, the toy was fully seated inside him, the only sign of its presence being its base. Yuri let out a shaky breath and relaxed against the bed. Viktor handed him a moist towelette to wipe his hand.

"And…?"

"It…feels ok. It was a lot less painful than I had imagined it would be. Proper preparation seems to be the key with butt stuff. It's quite short, so it doesn't reach my spot. It just feels like I need to…you know…go to the bathroom."

"You did great, Yuri! Sleeping with the butt plug is going to help our muscles stretch so that we can move on to the bigger size much more easily. I'm not going to lie…I'm very much looking forward to the day we're making love to each other."

Yuri covered his rapidly reddening face with both hands, but nodded happily back at Viktor. The taller man placed a soft kiss on the top of Yuri's head and turned off the lights.

"Good night, Yuri. Sleep well."

"Mhm. G'night, Viktor."

The two men wrapped their arms around each other and were quickly lulled to sleep by the sounds of their steady breathing and shared warmth.


	37. Somnambulance

_Yuri's mind was playing out its favorite dream. Normally, he was filled with joy whenever he found himself in this particular dreamscape. But something didn't seem right this time around. The man-shadow…where was he? Yuri filled with dread. He had the sneaking suspicion that things hadn't ended well the last time they had met up…but couldn't remember why. He skated from one end to the rink to the other, searching frantically for his shadow-friend. He checked every single room at the arena, but the shadow could not be found. He wanted to call out to him...but he didn't know its name._ _**Why don't I know its name?!** _

_Yuri's chest grew tight and he began to panic. He'd just made it past the gate and back to the ice before his eyes blurred over from the tears that were forming in them. He felt his heart squeeze painfully and started to hyperventilate. The sense of abandonment he was experiencing at that moment was absolutely crushing. It felt strangely familiar...as if he'd been at this level of despair before. He stopped skating and dropped down to his knees._ _ **Why do I keep getting left behind? What is it about me that makes people just toss me away?**_ _Yuri slumped over and slid down onto his stomach and lay there, unmoving, with his cheek pressed to the ice. Waves of sheer misery pounded him like a squall, forcing the tears to finally fall from his eyes. He ran his fingers along the glassy surface, allowing its numbing effects to take over. **Ice never lets you down…it's always cold, hard and treacherous. It doesn't pretend to be something it's not, and you always know exactly where you stand.** The_ freezing cold crept past his skin and began seeping into his bones. It whispered sweet promises of unfeeling numbness to him. It held its arms open in a frigid embrace, telling him everything would be just fine once he stopped feeling. It cooed sweetly at him, promising to hold him forever...and to never let him go. His rational brain screamed at him to get up and away from it…but his body seemed either unable or unwilling to react. Yuri sighed as he caressed the ice lovingly. His tears had long since frozen onto his face, further dragging him down into its glacial clutches. He closed his eyes and waited.

...

***WOOF***

Viktor stirred from his slumber as he heard a sound that was very much out of place.  _Who's making all this noise at such an ungodly hour?_

***WOOF WOOF WOOF***

_A dog? A barking dog in the bedroom?_

***WOOF WOOF***

***HOWWWWWWLLLLLL***

Viktor sat up with a start as the room reverberated with the high-pitched sound. He was very perplexed, and a bit miffed, to see Makkachin bouncing up and down next to the bed. He immediately worried the noise would wake Yuri up and turned to check on him. The bed was strangely empty. Makkachin ran to the open bedroom door and barked again.  _Well, that explains how you got in. Is Yuri the bathroom?_ As Viktor emerged from the blankets, he shivered.  _Why the hell is the house so cold?_

***HOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWL***

Viktor was absolutely bewildered by his dog's strange behavior. He had never heard him bark, let alone howl inside the house before. He checked his phone and saw that it was just before 9:30, so the end stages of twilight.  _Ahh, the joys of living near the Arctic Circle._  Viktor put on his slippers and housecoat and stepped out of the bedroom. He immediately noticed that something was off. Every single door of every single room was open. As he stood in the hallway, Makkachin grabbed a mouthful of his housecoat and started pulling him along.

"Makka! What the hell has gotten into you? I can't play right now, I need to find Yuri."

Viktor tried to wrestle his coat from the dog's mouth, but Makkachin bit down harder and refused to let go. He continued dragging Viktor down the hall, hellbent on something or other.

While trying to rescue his housecoat from Makkachin's teeth, a strong gust of wind caught Viktor's attention, causing him to look up. He was incredibly alarmed to see that the front door was wide open. As Viktor stepped up to it he saw an oddly-shaped lump in the snow just past the front steps. His mind raced through a million and one scenarios. His eyes and his brain seemed to be a war with each other, neither being able to settle on what was actually before them. Makkachin finally let go of his housecoat and ran outside to the half-buried form in the snow. He barked and pawed at it before looking back at him and barking some more. Makkachin's actions dislodged some snow and Viktor's eyes drifted back down to the scrap of color that had been exposed. A conspicuous patch of black was suddenly in very stark contrast with its white surroundings. Viktor's heart dropped down into the pits of his stomach as his brain and eyes finally arrived at a conclusion they could agree on. His mouth opened and a scream of unadulterated anguish burst forth.

"YURI!"

Viktor had never moved so fast in his entire life. He tore out of the house and had Yuri dug out of the snow, and in his arms in what felt like a split second. He wasted no time booking it back into the house and kicking the door closed behind him. He carried Yuri to the bedroom and placed him on the floor by the bed. He had to stay calm. He had to remain rational. He would allow himself the emotional later. First, he needed to check for vital signs. His eyes roamed Yuri's body as he tried to fully assess the situation. Yuri was unconscious and cold…so very cold. His lips and fingernails were a purplish-blue hue. Viktor thanked his lucky stars that Yuri had at least managed to put on his housecoat before somehow ending up outside. The extra fluffy garment had provided the younger man with a bit of protection against the elements. Viktor checked for a pulse and found a weak one. Looking at Yuri's chest, he saw it moving up and down ever so slightly. He bent down and clutched Yuri tightly to his body. Viktor mouthed a silent prayer and absolutely wept with relief. It appeared that he hadn't been out in the snow for very long.

Next, he had to get rid of wet clothing. So the housecoat came off and he began toweling the younger skater dry. Viktor heard a whimpering sound and looked up to see Makkachin sitting at the door to the bedroom  _Makkachin! He was trying to tell me Yuri was in trouble!_

"Come here Makkachin! Good boy!"

Makkachin scampered into the bedroom and sat down next to him. He reached down with his right hand and ruffled the poodle's head affectionately. The dog placed a paw onto Yuri's leg and made a subdued and muffled barking sound. Animals obviously can't talk, but at that very moment…he felt like he heard Makkachin loud and clear. The pooper was clearly worried about Yuri and wanted to be there to make sure he was going to be OK.

"I'll take care of him Makka. I promise."

The dog leaned in and gave Viktor's face a generous lick before plodding off to find a comfortable corner in the bedroom to lie down at. Viktor picked Yuri back up and put him on the bed. He threw the blanket on him and grabbed an extra one from the closet. He then turned the thermostat up to compensate for all the heat that had been lost while the door was open. Lastly, he removed his own set of clothing and mentally prepared himself for the shock he was about to endure. He dove under the covers with Yuri and brought the man's chilled body up against his. Viktor sucked in a harsh breath as he felt the full impact of Yuri's hypothermia.  _My god...I didn't think it was humanly possible to be this cold!_  Viktor grit his teeth and tried to focus on the task ahead; warming Yuri up. Everything he'd learned growing up in one of the coldest places on Earth came rushing back to him.

Direct body heat transfer was the safest way to deal with the situation. Hot water may seem like the better idea, but it's actually quite dangerous. The body needs to be warmed gradually, and using hot water would most likely send it into shock or even cause cardiac arrest. He would donate his own body heat to Yuri, until the man's body was once again able to generate its own. Viktor entangled his legs with Yuri's and wrapped his arms tightly around him. His own body started shivering uncontrollably from the contact and he clenched his jaw as he tried to rein the tremors in. Viktor was being tested, that he knew for certain. He had done seemingly irreparable damage to Yuri and was now paying for it in spades. He had been lulled into a false sense of security when Yuri had finally been able to give his body to him. But karma had hunted him down and caught up with him, and was there to remind him that he still had a price to pay. Viktor, however, was determined to face it head-on. Yuri was worth it, and he would fight with everything he had. He further cocooned them in the mass of blankets and tried to keep his mind off the cold by whispering words of reassurance in Yuri's ear.

...

_"…-ri!"_

_Yuri's fuzzy and cold-addled brain stirred at the sound. He wanted to open his eyes to look around, but they felt so heavy._

_"Yuri!"_

_Yuri struggled to move as he swore he heard someone calling his name. The coldness seemed to sense his renewed efforts to escape and further sank its icy claws into him. He wanted to see who was calling him, but suddenly felt too exhausted to move. Thankfully for him, he was soon being cradled in someone's arms. Yuri sighed and nearly literally melted as he felt the warmth seeping into him from the embrace. The longer he was held, the more the heat intensified. It felt absolutely heavenly. It was another couple of minutes before Yuri was able to open his eyes. When he did so, he was greeted by a pair of beautiful sea-green eyes. Yuri's eyebrows furrowed as he stared into those eyes. Where have I seen these eyes before? Why do they look so sad? As Yuri's eyes refocused, they recognized the outline of the man-shadow's face. His every fiber filled with happiness and he practically felt the ice around his heart thaw. Throat still tight from the cold and voice choked with emotion, Yuri spoke._ _ **"You came back!"**_ _The shadow's eyes narrowed momentarily as he grunted in what seemed like annoyance. Worried that he had said something wrong, Yuri opened his mouth to apologize, but was silenced by a sharp flick to his nose. He heard the shadow's voice speaking directly to his mind._ _ **"I never left, silly. You just assumed that I had."**_  Completely caught off-guard by the statement, Yuri just stared dumbfounded back at the man-shadow. The shadow reached down and ruffled Yuri's hair.  _ **"I'll always be here waiting for you."**_ _The shadow took Yuri's hand and placed it over the Japanese skater's own heart._ _ **"Because, I live in here."**_ _Yuri's eyed misted up and he suddenly felt incredibly foolish. He tried to hide his face by pushing it against the shadow's chest. The shadow wasn't so accommodating and gently pushed Yuri back, forcing him to look at him again._ _ **"Sometimes a person must trust their eyes, and sometimes they need to trust their heart. You are too focused on what you think your eyes perceive, and have neglected to listen to your heart."**_ _Yuri didn't have the chance to reply to the shadow. His body launched into violent convulsions and he was forcibly removed from the dream._

...

Viktor was utterly shocked as the previously still body of the skater in his arms suddenly jolted into action. Yuri's teeth began chattering so loudly, that Viktor worried they might fall out of his skull. The younger man's body rocked and roiled in his arms, having finally reached a threshold from which it could once again generate its own heat. Viktor held on tighter, wishing he could mentally will the transfer of more of his body heat into Yuri's body. After what seemed like an eternity, the severity of Yuri's shaking lessened and downgraded to minor tremors and trembles. Viktor breathed a sigh of relief as it hit him that the worst was finally over. He could actually tell that Yuri's body was no longer the icy block it had been a while back. It seemed to be retaining heat once more and even exuding some as well. Yuri's limbs had also seemed to have come back to life, as he was actively returning Viktor's bear hug. Feeling confident that Yuri was safely on the road to recovery, he brought the blankets down a bit so that their heads were exposed and it was easier to breathe.

"C-c-c-col-l-l-d-d-d."

Viktor was so utterly elated to hear Yuri's voice. He gave the younger man a hefty squeeze and stroked his hair. In an instant, Makkachin was at the edge of the bed looking up at them.

"See Makka, he's going to be OK."

Viktor was rewarded with the happiest wiggle-butt dance he had witnessed in a long time. Usually Makkachin saved his special dance for whenever he came home from competitions or extended trips. It was touching to see him honor Yuri with such a gesture.

"Good boy, Makka. Now go lie down. He's not ready yet."

Seemingly satisfied, Makkachin trotted back to his corner and spun around in a few circles before settling back down to sleep. Meanwhile, Viktor had managed to extricate his right arm from the mass of blankets without letting too much cold air in under them. He reached for his phone and dialed his private physician. It was answered after just 2 rings.

_**(("...")) = denotes Russian speech** _

(("Good morning, Vitya. Is everything alright?"))

(("Hello Doctor Fedorov. I'm fine, but my dear friend needs immediate assistance."))

(("I'll be ready to leave in 10 minutes. I'm putting you on speakerphone."))

(("Thank you, doctor. Sorry to disturb you. But you know I wouldn't call unless it was urgent."))

(("I know. It's no problem. Tell me what happened."))

Viktor explained what had transpired in the early hours of the morning and the steps he had taken to warm Yuri up. The doctor grunted in acknowledgment as he was imparted with the information.

(("I've just grabbed my bag and am heading out the door."))

(("The front door is open, please let yourself in. Normally I'd be there to greet you personally, but I am currently being used as a personal heater."))

(("Understood. Do you have any water bottles at home?"))

(("Just one, in the kitchen."))

(("I'm on my way. See you soon."))

Doctor Fedorov was a no-nonsense man in his mid-60s. Viktor had known him nearly his whole life, and there was no other medical professional in the world he trusted more. He was succinct, honest and to the point. The man in question had gotten immediately down to business upon arriving at Viktor's house. He didn't even bat an eyelash at the fact that his patient was naked and wrapped in a blanket fort with an equally naked Viktor. He had first checked Yuri's temperature and then listened to his heart and lungs, having warmed up his stethoscope significantly before using it. He checked for frostbite and found none. Yuri had full sensation on his earlobes, the tip of his nose, the tips of his fingers and also toes. He also shone a flashlight in Yuri's eyes to check for any neurological damage. Viktor waited in tense apprehension for the final verdict. As the doctor packed up his medical bag, Yuri was given the all-clear.

(("He's incredibly lucky this one, that much is certain. No cardiac irregularities or frostbite. His body temperature at the moment is only slightly lower than normal. How did you know to find him?"))

(("Makkachin woke me up and practically dragged me to the front door. If it hadn't been for him Yuri probably wouldn't have made it."))

(("Any idea why your friend decided to take this life-threatening walk outside first thing in the morning?"))

Viktor sighed. (("I think he may have been sleepwalking. He's had some pretty bad nightmares recently. He had some minor head trauma and memory loss from a...drunken accident...about two weeks ago."))

(("Have you taken him to see a specialist here yet?"))

(("I took him to a clinic to get his incision looked at, but a specialist…no."))

(("Why not?"))

((" He's been functioning normally and his skating hasn't been overly affected. He seems fine."))

(("Fine? Does nearly freezing to death from a sleepwalking episode sound 'fine' to you?"))

Dr. Fedorov scowled at Viktor, the action causing the formation of deep folds on the man's forehead. Viktor had never seen that look on Dr. Fedorov's face before. Most of the time the man's face was a mask of impassivity. Viktor gulped, the good doctor looked downright angry and suddenly very intimidating.

(("Viktor, you fool. Not everything in life is about skating. Not everything that troubles someone manifests itself physically. This young man is clearly being haunted by something, and that something is eating away at him in his dreams."))

Doctor Fedorov mumbled disgruntledly as he took out a paper pad from his medical bag. He wrote something down and handed the piece of paper over to Viktor.

(("It's the contact information for Dr. Ivan Vasiliev; head of Neuropsychology at Euromed Clinic. He only takes patients by referral, so tell him I sent you."))

Viktor looked over the information briefly before placing the paper on the nightstand.

(("What do I need to keep an eye out for? Is this it, or could there be any complications down the road?"))

(("He'll most likely be very tired and confused for a while. Keep him warm and check his temperature every hour until it's back within normal range. I've brought the two water bottles I had on hand at my house and put them in the kitchen. Make sure to wrap them in a towel or cloth before using them. They've been known to cause burns on the skin if used directly. If you let him have a hot bath, don't leave his side. He may be too exhausted to hold himself above water."))

Viktor nodded as he made a mental note of everything the doctor was telling him. As Viktor carefully and slowly extricated himself from Yuri and the blankets, Dr. Fedorov stepped out of the room. The young man had instinctively attempted to follow the departing source of heat, but Viktor had wrapped him up in a tight blanket burrito, and Yuri settled down again in seconds. Viktor grabbed a dry housecoat and put it on so that he could escort the doctor to the front door.

(("Thank you again, doctor. I will arrange payment for you tonight."))

Dr. Fedorov grunted in assent. Once they reached the door, he turned around to face Viktor.

(("Vitya, it's not usually my place to tell you how to treat your friends, but if this man is truly a dear friend, you  _must_  take him to the specialist. This likely won't be the last sleep-related episode he's going to have. What if you're not around for the next one? What if there is no Makkachin to wake you up? He may not be so lucky next time."))

Viktor stared solemnly back at the doctor.

(("I will schedule an appointment first thing on Monday. You have my word, Dr. Fedorov."))

The doctor nodded and stepped out into the cold winter day and walked over to his car. Viktor waited at the door until the doctor had driven away. He quickly closed the door and made his way into the kitchen. He filled all three hot water bags and made himself a cup of 3-in-one instant coffee with the leftover hot water. He took the water bottles back into the bedroom and wrapped each one in a pillowcase. He tied off the end of each pillowcase so that the water bottles didn't fall out. He gently placed one at each side and the last one between Yuri's knees. He went back to the kitchen and grabbed his coffee and a breakfast bar before heading back to the bedroom. As he sat down on the bed, he let out a surprised yip before shooting straight back up again, nearly spilling the contents of his mug.  _Oh-my-god…the butt plugs! They've been in this whole time!_  Viktor blushed fiercely when he realized he had been chatting away normally with Dr. Fedorov while he had a sex toy up his butt. He put the coffee and breakfast bar down on the dresser and ran into the bathroom. He slowly removed the toy and cleaned it, then went back into the bedroom and did the same for Yuri. The younger man seemed too out of it to even notice, and did not react at all. With the butt-plug situation finally sorted, Viktor plopped down tiredly on the bed with his makeshift breakfast. The sudden lack of the constant adrenaline rush hit him like a ton of bricks. He was utterly exhausted. He had nibbled half-heartedly at his breakfast bar and only drunk half of his coffee before his eyes started closing on their own. He stood up, put his breakfast back on the dresser, grabbed a new blanket and relocated to the bedroom armchair. He didn't want to disturb Yuri by getting under the covers again, and would have the best vantage point from which to watch over Yuri. Viktor closed his eyes and was instantly asleep.


	38. We Need Help

Most of the day was spent with Viktor watching over Yuri and changing the water in the hot water bottles. Even though his temperature had fully normalized just one hour after Dr. Fedorov had left, he kept checking it…just to be sure. Yuri for his part, slept through most of the day. Viktor had honed in on Yuri's breathing and normal sleeping sounds, so whenever he heard something that seemed out of the ordinary, he was on his feet checking the young skater over. His nerves were absolutely frayed and he was more stressed out than he'd been in a long time.  _Dr. Fedorov is right, Yuri needs help. We can't live like this…him being tormented in his sleep…and me getting jumpy over every little noise._  Viktor was too tense, he knew it. He needed something to do…his skin was crawling from the pent-up energy. So he went to the kitchen and decided to make some chicken quinoa soup for when Yuri finally woke up. Knowing how stomach-driven the younger man was…he'd for sure be pretty famished. Viktor busied himself with cutting the chicken breasts and vegetables. He was soon fully engrossed in the food preparation.

Yuri was so warm and cozy under the blankets. He wished he could stay there forever, but his bladder seemed to have other ideas. He tried ignoring it for as long as he could, but eventually had to leave his comfy blanket nest. As he sat up and pulled the blankets down, he noticed a few strange things. One, there were two layers of blankets instead of one and he had been flanked by a triad of hot water bottles.  _Did the central heating malfunction or something?_  Yuri stood up and winced. His whole body was sore. Even his jaw was sore. He didn't have much time to contemplate his soreness though, as his bladder needed immediate attention. He shuffled into the bathroom and as he relieved himself, he noticed that his mind was a bit muddled and his thoughts a bit lethargic. Looking around, his eyes fell on the towel rack and spotted his and Viktor's new toys drying on it.  _Huh? When did I take_ _ **that**_ _out?_  Yuri washed his hands and then his face. He brushed his teeth and then combed his hair so that it was no longer a disheveled mess. When he turned to leave the bathroom, he saw Makkachin sitting at the door.

"Hey there Makkachin. What are  _you_  doing in the bedroom?"

The dog stood up and wagged its tail nubbin' happily at him.

He knelt down and gave the dog's ears a good scratch. Makkachin's eyes closed and one of his back legs picked up and half air-scratched and half-thumped the floor.

"Oooh that feels good, doesn't it?"

Yuri gave the dog's head a kiss before standing back up and looking for some clothes to put on. A wonderful smell suddenly reached his nose and his stomach growled loudly.  _Man, I'm starving! What time is it anyway?_  When he looked at his phone, his eyes nearly fell out of his head when he saw that it was already nearly 4 pm. The darkness he had seen outside was actually dusk and not pre-dawn as he had originally thought. Yuri was filled with an intense feeling of trepidation. The last time he had woken up under baffling circumstances, he'd found out that he had some kind of night terror experience. He hurriedly put on a pair of jogging pants and a t-shirt and set off to find Viktor.

He knew he was on the right track as he approached the kitchen and heard noises coming from it. The door was open, and when he reached it he could see Viktor about to remove a dish from the cupboard.

"Viktor, hey."

Viktor startled at Yuri's voice, and the dish he had grabbed flew out of his hand. It smashed onto the floor, shattering and scattering pieces all over the kitchen floor.

"Sorry Viktor! I didn't mean to frighten you. Here, let me…"

He was cut off by Viktor's loud shout of, "Stay where you are!"

Yuri stopped dead in his tracks. He was shocked. Viktor had never raised his voice to him like that before. Yuri's heart felt a stab of pain.

As if suddenly realizing what he'd just done, Viktor covered his face with one hand and extended his other out to motion for him to wait.

"Sorry, I mean…just wait there. You're barefoot…I don't want you to cut your feet."

Yuri looked down and realized that he had indeed forgotten to put his slippers on.

"O…K."

Yuri stood there and watched intently as Viktor grabbed the broom and began sweeping up the mess. He noticed that Viktor seemed to be going out of his way to avoid eye contact with him.  _Why won't he look at me?_  Feeling like he should still help somehow, he grabbed the dustpan and tentatively stepped toward Viktor with it. The man seemed to sense Yuri's hesitation, and it only served to make him more agitated.

"I've got this."

Viktor took the dustpan from Yuri and stooped down to sweep the broken glass onto it. That's when Yuri saw it, the hand that held the dustpan was shaking.

"Viktor, your hand…"

The Russian man cleared his throat and reached over with his other hand to try and steady the shaking one.

"It's fine."

Yuri could clearly see that things  _were_ _not_  fine. Viktor now had two visibly shaking hands as he valiantly still tried to get the broken glass onto the dustpan. He squatted down in front of Viktor and gently covered the taller man's trembling hands with his own.

"Something happened again, didn't it?"

Viktor's entire body tensed up and Yuri could feel his fists clench beneath his hands. There was a nearly imperceptible nod from the man in front of him. It was a movement so minimal that Yuri almost missed it. A split second later he saw tears falling down onto the pile of broken glass. Yuri pushed the dustpan out of the way and reached for Viktor, pulling him into a tight hug. Whatever remaining drop of composure the man had been holding onto evaporated and his body was fully engulfed by a heaving breakdown. Yuri sat down on the floor and just held Viktor, silently letting him work through it. Whatever had happened this time around was on a much bigger scale than the last, for he'd never seen Viktor this shaken before. Yuri stroked Viktor's hair and rubbed the back of his neck. He didn't know what to say, so he said nothing. He tried his best to be as comforting to Viktor as the man had done for him so many times before, but it felt a bit awkward, being the doing the holding. Yuri didn't have much experience to draw from, and felt a bit inadequate as someone's source of consolation. What he  _did_  know was that he cared deeply for the man currently falling apart in his arms, and would do whatever he could for him. After a while, Viktor's breathing had returned to normal and he was no longer shaking like a leaf in his arms.

When Yuri broke the silence, his voice was heavy with regret and grief.

"I'm so very sorry Viktor. I don't know what happened, but I've somehow managed to hurt you bad enough for you to not even want to look at me anymore."

Viktor lifted his head and shook his head adamantly, making a point to stare directly into Yuri's eyes.

"I have…been teetering on the edge…all day. It has taken every shred of self-control to keep myself from falling apart like I did just now. It's not that I didn't want to look at you Yuri…it's that I couldn't trust myself to do so."

Yuri nodded. "I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions, I should have asked you about it instead of assuming."

As soon as the words had left his mouth, Yuri was flooded with a very eerie sense of déjà vu.  _Where did that pearl of wisdom come from?_  Viktor was also looking at him funny, but didn't say anything. The Russian then stood up, bringing Yuri up with him.

"Let's get some food into our stomachs. You haven't eaten all day and neither have I. We're probably both cranky from low blood sugar. Once we're done eating, I need to have a very important discussion with you."

Viktor's wording rendered Yuri immediately apprehensive. His mind started racing ahead at a million miles per hour.  _This is it…he's going to tell me he doesn't want me anymore. He's going to tell me that I'm too much trouble, effort…whatever! He's going to…_ Yuri was jolted from his thoughts by a firm squeeze to his shoulder.

"What I meant is that…I need to tell you what happened and we need to find a way to help you… _together_."

Every bit of tension was instantly drained from Yuri's body and he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thanks for...uhhh...clearing that up."

The two men ate in silence, each too engrossed in their own thoughts to attempt a conversation. Yuri struggled a bit as his jaw was really bothering him now and any contact the teeth of his upper jaw had with those of his lower jaw sent jarring pangs of agony through his skull. He had tried his best to hide the outward signs of pain, but it was becoming nearly impossible. Viktor picked up on the fact that something was wrong,

"Where does it hurt, Yuri?"

Embarrassed that he was causing problems and worry for Viktor yet again, Yuri tried to play it off like it wasn't a big deal.

Viktor sighed and put his spoon down.

"Yuri, I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong. I can't read minds. I'm an ice skater not a clairvoyant."

Yuri closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his index finger and thumb. It felt humiliating, knowing he was being a burden to Viktor yet again. He opened his eyes to find Viktor sitting with his arms crossed, staring expectantly at him. Yuri growled in frustration as he begrudgingly disclosed his source of discomfort.

Viktor stood up and walked over to Yuri and kissed the top of his head.

"That wasn't so terrible, was it? Wait here, I'll be right back."

Yuri put his elbows on the table, lowered his head into his hands and groaned. A short while later Viktor was back with some pain killers.

"Here, take these two tablets. They should help with the pain and won't make you drowsy."

He grabbed a glass of water for Yuri and as he set it down on the table, he took Yuri's bowl of soup away.

"Viktor…I'm not finished yet."

"I know, I'm going to make it easier for you to eat it."

Yuri took the medicine that Viktor had brought for him as he followed the taller man's movements around the kitchen. His intentions became clear when Yuri saw him take out the blender.  _Oh! That's actually pretty clever!_  Viktor ran Yuri's soup through the blender and poured it back into the bowl. As he set it back on the table, Yuri grabbed his hand and kissed it.

"Thank you."

Viktor smiled and returned the gesture.

Yuri found that it was much easier to get the soup down without the chewing aspect, but still felt like he was missing out on the tasty individual morsels. Viktor assured him that there would be plenty left over for him to eat later on once his jaw wasn't bothering him anymore.

Once the meal and cleanup was done, the two men moved into the living room. Viktor sat down on one loveseat and instructed Yuri to sit across from him.

"As much as I want to hold you and cuddle you right now, we need to talk face-to-face."

Yuri was disappointed, but understood. He took his seat and sat rigidly with his hands palm-down on his lap. Viktor wished he could tell him to relax, but given what he was about to tell him, that seemed like a completely preposterous thing to say. So, he just took a deep breath and bit the bullet.

"In the early hours of the morning today, you had…what I would constitute as…your third sleep-related incident since you left the hospital in Barcelona."

Yuri was alarmed.  _Third? I thought this was just the second one!_  He was about to open his mouth in protest when Viktor held up his hand.

"At the airport in Barcelona, you fell asleep while we were waiting for our boarding call. You were mumbling in your sleep and your face was all twitchy. We'd just gotten our boarding call and I decided to wake you. You had a very…intense…reaction to being woken up. You didn't recognize me at first and had a bit of a panic attack afterward. I'm not sure how much, if any, of that you remember."

Yuri searched his brain for any kind of memory regarding the event Viktor had mentioned. He remembered being really tired and then feeling stressed when he woke up…and then just being restless on the plane and unable to sleep. He shook his head.

"I didn't think so." Viktor sighed and stood up.

"I need a drink, the next part is going to be…challenging. I'd offer you one as well, but you're not allowed."

As Viktor walked back into the kitchen, Yuri was left wondering what he meant by he wasn't 'allowed' to have alcohol. He was getting really antsy and just wished Viktor would get it over with. Not knowing was starting to really mess with his head. Viktor didn't keep him waiting for long. Just a few minutes later he was back with a glass of white wine. He put the bottle down on the table and took a swig of the wine before sitting back down.

"The second episode was the one you had about a week ago. Do you remember what I told you about it?"

"Yeah."

"OK, next is the one from this morning."

Viktor drained his glass in one mouthful and poured himself another one. Yuri gulped. If there was ever a more perfect situation in which to use the expression 'liquid courage', this was it. He listened intently as Viktor recounted the events from earlier on. As Viktor went on, Yuri noticed that he was starting to struggle. His voice started to crack and he seemed to be forcing the words past his lips. Yuri waited as patiently as he could. He was now sitting at the edge of the sofa and had clenched his hands in his lap. Viktor took a deep breath in through his nose and expelled it slowly out his mouth.

"…and that's when I found you….face down in the snow."

Yuri felt like he'd just been sucker-punched in the gut. All the air in his lungs seemed to fly out of him in a whoosh. He was left breathless and gasping.

"W-wh-whaaaaaaaaaaaat?!"

Viktor clasped his hands together and brought them up to his forehead as he rested his elbows on his knees. He took another deep breath and then continued speaking from that position. Yuri listened, horrified, as Viktor described detail after shocking detail. The part about his cold and lifeless body was too much for Yuri. His stomach turned and he covered his mouth with both hands as he shot up from the sofa and ran to the nearest bathroom. He heaved endlessly into the toilet bowl, emptying the contents of his stomach in roiling waves. His eyes watered and his whole body shook from the act. He reached over to flush the toilet and saw Viktor standing by the door.

When he noticed the taller man take a step toward him, he held up his hand.

"Please don't. I just need...some time to...process."

He sat on the floor with his back leaning against the toilet and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He still felt quite queasy and didn't trust himself to stand up. Yuri brought his knees up and hugged them to his chest. He felt absolutely awful.

"I'm sorry."

"Yuri, it's not your fault. We're dealing with something bigger than the both of us. That's why we need help."

Yuri lifted his head to look up at Victor.

"What kind of help?"

"Dr. Fedorov, my private physician, made a house call to check on you this morning. He gave me the number of a specialist we could contact in town. I'll book you an appointment first thing Monday morning."

"What kind of doctor?"

"A Neuropsychologist, like in Barcelona."

Yuri stood up slowly to look at Viktor.

"But my head is fine. I got a clean bill of health. I don't need a neurologist nor a psychologist."

Viktor took a step closer and put a hand on Yuri's shoulder.

"I think maybe...you just need someone to help you find out what's going on with your head that's giving you such bad dreams."

"Oh, so you think there's something  _wrong_  with my head?"

"Well, not wrong per se...but something is not right...not normal."

Yuri was not impressed. He removed Viktor's hand from his shoulder and crossed his arms.

"There's  _nothing_  wrong. I'll deal with the nightmares on my own."

"But Yuri, you need help."

Yuri let out an exasperated sigh and spoke through gritted teeth.

"I told you, I'm fine. I especially don't need  _this_  kind of help. Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to take a shower."

Yuri pushed Viktor until he was out of the bathroom and then closed the door. The Russian was left staring at the closed bathroom door, wondering what the hell had just happened.


	39. The Impasse

Yuri turned on the shower to the hottest setting he could tolerate and placed the palms of both hands on the wall and let his head hang down as the scalding water flowed over him. He felt like he had been gradually losing control over his life over the last 3 weeks. The accident had taken away his control over his memories. Being in the hospital had taken away his control over his freedom. He absolutely hated hospitals…they were hives of disease and sickness. So many people went into a hospital healthy or only slightly sick, only to leave in a body bag or a casket. They made his skin crawl and he had managed to avoid them successfully for most of his life. He had felt like he had taken some of that control back when he had gotten the email from Nurse García detailing his rehabilitation plans. It had been extremely lucky for him that the therapist who had released him had asked him how he preferred to get his post-release information. Yuri had quickly and quietly chosen the email option, having used the excuse that they'd probably be leaving Barcelona soon. Viktor had mercifully been out of earshot, so he had been none the wiser. The email had mentioned seeing a psychologist, and he had scoffed at the idea then as well. He had read through the entire email, made note of the  _actual_  important things and then deleted it. He had thought that the psychologist nonsense had been buried, and now his damn dreams were conspiring to take away his control too. Yuri balled his hands into fists and beat them against the tiled wall.

"Aaaarrrrgh! I hate this!"

Yuri dug his nails into his palms as the frustration of the whole situation threatened to consume him. He needed to find something to occupy his mind.  _What is it people are always saying about dreams? Oh, right! That they're all connected to something that happens during waking hours or internal conflicts and things like that._  Nothing had happened recently that stood out to him as a potential source of nightmare fuel.  _Did he have any internal conflicts?_   _Think, Yuri, think. What happened on those three days that you've had nightmares?_ Yuri thought back to the day they were flying out of Barcelona.  _That day…_  Yuri straightened up.  _That day…was the first day Viktor and I kissed!_ Yuri shook his head as he cleared his thoughts.  _That's probably just a coincidence, though. OK…onto the next one._   _On the day of the second nightmare…_  Yuri covered his mouth as a shocked gasp escaped his lips.  _That night…Viktor told me he wanted to…take the next step…and make love to me._  Yuri didn't have to think too hard about the connection to the third nightmare. They had been staring into each other's eyes as they had reached orgasm. Yuri remembered how much more deeply and emotionally connected he had felt to Viktor at that time. It had been the most exhilarating thing he had experienced in his whole life.  _Why would physical contact and growing feelings for Viktor trigger nightmares?_   _There_ _ **has**_ _to be something else. There's no way that this is what's behind what's been happening to me._  The loss of control over his desire and feelings for Viktor was the one actual thing in recent times he didn't mind losing control over. The rush of pleasure he felt from their intimate contact…he craved it, needed it like he needed air.  _I'm clearly just too emotional right now and can't think straight. I need food. I just lost everything I'd eaten earlier._

Yuri finished up his shower and toweled himself off. His skin was a bit of an angry red from the hot water, but he didn't care. The initial pain his overheated skin had felt dissipated rather quickly and his body had actually seemed to drawn the warmth into itself.  _I guess that's not really surprising, considering I was nearly frozen solid earlier today._  Yuri shuddered as the mental image formed in his head. He put his pants and t-shirt back on and looked down at his bare feet as he opened the door.  _I really need to find my slippers and put them back on; my feet are going to get cold soon without socks._  He took one step forward and immediately ran into a solid object.

"Oof! Ow, my nose!"

Yuri rubbed at his sore nose as he looked up to see Viktor standing there in front of him.

"Viktor? Why are you back standing in front of the bathroom door?"

The Russian glared impassively back at him.

"I never left. I've been waiting here for you to finish your shower."

When Viktor's eyes settled on Yuri's reddened skin, they softened a bit.

"Did you try to boil yourself like a lobster or something?"

Yuri averted Viktor's eyes as he rubbed his arms.

"I was cold…it felt good to use the really hot water."

Viktor sighed as he brought a hand to Yuri's face in a soft caress.

"Do you still feel cold? Do you need a sweater or something? I can go get one for you."

Yuri shook his head, but still did not meet Viktor's stare.

"No, I'm…I'm ok, really."

"Yuri, please look at me."

Yuri slowly lifted his eyes to look up at the man in front of him. His eyes locked with sea-green ones. His heart flip-flopped around in his chest as he felt himself getting pulled into their depths.  _Having eyes like that should be a criminal offense._

"Yuri, we need to talk."

And just like that, the magic was gone. The link was severed and Yuri plummeted back down to earth, practically feeling himself deflating. Yuri removed Viktor's hand from his face, shoulders sagging and eyes back to staring at the floor.

"There's nothing to talk about, Viktor."

"Yes, there is! You can't keep pretending like nothing's wrong, Yuri. We agreed to do this together!"

Yuri's head snapped back up.

"Oh, it's 'we' and 'together' now again is it? Because it seems to  _me_ that you have already gone ahead and made the decision before even asking ME about it! You and some…some doctor I've never even met…made a decision for me when I wasn't even able to be a part of the discussion!"

Viktor visibly flinched as the truth of Yuri's words hit him.

"Did it occur to you to even ask me how I  _felt_  about seeing a psychologist? Did you stop to think and consider any  _other_  options?"

Viktor remained silent. He stood there, staring blankly into space, with a horrified look frozen onto his face.

"Psychologists are for people who are weak, nervous, and have no willpower! Someone who can't control their own mind is crazy and a shame to anyone associated with them! Psychologists…they give people drugs that turn them into zombies and then lock them up in psychiatric hospitals!"

Yuri's whole body trembled from a combination of rage, betrayal and fear. He gulped at the air around him, but couldn't seem to get any into his lungs.

"I… ***gasp*** …WON'T be a…a drug zombie!  ***wheeze***  I…"

Viktor seemed to snap back to reality and return to himself at that moment.

"Yuri…hey…it's OK. Calm down!"

"I WON'T… ***gasp*** …shame…Vik **…*wheeze*"**

Yuri's sight blurred sharply and he clutched at his chest. His muddy vision saw one Viktor turn into two, then back to one and back again. He squinted in an effort to stabilize the image, and then everything went black.

"Yuri…Yuri!"

Viktor caught Yuri as he fell forward.  _Stupid, stupid, stupid! How did I let him get so worked up?! He's not even fully recovered from this morning…and now he's had some sort of panic attack!_

Viktor slung Yuri over his shoulder and quickly carried him into the bedroom. He gently placed the young Japanese man onto the bed and crawled onto the bed next to him. He pulled himself in behind Yuri and placed the man's head on his lap. He watched Yuri's chest carefully, and felt immeasurable relief when it stopped heaving so harshly and returned to a gentler rise-and-fall. Viktor brought his hands up to his head and rubbed his temples.  _I had no idea that Yuri felt so strongly about psychologists. He's really misinformed though…I wonder where he's gotten all the bias from. He's absolutely right however…I didn't even bother asking him about it first. If I had, then this whole episode could have been avoided._ Viktor slowly extricated himself from Yuri and walked back to the living room to retrieve his phone, the wine and the glass. He put everything on his nightstand and propped Yuri's head up on a pillow. Once he was satisfied that the younger man was as comfortable as an unconscious person could be, he poured himself another glass of wine and opened the web browser. He made a face as he took a sip of the now room-temperature white wine.  _Well, this will have to do. I'm not getting up again._

Viktor typed in 'mental health culture Japan' into the Google search bar and hit the blue magnifying glass icon. The second result immediately caught his attention. It was a page that mentioned the stigma on mental health in Japan. Viktor clicked on it and saw that it was a proper research paper written by a German student. He read through it and was shocked, absolutely floored by what was written. Once he finished that paper, he went on various other searches that lead him to forums, message boards, and news articles. Viktor read on, utterly aghast. People labeled as mentally ill were considered bad people with horrible personalities, and social delinquents. They were either shipped off somewhere to be out of sight and out of mind, or were kept locked up and hidden away in their own homes. Viktor stumbled upon a news article that made his stomach turn. A 30-year-old woman had recently been found dead on her parents' property. According to her parents, they had locked her away over 12 years ago because they had discovered that she was mentally ill. They didn't want the neighbors to know about her or that she even existed. They had left their own daughter to die alone, in a room without heating in the middle of winter. The woman had only weighed 17 kilograms when she was found.  _How could a parent do that to their own child?!_ Viktor put down his phone and looked over at Yuri. The younger man was stirring and seemed close to regaining consciousness. When Yuri opened his eyes and sat up, Viktor was there wrapping his arms around him and holding him tight. When he opened his mouth to speak, the words tumbled at breakneck speed from his mouth.

"Oh my god, Yuri…I am SO sorry I tried to force you to see a psychologist! I had no idea Japan had such a negative view on mental illness! I won't make you go…I won't make you do it. I won't lock you up or send you away, Yuri! I promise! Please forgive meeeeeeeee!"

Yuri looked down at the grown man currently blubbering away on his t-shirt. He took a deep, calming breath and wrapped his arms around Viktor.

"Viktor…you 馬鹿 (baka). Next time, just talk to me first instead of deciding on your own."

Viktor nodded against his hip and hugged him closer.

_additional info_

Based on this article, with some details altered. . /news/2018/03/03/national/media-national/japans-media-step-mental-health-issues/#.XE6_9NIzamw


	40. Yuri Katsuki 101

***Grrrrroooooowwwwwllll***

Viktor lifted his head up to look at Yuri.

"Are you hungry  _again_ , Yuri?"

"Well, my previous meal ended up in the toilet…so I guess you can say I'm 'still' hungry."

Viktor brought his index finger up to his lips and tilted his head to the side.

"How's your jaw?"

Yuri opened and closed his mouth a few times and noted that there wasn't any discomfort.

"It's pretty good, actually. That medicine you gave me worked fast."

"Good, I'm glad. Please let me know as soon as it starts to wear off. Your jaw hurts because your teeth were chattering so hard. The rest of your body probably feels pretty sore, too."

"Yeah, everything hurt when I got out of bed earlier. But I don't feel any pain at the moment."

"Great! Stay here, don't move."

Viktor got up and left the bedroom. As he walked out, Makkachin walked into the bedroom. Yuri felt like he'd just witnessed a changing of the guard.

"Are you two taking turns keeping an eye on me or something?"

Makkachin just sat there and wagged his tail. Yuri leaned back on his nest of pillows. He brought his hand up to his heart and took a deep breath.  _That was the most severe panic attack I've had in a long time. I'm so embarrassed that Viktor had to see that._  Yuri thought back to what Viktor had said about not forcing him to go see a psychologist.  _I guess it worked out in the end. He gets it now…why I'll never see one._ The shame factor was especially terrifying to him. If Yuri was 'found out'…Viktor would be dragged through the mud via association. Yuri sat up as he heard Viktor returning to the bedroom. He saw that he was carrying a tray with food on it, and his stomach immediately rejoiced…loudly. Viktor chuckled.

"I think you must have an ogre living in your stomach or something. An eternally hungry ogre."

Yuri laughed.

"You might be right about that!"

Yuri sat up and scooched back until his back was up against the headboard. He placed a pillow on his lap and then took the tray from Viktor. It contained more of the soup from earlier, a cup of hot tea and some buttered toast.

"Thank you, Viktor. You didn't have to bring it all the way to the bedroom, though…my legs are working just fine."

"It's no problem. I'm sure your legs are fine…but given everything that has happened today…I absolutely forbid you from lifting even a single finger to do anything. So just sit back and let me take care of you."

Yuri sighed and nodded reluctantly.  _Viktor has been through a lot today, too. If this is what he needs to feel better, then I guess I can let him have his way just this once._

"OK."

Viktor clapped his hands in excitement.

"Thank you, Yuri!"

Unable to hold out any longer, Yuri tucked into his food. The soup was even better the second time around and he forced him to eat slowly so that he could savor as much of it as possible.

Once Yuri was finished his meal, Viktor took away his tray and took it back to the kitchen and was back just a short while later. He sat on the bed and took Yuri's hands into his own.

"Yuri, I want to ask you about something important. If you don't want to answer or talk about it, just let me know."

Yuri nodded. Viktor took a deep breath.

"Could you tell me about your childhood?"

Yuri startled a bit, he had not been expecting that specific line of questioning. He eyed the man in front of him, trying to decide if he should go ahead and launch into his complicated background or not.  _Viktor doesn't seem to be the judgmental type. I mean, he's seen me at my literal worst on several occasions and he's still around. He's a foreigner, which is also a bonus. I wouldn't dream of even acknowledging this kind of topic with another Japanese person._ Yuri sighed. _I suppose that if he's willing to give up on the psychologist angle, that I can try to meet him halfway._

"As a young child, I was…socially awkward and reclusive. I was always nervous around others and painfully shy. At first, my parents didn't think too much about it. They passed it off as a 'phase' I would just eventually grow out of. After all, my older sister Mari was very extroverted and quite popular with her classmates."

Viktor nodded and listened on quietly.

"Once I got into elementary school, they started putting more pressure on me. Asking me why I couldn't be more like my sister. My teachers were always calling them, and writing on the weekly reports that I was anti-social and that maybe there was something wrong. I could tell that they were starting to get frustrated, and it just made things worse. Being around other people was just…really hard for me. I didn't know what to say…or how to act. When my classmates started teasing me about it, it made me want to talk to them even less."

Viktor's heart ached for Yuri. Some of what he was saying really hit home for him.

"Soon, my parents started decreasing their interactions with me. Even my own sister stopped playing with me. I was left feeling more alone than I had ever felt before."

Yuri's voice dripped with sarcasm as he spoke.

"It must have been a severe blow to them, finally having a son and naming an entire resort after him, but then discovering that he was a dud."

Viktor gave Yuri's hands a tight squeeze.

"Are you alright with this, Yuri?"

Yuri smiled weakly and squeezed Viktor's hand back.

"It's OK, it actually feels…liberating being able to talk about it so freely. I've been holding it in my whole life. You're the only person I'd ever talk about something like this."

Viktor nodded.

"I'm glad you feel that way. Remember, you can stop at any time."

Yuri cleared his throat and continued.

"The school library was my home away from home. I could disappear into any corner there and be left alone for hours on end. No one really paid attention to me anymore and I was that invisible kid no one noticed. I was reading in a corner one day when I overheard some kids talking about sports and how nervous they were for the next match. One kid told the other that it was normal to be nervous before a game. This absolutely blew my mind at the time. There was a world in which being nervous was…normal?"

Yuri stopped and took a deep breath.

"I started actively trying to eavesdrop on athletes and other performers. They all spoke of the same thing: performance anxiety. For some reason, being crazy nervous was totally acceptable as long as there was something 'logical' behind it. So I started actively looking for a club to join. That was easier said than done. I didn't have the speed, strength or natural ability needed for the more popular sports. Theater and dramatic arts were completely out of the question.

Viktor leaned in closer.

"So how did you get into ice skating?"

Yuri smiled gently at Viktor.

"Be patient Viktor, I'm getting to that part."

Viktor nodded eagerly and waited for Yuri to continue.

"That's when I meet Yuuko-chan." Yuri's eyes took on a glassy look as he thought back to that day. "The first time I ever saw her, I fell in love. She was this ethereal creature in my eyes…greater than an angel…more like…the mother of angels; the Madonna."

Yuri was brought out of his reverie by the growling noises that were coming from the suddenly surly Russian man sitting in front of him.

"Ah…that was then, I don't feel that way about her anymore! Besides, she's married with kids now!"

"Fine. But let's keep the future romantic descriptions of Yuuko down to a minimum, alright?"

Yuri breathed a sigh of relief.

"After I'd followed Yuuko-chan after school a few times, I discovered that she was an ice skater. When I looked into it, it seemed like the perfect solution to my problems. It was a legitimate sport, it didn't require overwhelming physical strength or a lot of talking, and there weren't teammates to deal with. So I asked Yuuko-chan how to become an ice skater and she took me under her wing."

Viktor grumbled and mumbled under his breath.

"It annoys me that I have to be thankful to her for bringing you into the sport that eventually threw us together. I don't like it."

Yuri released Viktor's hands and brought his own hands up to the man's face.

"Viktor, shush. I'm never going to able to finish if you keep harping on Yuuko-chan. She's not in the picture anymore. I…" Yuri's cheeks flushed a bright pink. "I…only have eyes…for  _you_  now."

Viktor covered Yuri's hands with his own. He nodded, placing a kiss on the inside of Yuri's wrist before lowering both sets of hands back down to the mattress.

"Becoming an ice skater changed my life completely." My family suddenly remembered that I existed." Viktor could hear the bitterness creeping into Yuri's voice. "My parents were just  _so_  proud that their son had finally taken interest in something and was trying to be an athlete. I imagine it was a huge relief to them. I was considered 'normal' then and they didn't have to keep finding creative ways to not talk about their maladjusted son anymore."

Viktor felt an overwhelming sense of sadness for what the Japanese skater had gone through. He never would have guessed that Yuri's past had been so troubled. All the pieces started falling into place and he began to finally understand how much of Yuri's present-self had been shaped by those events in his past.

"Fortunately for me, it turned out that I actually had talent for ice skating. I did just enough to place well in competitions and keep my parents happy…but never pushed myself to aim for the top and bring about the added pressure of the spotlight. Whenever things got unbearable at home, or I felt myself getting too nervous…I'd just either go to the Ice Castle or Minako-sensei's studio under the guise of training. It helped me in more ways than one."

Viktor's curiosity got the best of him and he had to ask.

"So what happened to change  _that_?"

Yuri looked at him and gave him a secretive smile.

"You know…talking about my past has brought back a few Viktor-related memories."

Viktor was immediately alert and leaned in closer to Yuri.

"Oh? Is that right? Tell me Yuri, what did you remember?"

"I remembered how I first learned of you, Viktor."

Viktor leaned in closer. "Is that so?"

Yuri's smile grew wider. "It sure is."

Viktor leaned in closer still. "Sooooo, how did you learn about me?"

"It was…"

Viktor leaned in closer till their lips were almost touching. "Uh huh…"

"Yuuko-chan."

"GAHHHH!"

Viktor fell over and flopped down on his stomach. He beat the mattress with clenched fists and kicked his legs up and down as he screamed "Curse you, Yuuko!"

Yuri laughed so hard that tears welled up in his eyes.

"Haha! Sorry, Viktor…I couldn't resist."

Viktor turned his head to face Yuri, mouth pulled into an irresistibly adorable pout.

"That was mean, Yuri. I was really excited that you got some of your memories back."

"Alright, alright…I apologize for being so mean. Come here."

Viktor pushed himself back up and crawled closer to Yuri. The younger man leaned in and gave Viktor a very sensual and extended apology kiss, with tongue.

When Yuri pulled away, Viktor was left looking like he was about to melt.

"There, am I forgiven?"

Viktor stared dreamily into space.

'What was I mad about again?"

Yuri laughed. He motioned for Viktor to turn around and then pulled the Russian man's head into his lap. Viktor draped his arms over Yuri's legs and got comfortable.

"Things are a bit hazy, but I think seeing you skate was a catalyst."

"Mmmm. How so?"

"Well, I ended up living and training in Detroit for 5 years. It must have been one hell of a something to get a nervous Nellie like me to leave the relative safety and order of Japan for a place like Detroit. Don't get me wrong, those five years were the best for me in terms of personal development and growth. People are much less judgmental and much more open in America than in Japan. I actually came out of my shell a bit and became friends with Pichit and Chris as a result. But, Detroit is a scary place with a high crime rate. I was always extra careful, especially at night."

Viktor gave Yuri's legs a squeeze.

"Did you go home at all during those five years?"

"No. There was nothing to go back to, really. My family only cared about the superficial aspects of ice skating and didn't really show much interest in my world. They had a son they could brag about and a hot spring resort to run. I was more upset over my dog's death than the fact I didn't see my family for half a decade."

Yuri opened his mouth and let out a mammoth yawn.

"Sorry, I suddenly feel  _really_  tired."

"Shall we call it a night, then?

"Yeah, that's probably best."

"Yuri, may I…lock the bedroom door tonight?"

"Why would you…oh. Uh, sure. I don't mind."

"Viktor stood up to get Makkachin out of the room, but discovered that the dog was outright refusing to leave."

"Well, it appears that Makkachin has taken upon himself to be your personal bodyguard dog."

Yuri sat up and looked over at the dog.

"Well, he  _did_  save my life earlier. I think he's rather qualified, don't you?"

"Alright, then…Makka stays."

The poodle, seemingly knowing his presence had been approved, stood up and bounced happily around the room.

Viktor left the bedroom and got Makkachin's bed from the living room. He put it at the foot of bed and the dog quickly crawled in and settled down. Viktor then locked the bedroom door and put the key in his nightstand drawer.

"You go ahead and get comfortable, I'm going to shower."

"Just a sec, I need to brush my teeth."

Yuri and Viktor both walked into the ensuite bathroom. Yuri brushed his teeth as Viktor stripped down and showered. Yuri finished first and got into bed to wait for Viktor. He was already half-asleep by the time the taller man joined him. He turned onto his side to face Viktor and a pair of creamy white arms immediately wrapped themselves around him.

"I'm sorry we're skipping love training tonight…I just…don't think I'll be awake much longer."

"Don't worry about it, we've both had a pretty rough day. I don't think I'd be able to get in the mood, to be honest."

Yuri felt relieved.

"Here's to hoping we both get an uneventful night's sleep tonight."

Viktor held Yuri tighter.

"Mhm."


	41. Ringing in the New Year

Viktor was the first one to regain consciousness, being roused by the anxious whimpers of Makkachin. He breathed a huge sigh of relief when he spotted Yuri's still-unconscious form next to him in bed. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on the younger man's forehead before getting up and throwing some clothes on. He grabbed the key and unlocked the bedroom door, before letting Makkachin out into the back yard. He poked his head in the room once more to check on Yuri before putting on a pot of coffee and trying to sort out what to make for breakfast. Yuri was awake a short while later, his body sensing the loss of Viktor's warmth and presence. His nose also picked up on the delicious scent of freshy-brewed, and he practically levitated out of bed and floated towards the kitchen. After the two men had been reunited in the kitchen, breakfast was prepared and an action plan to deal with Yuri's nightmares was discussed, together this time. They decided that he should try a combination of yoga, meditation and aromatherapy. Before going to sleep every night, Yuri would use the yoga to calm down his body. Then he would use mediation to calm his mind and the aromatherapy would prolong his calm state and work on him continuously and subconsciously as he slept. The two men felt quite pleased that they had managed to find a plan that both assuaged Viktor's fears and which Yuri agreed with.

It was while surfing social media that Viktor suddenly realized it was New Year's Eve. Usually, he absolutely lived for the festivities St. Petersburg put on to ring in the new year, he was a bit surprised that things had completely slipped his mind.  _Well, I suppose I have had some more pressing issues to deal with recently._ He was absolutely astounded at the flood of event invites. Yuri leaned in over Viktor's shoulder and tried to peek at what he was looking at. It was all in Russian so he couldn't understand a single word.

"What's all that?'

"Oh, these are all invitations to New Year's Eve events around town."

"Really? That's cool. When is New Year' Eve?"

"Tonight."

"Huuuuh?!"

Viktor laughed at Yuri's response.  _Well, I don't feel so bad now. Apparently, I wasn't the only one who's forgotten._

"Do you want to go out tonight? There's always a big celebration at Dvortsovaya Square every year. There is champagne and fireworks."

Yuri looked up and Viktor and then back down. He tapped his fingers nervously on the table before mumbling something unintelligible.

"What's that, Yuri? I didn't hear what you just said."

Yuri felt his face turn red as he turned his head away fully before answering Viktor.

"I…don't think…going out is a…good idea." His head snapped back up and he looked suddenly back at Viktor. "B-b-but you can go ahead and go without me and spend some time with your friends if you want!"

Viktor looked Yuri over. He had seen that look enough times now to know that something was bothering him or making him uncomfortable.

"Why's that, Yuri?"

Yuri's eyes were downcast once more.

"I feel like…I'm being a huge killjoy and don't want to keep you from having fun with your friends tonight."

"Yuri, please look at me."

Yuri slowly and hesitantly raised his eyes to meet Viktor's. He had expected there to be some anger or annoyance on the man's face, but only a soft look awaited him.

"Please don't look away when you speak your inner thoughts or feelings to me. Don't be scared to be outright blunt with me. I won't bite, I promise."

Yuri nodded, albeit rather slowly.

"Why don't you think it's a good idea? I'm not mad, I genuinely want to know."

Yuri breathed a sigh of relief and was finally able to relax and fully meet Viktor's gaze.

"I think being outdoors in the freezing Russian winter would be really tough for me. I have barely acclimatized to the weather here and then…there's…what happened…and I don't want to go out, only for you to not have any fun because you're too worried about ME. I'm also not a fan of big crowds…I think I would feel a bit…overwhelmed."

"OK, that's good Yuri. But why would you want me to out by myself and leave you here to bring the new year in by yourself?"

Yuri looked a Viktor sheepishly then.

"Well, you've spent nearly all your time with me since the accident. I feel like…I am monopolizing your time and keeping you from the world or something. It's OK if you want to leave me at home and be with your friends or do something you really like."

Viktor reached over the table and caressed Yuri's face.

"Thank you for being so considerate of my wants and needs, Yuri. Your selflessness is one of your most endearing qualities." Viktor grabbed Yuri's nose between his thumb and index finger, giving it a gentle twist. "However, it is sometimes misplaced and quite unnecessary."

Yuri winced as he endured Viktor's assault on his nose.

"Yuri, I would be absolutely miserable without you. If I went out on my own with some friends, I would not be able to stop thinking about you or worrying about you. I appreciate your concern, but anywhere YOU are is where I want to be."

Yuri blushed fiercely at Viktor's words before reaching down and enclosing Viktor's hands in his own.

"Then, can we just have a nice quiet evening…just the two of us…here at home?"

Viktor smiled warmly at the Japanese man across from him.

"I would be very happy with that, Yuri."

And so, the men began their preparations for the evening ahead. Viktor insisted on preparing some traditional Russian foods, and so Yuri decided on doing the same. They got dressed and took Viktor's car to the biggest international food market in town. While Viktor set about collecting ingredients for his dishes, Yuri did the same. It was by sheer chance and great luck that Yuri came upon a familiar-looking package of soba noodles. His squeal of delight brought a frazzled Viktor to his side in seconds.

"Yuri! What's wrong?"

Yuri hugged the soba package tightly to his chest as a bit of drool formed at the corner of his mouth. Viktor sighed and ran a hand roughly through his hair when he saw that he had absolutely nothing to worry about.

"Yuuuuuri. You scared me half to death! I came running, thinking you were in some kind of mortal danger…only to find you having a blatant affair with a pack of noodles…right under my nose!"

"Mmmmm, soooooooba….sweet, sweet sooooooba!"

Viktor crossed his arms and pouted.

"You've never looked at ME like THAT before."

Yuri sighed as he continued staring dreamily off into space.

"Sorry, Viktor. You can take a Japanese person out of Japan…but you can never take away a Japanese person's spiritual connection to soba…or ramen for that matter."

Viktor shook his head before grabbing Yuri by the arm and dragging him alongside him.

Five minutes later and Viktor was treated to yet another one of Yuri's squeals of delight.

"What is it THIS time? More noodles?"

Yuri shook his head.

"No, no…I found mochi!'

"Mo-what?"

Yuri laughed before dazzling Viktor with a smile of unadulterated joy.

"It's a kind of glutinous rice cake. We eat it on New Year's Eve, too. I was really worried that I wouldn't have been able to contribute anything to the dinner tonight…but I managed to find the two of the main dishes people eat in Japan."

Viktor looked down at the package containing colorful and powdered little balls.

"Is it savory or sweet?"

"It's sweet. Definitely a dessert item."

Yuri peeked over at Viktor's shopping cart.

"Oh! You got a nice herring there! Have you got everything that you need?"

Viktor nodded and the two of them headed for the checkout.

Back at the home, the two men got to work on their respective dishes. Viktor poured himself a glass of wine as he cooked, but Yuri declined. He wanted to save his wine for the meal. Yuri got to work on a very basic, but tasty pork chop soba recipe. Viktor, meanwhile, boiled some potatoes in one pot and some carrots, peas and eggs in another. He roasted some chicken in the oven and diced an onion. Yuri kept sneaking peeks over at Viktor as he cooked.

"What's that you're making?"

"It's called Olivier salad and it's a very traditional New Year' dish. It's essentially Russian potato salad."

"Ohh! I love potato salad!"

Viktor smiled.

"Then you will definitely love  _this_."

Once Viktor had finished with the potato salad, he got started on the poached herring. He sliced a baguette and toasted the pieces, setting them down on the table next to some caviar he had had on hand. Yuri placed his soba dish on the table and set the wine bottle down as well after having had poured himself a glass. Once all the dishes had been prepared and set down on the table, the two skaters sat down to eat.

They started with Viktor's potato salad and bread with caviar. Yuri's eyes lit up with delight at the first bite.

"Whoa! You put the chicken IN the potato salad! I've never had it this way before!"

Viktor puffed up with pride.

"Yep! Usually it's bologna that is used…but I figured I should use a leaner meat to try and minimize the damage your diet will be taking today. You're going to have to bust your butt this week before your weigh-in on Thursday. Volkov will have your testicles on a silver platter if you disappoint him on the first one."

Yuri blanched and shuddered at the thought of his testicles being anywhere but on his own body. Having pushed the mental image out of his mind, Yuri prepared a bowl of soba for himself and Viktor. He waited anxiously for the Russian man to take his first bite.

"Mmm! Vkusno!"

"Do you really like it Viktor?"

"Yes, yes! It's even better than katsudon, because Yuri made it just for me!"

Yuri was flabbergasted.

"Wait, you've had katsudon? When did you have katsudon?"

"When I lived with you in Hasetsu, silly. I had it every chance I got. Your mother is a magician in the kitchen."

Yuri smiled wistfully.

"That much is true. She may have many shortcomings, but her cooking skill is unmatched."

"Sooo…why do people eat soba noodles on New Year's Eve?"

"Well, the dish itself is called Toshikoshi soba, and means 'year crossing buckwheat noodle. The shape of the noodle is supposed to represent the crossing from one year to the next. Also, since the noodles are easily cut, it symbolizes letting go of the regrets from the previous year. Usually they're eaten just before midnight. And, although it's just before 6 PM here…it's actually just before midnight in Japan right now…so it works out."

Viktor looked down at the bowl of noodles in front of him.  _Regrets, huh? I can practically see them all floating around down there. Well, I am going to cut and let go of every single one them._  Viktor devoured his soba noodles, relishing in quite a bit more than their delicious flavor.

After the noodles came the fish. If there was one thing that brought the two men together at the table, it was their love of fish. The herring was a nice light lemon and rosemary flavor and a good note to end on since it was so different from the other heavier dishes they had just consumed. Yuri finished his wine before getting up and plating the mochi. Viktor peeled some mandarin oranges and placed them on the table as well.

"What were these called again? Moo-chee?"

Yuri giggled.

"You're so cute when you speak Japanese. You were really close! More like 'moe-chee'. It sounds like the Japanese word for 'to hold' or 'to have' and it's supposed to bring good fortune in the new year. Usually, people will pound their own mochi on New Year's Eve. But that's really labor-intensive and these days will just settle for the premade kind."

"Wow, I feel like I have learned so much about Japanese culture tonight! Thank you Yuri!"

After cleaning up, the two men cozied up on the sofa and watched the different celebrations around the world. Around 11:30 pm, Viktor excused himself and disappeared into the bedroom. Yuri shot him a quizzical look that seemed to go unnoticed. About 10 minutes later, Viktor emerged, fully dressed in winter gear and carrying a plastic bag.

"Viktor? What's going on? Are you going out somewhere?"

Viktor smiled mysteriously as he winked at Yuri.

"I'll just be outside with Makkachin for a little bit. I'll be back soon."

Yuri nodded and sat back down on the sofa. "OK, hurry back."

About 25 minutes went by and Yuri was starting to get a bit anxious. He went to various windows and couldn't see Viktor anywhere. He picked up his phone and sent the man a text message.

Yuri: Where are you? I can't see you. Is everything OK?

Viktor: everything is fine. Go look out the bedroom window.

Yuri ran to the bedroom and pulled the curtains open. He jumped backward and almost fell on his butt when he saw Viktor already standing there.

"What are you doing?"

Viktor shook his head and made a gesture that Yuri took to mean he couldn't hear what he was saying.

He picked up his phone again.

Yuri: What are you doing? Get back inside, it's cold out there!

Yuri lost sight of Viktor briefly as the man bent down. After Viktor was back in front of the window, Yuri got another text.

Viktor: 10…9…8

Yuri: You're doing the countdown without me?

Viktor: no. just wait! 5…4…3…2…1…

Yuri saw a flash of light and heard a high pitched 'shoooo' sound. Completely confused at first, everything became clear once the first explosion of color lit up the sky.

"Fireworks! Viktor bought fireworks!"

The Japanese skater jumped up and down excitedly before plastering his face to window to watch the light show.

He watched with enthusiastic glee, clapping as each burst punctuated the night. When it seemed that the show was finally over. Viktor turned to face the window once more. He pointed to his chest, then made a heart shape with his hands and pointed at Yuri.

Yuri gasped and covered his mouth as tears welled up in his eyes. He pointed to himself, made a heart shape with his hand and pointed at Viktor, before adding two fingers.

The two men seemed to have the same idea at that moment. They both turned on their heels and ran toward the front door of the house. Yuri flung the door open to find Viktor already standing there and panting. He grabbed the man by the scarf and pulled him into the house, spinning him around and closing the door with his foot, while locking Viktor's lips in a fiery kiss.

Clothing was hastily removed and discarded in a trail as the two made their way to the living room. Viktor lay Yuri down in front of the fireplace and peppered the younger man's face with butterfly kisses.

"с новым годом, Yuri. Happy New Year."

Yuri smiled as he cupped Viktor's face tenderly with his hands.

"明けましておめでとうございます, Viktor. Happy New Year."

The two men brought their lips together once more and gave into their passion.

* * *

с новым годом (s novim godom) – Happy New Year (Russian)

明けましておめでとうございます (Akemashite omedetō gozaimasu) – Happy New Year (Japanese)


	42. Life Lessons

The first week of the new year was packed with activity. Viktor's sports therapist stretched and bent him like putty, leaving the Russian man feeling rather boneless for a day. He also put him on an exercise regime aimed to get him in shape for World's. Four Continents was going to take place in just over a month and Yuri decided to get serious with training. He was also working in as much cardio and weight training as possible. Thursday was just around the corner, and that meant seeing Volkov. Yuri shuddered as he imagined all the pain and suffering that awaited him. And that was just the regular session. He didn't want to think about what would happen if the weigh-in went badly. He gulped as the million and one painful scenarios flooded his mind. Volkov was definitely a serious sadist. As he worked on his jumps, Yuri Plisetsky came onto the ice, wearing a grin that spanned from one ear to the other.

"Oi, Svin'ya! Happy new year!"

Yuri wiped his brow with the back of his hand and turned to face the young Russian skater.

"S novim godom, Hime-Sama."

Plisetsky seemed surprised and rather pleased that Yuri had spoken Russian to him.

"Impressive. Your Russian was previously limited to single-word vocabulary. You just said a whole sentence just now. Did Viktor teach you that?"

Yuri nodded.

"Yeah. Viktor said it to me and it just stuck."

"Anyway…" Plisetsky put his hands on his hips and puffed out his chest. "Guess who just won gold at European championships?"

Yuri smiled sweetly before he clasped his hands together and skated closer to the young blonde.

"It was Christophe Giacometti, right? The Swiss skater? He's REALLY good. I'll have to message him and congratulate him…"

Plisetsky growled in annoyance. "No, idiot. He got silver. The one who one gold was…"

"Oh, oh…I know! It was Otabek Altin…the stoic skater from Kazakhstan! He's improved SO much lately…I'm not surprised."

Yuri smiled inwardly as he could practically see the steam coming out of Plisetsky's ears.

"No! He got bronze! Did getting hit on the head make you stupid or something? It was ME! I won gold! Me, me, me!"

Yuri did his best to look surprised.

"You? Wow…really? How unexpected. Congratulations."

"Huuuuh?! Unexpected? What the hell do you mean by that? I beat you out for gold at the Grand Prix, you know. I'm pretty sure you didn't forget about THAT."

Yuri waved his hand dismissively.

"Yeah, but that was just by 0.12 points. That could have been just a fluke for all I know."

Plisetsky was absolutely fuming.

"A fluke? FLUKE?! Why you…!"

The young Russian launched himself at Yuri. Yuri easily sidestepped the attack, grabbing the teen by the back of his shirt in the process. He leaned in close and spoke directly into his ear.

"I knew it was you all along, Hime-Sama. I was just riling you up on purpose."

Plisetsky twisted out of his grip and turned to face him.

"Why the hell would you do that?"

Yuri placed a finger on his chin and pretended to think for a second.

"Retaliation, I guess"

"Retaliation? What the hell for?"

"Well, it appears that YOU are a fan of getting in people's faces, regularly."

Plisetsky straightened his shirt in an angry huff."

"What about it?"

"Well, it seems that you can dish it, but you can't take it."

"What the hell are you going on about?"

"Let me ask you, how many times have people retaliated physically whenever you've kicked them in the back or whatever?"

Plisetsky crossed his arms and tilted his chin up in defiance.

"None."

"Hmm. And why do you think that is?"

"Pfft. Obviously they were just too scared."

"I don't think that's it at all."

Plisetsky snorted derisively and flipped his hair back with one hand.

"Oh, THIS should be good. Go on, enlighten me."

"I've known many bullies in my lifetime. You're the most recent one."

The young skater's arms fell at his side as a look of incredulous disbelief came over his face. His mouth hung open as he stared at the Japanese man standing in front of him.

"You shout at people, intimidate them and even use physical violence to get them to do what you want. That's a textbook bully."

Plisetsky leaned in close and shouted angrily in Yuri's face.

"You're full of shit!"

Yuri ignored the drops of spittle that flew onto his face and stood his ground.

"I'm not saying you're a bad person. I actually get the feeling you have a lot of potential. You just make it  _really_  hard for people to see it."

"I don't need people to see anything. I'm the Russian Tiger. People can just accept that or get the hell out of my face."

Yuri sighed.

"The thing about bullies is that, deep down, they are actually some of the most insecure people of the lot. You call yourself a tiger, but all I see is a feral kitten, hissing at his own reflection."

For the second time during their conversation, the young Russian was left speechless.

Yuri placed a hand on the young man's shoulder.

"One of the ways of dealing with a bully is by ignoring them. Think about it. You have your whole life ahead of you. If you push everyone away now, there's not going to be anyone there for you down the road."

Yuri turned and pushed off on his skates. He skated off the rink, leaving a very bewildered Plisetsky behind.

Lost in his thoughts, Yuri did not notice Viktor trying to get his attention in the changing room. So he jumped a bit when he suddenly felt his wrist being grabbed.

"Oh! Sorry, Yuri…I didn't mean to startle you! Is everything alright?"

Yuri blinked in confusion a few times at Viktor.

"Um, yeah…why?"

"I heard Russian Yuri shouting at you, but you'd left the ice by the time I got there."

"Oh, that. Yeah, I just told him some truths he probably didn't want to hear."

"Well, you must have said one hell of a something. He was still standing there just staring off into space when I left."

"I told him he was a bully."

It was Viktor's turn to look dumbfounded.

"You said that to him…and he let you live?"

Yuri growled and brought his fist down onto the bench.

"See! This is exactly what I am talking about!"

Viktor sat down next to Yuri in the change room. His eyebrows were raised in surprise as he looked over at Yuri.

"This is really bothering you."

"Yes, it's bothering me! I've met so many bullies who were born rotten to the core, without a shred of goodness to their soul. He's not like that, I can see that he's a good kid deep down. I've caught glimpses of it in the few interactions we've had. But he puts up this front…this tough guy Russian Tiger act. It's revolting."

"Hmmm, I know what you mean. Most of us are just used to his behavior though and we tend to just ignore his outbursts."

"But that's not doing him any favors. Nobody tells him off, nobody calls him out on his behavior. Has he been this way since you've known him?"

Viktor nodded.

"Yeah, he's been angry for pretty much his whole life."

"He's so young, what the hell does he have to be so angry about?"

Viktor shrugged.

"I don't know much about him, honestly. All I know is that he was raised by his grandfather, and that his parents didn't seem to have a big presence in his life."

Yuri sighed. He knew all too well how problems at home could throw a monkeywrench into life plans. He made a vow to reach out to the REAL Yuri. He would turn the young Russian into a friend.


	43. A January to Remember

The month of January flew by in a blur. Life for Yuri and Viktor had taken on a comfortable routine at home as well as on the ice. There had, of course, been some rather positive and notable developments in that month. The first of which had been the near eradication of a certain Japanese skater's worrying nighttime activities.

Yuri had discovered that doing yoga just before bed had a positive effect on multiple areas of his life. He found that it helped settle his mind and he almost entered a meditative state as he'd go through his salutations. His thoughts stilled and he just allowed his body to go into autopilot. It had been a bit awkward at first, he hadn't been very sure at all that it was going to work. But Viktor had been there to encourage him and push him to see it through to the end. He was incredibly glad that he hadn't given up on it. It brought him this peace of mind he didn't think he had ever experienced before. Viktor gave him his space and did not try to intrude on his 'down time', for which he was grateful. Perhaps he surmised, correctly, that Yuri would be unable to focus properly if he was around.

On the nights he was unable to fully settle his mind, he added a few drops of lavender oil to his pillow. It made the whole room smell absolutely wonderful and even Viktor would sleep better on those nights. The other benefits of the yoga had presented themselves as the increase in his flexibility and decrease in muscle soreness. He found himself waking up refreshed and limber every morning instead of tired and stiff. These extra yoga perks had been an utter godsend, especially since training had gone into overdrive that first week of January.

Makkachin had become a permanent fixture in their bedroom since Yuri's brush with hypothermia. He had developed a rather deep bond with the dog in the past month, which had earned him Viktor's jealousy on more than once occasion. The standard poodle had also seemed to take on a guardianship role when it came to him, especially at night. Makkachin had become quite attuned to his sleep patterns and had come to his rescue on some critical occasions. Twice he had apparently been fitful in his sleep, twice he had been brought out of it by the dog's actions.

The first time, he had woken up to a cold and wet nose nuzzling his hand. He had been confused at first, thinking that Makkachin was perhaps asking to be let out. He had gotten up and called to him, but he had not budged. The dog had stayed by the bed until Yuri had returned and fallen back asleep. The second time was when he had finally figured everything out. He had been having a bad dream of sorts and Makkachin's usual method wasn't able to snap him out of it. The dog had then scampered over to Viktor's side and woken him up with a series of anxious whimpers. Once awake, Viktor had been quick to realize what was going on and had managed to rouse him. He was so grateful to the dog Viktor affectionately referred to as 'pooper'. Makkachin reminded him so much of his own deceased dog; Vi-Chan. He felt like he was being given a second chance to make things right.

Yuri had also developed some serious leg muscle thanks to his sessions with Volkov. He had survived his first weigh-in, barely. He had held his breath and said a silent prayer before stepping onto the scale. Unable to look at the numbers on the display, he had stared straight ahead as he had stood on it rigidly. Volkov had grunted neutrally once he had seen the final number, and Yuri had felt like he had managed to dodge a bullet. After stepping off, he had been ordered to strip down to his underwear. Unsure as to why he would be asked to do such a thing, but not wanting to upset the Russian trainer, he had obliged. He had then been subjected to an intense and awkward 'manhandling' by Volkov. The man had run his hands from his upper thigh right down to his ankles, feeling every curve and dip of muscle in their path. He had repeated these actions at each subsequent session and had been able to tell Yuri exactly where he had developed new muscle and what areas still needed work. He had been absolutely amazed that the Russian trainer had been able to glean so much information through simple touch. No wonder the man was the best in the country.

Yuri had fully started his plyometrics training that second session. He had been able to squat half his weight, and so had 'earned' the right. Volkov had started him off right away on what he had affectionately named 'The Box of Torture". He had been put through his paces, doing every kind of jumping exercise known to mankind on that wooden box. He recalls how much excruciating pain he had been in after that second session. His muscles had been pushed to new limits and even his attempts at stretching afterward had left him in tears. Thankfully, Viktor had come to check on him and had carried his boneless body to what first appeared to be an inviting-looking tub. Yuri had been in for the shock of his life when, instead of a soothing hot bath, he had been plunged fully-clothed into the most frigid ice water he had ever experienced. His scream had brought quite a few people running, but once they saw what the fuss was all about, had chuckled and walked off shaking their heads. Viktor had held him firmly by the shoulders and forced him to stay in the arctic water for 5 whole minutes. The taller man had rubbed his upper back and gently cooed words of encouragement as he had shivered away helplessly throughout the entire ordeal. Viktor had explained to him that the cold water reduces swelling and causes the blood vessels to constrict sharply, which forces out the lactic acid buildup in the muscles. Lactic acid slows down the body's ability to repair itself after workouts, and so it's important to flush it out as soon as possible. When the muscles warm up after leaving the ice bath, the oxygenated blood floods them and allows them to recover more quickly. The starting minimum time was 10 minutes, so he was letting him off easy with just five. The water also usually had ice in it, but he hadn't wanted to kill him on his first time.

After finally having been allowed to leave the freezing cold water, Viktor had wrapped him in a large towel and grabbed a clean set of clothes for both of them before ushering him into a private shower nearby. Viktor had locked the door before helping him out of his cold, wet clothes and removing his own. Yuri blushed fiercely as he remembered what had happened next. Viktor had apologized profusely to him for having dumped him (for his own good) without warning into the cold tub and wanted to warm him up properly. He had been so cold and miserable that he had not seen the lusty looks Viktor had been sending his way. And so, he had received a second and much more pleasant shock, when he had found himself being taken into Viktor's hot mouth. He had warmed up alright. Together they had just about turned that private shower into a steam room. Yuri had felt absolutely incredible after the hot shower they had shared, for more reasons than one.

After five full sessions with Volkov, his jumps had improved by literal leaps and bounds. He was getting so much more height than before and as such, was getting more air time to complete his rotations. He decided that his new secret weapon would be the quad Lutz. Now that he wasn't so intimidated by it, he tackled it with gusto. Once he had associated it with specific step-sequences in both programs, it was much easier to focus on the technique and polishing off the landings. Yuri had taken Viktor's advice and turned his free skate into 'their story'. Yuri had found it quite easy to do, as he had no shortage of material to draw from. It seemed so surreal to him, just how much had happened since that day he had woken up to a beautiful 'stranger' in his hospital room. He was so ridiculously happy and fulfilled these days, it all seemed too good to be true. He had been single all his life, having only pined after one person during that time; Yuuko-Chan. The rejection he had felt when she had chosen to marry his childhood tormentor had been a huge betrayal and he had sworn off love forever. Now here he was, head over heels in love with another man. Life works in incredibly mysterious ways.

"Katsuki! Focus!"

Yuri snapped out of his reverie as the young Russian skater entered his field of vision.

He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly and laughed nervously.

"Ah…sorry about that…my mind was definitely wandering there."

"It's dangerous to skate when your mind isn't in it you know."

Yuri brought his palms together before bringing his hands to his forehead and bowing slightly.

"Sorry, sorry…I know! I'll be more careful, I promise."

The younger skater crossed his arms and blew out his breath in a huff. He looked like he was about to make a typical retort when suddenly a softer look came over his features. He stopped to look around the rink anxiously, and once he was assured that no one was looking, he skated in close and gently touched Yuri's arm.

"Is everything alright? You look especially out of it today."

Yuri smiled at the young man in front of him.

"Thank you for worrying about me. I'm fine…there's just something at the back of my head that keeps gnawing at me and I can't quite put my finger on it."

The young Russian nodded nearly imperceptibly before removing his hand from Yuri's arm and looking around nervously once more.

"Wanna talk about it? Usual place…say 4 PM?"

Yuri nodded before smiling brightly at the young man in front of him.  _What a big difference a month makes_ , he mused.

"Yeah, I'll meet you there. Later, Hime Sama."

"Later, svin'ya."

The young Russian skater pushed off but stopped halfway off the ice and shouted at him.

"Keep your dumb ass off the ice if you can't think properly, got it?!"

Yuri was the only one who caught the teenager's wink before he skated off the ice. He chuckled as he turned away and resumed his practice.  _I suppose he DOES have a reputation to maintain after all…_


	44. Taming of the Russian Tiger - Part 1

_**A/N: Here's a little taste of lemon for you! A lemon-lime daiquiri with candied lemons as garnish. Enjoy!** _

Yuri was a proper sweaty mess after he finished practice. He walked into the change room, quickly stripped out of his soggy workout clothes and hurried to the showers. He only had about 20 minutes to get himself ready to meet the other Yuri at the coffee shop. He had barely closed the shower stall when there was a knock at the door. Yuri was a bit surprised. Who the hell would be knocking on his shower door?

"Uh…who is it?"

A hushed whisper came back in reply.

"It's Viktor."

Yuri unlocked the door and opened it. A naked Viktor immediately pushed his way in and locked the door behind him.

"Viktor? What are you….mmpphhh!"

The older Russian man cut him off with a searing kiss as he pushed him against the stall wall. Yuri felt himself instantly melting as Viktor's lips and tongue expertly worked him over. He moaned and arched his back as he fisted his hands in Viktor's hair. Viktor leaned in close and slipped a knee between Yuri's legs. Yuri cried out and Viktor quickly covered his mouth with a free hand.

"Shh, love…we have to keep it quiet. We don't want to get caught."

Yuri nodded and fumbled around for a bit before finally finding the shower knob. He turned it, causing them both to become completely drenched in hot water. Viktor kept his hand over Yuri's mouth as he reached down and took him into his hand. Yuri's eyes rolled into the back of his head as he groaned and jerked his hips forward. He was fully hard in his lover's hand in seconds.  _Gods, Viktor's touch does things to my body I didn't think were possible._  He had become hopelessly addicted to the pleasure Viktor could bring him.

The last month had brought new levels of urgency to their interactions. They seemed to be unable to keep their hands off each other and had even indulged in some risky behavior by getting amorous at the Sports Champion Club when there weren't too many people around. Yuri, especially, was hungry for more. He wanted to feel closer to Viktor. The things they had always done didn't seem like enough anymore. Yuri wanted…no,  _needed_  more. During the last couple of weeks, they had advanced to the last stage of their 'love training'. They had progressed to the largest and hardest of their butt plug set; the glass ones. It was so rigid and unforgiving, but it reached that special spot deep inside him and pushed up deliciously against it every time he sat down or moved in just the right way. They had also discovered the magical properties of their silicone lube. The first time Yuri had put some on his fingers, he had been astounded by how slick it felt. He recalls commenting on how it felt like liquid silk, and then immediately lamenting that they couldn't use it with their silicone butt plugs.

"Seems really contradictory that you can't use silicone lube on a silicone product."

Viktor had nodded in agreement.

"I'm glad that we did our research, though. We would have caused irreparable damage to our toys had we just gone ahead an assumed they went together."

Yuri had become incredibly comfortable with butt stuff in the time they had been 'love training'. He no longer feared the mere thought of things going near or in his butt. He had learned that he could derive immense pleasure from that whole area. With the right preparation and tools, anything was possible. As wonderful as their toys and experiences had been, they were simple inanimate objects. They had no warmth and they didn't bring the deeper intimacy he had begun to crave. Yuri now frequently imagined that it was Viktor inside him instead of a toy…and that's how he knew that he was ready for the next step.

Yuri was brought out of his bout of pondering by a gentle nibbling action on one of his earlobes. He gasped into the Viktor's hand as a wave of pleasure overtook him, causing his body to shudder from the sensation. Viktor had discovered that he was really sensitive there and loved to rain down delicious torment on him whenever he could. Having grown impatient, Yuri also reached down and took the taller Russian into his hand. He smirked triumphantly as he saw Viktor biting down on his lip in his own attempts to keep quiet. Yuri brought both of their arousals together and wrapped Viktor's hand around them before covering it with his own. Both men increased their pace and Viktor removed his hand from Yuri's mouth. That same mouth was covered by warm, soft lips a split second later.

Viktor broke away from Yuri's mouth to trail open-mouthed kisses down the younger skater's neck. In between kisses, he leaned in to whisper hotly into Yuri's ear.

"You're SO hot, Yuri. Your body gets me going…every time."

"Mhmmm, Viktor…you always make me feel SO good."

Less than a minute later both men reached orgasm. Yuri covered his mouth with his free hand and moaned quietly as he squirted and spilled over them. In front of him, Viktor bit down on the fleshy part of his thumb and whimpered softly as he spurted his own release.

Both men stood there panting for about a minute as they caught their breath. Yuri smiled at Viktor before leaning in and giving him a soft peck on the lips.

"Thank you, that was a nice surprise."

"Yuuuuuuuri, you know I just simply can't resist you."

Yuri chuckled and brought a hand up to caress Viktor's face.

"And I just simply can't resist how you can't resist me."

Viktor leaned into his touch before turning his head to place a kiss on his palm.

"Shall we go grab an early dinner?"

"Ah…sorry Viktor…I'm meeting Plisetsky for coffee in a bit."

Viktor pouted and crossed his arms in annoyed huff.

"Coffee with Yuri AGAIN? You just did that the other day!"

Yuri bowed his head and clapped his hands in front of him. In his haste to get his point across, he launched into a rapid-fire diatribe.

"I'm sorry Viktor…but I've finally managed to get through to him…I think. It's been really good for him to have a friend…"

"Yuri."

The young Japanese skater rambled on.

"I've never seen him hanging out with anyone…I think he really needs someone to talk to…"

"Yuuuuuuri."

Undaunted, Yuri babbled on.

'You don't need to wait for me…I know which bus to take home. I can…"

Viktor sighed before stepping in close and placing his hands on Yuri's shoulders and snapping him out of his ramblings.

"It's OK, Yuri. I get it. We've been over this already. I didn't mean to make you all flustered. I'm just selfish and don't like sharing you with other people."

Yuri breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you…for being so understanding."

"Do you think 1 hour will be enough? I can just go grocery shopping while you're out with him. I can pick you up at the coffee shop at 5."

Yuri launched himself at Viktor and wrapped his arms around him a tight hug.

"Thanks, Viktor! You're the best!"

Viktor laughed. As he returned the embrace.

"I know. Don't YOU ever forget it."

Both men quickly finished their shower and then went their separate ways. Yuri grabbed his gym bag and did one last check to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything. He checked his watch as he left the building and saw that he didn't have much time left. Thankfully, the shop was really close by and he could easily make it there in less than five minutes if he jogged.

Yuri smiled as he tightened the strap on his gym bag and began his jog. He felt an incredible sense of accomplishment at having been able to get through to the prickly teen. It had been one hell of a month, and they had butted heads on various occasions. At first, Yuri had felt like he had willingly placed himself alone in a circus ring with a feral tiger, one who wanted nothing more than to eat him alive. He had questioned his own sanity on various occasions, but somehow had found the strength and willpower to continue. He had vowed to win the Russian Tiger over…and he absolutely hated to lose.

And so, he had first begun with basic and non-invasive things. He greeted the young Russian politely each time they saw each other at the rink. He complimented him when he was truly amazed by something he did, but did not dote on him nor give him superficial lip service. The teen had eyed him suspiciously at first, perhaps trying to figure out if he was up to something or not. But soon enough, the young Russian had learned to return the same courtesy. Every so often however, the temperamental blonde would revert to his usual tactics and launch into scathing verbal assaults. During those times, Yuri had simply turned around and walked away. He had always felt that actions spoke louder than words. So, he had wanted to send a clear message that he was not going to put up with that kind of stuff. Refusing to be ignored, the teen had stalked after him the first time he had done it. Yuri had kept his cool and had not spoken until he had been asked why he was being that way.

"I refuse to listen to someone who just wants to take out their anger on me. If you want to speak normally with me, I'll gladly listen. If you're just going to scream and shout, then I will find something better to do."

After Yuri had repeated his actions three times, he noticed another change. The young Russian started catching himself and stopping his own tirades.

Feeling encouraged by the progress, he had decided to take things up a notch by making some sushi rolls to take to practice for his rink mates. He had been swiftly reminded just how much of a tiger the young Russian really was. The Russian in question had launched himself at the sushi rolls ahead of the others and hadn't even uttered a single word of thanks. When Yuri had called him out on it, he had shrugged.

"You brought them here for us to eat. No one asked you to do that. You want thanks for doing something you wanted? Lame."

Yuri had been left standing there, utterly flabbergasted, as the teen had added insult to injury by grabbing another sushi roll on his way out.

A look of determination had come over his face then.  _Oh…it's game on NOW._

Yuri had carried on as usual regarding his dealings with the green-eyed little tyrant. A few days later, he showed up to the rink with his secret weapon; home made katsudon. Viktor had helped him track down all the ingredients and had even assisted with the preparation. He wanted to be there and see the look on the younger Russian's face when Yuri put his plan into action.

Yuri had prepared the perfect number of pork cutlets and prepared each bowl on site for each person. As word spread through the rink that katsudon was in the building, the guest of honor made an appearance. When he had greedily reached for a bowl, Yuri had slapped his hand away.

"I'm sorry, that isn't for you."

"Huuuuuh?! What do you mean that isn't for me? You brought food for everyone again. One of these  _has_  to be mine!"

Yuri shook his head.

"You see, I spent a lot of time making these. As such, I have decided to give them to people who deserve them."

"What the hell, pig? How do YOU get to decide who deserves them or not?"

Yuri tapped his finger on his chin and pretended to think for a few seconds.

"Well, people who thanked me the last time I brought something in definitely deserve it. Everyone likes doing things for people who appreciate them. What kind of person would continue doing things for someone who doesn't appreciate them?"

Yuri had left the young teen alone to mull over his words and had carried on serving the others. Later on, Viktor had told him that he wished he had taken a photo and immortalized the moment forever. The look on Plisetsky's face had apparently been priceless. The very next day, the young blonde had showed up to the rink with two drinks in hand. He had walked right up to Yuri and had shoved a vanilla latte unceremoniously into his hand.

"Here. This is thanks for the sushi the other time. I…uh…don't know how to cook…so, sorry it's not home made."

Yuri recalls how happy he had been at that time and how it had apparently deeply confused the young man.

"Geez, it's just coffee. You don't need to cry over it or anything."

He had looked up just then and his smile had gotten even bigger.

"Sometimes, the thought counts more than the gift. Thank you, Hime-Sama. I'm so very happy!"

Yuri had turned around and walked off, leaving a rather pensive-looking teen behind.

They had made great progress in those first two weeks. Unbeknownst to them both, something would happen that would irrevocably change the course of their friendship.


	45. Taming of the Russian Tiger - Part 2

Yuri stopped at the red light and jogged on the spot as he waited for the crosswalk light to come on. As he thought back on his month of 'tiger taming', his heart sped up as he recalled the events of the week before.

Tuesday last week had started out like any other Tuesday. Viktor was off seeing his sports therapist and Yuri had been left to practice on his own. Plisetsky had also been on the ice with him and the two were practicing jumps together. The Russian Tiger had actually complimented him on his progress and mentioned that he was jumping a lot higher recently. Yuri had felt pretty good about the praise. He knew the young Russian was not one to mince his words and that added great weight to the commendation.

A voice had rung out during their practice and echoed loudly in the nearly-empty rink.

"Yuri!"

Two heads turned in the direction of the shout. An absolutely radiant smile lit up the young blonde's face when he saw the source of the sound.

Yuri stood there with his mouth hung open. He had never…ever…seen that kind of smile on the young Russian's face before. The young man in question had rocketed towards the elderly man who had walked up to the rink wall and thrown his arms around him as soon as he had reached him.

Yuri was curious as to what kind of person would elicit such a reaction from the young man. The elderly man was clearly too old to be the father or a friend.  _I wonder if that's his grandfather._

After a few seconds the young Russian had waved to him and Yuri skated over to the pair.

The mystery was solved when the young skater introduced the man to him.

"Yuuri, this is grandpa Plisetsky."

Yuri shook the elderly man's hand and ventured a рад тебя видеть.

A look of surprise flashed on the older man's face before he turned to his grandson.

**_(("…")) – denotes Russian speech._ **

(("His name is also Yuri and he can speak Russian?"))

(("Yes, grandpa. Yuri is a common name in Japan. His Russian is very basic, he only knows a few phrases and words."))

The young Russian turned to Yuri.

"Sorry about that, Yuuri. My grandpa doesn't speak any English."

"It's ok…never mind that. You've called me by my real name not once…but twice in the span of less than 2 minutes!"

The young Russian bristled slightly at the comment but held his tongue.

"Yeah, well…enjoy it while you can. Today's special."

Yuri winked. "So why is your grandpa here today? Did he just come to watch you practice?"

"No, he's here to pick me up. We're going to have dinner together."

"Well, you better go get cleaned up then. I'm going to stay here, cool down and stretch. I'll keep your grandpa company while you get ready."

The younger skater said a few more words to his grandpa in Russian before turning to address Yuri once more.

"Thanks. Just…uh…try not to talk too much. Sorry, but your Russian sucks."

Yuri laughed as he watched the young Russian skate away.

"Tell me something I  _don't_  know!" He said as the young blonde walked off the ice and headed over to the change room."

Yuri bowed a bit awkwardly to the elderly man before skating off and going through his cool-down. After a minute or so, he noticed that the elderly man had started pacing back and forth.  _He looks anxious. His grandson hasn't been gone for very long. Maybe they have reservations and he's worried about the time._

Yuri skated up to the rink wall and then put his blade guards on. He looked up as the elder Plisetsky paced past him and was a bit alarmed. The man had removed his cold weather gear and appeared to be sweating profusely.

Yuri searched his limited Russian vocabulary and finally found a word he could use.

"горячей?"

The elderly man startled at his voice and looked up at him.

"да"

Yuri wanted to help the man, but was at a loss for what to say. He hadn't couldn't remember the word for water to save his life. As he looked around, his eyes fell on his water bottle. He grabbed it and removed the lid before offering it to him and making a drinking gesture.

"Water. Drink?"

The Russian grandfather seemed to understand what Yuri was trying to say and took the bottle from him as he uttered a "Спасибо".

The man wiped his brow and clawed at the collar of his woolen vest he was wearing. He gulped greedily at the water Yuri had offered him, draining the whole bottle in a few mouthfuls.

Yuri started feeling uneasy. Something was not right. Although it wasn't as cold in the rink as it was outside, it was certainly not hot enough to cause such sweating. He looked around nervously and saw that he was completely alone out there with the elderly man. He checked his watch and noticed that Plisetsky had only been gone for about 10 minutes. He grabbed his phone from the rink wall and fired off a quick message to the teen.  _I hope he sees this and hurries up._ A loud groan got his attention as the elderly man seemed suddenly unsteady on his feet. Yuri was at his side in a split second. He tried steering the man toward a nearby bench but the man was like an immovable mountain. When Yuri looked up, he saw that the elderly man's eyes were bulging out and he was really pale. He looked absolutely terrified. Yuri opened his mouth and screamed as loud as he could.

"Yuri! Viktor! Yakov! Anybody! Help! I need help NOW!"

Yuri had barely finished his plea for help when the elder Plisetsky lurched forward and slumped into his arms. Yuri barely had enough time to brace himself for the grandfather's weight. The two of them tumbled awkwardly to the ground. Yuri managed to untangle himself from the elderly Russian and then rolled him onto his back. He stood up to look around and saw that Yakov had come out of his office and was looking around for the source of the shouting.  _Thank heavens...someone came!_

Yuri waved frantically at the Russian coach.

"Yakov! Over here! Call an ambulance!"

Yakov was taken aback.

"What happened? Are you aright?"

"I'm fine, it's Yuri's grandpa. I think he had a heart attack!"

Once Yuri was certain that Yakov was heading his way, he crouched back down and assessed the situation. No pulse, no respiration.  _SHIT! This is bad!_  He stood up again and looked around.  _There it is!_ Yuri hobbled as quickly as he could on his skates and grabbed the First-Aid kit off the wall. He hobbled back to the fallen grandfather just in time to see Viktor pop his head out of his Sports Therapist's office.

Yuri waved to him.

"Viktor! Get over here, I need help!"

Viktor had been just about to burst into a smile at the sight of Yuri but had felt his heart jump into his throat when the young Japanese man had called for help. He ran over to Yuri and was there in seconds. He opened his mouth to ask what was wrong, but then spotted Yuri's grandfather on the floor.

"Nikolai?! What's Nikolai doing here?"

"There's no time for that! Do you know CPR?"

Viktor nodded.

Yuri took a calming breath. He felt incredibly relieved that he had taken that First-Responder course with Pichit in Detroit. He had been worried about going at it alone...but with Viktor there with him, he felt reassured.

"You start with compressions and I'll start with breathing. Once you start to get tired, let me know and we'll switch. OK?"

Viktor nodded and took his position at Nikolai's right side. Yuri grabbed a CPR mask from the First-Aid kit and took it out of its packaging. He paced it over the elderly man's mouth and nose and then signaled to Viktor that he was ready.

"Two breaths every fifteen compressions."

Viktor nodded once more.

Yuri placed his hands on the CPR mask to secure it and then brought his mouth down on it to deliver two breaths. Viktor began chest compressions right after and Yuri counted each one out loud.

Yakov was at their side just then. He didn't want to break their concentration so he just stated that the ambulance has been called and was on its way.

After Yuri had delivered his second set of breaths, he asked Yakov to get Plisetsky from the change room. Yakov left and Yuri resumed his duties. He had just switched positions with Viktor when a distraught teen ran right up to them and dropped to his knees next to his fallen grandfather.

"дедуля! дедуля!"

He reached for his grandpa but Yakov barked sharply at him as he arrived right behind him.

"Don't touch him! They need to concentrate. I know you're upset Yuratchka, but they are trying to save his life right now!"

After a few tense minutes, Yuri signaled for Viktor to wait. He felt for a pulse and was alleviated to find one.

"He has a pulse! It's weak, but it's there!"

The young blonde burst into happy tears at the news. The sound of sirens outside caught their attention and Yakov sent Russian Yuri out to greet them and show them where to go.

"He's breathing on his own again too. Thank heavens the ambulance is here!"

Yuri and Viktor sat down on the ground and recuperated as the EMTs took over and wheeled Nikolai Plisetsky off in a stretcher. Russian Yuri went off with them. He would ride in the ambulance with his grandpa all the way to the hospital. Once they had left the building, the adrenaline wore off and Yuri was utterly exhausted.

Viktor leaned his head on Yuri's shoulder and reached over to hold one of his hands.

"That was amazing, Yuri. You saved Nikolai's life."

Yuri squeezed Viktor's hand and just sat there taking breath after deep calming breath. He didn't trust himself to speak yet.

Two days after the incident, Plisetsky had showed up at the rink during Yuri's practice and had asked to speak with him privately. They had taken over Yakov's office, since he was off that day. Once inside the office, the young blonde had launched himself at Yuri and wrapped him in an almost unbearable and vice-like bear hug. He had thanked him over and over as he had cried himself dry. Yuri had wrapped his arms around the teen and had just stood there and let him get everything off his chest. Yuri had invited the young Russian out for coffee that day and that's how their little tradition had begun.

Plisetsky had really opened up to him at that first meeting. Yuri had learned that the teen's grandfather was his whole world. That he was the only one who had ever been there for him and had supported his skating. His grandfather was finally out of the woods and was expected to make a full recovery. The doctors told him that it was thanks to Yuri's quick response to the situation that his grandfather was still alive. A new bond had formed between them and they opened up to one another readily at their meetings. Yuri hadn't felt that connected to a friend in a long time. The young Russian was helping him just as much as he was helping him.

...

The traffic light finally turned green and Yuri jogged across the road. He turned the corner and arrived at 'their' place. The young Russian waved to him and he made his way over.

_terminology_

рад тебя видеть - rad tebya videt' (nice to meet you)

горячей? – goryachey? (hot?)

Спасибо – spasibo (thanks)

дедуля – dedulya (grandpa – term of endearment)

 


	46. Coffee With a Tiger

Yuri pulled out his chair and took a seat across from his young Russian friend.

"Hi, Yura. How's your grandpa?"

The young blonde smiled and said that his grandfather was resting and recovering well at home. A nurse had been hired to take care of the old man and keep an eye on him, so he could have peace of mind while he was at practice.

"My grandfather is very stubborn and independent. If someone wasn't there to watch over him, he would be trying to do everything by himself and pushing himself to do too much before he was ready."

"Hmmm, that's a good idea. Many independent people have a hard time adjusting when something suddenly limits their freedom. You don't want your grandfather to hurt himself further."

Yuri took a sip of the vanilla latte Yura had bought for him.

"Thanks for the coffee. I'll get the next one."

Yuri had been pleasantly surprised at how mature and rational the young Russian skater seemed once you got past his bristly and angry exterior. Like some foul-mouthed teddy bear who donned cactus armor every day before stepping out into the world. One of the things that they had worked out at the very beginning was who was going to be called what. Yuri had learned from Viktor that Mari had decided to call Russian Yuri 'Yurio' back in Hasetsu, but learned from 'Yurio' himself that he did not like that name at all. So Yuri had asked  _him_  what he wanted to be called. The young Russian skater had told him that he preferred to be called "Yura" and so that's what he had gone with.

"How are  _you_  holding up, Yura?"

Yura took a deep breath.

"It's getting better. I was so…you know…but now I'm a bit more…yeah. You know?"

Yuri smiled gently at the young man in front of him. Yura had become more comfortable with him and was often discussing things with him, but still struggled with putting his feelings into words sometimes.

"So you've somewhat recovered from the shock of your grandpa's heart attack, and you're getting better daily."

Yura's eyes nearly bulged out of his head.

"That's…right! Wow, I'm…kinda shocked that you were able to pick up on all that from what I just said."

Yuri laughed. "Your body language is pretty easy to read. A person's body is much more honest than their mouth. Someone could be looking you right in the eyes and telling you one thing, but their body will be telling you something completely different."

"No way! Seriously?"

Yuri nodded. "Yeah. The best crime detectives can tell when someone is lying or not just by what their body language is saying."

Yura leaned back on his chair and crossed his arms.

"Hah, that's pretty interesting."

Yuri raised an eyebrow. "You don't think it's true. You don't believe it."

"What the hell? How did you know that?"

"You crossed your arms. When someone does that, it means they're closed off or defiant."

Yuri chuckled as Yura sat there with his mouth open, gaping at him like some fish out of water.

"Viktor and I have been watching a lot of crime shows on TV recently. We try and make a game of it by guessing the body language of the suspects the police interviews."

"Holy shit, Yuri. I'm not sure I want you 'reading me' like that."

Yuri winked and smirked at Yura. "Don't worry, I'll only do it whenever you need to be called out on your bullshit."

Yura covered his face with his hand and groaned.

"I'm SO screwed."

…

The two skaters leisurely finished their coffees while making idle chitchat. Once they had finished, Yura cleared their table. When he returned to his seat, he had a bit of a serious air about him.

"We've talked about me. Now it's time to talk about  _you_. What's been going on with you recently? You were spacing out during practice. You looked like you were miles away."

Yuri sighed as he threaded his fingers together on the table.

"I've been thinking about how much has happened since my accident. My life is the best it's ever been right now. I feel incredibly happy, but also…incomplete somehow. Like, a part of me is missing."

"Have you had any major memories return recently?"

Yuri shook his head.

"Just small stuff and minor details. I feel like I'm missing out on something really important. It's there, sometimes. I can feel it. There's this tingle in the back of my brain...like I'm about to remember something crucial...and then it's gone."

Yuri groaned as he tousled his hair anxiously with one hand.

"I really wish I could just wake up tomorrow and remember everything. This is so frustrating."

"Have you talked to Viktor about this?"

Yuri sighed and looked dejectedly down at the table.

"I can't. I've put him through  _so_  much already. I can't pile this on top of him as well."

It was Yura's turn to sigh and shake his head.

"Well, at least  _this_  side of you is still the same. You've always held everything in and tried to do things without any help and solve problems on your own."

Yuri snorted as he looked up at the young blonde across the table from him.

"A leopard is still a leopard to all those around him, even if the leopard himself wakes up one day forgetting that he's a leopard."

"Well, you've been living in his house and training with him for over a month. Don't you trust him enough to talk to him about these things?"

Yuri's eyes widened and he waved his hands frantically in front of him."

"No, no, no! That's not it at all! I trust Viktor, I just don't want to give him any more grief."

"What kind of fucking grief have you been giving him? Have you guys not fucked yet? Is that it?"

Yuri coughed and sputtered as his face turned bright red.

"Y-Y-Yura! That was SO inappropriate! That's none of your business!"

"Well sorry, but I am just trying to understand why you can't just talk to Viktor when your eyes get all googly and you melt every time you see him."

Yuri covered his face with both hands and shook his head.

"I've put him through hell, Yura. I just don't want to keep torturing him."

Yura reached across the table and gently placed a hand on Yuri's shoulder.

"Viktor is going to be torturing  _himself_  until you recover all your memories, trust me. What happened, tell me."

Yuri told Yura everything. He told him about the nightmares, the near-death experience and Viktor's breakdown. The young man listened quietly as the older Japanese skater spoke.

"Wow, that's some heavy shit. I had no idea so much had happened."

Yuri removed his glasses and placed them on the table. He closed his eyes and massaged his temples."

"So now you know why I don't want to burden Viktor with even more problems."

"But none of this is  _your_  fault. You have to stop blaming yourself for this memory loss."

Yuri was incredulous.

"Not my fault? I was the idiot who decided to get drunk and then fall and hit his head, remember?"

Yuri crossed his arms and mumbled incoherently in Russian before growling and looking back at Yuri.

"I hate this bullshit. I hate how we can't even talk about it because shit's so complicated. I'd give you a piece of my mind if I wasn't so worried it'd fucking break you."

Yuri stared at his young friend in confusion.  _What is he going on about?_

"Listen, Yuri...not everything is what it seems right now. There's just some stuff you're only gonna know when you get your memories back. So don't put so much blame and stress on yourself. You'll deal with it when the time comes."

Yuri stared at Yura, and tried to make sense of his cryptic speech.  _Not everything is at is seems? What could he possibly mean by that?_

The young man carried on.

"But in the meantime, I want you to feel like you can talk to ME about it. I'll forever be grateful to you for saving my grandpa. The least I can do is listen to you and be here for you."

Yura reached into the bag he had at his feet and pulled out a little package wrapped in aluminum foil.

"Here, I want you to try this."

Yuri looked down at the small parcel. There was some kind of food inside, that much he could tell. There was a magnificent smell radiating from it. Something familiar that tickled Yuri's nose and made his stomach growl in anticipation. He took the bundle from Yura and assessed its weight in his hand. It was still warm, whatever it was.

"What is it?"

"Let's go outside so you can open it. The haughty bitches at this coffee shop will probably yell at us if we eat food that isn't theirs in here."

Yuri facepalmed.

"Yuri, please don't refer to ladies like that, it's very rude."

The young blonde shrugged. "Whatever."

The two stepped out into the cold Russian winter and Yuri finally unwrapped the small wrap.

"Oh! It's a pirozhki! I love those, thank you!"

Yura smiled conspiratorially at his Japanese friend.

"These are just ANY pirozhki. It's my grandpa's secret recipe. Take a bite."

Yuri did as the young man suggested. He was absolutely floored when he recognized the ingredients.

"Whoa! There's pork and rice and egg in here! It's like...like..."

Yura finished the sentence for him.

"Like a katsudon?"

Yuri's eyes went wide and he bobbled his head enthusiastically.

"Yes, yes! That's it!"

He stared back and forth between the pirozhki and his young friend, and noticed that his brain was tingling. His brow suddenly furrowed and he was overcome by an overwhelming sense of deja-vu.

"I feel...like I've had these before."

Yura nodded.

"That's right! After the Rostelecom Cup, when you'd barely managed to squeak into the Grand Prix Final with a shitty, weak and lackluster performance in your free skate. You were outside feeling all sorry for yourself that Viktor wasn't there for you, so I gave these to you."

Yuri stared unblinkingly ahead as the hazy wisps of memory solidified and reformed in his mind.

_**"I'm this close to the peak of my competitive figure skating career. I really want this gold now. The Grand Prix Final will be my last chance. Even if I don't win gold, I'll have Viktor step down as coach after the Grand Prix Final, and..."** _

Yuri remembered. He remembered his decision to let Viktor go as his coach, the flying kick from Yura and then the pirozhki. Then...then he remembered when he had flown back into Japan at the Fukuoka Airport. The way he and Viktor had run desperately toward each other, separated by a panel of glass. How Viktor had held his arms open for him and how he had happily run into them.

_**"Yuri, I've been thinking about what I can do as your coach from now on."** _

_"Me, too. Please be my coach until I retire!"_

_**"It's almost like a marriage proposal. I wish you'd never retire."** _

_"Let's win gold together at the Grand Prix Final."_

Tears streamed down Yuri's face as what had started out as a trickle of memories turned into a torrent of recollections and all the feelings that were attached to them. His heart twisted in his chest as he recalled his deception of Viktor. _I told him I wanted him to be my coach until I retired, knowing full well that I was planning on retiring after the Grand Prix Final. How could I be so deceitful and heartless? Viktor already clearly cared deeply for me at that time, and I led him on and toyed with his feelings!_

"Hey, Yuri! Hey! Are you alright?"

Yura's voice managed to end his little trip down memory lane, but did nothing to stall the flood of feelings and guilt he was experiencing.

"I...I...need to be alone, now." Yuri looked down at the food he still held in his hand. "Thanks for the pirozhki."

He turned on his heel and began to walk away. Yura grabbed his arm and tried to pull him back.

"Viktor is going to be here to pick you up soon. You should stay here and wait for him."

At the mention of Viktor's name, Yuri went into a panic.

"No, no, no...I can't see Viktor right now. I can't face him. I just...can't. I'm sorry...I have to get out of here."

Yuri pulled his arm free and practically ran down the street before disappearing around the corner.

Yura gave chase but  was dismayed to discover that Yuri had already managed to lose himself down an alley or side street.

"Dammit! Shit, fuck, shit, fuuuuck!"

Yura took out his phone and called Viktor.

"Hey Yuratchka...wh-..."

"Shut up geezer and listen. Yuri remembered something, but I don't know what. Whatever it was, it spooked the shit out of him. He was crying and talking about how he couldn't face you and shit, and then ran off somewhere."

The immediate concern and fear in Viktor's voice was evident.

"Thanks for calling me. I'm not far from the coffee shop. Will you wait for me? I'll park the car and meet up with you at the shop."

Yura snorted.

"Yeah, you're damn right I'll wait for you. I'm going with you to find Yuri."


	47. A Russian's Revelations

Viktor drove like a madman. He thought wryly that he must resemble one of those crazy motorists in a 'Bad Russian Drivers' compilation on YouTube at the moment. Bobbing and weaving through traffic, he managed to make it to the coffee shop in record time. He thanked his good luck when he was able to find a parking space near it rather quickly. He made sure to grab his phone and slammed the door behind him as he exited the car. Yura was standing right out in front and waved to him as soon as he spotted him.

"Hey Viktor. Where should we start looking?"

"Hey Yura, hold on…let me check my phone."

The young blonde snorted and rolled his eyes at his older peer.

"He doesn't want to talk to you right now. There's no way he'd message  _you_."

"I know that, отродье. I'm checking the tracking app I installed on Yuri's phone to find out where he is."

"Wait, you installed a tracking app on his phone? Isn't that a bit…you know…creepy stalker?

Viktor sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"I know that's how it may seem to you…but trust me…if you only knew half of what Yuri and I have been through recently, you'd understand."

"I DO know what you guys have been through. Yuri told me all about it earlier. I can see how it'd be useful, especially right now, but it's still creepy as hell."

Viktor's mouth dropped open as he stared at Yura.

"Yuri told you about everything that happened?  _Everything_?"

"Yeah, the nightmares and the nearly freezing to death thing. He told me everything."

Viktor visibly bristled. And although his face remained impassive, it was clear to Yura that he was bothered by the revelation.

"How nice. I'm so happy Yuri has someone to confide in."

_Geez, Yuri was right. Viktor's mouth is saying one thing, but it's painfully clear that he is totally feeling the opposite of that._

"Cut the bullshit, Viktor. You're not happy at all! It's eating you up inside that Yuri has confided in someone that isn't you."

A dark look crossed Viktor's features as he stepped in close and stared down at the young blonde in front of him.

"Don't presume to talk about things you know nothing about. You haven't even been in a relationship yet."

Yura tilted his head up and met Viktor's stare head-on.

"I don't need to have relationship experience to know when a friend is being treated like a possession instead of a person. He's a person, Viktor, not some trophy you just can lock up in your house and keep to yourself."

"I  _do not_  treat Yuri like a possession. You're out of line."

"Whatever, are we gonna go find him or what?"

Viktor kept his stare locked onto Yura's face for a few extra seconds before he returned his attention to his phone.

"According to the app, he's at a park not far from here."

"Let's go."

…

The two Russian skaters followed the map on the screen of Viktor's phone for about 10 minutes before they arrived at the location marker that supposedly represented Yuri. From across the street, they spotted the young Japanese skater sitting on a park bench across from a small fish pond that had frozen over. He was hunched over and appeared to be crying.

Yura looked over at Viktor and saw that the man was clearly pained to see Yuri in that state. When Viktor took a step forward however, he quickly moved in front of him to block his path.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Clearly irritated, Viktor tried pushing the younger skater out of the way.

"I'm gonna go to him, what does it look like I'm doing?"

Yura planted his feet more firmly on the ground and refused to budge.

"Are you seriously stupid or something? Did you forget why he ran off in the first place?"

"Yuri's  _my_  responsibility. I have to go take care of him."

Yura threw his hands up in the air.

" _Responsibility_? Are you for real? Why are talking about him like he's some kind of burden?"

"What the hell is wrong with you today? He's  _not_  a burden! He's my…my…you know what I mean!"

"How the hell do you not know what you are to each other? That's SO fucked up!"

"Well I can't very well just tell him he's my fiancée, can I? He doesn't remember."

Yura poked a finger at the older Russian's chest.

"YOU decided that he was your fiancée. I distinctly remember Yuri desperately trying to explain the rings at the restaurant. YOU'RE the one who decided to make them into something more."

Viktor slapped Yura's hand away as his anger threatened to boil over.

"Who the hell do you think you are…sticking your nose into something that has nothing to do with you? Of course they're engagement rings. You're clearly just talking out of your ass."

Yura crossed his arms and tilted his head up in defiance.

"Go on then, tell me about at least ONE time in which Yuri specifically said 'we're engaged', 'Viktor is my fiancée', or 'we're getting married'."

Viktor opened his mouth to speak, but found that he was completely at a loss for words. He rummaged through every single memory he had of the Grand Prix Final in Barcelona and was unable to find any such statement from Yuri."

"Ah-ha! You see! You can't, can you? Because Yuri never said any of those things. It's all been in your head this whole damn time!"

Viktor recoiled as if he had been slapped in the face.  _No, no, no…that can't be right. Yuri agreed, didn't he? He never said anything to disprove it._

"Yuri never rejected me. He may not have verbally said anything, but…"

Yura grabbed fistfuls of his hair as he shook his head in disbelief.

"Do you even hear yourself right now? Did you know Yuri  _at all_? He worshiped the ground you walked on. You were the fucking hero and he was the lowly fan! There's no way he would say no to  _The Great Viktor Nikiforov_!"

Understanding suddenly dawned on Viktor's face. He covered his mouth with both hands as the shock of the realization sent tremors through his whole body.

"You decided to leave Russia and be his coach, fine. That was  _your_  life and  _your_  decision. But did you bother telling Yuri that you were coming, or ask him if that's what he really wanted? No, you didn't. You just showed up at his family home and inserted yourself into his life. Sure, things worked out well for you…but which fan in their right mind would turn away their idol if they showed up on their doorstep one day?"

Viktor shook his head back and forth.  _No...no...no...that's not how it happened. That can't be how it happened..._

"Yuri doesn't like conflict, even YOU should have been able to pick that much up. Put that together with his anxiety and his fear of what others think...there's no way he would have said 'no' to your face. You made all these fucking decisions without him and then took his silence for agreement."

Yura took a deep breath. He was on a roll now. He'd always known that Viktor was a selfish and very self-centered person. He'd grown up in the man's shadow, of course he knew all about it. He'd been dying to call him out on it, ever since the night of the Grand Prix Final. Yuri was his friend now, one he considered important. He was going to do whatever he could to protect him.

"And then...the first time Yuri tried to make his own decisions, you threw a tantrum! You got in such a snit over it that you said something so thoughtless and hurtful that Yuri almost..."

"ENOUGH!"

Viktor had covered his ears and was shaking his head back and forth. His eyes seemed frozen wide open, and looked red and bloodshot.

"Please, Yura...I can't bear to hear any more...please."

The young Russian sighed as he eyed the distraught older skater.  _Good. At least I know he actually cares._

"You both have a thing for each other. I get that. I can see it when Yuri looks at you and by how you take care of him. BUT..."

Yura walked up to Viktor and grabbed him by the front of his jacket.

"You need to  _seriously_  get your head out of your ass. Not everything is about you. If you don't learn how to put other people first, you're going to drive Yuri away. And I'll be there to make sure you never fucking hurt him ever again. Understood?"

Viktor stared at Yura in shock, completely speechless. He managed to nod his head once and was finally released.

"Stay here.  _I_ will go talk to Yuri."

Yura walked off and crossed the street into the park. Viktor was left behind to contemplate some very harsh truths.

_..._

Yura crossed the street and walked as silently as he could up to his hunched over friend.  _Well, here goes._

He pushed off from his right foot and took a few steps before launching into a flying kick. His foot landed square on Yuri's back and sent him flying. When he stood up, there was a look of pure anger on his face.

"What the...Yura? What the hell is wrong with you? You..."

Yuri's tirade was cut short by a pair of arms that suddenly wrapped around him. Utterly confused, he looked down at the young Russian who currently had him enveloped in a hug.

"Yu...ra?

Green eyes looked apologetically back up at him.

"Sorry, I needed to snap you out of your wallowing, but I'm not...very good with words."

Yuri sighed and wrapped his arms around the teen's shoulders.

"I was  _not_ wallowing."

"You were  _totally_  wallowing."

Yuri chuckled.

"Yeah, okay...I was wallowing."

Yura released Yuri from his hug and pulled him back towards the bench. He sat Yuri down and took a seat next to him.

"Don't run off like that again. Please? You just about gave me a heart attack. What's wrong, Yuri...talk to me."

Yuri stared abashedly at his Russian friend.

"I'm sorry, Yura. I didn't mean to cause you trouble. I just...panicked. The memories and the feelings...were more than I could handle. And when you mentioned Viktor...it was just too much."

"I'm guessing the stuff you remembered had to do with that old geezer?"

Yuri sighed and closed his eyes.

"I remembered that I made the decision to retire from skating after the Rostelecom Cup, but when I got back to Japan, I asked Viktor to be my coach until I retired. He told me that he wished that I'd never retire...and I led him on, Yuri. I didn't correct him. I let him think that I was going to be skating longer than I was!"

"Yuri, look at me."

The young Japanese skater opened his eyes and did as he was asked.

"What is Viktor to you, right now?"

Yuri was taken aback by the sudden line of questioning.

"Uhhh...he's my roommate and coach?"

"That's ALL he is to you? You don't...you know...like him more than that?"

Yuri looked down at the ground as a faint blush painted across his cheeks.

"Yeah, I do. We've said 'I love you' to each other a few times."

"But Viktor has never called you a boyfriend or lover?"

The blush on Yuri's face intensified as he suddenly seemed rather uncomfortable with where the conversation was headed

"Uhhh...no. I'm not sure he sees me like that."

"So you think he's just using you or something?"

Yuri was immediately mortified.

"N-n-no! I don't think Viktor is using me! I can see it in his eyes, Yura. He really...cares for me."

"So you think Viktor will be mad and suddenly not like you anymore if you tell him about what you remembered?"

"Yes? Maybe? I don't know!"

The young Russian groaned as he covered his face with both hands.

"You guys are seriously SO fucking complicated. Your bullshit is traumatizing."

Yuri didn't quite know what to say about that, so he said nothing.

"You need to talk to Viktor and work your shit out. You can at least do that, can't you?"

Yuri took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly.

"Yeah, I think I can."

"Good, 'cause he's already here."

_terminology_

отродье - otrod'ye (brat)


	48. The Ghosts of Past and Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor gets hit hard with some pretty heavy realizations.

**A/N: OMG, I am emotionally drained. Writing this chapter wrecked me. Enjoy!**

Viktor paced back and forth on the sidewalk like some kind of caged animal. He was restless. He was anxious. He was losing his damn mind. He had fallen into a rhythmic pattern of actions: pace, check watch, pace, check phone, pace, look over at the two Yuris across the street, pace…rinse and repeat.

Yura's words from earlier bounced around viciously in his head.

**_"It's all been in your head this whole damn time."_ **

Had he really fabricated his engagement to Yuri? Why  _else_  would Yuri have given him a ring?

**_"Thank you for everything up to now. I...I couldn't think of something better. But...um...I'll try my best from tomorrow on, so...tell me something for good luck."_ **

Viktor balled his hand into a fist and brought it up forcefully against his forehead.  _Why hadn't he actually listened?_ Looking back on it now, he had completely ignored what Yuri was telling him and jumped ahead to his own interpretation. _Had he grossly overestimated what he thought Yuri felt for him? Had everything just been a one-sided figment of his lonely and affection-deprived mind? No, that couldn't be right. Otherwise he wouldn't be where he is with Yuri now. Yuri must have had_ some _form of attraction to him from earlier that he just never acted on. How had he ended up with such a skewed interpretation of things? When did it all begin?_

The Sochi Grand Prix Final banquet…Viktor groaned as he stopped pacing for a second to thump his forehead against the nearest tree trunk. _Sochi…right_. Yuri had been so carefree. He had been so fun and flirtatious. The way he had thrown his arms around him and asked him to be his coach. Viktor blushed at the memory. It dawned on him now that the Yuri from that night had not been the most accurate representation of the younger man's day-to-day character. Yuri had been drunk off his gourd on champagne that night. Not just carefree drunk, but blackout-can't-remember-what-happened drunk. He hadn't known that at the time. He'd only found out not long ago in Barcelona...almost 9 months after the fact.

He had taken things at face value and had assumed that that's what Yuri was like all the time. When he saw the Japanese skater's recreation of his "Stay Close to Me" program, he had taken it as a sign. He had left Russia to coach the version of Yuri he had gotten to know that night. He had surprised even himself with such a risky gamble. But he had not been even slightly worried that things would  _not_  work out well, after all…he had been personally invited. Viktor groaned and took a seat on the nearest bench as he dropped his face into his hands. They say hindsight is 20/20, and looking back on everything, it all made perfect sense. Why Yuri had acted so surprised to see him…why he had been so walled off and distant at first. Viktor had been completely confused and felt rejected. He felt like he had been led on. He hadn't understood why Yuri seemed like such a totally different person. They had both been painfully oblivious to the truth. While Yuri didn't remember the night at all, Viktor had bet his whole future on it.

He hadn't taken the perceived rejection well. He had been admittedly childish and gotten his jabs in on Yuri any way he could. He had demeaned him by calling him a pig and had been needlessly cruel toward him. He had lashed out at Yuri, veiling his barbs behind his charisma, charm and smiles. But over the span of time they had spent together, he had learned to love the 'other' version of Yuri too. He had stayed and stuck it out, and had been rewarded with the odd gem from Yuri here and there. He lived for the rare times Yuri let his guard down and set his heart aflutter. He had felt encouraged and energized thinking that perhaps the Japanese skater was finally opening up to him.

Then there was the Cup of China. He hadn't really understood Yuri's anxiety back then, and had put his foot in his mouth with the crap he had spewed at the younger man. Seeing Yuri's tears had caused his heart to twist painfully in his chest. He had realized, for the first time, the weight that words carried and the damage they could do. But Yuri, amazing Yuri…had risen like a phoenix from the ashes and had absolutely owned his free skate…having even added that quad flip at the end. Viktor had launched himself at Yuri as he was making his way off the ice. He had kissed Yuri then, baring his true feelings for all to see…and Yuri had smiled beautifully and honestly back at him. He hadn't reprimanded him nor given any indication of disliking the kiss.  _So what else was he supposed to think when Yuri put that ring on his finger?_

Viktor stood up and resumed pacing. He had felt completely overjoyed at the time. The roller coaster ride that had been taking place over the previous eight months finally seemed to have come to an end and Yuri was ready to be with him. It had seemed like the first real sign of commitment from the younger man. He had been more than ready for the next step with Yuri, and had honestly gotten it into his head that they were engaged. Had he actually been listening,  _really_  listening to Yuri, things would probably not have turned out the way that they did.

It all came to a head the night before the Grand Prix Final free skate. Yuri had told him that he wanted to 'end it' and retire from skating so that Viktor could return to professional skating. First, he had been absolutely heartbroken. He had dropped his guard and cried in front of another human being for the first time since he his adolescence. Then, Yuri had reacted with nonchalant curiosity at seeing him cry, and he had been thoroughly livid. He had felt used, rejected and toyed with all over again.  _Of course I'd feel that way, I had been under the false impression that we were engaged. It had felt like Yuri was telling me that he was leaving me._  He had been deeply hurt and craved retribution.

They had both agreed to leave the final decision-making to the next day, but he had truthfully made his decision on the spot. If Yuri was in such a hurry to get rid of him and throw away all the work they'd done together, then…well…he didn't need him anymore and would move on with his life. The next day, he had told Yakov that he was coming back and had side-stepped Yura's question about what Yuri was going to do with  _his_  life. He had had enough. He was done. After the medal ceremony, he had nearly faltered and given in when Yuri had asked him to be his coach for one more year, but had closed off his heart and stayed strong. He didn't want to be toyed with anymore.

He hadn't expected the look on Yuri's face. He hadn't expected the overwhelming guilt he felt because of it. A little piece of him died when he saw Yuri shattering in front of him. He had expected to feel satisfaction, vindication…something. Instead, he had felt crushing sadness. As he walked away from Yuri, he had nearly faltered a second time. His step had shown some hesitation and he'd almost turned back around…but instead had continued walking. He just couldn't bring himself to look at Yuri again. Viktor stopped pacing as he felt the first tiny flakes of snow melting away as they landed on his nose. He looked up, unblinking, at the snowy sky as the tears welled up in his eyes. It had been lightly snowing at  _that_  time as well.

They had turned on him. They had all assumed  _he_  was the heartless one when he'd told them what had happened. They only saw 'selfishly callous Viktor' picking on poor emotionally unstable Yuri. They didn't know about his suffering. They didn't know how 'poor Yuri' had played him for a fool more than once. He had tried to sound aloof, like everyone was just overreacting. Yuri still had his ring and so did he. Once the dust settled, everything would be fine. But when JJ had spoken those fateful words, his convictions had instantly toppled like some poorly constructed card castle. His guilt had been so overwhelming and stifling that it had threatened to suffocate him. Deep down, he hadn't wanted to let go. When Yuri had asked him to stay, he had wanted nothing more than to throw himself into the younger man's arms and never let go. But instead, he had chosen to hang on to his anger. What a stubborn fool he'd been.

He had needed to find Yuri. He had wanted nothing more than to apologize to him and beg to be forgiven in return. He had not foreseen getting a front-row seat to Yuri's suicide attempt. The mere thought of that word brought a putrid taste to his mouth. He'd gotten so used to calling it 'the accident' that it was quite a shock to have that word flash so blatantly in his mind now. He could feel his stomach turn and feared for a second that he would become physically ill. He drew in a few shaky breaths as he steadied himself on a familiar tree. He never got the chance to apologize properly to Yuri, for karmic justice had been viciously swift. Yuri hadn't died that night, Viktor had. He had been wiped from Yuri's memory, 'killed off' from Yuri's psyche in a bitter twist.

Viktor sighed heavily as he sat back down on the bench. His mind drifted off to revisit a familiar and controversial thought…that maybe getting erased from Yuri's memories had been the best thing that ever happened to them. This version of Yuri who didn't remember him was much more open and honest about his feelings and desires than the previous version. Miles away from 'old' Yuri, the one who was hung up on half a lifetime of hero worship and who had built a wall around him with his perceived inadequacies. They had become intimate, and declared their love for one another. They were the happiest they'd ever been…and Viktor was terrified. At first, he had been terrified that Yuri would never regain his memories of him. Now he felt terrified that Yuri WOULD regain his memories of him and all that they had built together since the Grand Prix Final would come crashing down around them. He couldn't…wouldn't…live without Yuri.

Part of him wished that Yuri could permanently stay as he was, and part of him knew it was wrong to keep such a big part of someone's life from them. He wanted to be selfish and keep Yuri this way forever, but now that he'd finally learned to put Yuri first…he couldn't go back.  _This is all so damn conflicting!_  He had no idea what Yuri had remembered earlier, and it was adding to his growing anxiety. The longer he waited, the more lurid the scenarios in his head became.  _What if Yuri…_

"Hey."

Viktor nearly jumped out of his own skin as he shot to feet at the sound of Yuri's voice.

**_(("…")) denotes Russian speech_ **

(("Fuck, Viktor...are you alright? You look like shit."))

((I'm fine. How is he? Is he better now?"))

(("Why don't you ask him your damn self?"))

Viktor smiled a wobbly smile. (("Good idea."))

Before he had the chance to speak, two concerned looking mahogany-brown eyes appeared in his vision.

"Are you ok Viktor? I'm sorry...sorry I ran off and worried you."

Viktor put on his bravest face as he turned to address the younger Japanese skater.

"Never mind  _me_ , are  _you_  alright?"

Yuri nodded. "Yeah, I'm ok."

Viktor breathed an audible sigh of relief.

"I think...we need to have a talk about what you remembered today. I...also have a lot of things I need to talk to you about. Is that...ok with you?"

Yuri avoided looking him in the eyes, but nodded in agreement.

"It's about fucking time! How do I continually end up being the most mature one of the group whenever you two jokers are around? Ridiculous!"

Yuri chuckled a bit before stepping up to the blonde Russian and patting him gently on the head.

"Good Yura. Good boy."

Yura slapped Yuri's hand away and growled.

"I'm not a fucking dog!"

Yuri winked at the younger skater.

"I know, you're the Russian Tiger!"

Yura rolled his eyes and turned to face Viktor.

"Are you two clowns going to be fine or what?"

Viktor smiled tiredly at the young man.

"Yeah. Thanks for all your help with Yuri today...and also what you said. I guess I really needed to hear it. It got me thinking about a lot of things."

"Good. You're a genius on the ice but you get a bit stupid when you're not skating."

Viktor smiled wryly at the teen. "Yeah, I guess I do."

Yura cocked an eyebrow at him. "Are you SURE you're ok? You're so...I dunno... _subdued_  right now."

"I'm fine, really. Thanks again for today."

Viktor then turned to Yuri. "Are you ready to go?"

Yuri nodded and the two men walked away together toward Viktor's car. Yura watched them until they disappeared around a corner.  _I really hope those two will be ok._

...

Once in the car, Viktor turned to Yuri.

"I really want to talk to you...but only when you can have my undivided attention and vice versa. So please just hang in there till we get home, ok?"

"Yeah, that's fine. Thanks, Viktor."

The car ride back home was completed in comfortable silence, with each man consumed by their own thoughts.


	49. Renewed Commitments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff alert!

After Viktor parked the car, he popped the trunk and reached for the groceries he had bought earlier. Yuri joined him and together they carried them into the house in silence. Yuri had accepted that Viktor wanted to wait till they got home to have their talk, but the continued silence and the Russian man's distant look were starting to worry him. He was trying really hard to rein in his anxiety over the whole situation, but his runaway thoughts had started to get the best of him and threatened to overwhelm him. When Viktor opened the door, Makkachin bolted into the yard and quickly greeted each one of his humans before disappearing to do his business into the woods surrounding the house. They took off and put away their winter gear in silence. They took the groceries into the kitchen in silence and began putting them away in silence. Yuri kept shooting Viktor furtive glances, and was met with distant sea-blue eyes each and every time. By the time Yuri got to putting the canned goods away in the cupboard, his nervousness had become uncontainable and his hands started trembling. Then he started thinking that he would unnecessarily worry Viktor with his shaking hands and got even more flustered and nervous worrying about  _that_. Things were quickly escalating in Yuri's mind and he was barreling at top speed toward the threshold of his sanity.

Suddenly, a pair of strong arms wrapped themselves around his waist from behind, surprising him and catching him completely off-guard.

"Ah…ahhh! V-Viktor?"

The Russian man pulled him tightly against his taller frame as he rested his head on his shoulder.

"Just let me hold you for a minute, please?"

Yuri covered Viktor's hands with his own and leaned back into the embrace. He closed his eyes and breathed in the man's crisp and wintry scent. All the tension instantly drained from his body and he felt immediately calm. Yuri marveled at how such a simple act could have such a marked effect on him. When Viktor nuzzled his neck, a heavy sigh escaped Yuri's lips. Banished were the apprehension, doubt, dread and disquiet. Yuri melted into a content pile of goo in the taller man's arms.

"Do you feel better now?"

Yuri's eyes flew open and he turned his head to look at Viktor.

"How did you…? You…knew?"

Viktor placed a feather-light kiss on Yuri's lips before smiling gently and nodding.

"I'm sorry, I was so deep inside my own head that I forgot you were still waiting to hear from me. I didn't realize you were becoming so affected by my silence, forgive me."

Yuri's heart flip-flopped happily in his chest at Viktor's words.

"Thank you."

They stayed in that position for a while longer before Viktor finally released him and spun him around to face him.

"Shall we go into the living room and get comfortable?"

Yuri nodded and the two men made their way into the next room. Viktor paused to open the door and let Makkachin back in before following Yuri into the room. They each took a seat on a different sofa, ensuring that they would be able to face each other as they talked. Once they had sat down, Yuri was the first one to break the silence.

"I'm sorry I ran off and worried you earlier, Viktor. I remembered something pretty horrible...about myself and I just...couldn't bring myself to face you."

Viktor crossed his legs and leaned back into the sofa.

"Yuri, whatever it is...we'll work through it. I don't want you to ever feel scared to tell me...anything."

Viktor paused and sighed heavily.

"Do I...seem frightening or unapproachable to you?"

Yuri's head shot up and he scooched right up to the edge of his seat.

"N-no no no no! That's not it all! I'm not scared of you, Viktor. You're understanding and kind!"

Viktor blushed at Yuri's praise and stopped to clear his throat before continuing.

"So tell me, Yuri. Why did you feel the way you did earlier?"

Yuri looked down dejectedly at the floor.

"I remembered returning to Hasetsu after the Rostelecom Cup, and how you were there waiting for me."

Viktor sat up straighter at the mention of the memory Yuri mentioned. He recalled how torn up he had felt about leaving the younger man all alone in Russia while he had left to deal with Makkachin's emergency. He had been nervous and worried the whole time he had been away from Yuri, and had been anxiously awaiting his arrival at the airport. He had been lost in thought when Yuri had finally arrived and so Makkachin had noticed him first. Their desperate run toward one another had culminated in a heartfelt embrace. Yuri had asked him to be his coach until he retired and he had never felt so happy.

"I'm sorry Viktor...I'm a horrible person."

"Yuri, you haven't told me exactly what it is that you remembered."

Yuri continued looking down at the floor and his hands fidgeted in his lap.

"When I asked you to be my coach until I retired...I did so already knowing that I planned to retire after the Grand Prix."

Viktor was speechless. He had always thought that Yuri's decision to retire had been a thoughtless spur-of-the-moment decision he'd made just before the Grand Prix Final. He couldn't control the sting of betrayal he felt at this sudden revelation. It felt like just another way that Yuri had led him on. Viktor stole a glance at the Japanese man sitting across from him. Yuri had his eyes scrunched closed and was sitting hunched over on the edge of the sofa.  _Good god...he IS scared. He looks like he's expecting me to hit him or something._  Viktor closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"So why were you so scared to tell me?"

Yuri's head shot up and his eyes flew open. When he spoke, his voice came out high-pitched and full of pain.

"Isn't it obvious?! You'd realize that I was a horrible person! You'd realize that I was a complete waste of your time and you'd kick me out of your house and tell me to go find another coach!"

Viktor brought his hand up to rest against his chin.  _Well, this part of Yuri is still the same. He's always been worried about what other people might say or do._  He stood up and walked over to where Yuri was sitting. He sat down and threw an arm around the younger man's shoulders. Yuri immediately tensed up and shot him a very confused look.

"Mister Katsuki, I have spent a ridiculous amount of time chasing and courting you. My life with you is very much amazing and I'm afraid that you're stuck with me. It's going to take a hell of a lot more than  _that_  to get rid of me."

"Y-you're not mad?"

Viktor sighed before removing his arm from Yuri's shoulders and reaching down to take his hands into his own.

"I'm not mad, Yuri. It hurt to hear it, yes. I won't lie to you. But...a lof of things have...changed...since then, and we're in a very different place now."

Yuri breathed a sigh of relief as he slumped back into the sofa.

"Yuri, are you…happy here with me?"

In an instant, the Japanese man bolted up straight again. His mouth fell open, and his jaw nearly dropped to the ground.

"Have I…seemed unhappy? I'm sorry if I have…I didn't mean to…I…"

Viktor brought his hands up to Yuri's face and tilted the younger man's chin upward as he brought his lips in for a quick kiss.

"Yuri, if I am going to have to kiss you every time your mouth runs ahead of your brain…we'll be here for days."

Yuri blushed fiercely and tucked his face into the crook of Viktor's neck in an attempt to hide his embarrassment.

Viktor felt Yuri's lips moving against his skin as he spoke.

"I am, you know…happy. The happiest I think I've ever been. Sometimes my heart feels so full of happiness…it could burst."

Yuri pulled back and stared shyly up at the Russian man before him.

"Are…you…happy with  _me_?"

Viktor placed a hand on Yuri's cheek and gently stroked the younger man's face.

"Oh Yuri, dear Yuri...it feels like I've lived my whole life just waiting to find you. Of course I'm happy. I'm more than happy, I…"

Viktor's voice cracked and he choked up a bit as a tear ran down his face.

"I love you. I love you more than I thought it would be possible to love anything or anyone. If I haven't made that clear before, then let me make it clear now. Yuri Katsuki, I love you with all my heart."

Yuri's own eyes welled up with tears as he looked up at the man currently baring his soul to him.

 _Viktor, you baka…this is supposed to be a happy moment and you've gone and turned me into a mess!_  Yuri wiped at his tears with the back of his hand before looking directly into Viktor's eyes.

"Viktor Nikiforov, I also love you. I love you with all of my...everything!

Viktor smiled and took Yuri's hands back into his own.

"I want to do things right this time. I don't want there to be any further misunderstandings or doubts between us."

Yuri's brow furrowed slightly at Viktor's words.  _Was there misunderstanding and doubt before?_

"Yuri Katsuki, would you do me the honor…"

Yuri's heart skipped a beat.

"V-V-V-iktor? What are you...?"

Viktor flicked his head back with a flourish, exposing the one eye that was often hidden by a curtain of silver strands, and smiled a dazzlingly bright, albeit slightly wobbly, smile back at Yuri.

"Would you do me the honor of being…my official boyfriend?"

Yuri's mouth dropped obscenely open for the second time as he stared dumbfounded back at Viktor.  _Boyfriend? As in…officially-dating-and-together? Boyfriend?!_

He tried to speak, but found himself paralyzed and unable to do anything more than gape at Viktor like some fish out of water. Viktor sat there waiting for an answer, silver strands back over his left eye, and brilliant smile still in place. After a few more seconds of Yuri's silence though, his smile began to falter.

"Y-Yuri?"

Yuri moved his lips as if he were about to speak, but what came out instead was a strangled squeal that made him sound as if he'd swallowed one of Makkachin's squeak toys. He immediately let go of Viktor's hands and brought his hands up to cover his mouth. Oh-my-god- _oh-my-god-this-is-so-embarrassing!_  Yuri's face turned a bright shade of crimson as he tried to regain his composure.  _Say something! He's waiting for an answer!_

When Makkachin came tumbling into the room, both men turned to face him. The dog's ears were perked up and he seemed to be looking around for something. Yuri suddenly found the whole situation too much to handle and a bubble of laughter quickly rose up in his throat. When he tried to stifle the laughter, it caused him to produce a rather unflattering snort. The look of confusion on Viktor's face was the last straw and Yuri could no longer keep a lid on things. He giggled. He giggled hard. If there's one thing about giggles is that, once they start...it's nearly impossible to stop. Soon, Yuri was a giggly mess. His eyes were watering and his sides were hurting and he just...couldn't...stop. Viktor sighed and hung his head.

"Yuuuuuuuri. I'm still waiting for an answer here..."

In between his fits of giggling and attempts to stop them, Yuri suddenly caught sight of a very curious thing. At the top of Viktor's head was a magical whorl of hair. He marveled at it..  _How does his hair grow like that?_  Yuri was drawn, like a moth to a flame, to its hypnotic pattern. Unable to fight the urge any longer, he reached over and poked it with his index finger.

Viktor's head immediately shot up and he covered the top of his head with both hands. He practically shrieked.

"Oh, no! I'm thinning out aren't I? There's a bald spot there, I know it...I..."

"Yes."

Viktor gasped and looked over at Yuri in shock. His eyes filled with tears and he wailed sorrowfully.

"I knew it! I'm baaaaaaaaaaaald!"

Yuri laughed before reaching over and using his fingers to comb the hair out of Viktor's eyes.

"No, not 'yes' to a bald spot or thinning hair. Your hair is soft, wonderful and very lush. I meant 'yes' to...being your boyfriend."

Viktor's eyes absolutely lit up at Yuri's words. He launched himself wordlessly at the younger skater, wrapping his arms around him in a vice grip. Yuri was sitting too close to the edge of the sofa, and as a result, could not properly brace himself for the impact. The two men toppled off the couch and rolled onto the floor. Yuri landed on his back with an 'oof' and Viktor on top of him. Neither said a word as they held on. They simply clung to one another, relishing the shared contact between them. Their intricate bond transcended words, and for a moment...it was if they were the only two people on Earth.

 


	50. Sweet Surrender

_**A/N: Here it comes…the biggest lemon of them all! LEMON + EVEREST = LEMONEST (or Evermon?). Count Citrus of Limeville commands me to RELEASE THE LEMON HOOOOUUUUUNNNDS!** _

Yuri wrapped his arms around the head currently resting against his chest. He nuzzled the soft silver locks and placed a kiss at the top of the Russian man's head. Viktor sighed happily as he wrapped his arms around Yuri's waist. The two skaters held onto each other for what felt like an eternity, neither seemingly bothered by the fact that they were still lying on the living room floor. After a while, Viktor's arms started to go numb, so he readjusted them, slightly lifting Yuri's sweater and brushing the skin underneath in the process. Yuri's reaction was immediate. He wriggled energetically beneath Viktor as he tried to get away from the Russian man's hands.

"Ah! Viktor…that tickles!"

Viktor smiled wickedly as he looked down at the Japanese man pinned beneath him.

"Oh, I'm sorry…I didn't intend to tickle you… _that_  time."

Yuri's eyes widened as he saw the look on Viktor's face and heard the menacing tone in his voice."

"Viktor…no…don't do it, Viktor…"

Yuri started actively squirming and trying to get out from underneath Viktor. The Russian, in turn, leaned all his weight down on Yuri's legs and moved in for the kill. He slipped his hands under Yuri's sweater and ran them up and down the sides of Yuri's torso. Yuri promptly burst into uncontrollable laughter and writhed frantically as he tried to push him away. Viktor, for his part, showed no mercy. He attacked Yuri endlessly with his deft fingers and tortured him with light touches. He only stopped the onslaught once Yuri had been thoroughly reduced to a breathless and disheveled mess. His glasses had half-fallen off his face and were sitting askew on the bridge of his nose.  _Adorable._  Viktor's eyes took in Yuri's mussed up hair and flushed face before lowering to admire the younger man's exposed torso and dipping down further still to ogle his muscular and concave stomach.  _Beautiful._

Viktor reached over with a hand and removed Yuri's glasses, carefully folding them before placing them on the sofa. Then he combed Yuri's hair out his eyes, pushing it back and off his forehead.

"Yuri Katsuki, my handsome boyfriend."

Yuri's eyes sparkled with delight as he fought to catch his breath. Chest heaving, he brought a hand up to Viktor's face and gently caressed it.

"Viktor Nikiforov, my handsome and amazing boyfriend."

Viktor pouted prettily as he placed his elbow on the floor and held his head up with his hand.

"Yuuuuuri….you're not supposed to outdo me like that."

Yuri laughed as he reached for Viktor's nose and gave it a playful twist.

"Sorry, not sorry."

Viktor gasped in mock indignation. He was about to give Yuri a piece of his mind when he felt a pair of warm and soft lips pressing up against his own. Yuri pulled back and smiled at the Russian man before him.

"Incredible." Another kiss followed.

"Talented." Yet another.

"S-E-X-Y."

Yuri punctuated each letter of the word with a peck to Viktor's lips. By the time he got to 'y', Viktor was rather flushed and happily dazed.

Satisfied that he had sufficiently placated the taller man, Yuri moved his hand to the back of Viktor's head and pulled him in for a deep kiss.

Viktor closed his eyes and moaned into Yuri's mouth. With his free hand, Yuri fumbled for the hem of Viktor's sweater and yanked it roughly up his torso. Viktor gasped when his heated skin came into contact with Yuri's. Not one to miss such a golden opportunity, Yuri slipped his tongue into Viktor's mouth. The kiss quickly spiraled out of control after that, as both men pressed their tongues together and explored each other's mouths, angling their heads for better access. Viktor's eyes suddenly flew open and a surprised yelp escaped his lips. Yuri had slipped his hand into his pants and had his hand currently wrapped around his rapidly engorging flesh.

"Y-Y-Yuri! That's…ahh! So bold!"

Yuri tilted his head up and spoke breathily into Viktor's ear.

"I love feeling you come alive in my hand like that. It makes me feel…powerful and proud…that my simple touch can get such a reaction from you."

Viktor groaned, a long rumble that reverberated in his chest.

"You will always get a reaction from me. In case you haven't noticed, my body seems to like your touch…a lot."

Yuri smiled as he gave Viktor a hard squeeze. Viktor threw his head back and thrust his hips forward, further seeking out Yuri's touch. He braced himself with one hand and impatiently reached for the waistband of Yuri's sweatpants. He grabbed a handful and started pulling them down, with Yuri lifting his hips to allow him easier access. Once he had removed the barrier standing in his way, he reached down and took Yuri into his hand. The younger man gasped as his semi-erectile flesh twitched and fully awakened in Viktor's hand.

"Mmmm, I also love how responsive you are to my touch, Yuri. I love you, all of you."

Yuri tried to clear his thoughts as the pleasure-induced haze began to take over his mind.

"I love you, Viktor. I want you, all of you."

"Silly Yuri, you already have all of me."

Yuri growled and grabbed a fistful of Viktor's shirt. He pulled himself up, stopping mere inches before the Russian man's nose.

"I want ALL of you, Viktor."

Viktor looked genuinely puzzled.

"But…you…already have…"

Yuri growled again, louder this time, as he rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"Viktor, I want…you…to…make…love…to…me."

Viktor's eyes grew impossibly large as the meaning behind Yuri's words finally sunk in. For a few seconds, all he could do was gape wide-eyed at the Japanese man before him. After recovering from the initial shock, he managed to find his voice again.

"Yuri…are you sure? I mean…do you think you're…ready?"

Yuri closed the distance between them and placed a soft kiss on Viktor's lips.

"I'm ready Viktor," Yuri shot his boyfriend a bemused look. "The question is...are  _you_?"

A hearty laugh bubbled up in Viktor's throat.

"Ah, Yuri…after all this time…you still manage to surprise me."

Viktor leaned in close and covered Yuri's hand with his own.

"Let's go."

The two men quickly got to their feet, stripping off their clothes and throwing them haphazardly about the living room as they attempted to make their way to the bedroom. Their journey was delayed by a few impromptu passionate kissing bouts along the hallway as they simply couldn't keep their hands, and lips, off each other. Once they'd finally made it into the bedroom, Yuri reached for the bottle of silicone lube they kept in the nightstand drawer. As he turned around, Viktor posed him a question.

"Do you want to prepare yourself or shall I?"

"You. Definitely you."

Viktor smiled and took the lube from Yuri before instructing him to lie down on his back. Yuri grabbed all the pillows available on the bed and created a soft mound for himself to lean back against. He then crawled onto the bed and made himself comfortable. Viktor swallowed hard when Yuri bent his legs at the knee and spread them wide for him. His eyes roamed over Yuri's body hungrily, and when Yuri locked eyes with him and began stroking himself, he lost it. Viktor quickly poured some lube into his right hand and crawled up onto the bed, immediately capturing Yuri's lips in a searing kiss.

Viktor replaced Yuri’s hand with his own, and smeared the lube his length…making sure to get it down to cover the tender sac between his legs as well. The silicone lube was silky smooth and would not be readily absorbed by the skin like the water-based stuff. That initial amount he poured in his hand would last them a long time. Yuri, meanwhile, moaned and trembled under Viktor’s touch, bringing his arms up and gripping Viktor’s shoulders with his hands. Viktor pulled away from Yuri’s lips, earning a disappointed whimper in response. The whimper quickly melted into a gasp as Viktor ran his tongue along the column of Yuri’s neck. When Viktor’s fingers reached Yuri’s ring of sensitive flesh, he latched onto his neck and sucked. Yuri’s back arched off the pillow nest, a breathy moan making its way past his parted lips as he dug his fingernails into Viktor’s shoulders.  Viktor rubbed concentric circles around the ring of flesh before slowly and deliberately inserting one finger inside. Yuri gasped once more and clawed desperately at Viktor’s shoulders before planting his feet firmly on the bed and trying to push himself deeper onto Viktor’s finger.

“More!”

Viktor smiled and nipped playfully at Yuri’s neck.

“You’re so eager tonight, my love. Patience. Even with all our ’training’, it’s important to prepare properly.”

“I know, Viktor…I just…”

Before Yuri could finish, Viktor inserted a second finger and began pumping in and out, making sure to reach deep and brush up against the spot he knew Yuri loved.

“Ngh…ahh!”

Yuri arched off the bed as the sudden sensations and pleasure raced across his body. A steady stream of moans left his mouth, his eyes tightly closed as he rolled his head from side to side. Viktor lifted his left hand and ran it across Yuri’s stomach before bringing it up to his hardened nipples. Viktor brought his thumb to his mouth and licked it, making it moist. This thumb was then brought back down gently onto Yuri’s right nipple, his feather-light touches providing only a slight hint of the added moisture. As Viktor rubbed the nipple and then rolled it between his index finger and thumb, it hardened even further. Yuri twisted and writhed, bucking his hips energetically beneath him. The Russian man smiled wickedly before leaning forward and taking the neglected nipple into his mouth and suckling it.   

“Ah! God…Viktor…so…good! Mhhhm…more!”

Viktor inserted a third finger into Yuri and resumed his actions. He began spreading his fingers apart as he pulled out, in a motion designed to stretch and relax the tight ring of flesh. All their love ‘training’ had really paid off as Viktor was able to perform these actions on Yuri without any obvious discomfort or pain. Yuri’s cries soon reached a feverish pitch and Viktor thought that it was now or never. He pulled away, releasing Yuri’s nipple with a wet pop before placing a hand on the younger man’s cheek, and gently turning his head to face him.

“Yuri, my love…are you ready?”

Yuri’s eyes slowly fluttered open and he looked up at Viktor with dazed and heavily-lidded eyes. One word escaped his lips, a throaty and passion-laden whisper of ‘yes’.

Viktor temporarily pulled away to reach for the bottle of lube once more. Yuri shuddered at the loss of heat, but watched Viktor’s movements intently, eyes drinking in the sculpted body of the man about to become his lover. As the word popped into his mind, Yuri blushed fiercely and suddenly felt plagued by a case of nerves. He picked up the nearest pillow and used it to cover the lower half of his face. _Oh my God…this is really happening! I’m about to lose my virginity to a Russian man. What if I’m not any good? What if he doesn’t like it? What if…?_

“Yuuuuuuuuri.”

Yuri was jolted out his thoughts by Viktor’s voice.

“Y-y-yes?”

Viktor sat down on the bed and grabbed the pillow, carefully removing it from Yuri’s grasp and tossing it aside on the bed. He lifted his left hand and softly brushed away some stray pieces of hair that had fallen down onto Yuri’s forehead before leaning in and placing a kiss on his lips.

“I love you. I want…I need…all of you.”

Yuri nodded as Viktor’s words of encouragement immediately quashed the doubts that had attempted to flood his mind. Yuri was then a bit surprised when his hand was grabbed and something cold was placed onto his palm. He looked down and saw that some lube had been squeezed onto his hand. When he glanced back up at Viktor, he was greeted with his trademark dazzling smile.

“Touch me.”

Yuri did not have to be told twice. He quickly sat up and reached for Viktor’s arousal with his lubed hand. When Yuri’s slick hand wrapped itself around his hardened flesh, Viktor sucked in a harsh breath and quickly followed it with a loud moan. Yuri moved his hand along Viktor’s length, spreading the lube as evenly as he could. He was so engrossed in his task that he missed the heated look of desire that came over Viktor’s features. Yuri suddenly found himself flopped onto his back with Viktor grinding his hips and pressing their arousals together.

‘Please, Yuri. I don’t think I can hold out any longer.”

Yuri smiled happily as he wrapped his arms around the taller man and brought him in down close.

“I’m ready.”

Viktor grabbed his arousal and guided it to Yuri’s opening. Once he was satisfied that he was properly lined up, he placed an arm at either side of Yuri’s head and braced himself on his elbows.

“Tell me if it hurts or if I’m going too fast.”

Yuri nodded and held on tighter.

“Mhm.”

Viktor slowly began to push forward, keeping a watchful eye on Yuri’s facial expressions.  He felt a bit of resistance from the ring of muscle at the entrance but after gently applying a bit more pressure, felt his tip fully enter. The sensation of the ring of muscle tightening and intimately squeezing around him almost proved to be too much. Viktor lowered his head to rest against Yuri’s forehead, pausing to recompose himself as he shuddered and groaned. Yuri cried out, arms tightening even further around Viktor, as he felt himself spasming around the sudden intrusion. It was such a contrasting sensation from the butt plugs. There was just this blazing heat emanating from every inch that they were connected. It seemed to be spreading out from the pit of his stomach and trailing liquid fire into his veins. Yuri stroked Viktor’s back with both hands and placed a kiss on Viktor’s nose.

“I’m OK.”  


Viktor nodded and took a deep breath before pushing further into Yuri. Both men cried out as Viktor bottomed out inside Yuri, having buried himself fully to the hilt.

 

“A-a-amazing!”

 

Yuri was speechless, all he could do was _feel_. The sensation of fullness from having Viktor fully seated inside him was the most incredible thing he’d ever felt in his life. He could feel his insides clenching around Viktor’s arousal as he adjusted to the intrusion. He had no idea that it would feel this good. He didn’t think that things could honestly get any better. Then Viktor pulled back and snapped his hips forward, thrusting his length back into him, and Yuri saw stars. A primal and guttural scream was wrenched from his throat as he arched his body fully off the bed. His legs automatically wrapped themselves around Viktor and he clenched the bedsheets so tightly that his knuckles turned white.

 

“Sorry…Yuri, I can’t stop! You’re so hot and tight, I…nghh!”

 

Yuri moved his hips forward in tune with Viktor’s thrusts.

 

“Don’t stop, don’t stop…God, Viktor…don’t stop!”

 

The next minute or so was filled with their moans, grunts, and gasps. As the two men became covered in sweat, the room filled with the sounds of their bodies slapping against each other and the wet noises of their intimate contact.  As Viktor neared completion, his thrusts became more frenzied and erratic. Yuri tried to keep up with him at first but had himself started to become overwhelmed by his own nearing orgasm and decided instead to just hold on tight.

Viktor was the first one to lose it. He threw his head back and cried out as he reached completion, clenching the bedsheets so tightly that they were wrenched free of the mattress. Yuri followed right after, screaming loudly as his own release hit. He spurted rhythmically for what seemed like an eternity, riding wave after wave of pleasure, fully covering his stomach in his release.  Fully spent, the two lovers collapsed in each other’s arms. For a while, all they could do was tremble and pant in each other’s arms. A few minutes passed before either man had recovered sufficiently enough to speak.

“That was incredible, Viktor. I love you.”

Viktor nuzzled Yuri’s neck before kissing it.

“Mhm. More than incredible. I love you, Yuri.”

Exhausted, the two lovers fell asleep in each other’s arms.


	51. Gangneung

Life felt comfortable, complete. Since that first time they made love, the floodgates opened and the two lovers engaged in the activity whenever they could. Sometimes it was a slow and tender burn, with Viktor thrusting so deeply and lovingly inside him that Yuri felt he couldn't possibly experience any more love from the man. The scope of emotions that deluged him during those times was so great that it would bring tears to his eyes. Viktor would delicately kiss his tears away, whispering words of comfort while he stroked his hair. Yuri fell deeper in love with Viktor each and every time. At other times it was hard and fast, when they were so eager to be one with each other that they didn't even bother fully removing their clothes, nor making it to the bedroom. It was as if something would just come over them and they'd claw desperately at each other until they both cried out as they came. The scratches on both their backs were a testament to those times.

Yuri was quite happy and content to be on the receiving end of things, for the feeling of Viktor inside him was absolutely extraordinary. He blushed when he thought about just how much he enjoyed being pinned down and dominated by the Russian skater. Viktor was quite keen to get him to take the lead in their lovemaking though, stating that he also wanted to feel Yuri inside him. Yuri really wanted to please Viktor, but was still a bit too uncertain and insecure about his ability to pleasure him in that way. Compared to Viktor, he was much smaller, and he worried that it would be insufficient for the task. His lack of experience also weighed heavily on his mind. Viktor had told him that he understood and vowed to wait until he was ready. Yuri was working hard on psyching himself up. He really wanted to be able to do that for Viktor…and also for himself. Part of him was really curious about how it would feel if their roles were reversed.

Four Continents was soon upon them. The second-last skating event of the season was one of Yuri's favorites. Japan had historically always done quite well in Four Continents, having more chances to shine without the Europeans around. But it was by no means a cakewalk. Canada, China and America also dominated the event and often sent super talented competitors. Usually, Yuri would go into a competition with the simple goal of 'not embarrassing himself' and taking any medal finish like the ultimate bonus. But things were different now. He had two clear goals for this particular competition: beat JJ and take gold. Volkov's training had done absolute wonders for him. His jumping had never been better and he finally had the confidence to do the power quad jumps. His thighs and calves were bigger and he could  _feel_ the power in his legs. He could almost sense his muscles coiling up like a spring and releasing before each jump. It had taken him a bit of time to adjust to the extra power he now had, originally over-rotating on his jumps, since the added height allowed for more time to complete the required revolutions. But he had grown accustomed to it in a very short time and had re-calibrated everything from his take-offs to landings. He now had more than enough time to make sure that the right leg came down to stick the landing and to straighten the opposite leg beautifully to flow seamlessly out of it. Viktor was really pleased with his development and pushed him even harder during their practices. His spins and step sequences also benefited greatly from the plyometrics. Yuri was ready. He'd never felt this ready for anything before. It was time to put all his hard work and skills to good use. He would do Viktor and Volkov both proud, and prove to them that their training and efforts weren't all for naught. Yuri had Viktor's love and support, he felt invincible.

They arrived late in Gangneung, South Korea the evening before the day of the opening ceremonies. The shortest flight they could find was a solid 14 hours, which wreaked havoc on Yuri's system. He hadn't flown since December when they had left Barcelona and the jet lag was brutal. Viktor was well-prepared and made sure they went straight to their hotel from the airport. He left Yuri to take a nap and took the free shuttle to the arena. He went to the event desk to check them in and get their competitor and coach passes. The next day would begin with the Ice Dancing short dance and Pairs short program. None of those were of any particular interest to them, since they didn't know any of the competitors. So they'd have plenty of time to relax, recover and do a bit of sightseeing before the opening ceremonies at 5 pm. The men's singles would only get official practice time the following day on Friday morning, Yuri would be fully settled in by then and at his peak. Viktor walked around looking for a coffee shop or some place to get some food at. He hardly saw any other competitors or coaching staff. Most of them would most likely start arriving tomorrow morning or early afternoon. The media hadn't arrived yet either, so it was really nice and quiet for the time being.

Viktor walked out of the arena and went looking for some food. He searched Google Maps and found that there seemed to be a decent restaurant nearby. He walked in and was thankfully familiar enough with Korean dishes that he could order them by name. One of the servers spoke English and also helped him with the ordering process. He went for bulgogi, pork sundubu-jjigae and hobakjuk. He didn't want anything too heavy as it was getting late. He paid for the food and took a taxi back to the hotel. He wasn't really surprised to find Yuri still passed out on the bed, in the exact same position he had left him in. Viktor knew exactly what to do. After he removed his winter coat and boots, he took the food and placed it on the night stand right next to Yuri's head. He waved his hand, fanning the delicious scent of food toward Yuri's face. Within seconds, Yuri's eyes were open and his stomach was growling loudly. Viktor stroked Yuri's hair as he smiled warmly down at him.

"It never fails to amaze me just  _how_  food-driven you are."

"Mhm. So huuuuuungry."

"Come on Yuri, get up. You should eat now before it gets too late. You'll risk indigestion and also bad dreams if you wait too long. Makkachin isn't with us, so we'll have to be extra vigilant. Make sure you do some extra yoga tonight just in case."

Yuri sat up and stretched his arms above his head as he yawned loudly. He rubbed sleepily at his eyes and turned to sniff at the food.

"I smell bulgogi."

"Right you are, Yuri! Spoken like a true food hound. Sometimes I think that your nose may be better than Makka's."

Yuri slapped at Viktor's arm playfully.

"That's mean, Viktor!"

"Ah, sorry my love. You know I just can't help but tease you sometimes."

The Russian skater leaned in and placed a quick kiss on his lover's lips before turning to the food containers and setting them down on the small table they had in their room. They sat down at the table and tucked into their meal. Yuri moaned appreciatively as the different flavors hit his palate.

"Mmmmm, I really love Korean food. It's so delicious and spicy!"

Viktor nodded.

"It's a bit spicier than what I usually go for, but it's not painfully spicy. I don't like things that make my mouth go numb."

"Yeah, me neither. Once your mouth goes numb, you can't taste anything. What's the point?"

"So what did you want to do tomorrow? We have the whole day."

Yuri paused to think about it, but didn't feel overly inspired by anything.

"Can we talk about it tomorrow morning at breakfast? My brain's still a bit foggy and I can't think properly yet."

"No problem, love. I'll prepare some options for us to look at."

"You're the best, Viktor."

Viktor smiled cheekily at Yuri.

"I know."

Yuri rolled his eyes and laughed.

"Of course you do. Thanks for the food, it was fantastic."

Once their meal was finished, they cleaned up. They decided to just sit back and watch some T.V while their bodies processed the food. They both agreed that waiting a bit before showering and getting ready for bed was the best course of action. Once enough time had passed, Viktor took a long bath while Yuri went through his yoga meditation routine. Once Yuri was done, he knocked on the bathroom door to let Viktor know he was ready. They then switched places and Yuri took a bath as well. Once they were comfortably in bed together, Viktor pulled Yuri into his arms, taking his usual position of 'big spoon'. It wasn't long before they'd both given into their exhaustion and drifted off into pleasant unconsciousness.

The next morning they allowed themselves to sleep in until their bodies decided it was time to rise. Viktor was the first one to open his eyes, yawning loudly as he untangled himself from Yuri before heading to the bathroom to relieve himself. Back in the room, he checked his cell phone and saw that it was 9:32 AM. Viktor leaned down and whispered into Yuri's ear.

"Wake up, Sleeping Beauty."

Yuri groaned and tried to tunnel deeper into the blankets. Viktor slipped his hands under the covers and under Yuri's t-shirt.

"Ah..ah...ah! C-c-cold! Viktor, your hands are freezing!"

"You're awake! Great! Now we can get ready and go down for breakfast!"

As much as Yuri wanted to curl up and stay in bed longer, the prospect of breakfast was the more appealing choice at the moment and so he gave in and got out of bed. Down at the breakfast buffet, they decided to start at the Coffee Cupper Museum as they both had an intense love for the beverage. Then they'd stroll through Gangneung Jungang Market, follow it with a visit to Gangneung Seongyojang so see the home of the famous philosopher and then end things with a walk on the beach. So they hired a private car and set off on their adventure.

At the coffee museum, they got to experience roasting their own beans. They even got to take home a small bag of what they'd roasted and they were both really excited about it. Viktor especially was quite keen to try the fruits of their labor. They took lots of cheesy touristy photos and enjoyed some freshly brewed coffee before moving on. At the market, they drooled over all the fresh seafood and traditional foods. Yuri couldn't resist and bought a few dried fish snacks for later. Viktor very seriously informed him that there would be dire consequences if he ever tried to kiss him after consuming those fishy snacks. Yuri swore on his love for katsudon that he would never ever do that to him. At Gangneung Seongyojang, they marveled at the old style of Korean housing. It was so beautifully ornate on the outside, but really simple on the inside. Yuri could see many parallels between the Korean houses and Japanese ones. Feeling quite satisfied that they had managed to fit quite a lot into one day, they headed back toward the hotel and got off at the nearest beach.

They walked side by side with their hands in their pockets, staring in comfortable silence out to sea. They were running out of time to drop off their things at the hotel and head to the arena, but neither seemed in too much of a hurry to leave. It was really quite peaceful there. Viktor suddenly spotted a public bathroom and excused himself to go use it. Viktor hadn't been gone for very long when he heard someone calling out his name. As he looked up he saw JJ and his fiancee heading his way. He groaned.  _Great, just when the day was going so well._

"Hi Yuri! Long time no see!"

"Hello JJ, hello Isabelle."

"Hope you're ready to see me win gold this weekend!"

Isabelle looped both her arms with JJ's and pulled herself flush against him.

"JJ's the best!"

Yuri smiled as politely as he could while he fought to keep his eyes from rolling hard enough to fall out of their sockets.  _Did he seriously come all the way over here just to tell me that?_

"Ah...I guess we'll have to wait and see!"

Yuri wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear. Interacting with JJ was  _so_  awkward. JJ suddenly pulled away from Isabelle and stepped toward him. Before Yuri knew what was happening, JJ had his arms wrapped around him in a hug. It was really quick and over before it started, but it left Yuri in a state of shock. For when he looked up at JJ's face, it was like a different person was looking back at him.

"I'm really glad you're OK, Yuri."

Before Yuri would say anything in return, that look on JJ's face was gone and replaced with the more familiar one.

"Hope you're ready to lose!"

JJ winked at him before turning around and throwing an arm around Isabelle and walking away, leaving a severely confused-looking Yuri behind.

_terminology_

Bulgogi – grilled marinated beef barbecue wrapped in lettuce.

Sundubu-jjigae - Korean stew generally made of  _dubu_  (tofu), vegetables, mushrooms, seafood, beef or pork, and  _gochujang_  (chili paste).

Hobakjuk - porridge made from steamed pumpkin and glutinous rice that has been soaked in water.


	52. Road to the Short Program

_**A/N: Sorry for such a long wait since the last update. I had a bit of writer's block this story here and it took me a bit to get over it and back in the flow or writing (so to speak). I'm really anxious to get to the next arc but don't want to get ahead of myself and make it sound rushed. Sorry for keeping you waiting...I'll try to keep this from happening too often!** _

When Viktor returned, he saw a very bewildered Yuri standing on the beach staring into space.

"Yuuuuri. What's wrong?"

Yuri turned his head at the sound of Viktor's voice and blinked a few times before answering.

"JJ was just here with Isabella."

Viktor's ears perked up and he immediately became very interested in what Yuri was saying.

"Oh? What did he say? Was he his usual self with pompous promises of victory and such?"

"Hmmm, yeah...it was mostly that...but he also did something really weird."

"What he do?"

"He hugged me...really briefly...but told me he was glad that I was OK."

"Ohhh, maybe he's just happy you recovered well from your accident."

"Yeah, I guess so. But the way he looked when he said it...I just can't explain it. It was really...genuine, you know? It was a look I'd never seen on JJ's face before. It kinda unsettled me a bit."

"Why would it unsettle you?"

Yuri shrugged dismissively.

"I guess it made me think for a second that something more serious had happened in order for him to act that way."

Viktor was suddenly feeling a bit unsettled himself and looked around for some kind of distraction. As he looked at his watch, he found it.

"We should get going Yuri, it's almost time. We need to stop off quickly at the hotel to drop off our things before heading over to the arena."

Yuri nodded as he checked his own watch. The walked together to the road and hailed a taxi.

...

After a quick stop at the hotel to drop off their purchases and freshen up, they were on their way to the Gangneung Ice Arena. They were walking around trying to find the best area to sit in when they heard their names being called. As both men turned around to see who was calling them, Yuri found himself being bear-hugged by a very excited Phichit.

"Yuri! Viktor! It's so good to see you! How have you been, Yuri? You look really good by the way. What's living in Russia been like? How cold is it there, really? Is it cold enough to literally freeze your butt off? Sorry I'm hugging you, but I'm just so happy to see you!"

Yuri laughed as he returned Phichit's hug.

"Phichit-kun…I can't answer your questions if you don't give me time to actually answer them!"

The young Thai skater pulled away from Yuri and eyed him critically.

"There's something different about you. What's happened to you since the Grand Prix Final?"

Viktor laughed and dramatically brushed his hair over his left eye, while flashing a stunning smile.

" ** _I_**  happened, clearly."

Yuri laughed and playfully elbowed Viktor in the ribs.

"Thanks for that, Captain Obvious."

Phichit stood there and watched the exchange between the two men, his smile growing bigger and wider the longer it went on.

"My, my…look how friendly you guys have gotten with each other."

Phichit stepped in close to Yuri and looked him right in the eye.

"Just how friendly  _did_  you get over in St. Petersburg, Yuri?"

Phichit had his answer when the young Japanese skater's face immediately turned red and he began sputtering incoherently. Phichit, ever the Paparazzi Ninja, managed to get his phone out and snap a picture of the very flustered Yuri before he even knew what was going on.

"Ha! Another priceless 'Flustered Yuri' pic! It's been a long time since I've been able to capture such an iconic one!"

Fingers moved lightning fast, and before long, that same picture had been posted on Phichit's Instagram and was blowing up their phones.

phichitchu  _has uploaded an image_

y-katsuki v-nikiforov  
The face says it all! The cat's out of the bag. ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ #YuriKatsuki #ViktorNikiforov #FourCorners #Gangneung #Korea #IKnowWhatYouDidLastWinter

Yuri was mortified. "Phichit! You're insane! This is going to make the media go nuts!"

Phichit smiled and laughed it off.

"I didn't say anything specific. I left it all mysterious and ambiguous. I can't control what people think and/or speculate on, Yuri!"

Viktor laughed as he saw how many likes and comments the picture was getting. Phichit was right about not being able to control speculation. It was immediately running rampant and thousands of fans were already posting their theories in the comments section.

Yuri meanwhile was not so pleased with the development. He covered his face with both hands and moaned plaintively.

"The media has yet to interview me over the whole Grand Prix incident and now you've just provided them with fresh fodder."

"You'll be fine, Yuri. If the reporters ask me any specific questions, I won't tell them a single thing. Your secret is safe with me…for now."

With one quick wave to both Yuri and Viktor, Phichit was off and was soon lost in the throng of people milling about.

Viktor shook his head and sighed. "Is he always this…intense?"

Yuri groaned once more. "You have no idea. Living with him for four years was fun…but it was also nerve-wracking. You'd never know when Phichit would be hiding somewhere snapping candid photos of you and then posting them online. You have no idea how many times I only found out about my embarrassing times when they were out on social media for all to see."

Viktor threw an arm around Yuri's shoulders. "You don't have to answer any questions you don't want to, especially personal ones. If things get too intense, I'll step in and set them right. Viktor in Coach Mode is a force to be reckoned with. I'll protect you, my cute Yuri. Try not to worry too much."

After wandering around for a bit longer, the two skaters managed to find some decent seats. The opening ceremonies were beautiful and both men clapped eagerly as they wrapped up. Yuri found himself starting to feel the excitement creep up on him. It was a bit of a new feeling for him. He couldn't recall ever going into a competition with such conviction before. It was all very new and very thrilling. He totally understood, in that very moment, how people ended up becoming adrenaline junkies. That feeling was just incomparable. It would all kick off tomorrow with the men's short program. He nudged Viktor gently as they sat down and waited for the stands to empty a bit before attempting to leave.

"Hey, do you mind if we keep things low-key and have an early night?"

Viktor smiled reassuringly at the younger man next to him.

"Of course not. I actually think that that's a really good idea. This will be your first major competition in a while, it's best to go into it as well-rested as possible. If you start things off right with your short program and don't exhaust yourself right off the bat, you should sail comfortably into the free skate with tons of extra energy. Your stamina doesn't need any work, I can  _personally_  vouch for  _that_."

Yuri blushed slightly at the hidden meaning behind Viktor's words. He got to his feet abruptly just then and put on his gloves before tugging at the Russian man's arms.

"Ah, well that's…reassuring…so we should…get going now, yeah?"

Viktor chuckled as he stood up and reached into his pockets, donning his own pair of gloves as a fashion accessory more than for utilitarian purposes. They walked out of the stadium together and strolled purposely toward the exit.

They had almost made it through the doors when they suddenly found themselves ambushed by a mob of reporters. The questions flew at them hard and fast, and from every single possible angle.

"Skater Katsuki, you're looking well. How has your recovery from your GPF accident been?"

"Coach Nikiforov, has Yuri Katsuki managed to up his game since training with you in St. Petersburg?"

"Katsuki Yuri, what do you make of Phichit Chulanont's cryptic post about you on Instagram earlier?"

Viktor opened his mouth as if to speak but Yuri surprised him by shaking his head. He closed his mouth and stood by silently, letting Yuri take the lead.

"In response to the first question; thank you, I feel rather well, recovered, refreshed and ready."

Yuri looked for the reporter who had directed the question at Viktor.

"If I may speak for Viktor on this one, my training in St. Petersburg has exceeded my expectations, I was introduced to a new kind of physical training and conditioning and it has benefitted me greatly. I think you will find out quite soon that I have indeed, upped my game."

There were some impressed 'oohs' and 'ahs' from the gaggle of reporters and Yuri smiled secretively as the cameras flashed around him.

"As for the third question… _I swear to kami I am going to wring his little neck._  Phichit is a one-man social media force army. He also has a flair for the dramatic and enigmatic. It's the first time we've seen each other since the GPF. He may just be having some fun. Who knows?"

When it seemed that the reporters were about to launch another barrage of questions, Yuri held up his hand and shook his head.

"I'm terribly sorry ladies and gentlemen, but Viktor and I have an early start tomorrow morning and we need our rest. We're calling it an early night and are heading back to our hotel for some rest. You'll have another chance to speak with me tomorrow. Thank you for your understanding."

Yuri confidently excused himself and pushed past the throng of media and out the exit, with a gobsmacked Viktor in tow. They walked right out of the arena and onto a waiting hotel shuttle bus. Their timing had been quite lucky, the bus was just about the leave when they hopped on. As they took their seats at the very back of the bus, Yuri suddenly noticed Viktor's silence. As he looked over to the Russian man, he saw that his eyes were wide and his mouth hung a bit open as if in shock.

"What?"

"Yuri…wow wow wow! You were amazing!"

"I…was?"

Viktor nodded vigorously as he took the younger man's hands into his own. His blue-green eyes were absolutely sparkling with delight.

"You were so calm, confident and assertive. You showed those reporters who was boss! Where did it all come from?"

Yuri scratched his head as he laughed a bit awkwardly.

"I think I was feeling mostly annoyed that they caught us when we were almost home-free. I just really wanted to get out of there so I put on a face and just got the questions answered as directly as possible."

"Well, it was great. I've never seen you handle the media quite like that before. It was great to see."

Viktor leaned in close and nipped playfully at Yuri's earlobe.

"It  _really_  turned me on."

Yuri "eep'd" as his face went red hot from Viktor's special attention.

"V-V-Viktor! W-w-we agreed to no  ** _that_**  before or during competitions!"

Viktor smiled deviously against Yuri's ear before moving in for a second nibble.

"There are lots of other things we can do which don't involve  ** _that_**. Have you already forgotten?"

Yuri gulped audibly as he shook his head slowly.

"Well, I think perhaps that you've gotten somewhat rusty...I feel that you may need some  _gentle_  reminders."

And Viktor spent the rest of the evening doing just that.

...

The next morning, they were up and ready at 6 AM. They headed down to the main hotel lounge where the breakfast was being served. Yuri was especially careful about what he put on his plate and the portion sizes. He wanted to make sure he had enough energy to get him through the official practice but being very careful to not overeat. He picked up a banana from the fruit table and packed it away for later.

Once they were done eating, Viktor wiped his mouth with a napkin before broaching Yuri on the topic of what jumps he'd practice.

"So, I think the quad Lutz is your secret weapon right now. No one has seen you do it before in competition and I think it's going to make some jaws drop. So, I want to kind of save it for the actual skate. What do you think?"

Yuri nodded eagerly. "Yes! That's more or less along the same lines of what I was thinking. I want to really surprise everyone!"

Viktor smiled.  _I'm glad that I was able to pass that trait onto him at least...even if it happened somewhat subconsciously._

"We can always practice those jumps on the ground in the hotel room later or in a secluded area at ice level. But I feel super confident that you've got this jump down pat. Volkov's training has turned you into a jumping beast. I honestly can't wait to see the look on everyone's faces!"

Yuri smiled brightly. "I  _did_  learn from the best, apparently."

Viktor stood up and picked up their gear bag. "Let's get started on making  _you_  the best this weekend."

The two men walked out of the breakfast lounge and took the shuttle to the arena. Yuri looked over their schedule one more time on the way there, just to make sure he wasn't missing anything. There were 20 competitors in the men's category and they had been split up into two groups of 10. Yuri was in group A, which was slotted from AM to 9:30 AM. They were at ice level by 7:30, and Yuri immediately got his skates on. Viktor went about getting them checked in and taking care of other administrative issues while Yuri put in his earbuds and went about warming up. Volkov had taught him some really effective ways to warm up his muscles properly to make the most of their newfound power. He was almost done when he saw Viktor walking toward him. He removed his earbuds and turned to face him.

"They'll start the group warm-up right at 8. At 8:30 they'll start with the individual run-through's. You're third in the line-up behind Seung-Gil. Keep an eye out for that one. He's got home ice advantage and he's an absolute favorite to win it. Also, you're skating 6th tonight in the first group, right after JJ."

"That's a really lucky draw. It's the perfect position to be in. Ideally, I would have preferred that for the free skate...but I'll take it. He won't be expecting what I've got planned. I should aim for a score over a 100 here today to go into the free skate with a good lead."

"That's a good plan. JJ won't know what hit him."

"Somebody say my name?"

Viktor smiled at JJ and winked at the Canadian skater playfully. "Nothing too important, as it usually is whenever your name is mentioned."

"Ha! We'll see about that. I'll do MY talking on the ice."

Viktor snorted derisively. "If only you'd just keep the 'talking' to when you're on the ice. We'd all be so much more grateful for it."

JJ shook Viktor's words off like a pro and waved happily at them as he walked off to the warm-up area.

Viktor shook his head as he watched the Canadian walk away. "He's a piece of work, that guy."

...

Yuri's warm-up and practice run went without a hitch. He was sure to practice his triple Axel, quad flip and quad toe-loops. After his group was called off the ice, he once again got cornered by some reporters who wanted to know about his visible improvements in jumping ability and confidence. He answered politely without giving too much away, saying he owed it all to a new kind of training he'd been introduced to. His ambiguous answers had everyone abuzz trying to figure out just what the hell had happened to the young Japanese skater to change him so drastically in such a short time. Once the media got a bit distracted by other competitors coming off the ice, Yuri and Viktor extricated themselves from the media circus and skulked off to a quieter corner to watch the rest of the practices.

Phichit stopped by and hung out with them for a bit. He apologized to Yuri for causing him more trouble than he had anticipated with his Instagram post ad promised to try to restrain himself a bit more...but with no guarantees. When Celestino showed up, he excused himself and left with his coach. Around noon, they ate their packed lunches and decided to stay on to watch the Ice Dancing Free Dance competition. They were admittedly much more entertained than they had expected to be.

Viktor stared dreamily out onto the ice as he watched the couples skate and waltz beautifully in sync on the ice.

"Could you imagine us doing something like that?"

Yuri contemplated Viktor's question for a few seconds before finally answering him.

"Yeah, I think I can. I bet I'd be really great, too."

"Well, I think we could throw something together before Worlds. It'd be much more exciting and fun there since it'll be the first time we square off against each other since I became your coach."

Yuri's eyes grew as big as saucers.

"Really? You're serious? I would love that! Let's get working on it as soon as we're back in St. Petersburg!"

"Deal!"

...

About an hour before the men's short program, Yuri was back in warm-up mode. He went above and beyond, making sure that his leg muscles were fully warmed up and stretched out. He rotated and flexed his ankles, ensuring that they were ready as well. He watched Seung-Gil's performance with great interest, pleasantly surprised when the young Korean scored 99.32 on his skate. When it was JJ's turn, Yuri fully tuned in and watched the Canadian skater's performance carefully and critically.  _He seems about the same as always. Strong jumps and choreography. There hasn't been any growth or developments though by the looks of it. But he could just be playing it cool today and feeling out the competition._

As the Canadian's skate came to an end, Yuri lined himself up at the gate to wait for his turn to go on. He took off his blade guards and handed them off to Viktor. As JJ skated up to the gate, he stood in front of Yuri, out of breath, but smiling down at him.

"Beat...that."

Yuri squared up to JJ and looked him right in eye. "I plan on it."

An intrepid photographer nearby by snapped a picture of the standoff. He had no way of knowing then, just how critical that photo would be. By the end of the tournament, it would break the internet.

_****Sorry, I don't actually know much about proceedings and protocol for professional ice skating events. I did the best I could with stuff I found on Google...so please forgive me if it's not that accurate!**** _


	53. Eros On Ice

"The score for Jean-Jacques Leroy of Canada is 101. 56!"

The crowd went wild and JJ pulled his usual 'JJ Style pose' over at the Kiss and Cry as he smiled for the cameras. There was one corner of the arena in general that was peppered with red and white banners, Canadian flags and signs. They were particularly loud and animated. Yuri vaguely registered the number as he prepared to step onto the ice. He had been running his program through in his head as he took a few calming breaths and put himself in 'the zone'. It was something he had practiced often with Viktor in Russia. He had mentioned to Viktor early on that he still felt a bit jittery and unsettled before he stepped out onto the ice sometimes. Viktor had taught him about the visualization and breathing techniques. A bit of excitement and adrenaline was good if it pumped you up for your performance and added to it, but too much adrenaline was actually detrimental. Excessive nervousness and anxiety were also quite harmful if not controlled properly. Both were situations with which Yuri had been quite familiar with in the past. He wanted to think that he was a bit different as a performer this time around. No, he wanted to  _show_  that he was. He was going to give everyone a little taste of the new and improved Yuri Katsuki…but would save his best for Worlds. He didn't want to give everything away right off the bat. He'd be going up against Viktor at Worlds. He would drop the gloves and come out swinging, then.

"On the ice, representing Japan, Yuri Katsuki!"

Here we go. Yuri stepped onto the ice and skated a lap around the arena before acknowledging the judges and waving out to the crowd. There were immediately some hushed murmurs that made their way through the crowd as he did.

"Good evening everyone! This is Hisashi Morooka reporting live from the Gangneung Ice Arena in South Korea. We have skater Katsuki taking the ice and about to perform his short program 'On Love, Eros', a program that was created for him by his coach and five-time World Champion; Viktor Nikiforov. We haven't heard much from skater Katsuki since his unfortunate mishap at the Grand Prix Final last December. This is his first professional competition since then, having missed Japanese Nationals due to still being in recovery. I must say, he's looking quite well at the moment. He has obviously been training hard since his recovery. Skater Katsuki is showing some rather…well-developed leg muscles we haven't seen before!"

An American sports commentator piped in with his own comment.

"Well gentlemen, the ladies certainly have noticed! The appreciative hum began just about the same second he stepped out onto the ice! Skater Katsuki may just have some new fans by the end of his performance!"

Yuri was oblivious to what was being said. He had just finished his lap on the ice and took his position. He took one last deep breath, closed his eyes and waited for the music to start. When it did, he fully immersed himself in it. He tuned out everyone in the arena and instead chose to focus on only one spectator; Viktor. He was skating for him only at that moment, allowing his newly developed sensuality and comfort with his own body and sexuality to bleed into his moves. Viktor's love empowered him, and made him feel desirable and worthy. He wanted to emote as much of that as he possibly could in his program.

He allowed just the tip of his tongue to stick out as he released a breathy moan, before bringing his arms up and down in seductive movements. He pushed his arms down at his sides before bringing them back up, almost wrapping them around himself. He opened his arms wide and pushed the pick of his left skate into the ice as he struck a pose before turning in Viktor's direction and shooting him a look that did not require any interpretation. 

As Viktor watched, he found himself utterly mesmerized.  _Wow! Yuri's eros has gone through the roof! He's going to turn the rink into an onsen!_

Yuri launched into the step sequence, his movements flowing seamlessly into each other with polish and ease that he had not exhibited before.

A pair of stormy-gray eyes watched intently from the stands.  _Interesting. He's not moving in a feminine way anymore. He's found a way to be sensual as a male. This is incredible! There's so much more depth to his performance than before!_

Yuri launched into his camel spin and then flying sit spin. He eased out of his spin sequence and picked up speed before going into an outside-edge spread eagle and launching into his triple Axel. The crowd gasped with delight as he launched into the air and completed three tight rotations before landing smoothly on his right leg and pulling the left one fluidly behind him as he transitioned out of the landing. 

Morooka became very animated as he continued his commentary on Yuri's skate.

"Skater Katsuki lands a beautiful triple Axel! Is it just me or was that higher than any other triple Axel we've seen from him before? He made that look effortless! He's got a quadruple Salchow planned next, a jump that's given him some difficulty at times. Will he manage to pull it off as beautifully as the triple Axel?"

Yuri pushed off the ice and pulled his arms in extra tight as he completed his rotations in the air. He barely had enough time to savor the landing before he was off again, adding a triple toe-loop to turn the jump into a combination. The crowd went wild and so did the American commentator.

"Did you just see that? He only had a quad Salchow planned and instead pulled out a combination jump and threw it right at us! Statistics show that he's only managed to land the Salchow 30% of the time in competitions...where the hell did THAT come from? This is insane! Did you see that height? I don't know what this guy's had for breakfast, but he's in beast mode right now!"

Viktor clapped enthusiastically and fist-pumped from the sidelines. Yuri was putting on the performance of his career at the moment. He smiled wickedly as he knew what was coming up next. If people in the arena had thought they had been sufficiently surprised, they were in for a big shock. He waited with bated breath for the critical moment.

Yuri stepped out his landing and right into his second step sequence. He smiled to himself as he twisted and turned. His lungs were starting to burn but he felt good, and his legs were holding out better than they'd ever had before. He took a short breath before pushing off the ice and into his 'showstopper'.  

Morooka chimed up with his agreement. "Yes, that was incredible! Based on his performance today, you'd never know that that jump ever gave him a hard time! Skater Katsuki plans on ending his performance with a quad toe-triple toe combination jump. Will he stick to the program or does he have another...wuoh! Wuoooooohhhh! Skater Katsuki just landed a quadruple Lutz! Ladies and gentlemen, you have just witnessed history in the making! Skater Katsuki has never landed a quadruple Lutz in competition before! Just who is this History Maker here before us tonight?"

The crowd by then had collectively lost it and the cheering was so loud that the music could barely be overheard over the roar. Yuri didn't need to hear the music, he knew the movements so well that he could do them in his sleep. He launched into his final combination spins, careful not to lose his focus nor allow himself to get dizzy. Before he knew it, the song was over and he was holding his final pose. The crowd was on its feet and you could practically feel the cheering reverberating through the stands and onto the ice. Yuri bowed and waved to the crowd as he skated around and picked up a few bouquets and toys before stepping off the ice and heading to the Kiss and Cry. Viktor was waiting for him at the gate with his jacket and blade guards.

"You were absolutely amazing! That was your best Eros yet!"

Yuri smiled and nodded as he panted and reached for the water bottle Viktor was holding out for him. His face was flushed from the exertion, but he felt fantastic. As they waited for his scores, Yuri turned to Viktor. 

"Can we go into the change room for a little bit before doing interviews? I...uh...have a bit of a cramp and need your help stretching it out."

Viktor nodded eagerly. "Sure. I AM your coach, after all. Anything for my cute student!"

Yuri's face flushed a bit redder as he nodded.

"The score for Yuri Katsuki is 107.23."

Viktor turned to Yuri and threw his arm around him.

"Yuri, you're currently in first place!"

Yuri could barely hear Viktor over the crowd's deafening roar, but was able to make out just enough to get the gist. His smile widened and he returned Viktor's embrace. They both then let go and turned to wave at the crowd, with Viktor going the extra mile and blowing kisses at them. The gesture causing quite a few squeals of excitement from the ladies in the crowd. As they walked off toward the changing rooms, a few reporters tried getting their attention.

Viktor smiled and waved at them.

"Sorry, we'll be back out in a few minutes. Yuri has some cramping right now and we need to take care of that right away. We'll be out as soon as he's stretched and cooled down properly!" 

The reporters nodded and proceeded to mill around aimlessly while they waited for the chance to interview the duo.

As soon as they stepped into the change room, Yuri began looking around. Viktor watched him with confused curiosity, but before he was able to say anything, Yuri came over and grabbed his hand. 

"Yuri...what are you...?"

Yuri pulled him into an empty stall and locked the door behind him. 

**_Mini-lemon!_ **

When Yuri turned to face him, his eyes were filled to the brim with lust. Viktor knew that look quite well. He went quiet and just waited for Yuri to take the next step. 

"I skated with you in mind today. Every step, every jump and every movement was dedicated to you. I have never felt so damn turned on during a performance and right now...I just NEED YOU."

Viktor nodded. "I am yours, Yuri. Always."

A deep growl bubbled forth from the back of Yuri's throat as he went down on his knees and undid Viktor's belt. He pulled down the zipper of his dress pants and unbuttoned them, before reaching into his bikini briefs to pull out the rapidly hardening flesh and giving it a firm squeeze.

"You are forbidden from uttering a single word and making any sounds with your mouth. Understood?"

Viktor's eyes widened and he swallowed hard before nodding slowly. Yuri took Viktor into his mouth and swirled his tongue around the sensitive tip before pushing his mouth further forward and taking him deeper. Viktor tangled his hands in Yuri's hair and opened his mouth in a silent scream, his hips jerking forward reflexively. Yuri looked up and locked eyes with Viktor as he enthusiastically began bobbing his mouth back and forth along the Russian man's length. Viktor closed his eyes and removed one of his hands from Yuri's hair and closed it into a fist before using it to pound on the concrete wall a behind him. As Yuri picked up the pace and increased the use of his tongue, Viktor struggled to keep quiet. He removed his other hand from Yuri's hair and brought it up to cover his mouth. When Yuri began playing with his sensitive sac of flesh, it was too much. He bit down on his gloved hand as his release hit and Yuri milked him dry, swallowing every drop. Only when Yuri pulled away from him did even dare to finally allow a weak whimper to escape his lips.

Yuri smiled wickedly at Viktor as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. 

"Mmmm, that was great, Viktor. You take direction surprisingly well."

Viktor laughed as he exhaled the breath he'd been holding and ran his fingers through his hair.

"You really are just surprising everyone today, aren't you?"

Yuri nodded as he tucked Viktor back into his bikini briefs and did his pants back up.

"I guess you must have rubbed off on me, Mr. Nikiforov."

"I'd rather rub off against you."

Yuri chuckled quietly before finding his water bottle and taking a big swig before wiping his mouth once more. He put on his gloves and unlocked the stall door. He was about to step out when he felt Viktor's hand on his shoulder.

"Wait, what about you? Let me take care of you, too."

Yuri turned around and smiled warmly at the taller man. 

"I appreciate the offer...but it'll just be too awkward with my costume and everything. Besides, I think people will start to get suspicious and potentially too nosy if we start taking too long. You can make it up to me later."

He gave Viktor a cheeky little wink before stepping out of the stall.

The Russian skater smiled as he shook his head in disbelief.  _I am the luckiest man in the world._

As soon as they stepped out of the change room, they were absolutely mobbed by reporters. The questions flew hard and fast and Yuri had to take a deep breath before doing his best to answer them all. Mostly, people wanted to know what kind of training he'd been doing to cause such improvement to his jumps. They asked how he was feeling being at number one with only two competitors left in his group, and how he felt the second group would fare, or if he thought anyone else would be able to beat his program score. The usual kind of stuff. Viktor was just off to the side fielding some questions of his own. Then one of the reporters asked him a peculiar question.

"Skater Katsuki, earlier on in the day you were issued a challenge by the Canadian Skater Jean-Jacques Leroy. What would you like to say to him right now?"

Yuri was a bit confused at first, and then recalled the moment the reporter had referenced. A big smile lit up his face as he addressed the man.

"It's quite common for there to be friendly competitive banter between skaters. He's a very talented skater and I look forward to facing off against him again during the free skate."

As if on cue, JJ poked his head from around a corner.

"I'm going to beat you Katsuki! You better watch your back!"

Yuri sighed before laughing and shrugging his shoulders at the reporter.

"See what I mean?"

Everyone laughed and Yuri took the opportunity to excuse himself and Viktor from the media circus. Viktor's phone started beeping and he called Yuri over after checking it. 

"Come with me, there's somewhere we've gotta be right now."

Yuri was confused. He was not aware of any interviews or engagements they had to attend, but figured that maybe Viktor knew something he didn't, so just went along with it.

They walked to an area usually reserved for coaching staff and family. 

"Yuri! Hey, Yuri! Over here!"

Yuri looked up to find his sister Mari and Minako Sensei in the stands. 

"Mari nee-san! Minako-sensei! I didn't know you were going to be here!"

Mari ran down the stairs and threw he arms around her little brother.

"Viktor told us he wanted to keep it a secret and surprise you."

Minako Sensei was next in line for a hug. After the hug she stepped back and eyed his legs critically. She reached over and gave both of his thighs a squeeze.

"M-M-Minako Sensei! W-w-what are you doing?"

"These are some well-developed muscles you have here, Yuri. You've been working hard. I approve."

Yuri's face turned bright red as he stammered his thanks to his former ballet teacher. 

They stopped off by the lockers and Yuri was able to change out his skates, costume and contacts. Then, the four of them left the arena and stopped off at Yuri and Viktor's room so that they could drop off their gear. The four of them then went out to dinner to enjoy a well-deserved meal and to get themselves caught up on the last three months. 


	54. Road to the Free Skate

Yuri found himself flooded with private messages that night. There were congratulatory ones from his parents and more praise from Minako-Sensei and Mari. Chris messaged him telling him that he had really enjoyed watching him melt the ice with his new superpowered Eros and wondered just what kind of 'coaching' Viktor was doing in order to get such drastic results. He had immediately turned red at the implied accusation and had been extremely thankful that Chris could neither see his flushed face nor hear him sputtering madly at the moment. The Swiss sex bomb had ended his message with  _"See you at Worlds my friend. I look forward to outsexing you on the ice!"_

Yura's message had been the most enthusiastic. The young Russian was absolutely over-the-moon that his Japanese friend had topped JJ's score by such a comfortable margin. He shared a copy of the infamous 'challenge' picture that had been making the rounds and picking up steam in the media. He hadn't seen it yet, and was a bit taken aback by how confident and steely-eyed he appeared as he stared up at JJ. You could practically see the tendrils of tension sparking between them.

Yura: Yuri, OMG…you look FIERCE in this pic! How did JJ not piss his smartypants with you looking at him like that?

Yuri K: Ha! I honestly had no idea that that's what I looked like. It's so weird seeing it for the first time, it doesn't look at me at all!

Yura: It's a good look on you! Keep it up!

Yuri K: I guess all that training alongside a spitfire Russian teenager may have rubbed off on me in more ways than one…

Yura: I can't believe I'm saying this…cuz I sound like that stupid old geezer you love so much…but I'm really proud of you. It's good to see you finally have faith in your skills and talent. I hate to admit it, but you've got me feeling just a teeny bit nervous. You've become an even more worthy rival!

Yuri's eyes misted over as he read his friend's words. He knew how prickly Yura could be and how expressing himself properly didn't come naturally to him at all. He smiled as he stared down at the screen and blinked away the tears. He wanted to think that he had managed to influence the young upstart somehow and had helped him learn how to develop those skills.

Yuri K: Thank you, Yura. Your words…they mean a lot to me.

Yura: Блядь! You're fucking crying right now, aren't you? Here I am telling you how badass you are and then you get all damn weepy on me. HOPELESS.

Yuri had to laugh out loud at that one. He had been thoroughly caught in the act.

Yuri K: Haha…totally busted. . The free skate is in 2 days. Will you be watching?

Yura: You bet your sappy ass I will! I hope to see another defiant look like that again. Seriously Yuri, you look like a tiger about to jump on a meal. Catch you l8r!

Yuri K: Byeeee!

Yuri jumped a bit as he suddenly felt a strong pair of arms wrap around him from behind and looked over his shoulder to see Viktor's face there.

"Yuuuuuuri, what in the world is going on? One moment you're as red as a tomato, then you were crying, and the next one you're laughing!"

Yuri placed a soft kiss on his lover's nose before turning to look back down at the phone in his hand.

"I was just going through my messages and chatting with Yura. He told me that…he was proud of me."

Viktor straightened his legs and let them hang over the edge of the bed as he pulled Yuri back against his chest. The young Japanese skater relaxed into his embrace and released a contented sigh.

"Pfffft. I tell you that I'm proud of you  _all_  the time. You never look that happy and moved when  _I_  say it."

Without looking, Yuri reached back and took Viktor's nose between his thumb and index finger, giving it a playful twist.

"Stop being so jealous of Yura, Viktor. It's different with you. You're not a feral cactus-child I had to approach like a lion tamer with a rabid lion."

Yuri tossed his phone on the bed and twisted his body until he was facing Viktor and repositioned himself to straddle him.

"I did really well today Coach Viktor. I don't think I've been praised  _properly_  by you yet."

Viktor moaned appreciatively as his eyes roamed Yuri's lips and face, before settling on his eyes. Those beautiful cherry-brown eyes he loved so much.

"You're so right, Yuri. I've been slacking off in my duties as a coach. How can I ever make it up to you?"

Yuri brought a finger up to his lips and tapped at them suggestively.

"I suppose you could start here."

Viktor leaned in and placed a series of light kisses on Yuri's lips, pulling away each time the young Japanese man tried to deepen them.

"Viktor, you're teasing me, not praising me."

"Patience, my love. I wish to give you a kiss for each point you scored today, that's all."

Yuri couldn't help but chuckle.

"You're planning on kissing me 107 times? How are you even going to keep track?"

"107.23, actually. Never underestimate Russian determination."

Yuri was incredulous. "How do you even execute twenty-three hundredths of a kiss?"

"That's for  _me_  to worry about. Now shush, be quiet."

Viktor wrapped his arms around Yuri and pushed his feet off the ground, flipping them over so that Yuri was now on his back.

"I need you to close your eyes, love. I brought something special to 'praise' you with. Now keep them closed until tell you to, got it? No cheating or you don't get your reward."

Yuri was instantly curious and nodded slowly as he wet his lips in anticipation. He closed his eyes and waited. He felt it as Viktor left the bed and heard the sounds of him rummaging through his luggage. He tried in vain to listen for any sound that would give him any idea as to what Viktor's surprise was going to be, but didn't hear anything that gave him any clues. He simply could not figure out what his lover was looking for. Finally, he felt Viktor's weight back on the bed and had to fight every single urge he had to just open his eyes right there and then. He forced himself to be patient and wait it out. It was only fair, for Viktor had been so good for him earlier.

"Ok Yuri, you can open your eyes now."

Yuri opened his eyes, and once they had readjusted to the level of light in the room, he looked up to see Viktor sitting to his left and holding something wrapped in a towel.

"I'm going to show you just how proud I am of you, Yuuuuuuri."

Yuri's eyes went wide as Viktor removed the towel, revealing the clear crystal clear case he knew so well. He gasped and could already feel himself getting shamelessly aroused by just the sight of it.

"Viktor, you brought the Fleshlight?"

Viktor smiled, feeling quite smug and pleased with himself.

"Yup! I know how much you love it, so I decided to bring it. Well, I love it too…but I also  _really_  love the look in your eyes whenever you see it. I also  _really_  love the sounds you make when we have orgasms together using this."

Yuri's breath caught in his throat as his imagination took off and started flooding his mind with filthy imagery.

Viktor held out a hand and winked suggestively at him.

"Come, Yuri. Shall we go take a shower?"

Yuri placed his hand in Viktor's and allowed himself to be led into the bathroom.

…

The following day started off with breakfast at their hotel with Minako-Sensei and Mari. The two women had planned a full day of sightseeing and shopping and were eager to get started. So they wanted to get their meal in and not linger any longer than necessary. While Yuri and Mari were off refilling their plates, Minako-Sensei pulled up next to Viktor and sat down.

"How is Yuri doing?  _Really_  doing?"

Viktor discreetly looked around to make sure that the subject of their conversation was still a safe distance away before addressing the Japanese ballerina.

"He's doing quite well. As you can see, he's got this newfound confidence in himself that he didn't have before."

Minako hummed thoughtfully before she spoke.

"I guess it's easier for him to be that way since he doesn't remember how he's 'supposed' to be around you."

She put her utensils down on the plate before she turned her body to look directly into his eyes.

"He still hasn't regained all his memories, has he?"

Viktor shook his head sadly.

"No, he hasn't. He's remembered a few things, and they affected him...rather deeply. I've tried to expose him to things that might jog memory, but I have been very careful not to overwhelm him. It would be disastrous for him to remember anything major before a big competition."

Minako suddenly looked a bit worried.

"What do you mean he was affected deeply? What happened?"

Viktor's shoulders sagged and he took a big breath and let it out slowly before he spoke.

"He's had some pretty intense nightmares and has even been…sleepwalking a few times."

Minako looked shocked.

"That's not like Yuri at all. Even when he was his most anxious…he'd go without sleep and endure insomnia rather than sleep and suffer from sleeping disorders. This is a very potentially dangerous development, Viktor. What have you done about it?"

Viktor blushed a bit before admitting to Minako that they slept together and had been sharing a bed for quite some time. Makkachin had also taken to watching over Yuri at night. Minako gave Viktor a knowing smirk as she saw the blush.

"Well, that certainly explains the sudden drastic improvement in his Eros skate."

Viktor blushed harder and Minako laughed as she threw up her hands and waved them dismissively in front of her.

"I'm not judging, really! As long as Yuri is happy, that's all I care about."

Viktor nodded as he gave the lounge another quick glance. He saw the Japanese siblings at the omelet bar and knew they still had a few minutes to spare.

"That is also what I care about the most, Minako-Sensei. And truthfully, Yuri  _does_  seem much happier this time around than the first time. Like you said, not having me on an impossibly high pedestal above him has led him to be much more open and communicative with me than before. Everything is on such a different level than before."

"But you're still worried about him. That much is clear. It's written all over your face."

"I worry what will happen when he remembers everything. Don't get me wrong, this version of Yuri is great, and I'll always love him no matter what. But…"

Minako finished the thought for him.

"But you worry that he'll revert to the old version of himself when he remembers and it'll be like losing everything all over again."

Viktor gasped as Minako's words hit upon his biggest source of inner turmoil regarding Yuri's predicament.

"I may be single and unmarried, but I'm certainly not inexperienced or blind. Without Yuri around, you dropped the mask you've been using to hide all those fears. The moment you did that, everything became instantly clear."

"Ah…sorry Minako…I didn't mean for you to think those things. I was just surprised by how ridiculously accurate your assessment was."

"I know, it's fine. Listen, they're on their way back to the table now…so we've got to cut this short. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here. I want Yuri to be happy, and this is the happiest I've seen him…ever. So I will help you in any way possible and do everything I can so that things can stay that way."

Viktor nodded and mouthed the words 'thank you' to her as she retook her seat.

Mari was the first to speak as they returned to the table.

"My, my…aren't you two all chummy all of a sudden?"

Viktor held his hands up defensively and waved them in front of him.

"Ah…Minako sensei was just grilling me on Yuri's recovery and his miraculous season-end turnaround. She wanted to know what my secret was."

Mari raised an eyebrow at him as she sat down.

"Oh? And what would that be?"

Viktor smiled a devastatingly bright smile at Mari and he tilted his head to the side.

"It wouldn't be a secret anymore if I told you, now would it?"

She rolled her eyes at him before turning to her little brother and wagging her eyebrows suggestively at him."

"I don't need to guess, it's practically written all over your goofy faces. Especially yours, Yuri."

Yuri's face immediately turned a tell-tale shade of red that gave himself away wordlessly.

Mari laughed as she elbowed him playfully.

"Your poker face needs a lot of work, little brother. You're an open book."

Yuri's shoulders hunched over and he sank further into his chair, wishing that the ground would open up and swallow him right there. Then he felt a hand reach under the table and cover his. He startled a bit as it made contact and looked over at Viktor, but saw no reaction from him. The Russian man continued eating his food as if nothing had happened.  _He's trying to support me without making me feel more embarrassed!_ Yuri looked down at his plate and smiled.  _That's right. As long as Viktor is with me…there's nothing I can't overcome._

Minako and Mari both looked at each other and shared a knowing smile. A short while later, everyone finished eating and said their goodbyes as they parted ways. Viktor gave them some tips and recommendations for places to visit and they made plans to join each other for shopping and dinner again that night. As soon as they were out of sight, Yuri turned to Viktor and threw his arms around him.

"Thank you, you know…for earlier. It helped me a lot."

Viktor stroked Yuri's hair with one hand as he pulled him closer with his free arm.

"Geez, you two! I'd say get a room, but you already have one."

Yuri looked over his shoulder and saw JJ standing there with that same mocking smile he always had plastered on his face. He turned to Viktor once more and groaned.

"Kami give me patience,' he whispered into Viktor's shoulder. Viktor laughed and patted his back soothingly before releasing him to face the Canadian skater.

"Good morning JJ, always a pleasure to see you," he said as he gave the tall Canadian a playful wink. "Congratulations on your short program. You're in a very good position, going into the free skate in  _second_  place."

The corner of JJ's mouth twitched and his smile faltered for a split second. Yuri didn't miss it and neither did Viktor.

"Ah yes, a very good position indeed. Just close enough to swoop in and take gold if someone in the top three were to…crash and burn during their performance or something."

Viktor shot JJ a sharp look. "I suppose anything could happen. This competition has been full of surprises already, hasn't it?"

JJ's eyes drifted over to look at Yuri before he sighed dramatically and shrugged nonchalantly.

"Surprises...flukes…who can really say?"

Viktor took a step forward and was about to speak when he found Yuri suddenly blocking his path. Viktor skidded to a halt and looked over Yuri's shoulder to see the surprise also in JJ's eyes.

Yuri stood firm in front of the taller Canadian and looked defiantly up at him for the second time in as many days.

"I assure you Mr. Leroy, my performance yesterday was no fluke. I can also guarantee that my performance tomorrow won't be one either. Have yourself a wonderful day."

Yuri reached out behind him and grabbed Viktor's hand. He pulled on it, practically dragging the Russian man behind him. Yuri only came to a halt when they had reached and empty stairwell. He pulled Viktor into the corner with him and threw his arms around his waist, burying his nose into the man's shoulder. He trembled and shook like a leaf in a storm.

"Yuri, shhh...it's OK, I'm here. Don't worry about JJ...he's just being an ass."

Yuri didn't look up from Viktor's shoulder as he spoke.

"It's not that I'm anxious about him...I'm...pissed off. He suggested that my short program score was a fluke and not the result of all the hard work I've...WE'VE put into it."

Viktor took a step back and gently pushed Yuri away from him.

"Well, in that case...we can put all that energy into making sure his ass gets handed to him tomorrow."

Yuri took a deep breath and released it slowly. Once he had calmed down enough, he looked up at Viktor and smiled.

"Thank you, you always seem to know just what to say."

Viktor winced inwardly and tried not to let his reaction show on his face.

"Ah, thank you Yuri."

Viktor was suddenly struck with an idea.

"Listen, I know we had some mild practice scheduled for much later, but what if we do it now instead? I think it could help you let off some steam. What do you think?"

Yuri smiled and nodded enthusiastically.  
"That's a great idea! Let's go back to the room and get our gear, then."

...

During his practice, Yuri noticed that there were a lot of hushed whispers wherever her went. He didn't think too much of it and just continued working out his aggressions on the ice while Viktor supervised him. His sudden intense rivalry with JJ was getting played up by the media quite a bit, so he just chalked it up to that. Back in their hotel room, Yuri was about to discover that the situation had reached fever pitch. A message from Yura was the only warning he had before everything descended into bedlam.

Yura: loved the video, Yuri! You look ready to eat JJ's face off! I'm SO mad that I'm missing this! Skate that дурак into the ground! You are definitely NOT a fluke.

When Yuri groaned rather loudly, Viktor was there by his side in an instant.

"Yuri, what's wrong?"

Yuri removed his glasses, closed his eyes and rubbed his temples.

"Someone filmed the confrontation at breakfast this morning and posted it online. It's gone absolutely viral and everyone is completely blowing it out of proportion! Everything was going so well and now I'm all stressed out. My inbox is brimming with requests for interviews."

Yuri opened his eyes and looked up pleadingly at Viktor.

"I can't...deal with this right now."

Viktor quickly checked his phone and saw that he seemed to be receiving a steady stream of interview requests as well.

He sighed heavily before sitting down next to Yuri on the bed.

"Then don't. Let's just stay in for the rest of the day. We can order room service and just watch movies."

"But Viktor, you said you wanted to go shopping today with Mari and Minako-Sensei! I don't want you to miss out on something you like for my sake."

Viktor leaned in and kissed the younger Japanese skater's forehead.

"Thank you for thinking of me, love. It's really not that much of a big deal, though. Your well-being is much more important.  Besides, it's probably best that we don't go out there. We'll probably be harassed by the media everywhere we go. I'll message your sister and Minako-Sensei and tell them what's going on. I'm sure they'll understand."

Yuri hunched over dejectedly and covered his face with his hands. After sending out the messages, he turned his phone off and then took Yuri's phone and did the same.

"Go draw yourself a bath Yuri. As hot as you can stand it. Try to imagine yourself at the baths of Yu-Topia. I'll order some food for us. After dinner, we can go over all the contingency plans for tomorrow's skate and then just watch movies until bedtime. As your coach, this is the training schedule I have set for tonight."

Yuri looked up at him and laughed.

"Well, if they're my coach's orders, I should definitely follow them."

Viktor's eyes twinkled with laughter as he watched his lover turn around and head into the bathroom.

Later that night, when Viktor was sure that Yuri had fallen asleep, he pulled up the video. His heart filled with pride as he watched the scene unfold from a third person's perspective. Yuri looked so strong and determined when he stepped in between him and JJ.

He was about to put his phone down when an instant message popped up.

**_Sorry, I stepped over the line yesterday. I've been trying to stay in character around him, but it's been really hard. I may have overcompensated. I didn't think things would get so insane in such a short time. I promise to keep my distance tomorrow._ **

Viktor sighed and then put his phone down. As he lay down, he pulled Yuri in close to his body and nuzzled his neck from behind.  _You're going to be just fine, my love. I know it._

_terminology_

Блядь (blyad) - Russian: fuck

дурак (durak) - Russian: fool


	55. Everything on the Ice is Love

It was finally time. Yuri listened to  _Yuri On Ice_ on repeat as he went through his stretches and warmup. He ran through a few yoga poses for extra measure as they helped to calm him down and maintain focus. He was feeling jittery and agitated, his thoughts bouncing around aimlessly in his head looking for any points of weakness to burst out of and run rampant. He'd been on edge since his eyes had opened first thing that morning. He had been extra wary during breakfast, keeping an eye out for any confrontational Canadian skaters. Viktor was only able to get him to settle down after threatening to spoon-feed him breakfast in front of everyone unless he ate on his own. So he did, begrudgingly. On their way to morning practice, they had been predictably pounced upon by the media, who had hurled their rapid-fire questions at Yuri and jostled with one another for positioning. Viktor had placed himself in front of him, like an impenetrable shield, and had refused to allow him to answer any questions. Viktor had been very succinct and business-like in his answers. He took charge and easily commanded the unerring attention of all around him. Yuri had stared at him in awe. He had felt such a maelstrom of emotions as he silently eyed the man who had become his friend, coach and lover. He had felt admiration, pride, and was even a little bit envious of how socially savvy the Russian man was. Viktor seemed very much at home in the spotlight and had a talent for charming those around him. Yuri was socially awkward and knew that he came across as closed off and standoffish to those that didn't really know him. He just got all nervous and tongue-tied whenever he tried to talk to people.

Practice had gone surprisingly well. His eyes had darted nervously around the rink upon arrival, trying to spot any trouble before it had the chance to sneak up on him. Viktor's gentle hand on his shoulder had nearly startled him out of his own skin.

"Yuri, relax. He won't be here, I promise."

Yuri had looked at Viktor with clear suspicion in his eyes.

"How do you know that? He could be hiding around the corner for all you know!"

Viktor laughed as he winked at the younger skater.

"I have….my ways."

Yuri had sighed and decided to just trust Viktor on that one. It was much better than the alternative, which involved Yuri's nerves degenerating until he became a useless blob of anxiety on skates, and wasted his practice time. So he just shook it off and got on with it. He landed all his jumps, with just a slight wobble on the quad Lutz.

"How do you feel, Yuri?"

Yuri held up a finger as he reached for the water bottle and chugged down the liquid refreshment. Once he had drunk his fill, he set the bottle down and wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand.

"I feel…surprisingly good. It was nice to have something to concentrate on."

Viktor smiled and nodded just before he reached over with a gloved hand and ruffled Yuri's hair.

"You're lucky you're going last today. You can just see how everyone else does and adjust your program accordingly."

Viktor handed him a sheet of paper with the top scorers on it.

Yuri 107.23

JJ 101.56

Seung-Gil 99.32

Phichit 98.85

Leo 86.75

Guang-Hong 80.14

"You have a good lead on…the second place competitor. Seung-Gil did exceptionally well on his short program, but that was expected. He is probably feeling pumped up by the home crowd. Keep an eye on him, he'll probably pull out all the stops for his free skate. Phichit also scored quite well, that's a personal best for him."

Viktor brought a finger up to his chin and tapped at it pensively.

"Things are actually pretty close in this group right now. There isn't that much of a gap in points between second place and fourth."

Yuri nodded thoughtfully as he looked over all the numbers.  _I should go congratulate Phichit on his score. I hadn't realized that it was a personal best for him._

"And you, Yuri…you were just two points shy of your own personal best! And you earned that score without having to push yourself as hard as you did during the Cup of China."

Yuri looked up at Viktor with a confused look on his face.  _Cup of China? What happened during the Cup of China? His forehead knitted together as he tried to remember._

Viktor looked over at Yuri, wondering why he'd gone quiet. He realized instantly that he had slipped up and referenced something that Yuri didn't remember.  _Shit! That was incredibly careless! Yuri can't afford to have any memories resurfacing right now!_

Yuri began rubbing the back of his head as a familiar tingle tickled his brain. He closed his eye as a wisp of a memory flashed in his mind, but disappeared before he could grab onto it. He sighed dejectedly and looked up…right into a  _really close_  pair concerned sea-green eyes. Startled, he stumbled backward awkwardly on his skates. Viktor was on him in a split second. He wrapped an arm around his lower back and pulled him in toward him. Yuri wrapped his arms around Viktor to stabilize himself and buried his face into the side of the Russian man's neck.

"Yuri, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm OK. Thanks, Viktor."

Yuri pulled away and stepped backward before smiling warmly at his coach.

"Let's go get some lunch? I'm starving."

Viktor nodded and they had left the rink.

Lunch had gone well and Yuri had been feeling quite good. They had returned to the rink in good spirits, with Viktor shielding him from media scrutiny once more. Yuri had begun his preparations and was feeling like things would actually go well for him. Then he'd seen JJ, strutting around with his usual entourage, and all the anger came flooding back. So here he was, feeling all jittery and agitated, trying not to lose his damn mind. He alternated between pacing back and forth and dropping down onto the mat and doing more yoga.

Viktor watched nervously nearby. He tried not to show it, for he didn't want Yuri to have yet another thing to add to his worries. He didn't really know what to do. At the moment, he was giving Yuri his space and didn't want to crowd or smother him. It was counter intuitive to what every cell in his body was telling him to do…which was run over there and cover him in hugs and kisses. He smiled wryly to himself as he thought just how much the media would enjoy  _that_. So he just watched, ready to jump in whenever it looked like Yuri was losing the battle with his anxiety.

One by one, the competitors took the ice and skated their free programs. When it came to JJ's turn, Yuri made it a point to watch the performance on the nearest television. He wanted to see what he was up against. Yuri vaguely registered Viktor's presence nearby. A strange, yet inexplicably comfortable silence had fallen between them. Usually, Viktor would be in his space trying to cheer him up, distract him or support him with hugs. It was weirdly pleasant, how Viktor's calm and silent strength was encouraging him from a distance. Yuri's attention drifted back to JJ's performance. The Canadian skater had thrown everything but the kitchen sink at him. He would have to go with the most difficult and technically challenging version of his program. He thanked his lucky stars that Viktor had made going over contingency plans part of their repertoire. He knew what he had to do.

"Yuri, it's time."

Yuri looked up and saw Viktor standing next to him. He nodded quietly and the two made their way to the gate just as JJ skated the last few notes of his music and the crowd burst into frantic screaming and cheering. Yuri removed his blade guards and handed them silently to Viktor. JJ skated to the gate and paused briefly to wink at Yuri before he walked off to the kiss and cry. Yuri stepped onto the ice and waited near the board for JJ's score and for his name to be announced.

"The score for Jean-Jacques Leroy of Canada 214.17. He is currently in first place with a total score of 315.75."

Yuri took a deep breath. He knew that that was a new best score for JJ. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath as his name was finally announced. Just before he skated away, Viktor grabbed his wrist. When he turned around, he saw this fierce look on Viktor's face.

"I have absolute faith that you will win this."

Yuri's eyes softened for a second before he nodded and a determined look took over instead.

"Thank you. That means a lot to me."

Yuri pushes off and away from the gate and skates the usual lap around the ice. He respectfully acknowledges the judging panel before turning to the crowd. The cheering is extremely loud and Yuri can practically feel the vibrations through the ice. He takes his position; head down and arms by his sides and skates crossed in front of him. He breathes deeply and waits for the music to start. As the first notes reach his ears, he lifts his hands up, overlapping them in front of him. He lifts his head and looks up. It's the last thing he remembers.

Sometimes, a performer becomes so lost in their art that they go through a somewhat 'out of body experience'. Their body goes into muscle memory recall mode and they later attest to not being able to recall a single thing about their performance. Yuri was in such a trance less than ten seconds into his free skate. His mind wandered and relived each memory and moment connected to each section of his program. He recalled feeling lost and confused when he woke up in the hospital in Barcelona, and then the beautiful cerulean-eyed and silver-haired stranger he saw in his room. The stranger, who wasn't really quite a stranger…and whose eyes became so sad and filled with pain when Yuri did not remember who he was. The stranger who became an instant friend, before it was revealed that he was his coach, and then later became the object of his first love. Yuri poured his feelings out onto the ice. The stranger, a beautiful man named Viktor, who filled him with more love than he thought possible for a human body to contain. Viktor, who pushed his limits and made him a better person and skater. Viktor, who took so many of his 'firsts' and gave back to him a hundred-fold. He skated their journey out on the ice, growing more confident as he had in real life with the training he received. He jumped as if lifted by invisible wings, wings gifted to him by the Russian man currently watching, completely enraptured, from the sidelines. Yuri went into his final spin sequence, mind filling with the memory of the first time they'd made love. He slowly came to a stop, pulling his arms in and crossing his left leg behind him before reaching out toward Viktor with his left.

Yuri abruptly came back to himself, the sound of his blood rushing loudly in his ears and of his ragged breaths escaping his burning lungs. The next thing that hit him was the thunderous applause. He blinked a few times before finally stepping out of his ending pose and looking around to wave at the crowd. He nearly tripped over his own feet as he realized that everyone in the arena was on their feet. He quickly recovered and gracefully skated around, picking up a few choice bouquets and stuffed animals before heading to the gate. Viktor stood there, waiting for him with his blade guards, and an unreadable expression on his face.

"Vik…tor?"

The taller man smiled at him, but still did not speak. Yuri couldn't be sure, but he thought he may have seen some tears welling up in the man's eyes. He didn't have much time to contemplate this, as the Russian man placed a hand on his lower back and guided him purposely toward the kiss and cry. As they sat and waited for the scores to appear, Viktor's hand remained on his lower back, rubbing soothing circles there. Yuri was surprisingly calm. He couldn't really say that he remembered his performance, but he felt pretty good about it.

"The final score for Yuri Katsuki of Japan is 224.12. His final score is 331.35, which puts him in first place. We'd like to congratulate skater Katsuki on setting a new personal best score and also breaking his own previous world record."

The crowd went absolutely wild. Viktor threw his arms around him and pulled him up as he stood up. Yuri could feel himself being shaken, but was currently too paralyzed by shock and disbelief to react. Despite knowing how loud it was supposed to be in the arena, things were eerily calm and quiet inside his mind. Time seemed to go by in slow motion and the realization that he'd won gold finally seeped into his consciousness.

"I…won?"

Viktor laughed as he pulled him in for a rib-crushing bear hug.

"Yes Yuri, sweet Yuri. You've won gold!"

Yuri looked out toward the ice where preparations for the medal ceremony were already in progress. As he looked up into the rafters, he saw the flags being lowered. The Japanese flag was the highest, followed by the Canadian flag and then finally by the South Korean one.

Tears welled up unbidden in his eyes. He finally had a gold medal from an international competition! All his hard work, and all of Viktor's efforts had finally paid off. He'd made it at last! Yuri threw his arms around Viktor's neck and the two of them just held onto each other until the medalists were called out onto the ice. Viktor reluctantly released him from their embrace and watched as he walked the red carpet out onto the podium. Yuri lowered his head as the gold medal was placed around his neck and a young Korean girl presented him with a bouquet. He smiled and thanked her in English and watched with great amusement as she blushed fiercely before running off. Yuri picked up his medal and waved excitedly to the crowd as held it in his hand. He brought it to his lips and kissed it, which resulted in a million camera flashes exploding in a cacophony of light around the whole arena. Everyone was on their feet once more as the national anthem of Japan was played. As he stepped off the podium, he heard his name being called out from behind him. He turned around and saw JJ standing there with a hand extended out to him. Yuri looked down at the hand warily, before he lifted his eyes to meet those of the Canadian man's.

"Congratulations, Yuri. That was well-earned. You blew my ass right out of the water, fair and square."

Yuri looked deeply into those eyes and saw nothing but sincerity in them. He lifted his own hand to meet the Canadian's.

"Thank you, you are very kind. You skated very well today also."

Yuri bowed deeply to JJ before turning to make his way off the ice.

…

Later, as Yuri dragged his absolutely exhausted body back to their hotel room after the banquet, he still felt as if he were floating on a surreal cloud of happiness. He removed his shoes at the door and removed the already-loosened tie from around his neck. He sat down on the bed and immediately flopped onto his back, an appreciative moan escaping his lips.

"Oh my god, not having to be vertical feels SO amazing right now."

Viktor lay down on his side next to him, wrapping his arms around his waist and nuzzling his shoulder. Yuri closed his eyes and sighed contentedly as he allowed Viktor's soothing touch to relax him. After a few minutes, Viktor's soft whisper roused him from near-sleep.

"You know, I thought that I had seen the most moving rendition possible of  _Yuri on Ice_ …last year. But what you skated today was so much more moving and impactful…it brought me to tears. You were a beautiful masterpiece on the ice, Yuri."

Yuri's soft gasp of surprise filled their quiet room. Viktor propped himself up on his elbow and stared down lovingly at the Japanese skater.

"It was like watching our last three months together play out all over again. Every single one of your feelings were laid bare out on the ice today. There was so much conviction in your movements, I felt like I could reach out and grab hold of each emotion, as if it had become a tangible object."

Yuri's face blushed prettily as he brought a hand up to stroke Viktor's face.

"I'm glad. There's so much I'm thankful to you for. I'm happy that I was able to visualize my feelings so clearly."

"I think, my dear Yuri, that I have somehow managed to fall even deeper in love with you tonight."

Viktor leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Yuri's upturned lips. 

"Let me show you just how much you mean to me."

Yuri's eyes grew wide and his face a shade redder, but he managed to crack a smile and nod his head in acquiescence.

And so Viktor took the flushed Japanese skater into his arms and began taking care of him. He slowly removed each article of clothing, tossing it haphazardly in a growing heap on the floor. He refused to allow Yuri to do anything for himself, and removed his own clothes while the younger man watched with darkened eyes. Once their clothes were gone, Viktor took Yuri's hand in his and led them to the bathroom. There, he lovingly and leisurely washed every inch of his lover's body. A slow fire began to burn in the pit of Yuri's stomach as Viktor's ministrations scorched a trail of desire with each deliberate stroke. Yuri moaned as he leaned back into Viktor's chest, his head resting heavily on the Russian man's shoulder. Slowly and deliberately, Viktor worshiped Yuri's body with the washcloth as he cleansed his lover with torturous care. He gently turned Yuri around and washed his back with the same level of effort and consideration, paying a bit of extra attention to his muscular butt. Next came the shampoo and gratuitous scalp massage. By the end of the shower, Yuri had been reduced to an incoherent pile of skater goo. His knees wobbled where he stood and Viktor sat him down on the edge of the tub as he toweled him off and dried his hair. Sensing that Yuri was simply no longer able to stand on his own power, he took the Japanese man into his arms and carried him back into the room before setting him down gently on the bed.

"Viktor…I want to do something  ** _*yawn*_**  for you too."

The Russian man shook his head.

"Tonight is not about me, my love. Tonight is about you, and only you. You showed me your love out on the ice today. Just lay back and let me love and worship you like you deserve."

Yuri blushed fiercely at his lover's words. As much as he wanted to reciprocate, he didn't think he'd be able to do anything useful in the current exhausted state he found himself in.

Viktor set about lazily exploring his lover's entire body, each feathery touch followed by a litany of heated butterfly kisses. Viktor brought Yuri's blood up to a slow simmer and held it there mercilessly before finally bringing it up to a boil. Then Viktor took out the bottle of warming lube they had spiked with the extra hot sensation lube they saved for special occasions. His fingers deftly stroked, stretched and prepared him, while his free hand and mouth launched a sensual assault on his hardened flesh. Yuri writhed helplessly as he reached a point where he didn't think he could take it anymore. His whimpers grew higher in pitch and frequency and he clawed desperately at Viktor's shoulders. Feeling satisfied that Yuri was properly prepared, he moved to spread Yuri's legs before lowering himself in between them. He captured Yuri's lips with his own, gently sucking and nibbling on them as he pushed inside. Yuri cried out as he felt Viktor's length make its way past the outer ring of muscle. So may sensations and emotions were swirling around in him that Yuri felt that he'd surely be overwhelmed by them all. As Viktor bottomed out inside him, he paused to brush his unruly hair off his forehead and to look him in the eye.

"I love you."

Yuri cupped Viktor's face with his hands and brought him down for a kiss. 

"I love you, too."

They both held on tight, and loved one another well into the night. 


	56. Headed for Helsinki

Yuri received nothing short of a hero's welcome when he returned to the Sports Champions Club two days after returning to St. Petersburg. He had shown up for practice with Viktor to a rink packed with jubilant people, snacks and drinks. The surprise party touched him deeply and his emotional response got him promptly yelled at by Yura for getting all weepy when he was supposed to be happy. He celebrated with everyone and gracefully smiled as they heaped their praises and congratulations upon him. He felt so proud. Proud of what he had achieved and proud that he had such amazing rink mates. They had become his skate family and he cherished them dearly. They had all helped and supported each other in one way or another over the last couple of months. Yuri had an unshakable feeling that he was exactly where he was supposed to be.

 

The relaxed and jovial attitude was quickly set aside the next day as the push for Worlds began. Viktor and Yuri both resumed their usual training schedules, with more individual practice time being allotted now since they'd be competing against each other for the first time. Yakov had masterfully worked out schedules for Viktor, Georgi, Yuri and Yura which allowed all four of them ample practice time without the other three 'rivals' being present. Yuri was incredibly excited to be skating against Viktor. He knew that there was a very good chance that he had skated against him at some point in the past, but of course, could not remember. So as far as he was concerned, Worlds would be the first time he'd be competing against him. He wanted to give it his all. As much as he loved and respected Viktor, he was competitive and really wanted to win. Yuri only wished that the timing and circumstances weren't what they were. It seemed a bit of waste that he'd only get to skate against Viktor on the last competition of the season. But at least he'd have himself a pretty good idea of what he was up against for when the new season started up in the fall.

 

The media frenzy around Yuri died down significantly after the conclusion of Four Continents. They resumed a much more 'normal' line of questioning and interview requests, choosing to focus on the results of the competition and the plan for taking on Worlds against two of his rink mates. JJ's act of sportsmanship had pretty much put an end to all the speculation of 'bad blood' between them. Yuri felt incredible relief at this new development. Competing is stressful enough without having people in your face trying to create drama. They had stopped focusing so much on his accident as well since it seemed quite clear that he had recovered from it just fine. It was nice to have questions be about his skating again and not his personal life.

 

Some reporters from the Japanese media had shown up in St. Petersburg for interviews and his schedule had included a lot of photo shoots and promotional sound bites and video clips. Viktor had gone with him whenever possible. During those times, he had stood in the corner with a big goofy smile on his face, supporting him with his mere presence. He had stepped in every so often to give Yuri some tips and pointers whenever he had struggled with his posing and stuff. The JSU had sent him quite a few congratulatory emails and asked him if he had plans to visit Japan soon, indirectly suggesting that he do just that, at his earliest convenience.

His parents had called a few times, first to congratulate him, and then to tell him that they had never been so busy at Yu-Topia before. His gold medal had resulted in a lot of extra publicity for the city of Hasetsu, bringing in a record number of tourists and also renewed interest in figure skating and ballet. The Hasetsu Ice Castle and Minako-Sensei's studio both found themselves dealing with a sudden surge in enrollment. Yuri was truly happy that his win was having such a positive effect on his home town. The city's economy had fallen under some hard times in the last couple of years. May shops and hot spring resorts had had to close due to the lack of business. He hoped that he could keep winning and bring in some more revenue for everyone.

 

The month flew by at breakneck speed. Yuri put every ounce of effort into his practices, pushing the hardest and most technically difficult version of his programs each and every time. His muscles constantly screamed their displeasure at him and he'd found himself turning to the ice baths more and more frequently. His sessions with Volkov didn't hurt him as much as they had in the beginning. His body had already adapted to the new kind of torture and the sessions were more about maintaining his current level of conditioning and occasionally pushing some new limits. On the days that Viktor was not at practice with him, Yakov would step in to oversee things and give his advice and offer his expertise. Both he and Viktor made sure to keep Yuri from pushing himself too hard and over-training. He took things day-by-day, and before he knew it, he was packing for Helsinki. As Yuri stood in the bedroom going over his mental checklist of all the things he should have packed, Viktor snuck in behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist, leaning in to place a soft kiss on his cheek as he did so.

 

“All packed up and ready to go? Yakov will be here in about an hour, so we should double check to make sure we've got everything.”

 

Yuri nodded and turned his face to look back at Viktor, planting his own quick kiss on the man's nose.

 

“Yeah. I'm good to go. I cannot tell you how excited I am that this flight is just about an hour long. It's not often that I arrive onto a competition venue in a decent state.”

 

Viktor laughed as he hugged his lover a bit more tightly.

 

“Don't I know it! I'm excited, you'll be reasonably rested and ready right after we get checked in and take care of the basic stuff.”

 

The whole team was flying in late afternoon on March 28th. Mila was scheduled to skate her short program on the morning of the 29th and they had all agreed that they wanted to be there to support her. She had practiced at the Sports Champions Club earlier in the day and would forgo the scheduled practice tonight in Helsinki so that they could all go out for dinner together. Her next official practice would start at 6:30 am the next day and she was not feeling very thrilled about it at all. She had wondered aloud on various occasions why the organizers had chosen to put almost every ladies' and men's events before or around noon. How it would torture competitors and spectators alike with their early times. Both Yuri and Viktor were very much in agreement.

…

Their flight to Helsinki was short and uneventful, and they landed just shortly after 5 pm. Everyone lined up at the baggage claim and picked up their bags before making their way through customs. Yakov left them alone in the arrivals lounge for a few minutes to check if the van he had rented for them was outside or not. A small pack of reporters spotted them and made their way over. Viktor spotted them and sighed.

 

“Incoming reporters. Everyone on their best behavior.”

 

He turned his head and gave a certain Russian Tiger a pointed look.

 

The blonde Russian gave Viktor his most withering scowl before crossing his arms and snorting.

 

“Whatever.”

 

Yuri leaned in for a second and winked at the younger Russian skater before turning to Viktor and speaking loud enough for the young blonde to hear.

 

“I'm sure Yura will be just fine.”

 

Yuri didn't miss the younger man's smirk before he turned away to face the approaching reporters. They ended up getting split up as each reporter had someone they really wanted to interview first. Yuri got asked what he thought his chances would be against his rink mates. Did he think he would be able to beat Viktor? How worried was he about Yuri Plisetsky? Christophe Giacometti and Jean-Jacques Leroy would also be in the running for a medal, not to mention Otabek Altin and Seung-Gil Lee. How did he feel competing against such a talented group of skaters? Yuri did his best to answer all the rapid-fire questions and had to stop himself from breathing an audible sigh of relief when Yakov returned and announced that interviews were over and they had to leave. Their luggage was placed in the back and they all piled into the van. Yakov drove to the Holiday Inn Helsinki, which was only a 4-minute drive from the Hartwall Arena. There was a free shuttle service to the arena from the hotel as just about every figure skater competing was staying there due to its proximity to the arena and convenience.

 

They arrived at the hotel to a scene of barely controlled chaos. The lobby was packed with at least fifty people, almost all of them surely figure skaters. Gear bags and luggage had been piled up in a corner and people were milling aimlessly about. Some were visibly exhausted and others just looked really upset.

 

“What the fuck is _this_ all about?”

 

Yuri stepped up next to the young blonde and whispered in his ear.

 

“Chill, Yura. Whatever it is, we'll deal with it. I'll watch your stuff if you want to use the bathroom. I think it's just over that way.”

 

Yuri pulled back and pointed in the direction of the bathroom sign he'd seen earlier. Yura dropped his bags unceremoniously at Yuri's feet and then stalked off grumbling towards the bathroom. Yuri smiled wistfully as he watched the younger skater. He heard some rustling next to him and looked over to see Viktor rummaging in his carry-on bag for a few seconds before pulling out a deck of UNO cards. When Yuri shot him a quizzical side-eye, Viktor explained.

 

“Their computer system is down and they can't check anyone in at the moment. It's been down for the last hour or so and they're working like mad to get it back up and running, but they don't quite know when they'll have it back online. They're very sorry for the inconvenience and have asked us to be patient.”

 

Viktor pointed to the far corner of the lobby to where some hotel staff were setting up a few tables.

 

“They're going to put some snacks and drinks for us there as a 'sorry for the inconvenience' gesture. So, I figured we might as well play some games while we wait.”

 

Yuri was about to say something when a woman's voice called out from across the lobby.

 

“Mila! Yuri! Viktor!”

 

All three turned in unison to see Sara Crispino making her way to them with her surly-looking brother in tow.

 

Mila was ecstatic.

 

“Sara! It's so good to see you!”

 

The two women hugged each other and then Sara made her way to Viktor and then Yuri. Yuri could see her brother Mickey out of the corner of his eye, and he did not look pleased. Yuri released Sara with a friendly pat to the shoulder before Mickey came in and physically ripped him off his sister. _He has always been so overprotective of his sister. It's borderline creepy._

 

Viktor was his socially charismatic self and invited both Sara and Mickey to join them in their card game. Yura came back just then and begrudgingly greeted the Italian siblings before creating a comfortable space to sit down on the ground. Mila and Georgi were invited to join in with only Mila accepting the invitation. Georgi excused himself, stating he wished to listen to read a book and listen to music quietly in the corner. So the six of them sat down to play. They started off playing with each man and woman for themselves. Yura mopped the floor with all of them, viciously annihilating them with barely contained glee in three straight rounds. But once they decided to play doubles, the tables were turned. Yuri and Viktor took the first two rounds of doubles with Sara and Michele winning the last round. By then, the computer system had come back online, to the great relief of everyone. They started getting everyone checked in extremely quickly and efficiently. Pretty soon, the lobby was completely empty and everyone was successfully settled in at their room. The St. Petersburg crew had agreed to meet back up in the lobby in an hour to go out to dinner. They had extended their invitation to the Italian twins, but they stated they already had dinner plans with team Italy.

…

Dinner went splendidly. Yakov took them to a local restaurant with lots of good reviews. They decided to go family style and ordered a wide variety of dishes that everyone could try. Yuri fell in love with the lohikeitto, or salmon soup, while Viktor had liked the siskonmakkarakeitto sausage soup better. Yura had ranted and raved about the kaalikääryleet cabbage rolls, stuffed with minced meat and rice, and served with mashed potatoes and lingonberry jam. Yuri wondered if he liked them because they had a passing resemblance to pirozhki. Mila's favorite dish was the meatballs with mashed potatoes and lingonberry jam. She tried her hand at pronouncing the dish, but it ultimately had way too many L's for her to wrap her head around. Georgi looked like he was in love as he savored the lasimestarin, or marinated herring. Yakov seemed happy to just be eating, and appeared to be enjoying everything. Everyone had found something that they really enjoyed at dinner and returned to the hotel happily sated and with full bellies. Since Mila would be waking up so ridiculously early for her practice the next day, she'd be heading out alone with Yakov first. The four men would sleep in and wait for Yakov to come back and pick them up after breakfast. Everyone said their goodnight and turned in for the night.

_terminology_

lihapullat muusilla ja puolukkahillolla – meatballs with mashed potatoes and lingonberry jam

 

 


	57. Helsinki High Jinks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Counting down to Chapter 60! Wow, I can't believe it's gotten to this point already and I that am still nowhere near where I want to be in terms of ending it! Please hang in there, chapter 60 will bring about the start of the next major arc in the story. Everything that's happened so far has been building up to that moment. I'm super excited to start writing it. I've had this path in mind since I was writing the first five chapters.

Viktor and Yuri were roused from their sleep at 8:30 by the smartphone alarm. They spent a few minutes snuggling and cuddling as they slowly shook off the last vestiges of sleep and got themselves to a point where they were lucid enough to actually get out of bed. They got dressed and met Yura and Georgi down at the breakfast lounge and ate together. Yakov was back with the van to pick them up at 10:00 and they were at the arena by 10:06. They met up with Mila and gave her hugs and wished her good luck on her skate before settling down in the stands. There didn't seem to be too many competitors in the men's singles category around yet. Most of them would likely start arriving that afternoon. As Yuri looked around at the crowd in the stands, he noticed that there seemed to be a lot of blonde people in Finland. He wasn't one to judge, it would be rather hypocritical of him to do so, given that he came from a country wherein just about everyone had homogenous natural hair colors and eye colors. The variety of colors intrigued him. There were so many different shades of blonde and he'd even seen some rather striking shades of red. Mila had red hair, but he had found out early on during his days at the Sports Champions Club that it was not her natural hair color.

  
All four men made small talk and passed the time while they waited for the ladies' singles competition to begin. There were 20 competitors in all, a full bracket. An American skated first, followed by a Spaniard and then a Swede. Sara Crispino skated fourth and Yuri scooted forward to the edge of his seat and leaned forward. He had always loved to watch Sara skate. He had seen her evolve from a shy girl who had always relied heavily on her twin brother to an independent woman with her own distinct skating style. What her programs lacked in technical merit, they more than made up for in artistic impression.

 

"Like what you see, Yuri?"

  
Yuri was startled out his thoughts by Viktor's voice. He looked to his right to see the Russian man staring at him with a bit of a questioning look in his eyes. Yuri immediately blushed and grew a bit flustered as he tried to explain himself.

 

"A-ah…not like that! I was just thinking about how much she's grown and developed as a skater over the last couple of years. I like her skating a lot, it's very beautiful."

  
In the few years that Viktor had been supporting Mila during their competitions, he hadn't really paid much attention to the other competitors. He'd usually only barely _just_ have enough time to catch _her_ skate before he had to be whisked off somewhere for an interview or press conference or something else of the sort. Sara had been in Juniors with Mila and so he had heard about her from Mila then, but had never really paid her much mind. He felt intrigued now that Yuri had spoken highly of her skating. She was introduced by the announcer and stepped onto the ice to do a little skate around the rink. When the music started, Viktor watched. The song was Chopin's Nocturne in E minor Op. 72 No. 1 and as Viktor's critical gaze followed her every move, he realized that he had to agree with Yuri. She transitioned beautifully from the soft notes to the staccato and crescendo ones. Overall, she only flubbed a few things; wobbled on a landing and over-rotated on another jump, but was overall a joy to watch.

 

 

Mila was fourteenth and by the time it was her turn to skate, Yuri was a hot mess of excitement and nerves. He'd spent a good chunk of the past month sharing the ice with her since they'd both been scheduled in the same time slot by Yakov. Mila had shown him a few tricks on how to use his hands and wrist movements to accentuate moves and add flow to others. It was a trick that just about every single female skater relied heavily on since their artistry was judged more stringently than the men's since they weren't able to perform quad jumps. In return, Yuri had helped her with her step sequences. The song she had chosen for this season was absolute dynamite and it suited her skating style perfectly. It was called Secret Melody by Two Steps From Hell. He wanted to see if their efforts would pay off. He wanted to see Mila take gold. Yuri wondered for a brief moment if this is what Viktor felt whenever he was coaching him or every time he was about to perform.

 

Viktor, Yura and Georgi were all sitting up a bit straighter as well. Everyone was hopeful that their rink mate would do well. When her name was announced, Mila stepped onto the ice in a beautiful sleeveless green dress with an asymmetrical skirt. It was longer in the back and fluttered elegantly behind her when she moved. The bodice sparkled with accents in jeweled tones of emerald, diamond and sapphire. Her hair contained clips decorated in the same fashion and they stood in stark contrast to her red hair.

  
"She looks stunning, doesn't she?"

  
All looked toward Georgi, who had remained silent during most of the morning and had chosen this very moment to speak. Yura surprised them all by being the first one to agree. As the music began, Mila morphed into a woodland fairy on the ice. Her movements were a vision of grace as she enchanted the crowd with her short little steps and elegant movements. She created such enchanting imagery that Yuri could almost envision her dancing in the middle of a forest. When the music picked up, she morphed into something less delicate, hinting perhaps that there was more to her than she'd originally shown everyone. When the music reached its climax, she launched into an awe-inspiring step sequence that made Yuri's heart swell with pride. The woodland fairy had become a warrior nymph before their eyes. She attacked her jumps with confidence he had not seen from her before. He knew the song was coming to an end soon and was on his feet before he could stop himself. She slowed down and crossed her right leg over her left, opened her arms wide and arched her back to stare up at the ceiling. The crowd erupted in auditory bedlam, and Yuri right there with them. Both Yura and Viktor were staring at Yuri like he'd grown another head. The Russian Tiger was the first one to speak.

 

“You helped Mila with her step sequences!”

 

Yuri didn't get a chance to respond. Viktor had pulled him into an all-encompassing bear hug.

 

“Yuri, my amazing Yuri. Always thinking of others. She's never looked so thrilling out there on the ice. I'm so proud of what you've done!”

 

Once Yuri was finally able to detach himself from Viktor, he adjusted his glasses and smiled back at him.

“She helped me with a few things, too. It was a mutual exchange.”

 

“Oh? What did she help you with Yuri? Tell me!”

 

Viktor's mouth formed an adorable and nearly irresistible little pout, but Yuri refused to give in.

 

“Nope, sorry. You'll just have to wait until tomorrow to find out.”

…

 

The ladies’ short program ended with Mila in first place and Sara in fourth. The Sports Champions Club crew went down to the skaters’ area and waited for Mila to come around. When she appeared, the first thing she did was launch herself at Yuri and place a resounding kiss on his cheek.  

“Yuri, did you watch? I did great, didn’t I?”  


The young Japanese man was a bit overwhelmed by the public display of affection and sputtered helplessly for a few seconds as his face grew progressively redder and hotter.  

 

Viktor stepped in and came to Yuri’s rescue.

 

“Yes Mila, we _all_ watched. Where are _our_ kisses?”

 

Next to him, Yura looked utterly disgusted and about to gag.

 

“No way I’m letting grandma lay her saggy old hag lips on _me_! Keep your kisses or just give them all to Yuri.”

 

At the mention of kisses, Georgi’s ‘extra’ love-struck romantic sap mode was automatically activated.

 

“My dear Mila, as much as I appreciate your beauty and grace as a woman, it would not be right to accept a kiss from a woman my heart does not belong to.”

 

Both Yura and Viktor both rolled their eyes at the sudden, but not unexpected, change in the man’s demeanor. Georgi placed a hand over his heart and raised his hand dramatically toward the now-giggling red-head.

 

“I simply could not do such a thing to you, Mila. Have faith that your true love awaits you. You must save your kisses for _them_.”

 

Mila smiled and tilted her head slightly to the side as she brought both hands up to her heart.

 

“Thank you Georgi, for valuing my virtue so highly.”

 

Yuri, now recovered enough to speak, joined the conversation.

 

“Yes Mila, I watched. You were so beautiful and amazing! I felt like I was down there on the ice with you ”

 

“Well, it’s all thanks to you and all your help. After we get back to St. Petersburg, I’m taking you out and treating you to Japanese food.”

 

…

 

 

Just before Yuri and Viktor were about to leave on their sightseeing mission, they were approached by Yura.

 

“Is it ok if…can…may I…hang out with you guys today?”

 

Yuri was a bit surprised. Yura usually found his own ways to entertain himself during competitions. He was usually happy to hang out with the Kazakh skater; Otabek Altin. _Oh, I get it. Otabek probably doesn’t arrive until later today. He most likely would feel really bored hanging around Georgi and Mila._

“I don’t mind. What about you, Viktor?”

 

Viktor shrugged.

 

“I don’t mind either. BUT, I don’t want to hear any complaining whenever Yuri and I get affectionate. If you think you can handle that and not be an ass about it, then you’re welcome to join us.”

 

And so the trio left for a day packed with a variety of touristy activities. Viktor had planned on taking Yuri to the Tamppeliaukio Church and the Uspenski Cathedral, but decided to postpone his plans to their next available free day. He didn’t know if going into a church would trigger any memories for him and wanted to be alone with Yuri if it _did_ happen. So he decided to stick with the more general stuff. They took a vintage tram ride around town and then visited a sauna in Löyly. Despite grumbling about it initially, Yura seemed quite happy with the decision once they were all basking in the steam and actually ended up enjoying it immensely.

 

“Well Yura, you can’t go to Finland without visiting a sauna at least once. ‘Sauna’ is a Finnish word after all.”

 

Yura and Yuri both stared at Viktor in surprise. They had not realized that the concept had its origins in Finland.

 

They stopped for lunch at a restaurant called Savotta that was quite famous among locals and tourists alike. Yuri went for Finnish salmon from the smoker, served with goat cheese barley risotto and season’s vegetables. Viktor had the tender topside roast of reindeer which came with pine tar flavored celeriac puree, cranberry sauce and root vegetables. Yura kept it simple with traditional Karelian stew with beef, pork and lamb flanked by potatoes, pickled cucumber and beetroot.  They all agreed to try each other’s dishes and when the meal was over, all three were happily sated. For dessert they shared some Ice cream flavored with Finnish Sisu licorice, sea buckthorn sauce and peppered salty licorice crumble. It was a very interesting combination of flavors. Feeling a bit too sluggish after lunch to do anything really active, they all agreed to check out the Winter Garden. The building was one huge ornate greenhouse, and its warm temperature alone was worth the visit for how it removed the chill from their bones. They walked about slowly, in no particular hurry as they marveled at the plants and flowers. Yura fell head over heels with the Venus Fly Traps and Drosera plants. They were lucky enough to pass by as it was feeding time and got front-row seats to just how the sinister plants went about their meals. Yura couldn’t get enough of them and took at least a hundred photos. He started asking the gardener a million questions about their care and if they would be able to survive indoors in Russia. Viktor and Yuri smiled knowingly at each other. It made perfect sense that Yura would fall in love with a carnivorous plant.

 

The trio made it back to the hotel just before 7 pm and went their separate ways. Otabek had finally made it in and Yura was very excited to tell him all about Venus Fly Traps. Viktor and Yuri both got a message from Chris, asking them if they wanted to meet up for dinner. They agreed to meet up at Chris’ room at 8 to order room service together. His coach Josef had gone out with some of his own buddies earlier and so the room would be all theirs. When the pair knocked at the Swiss skater’s door, it was opened with a dramatic flourish. Twinkling green eyes greeted them and they were both hauled in for a double hug before being pulled into the room.

 

“Viktor mon cher, you look gorgeous as always. I’m absolutely thrilled to be getting the chance to skate against you again!”

 

The Swiss man released Viktor from his embrace and then turned his attention to the younger Japanese man.

 

“Yuri, mon petit chou, I had been extremely worried about your head injury and how it would affect your skating. But after watching you skate at Four Continents, mon dieu Yuri, I almost came in my pants.”

 

“Chris, you almost come over anyth…eeeek!”

 

Yuri yelped as the large hand that had found its way to his left butt cheek gave him a firm squeeze.

 

That hand was soon being physically removed by a bristling Russian.

 

“Chris, please kindly keep your hands off _my_ Yuri. His body is only for _me_ to enjoy.”

 

Chris’ mouth dropped open and his eyes nearly bulged out of his head. He looked over to Yuri and saw that the Japanese skater had dropped his face into his hands with a groan, the burning tips of his ears clearly visible.

 

Stunned green eyes met with the steady stare of sea blue ones.

 

“Oh la vache! You guys finally got together? Congratulations!”

The tension immediately drained from Viktor’s body and he burst into that trademark dazzling smile of his.

 

“Yup! Yuri and I are madly in love. Isn’t that right, Yuri?”

 

Viktor reached over and pulled the man in question into his side, wrapping a possessive arm around his waist. Yuri tried to bury his face in Viktor’s neck.  

 

“Ah, you’ll have to forgive my adorable little lover here,” Yuri groaned loudly at the word ‘lover’. “But you’re the first person we’ve openly admitted our relationship to. Yuri’s just a little embarrassed, I think.”

 

The Japanese man’s head snapped up just then. His face was still fire engine red and he was clearly still very much flustered.

 

“I _do_ love you Viktor. I’m _not_ embarrassed to say so. I was just…caught off guard a bit by the…abruptness of the announcement.”

 

Viktor’s heart-shaped smile was the only bit of warning Yuri got before his face was suddenly being peppered with kisses from the amorous Russian.

 

“Yuuuuuuri! My cute, charming Yuri! You’re still so full of surprises!”  

 

“Viktoorrrrr! Chris is watching!”

 

The Swiss skater laughed heartily at the display of affection happening in front of him.

 

“Please don’t stop of _my_ account, darlings. I’m rather enjoying the display.”

 

Viktor paused in mid-kiss and both he and Yuri turned their heads to deadpan at Chris.

 

“Well, _that_ was a mood-killer,” quipped Yuri. Viktor nodded enthusiastically as he hummed in agreement.

 

All three burst into exuberant laughter and settled comfortably in each other’s company.

 

**_terminology_**

mon cher (French) – my dear

mon petit chou (French) – my little puff pastry (term of endearment)

mon dieu (French) – my god

oh la vache! (French) – (lit. oh the cow!) used to express shock


	58. The Legend Returns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I am SO horribly sorry for the wait. Creative ADHD hit me HARD and I bit off more than I could chew! I've been writing for three fics simultaneously while drawing furiously in between. I promise that, as sure as Vikturi is my OTP, I will get this fic to chapter 60 by the end of this week. So please bear with me and thank you for your continued patience!

Viktor and Yuuri were up early to have breakfast before their official practice. Yuuri had gone into the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth. When he came out, he saw Viktor frowning down at his phone.

 

Hey, what's wrong? It's not bad news, is it? Is Makkachin OK?”

 

Viktor looked up from his phone and shook his head.

 

“Makkachin is just fine, thankfully. The weather back in St. Petersburg is another matter. There's apparently a massive cold front approaching. It could hit in two days or so.”

 

“Oh! That's right around the time we should be flying back. Do you think we could be stranded in Finland?”

 

Viktor brought his index finger to his lips and hummed thoughtfully.

 

“It's a possibility we should prepare for. I'll ask Yakov what the plan is if it comes down to that. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the storm hits after we've returned home. It'll be much easier to snuggle the two loves of my life.”

 

Yuri leaned in and gave Viktor a soft kiss on the cheek.

 

“Mhm. It just wouldn't feel right without Makkachin. Shall we go down and get started on breakfast?”

 

Viktor nodded and grabbed the room key as he stood up.

 

“Yeah, let's go.”

 

Down at the breakfast lounge, Georgi and Yura were already sitting at a table. The latter started waving at them and motioning for them to come over. Yuuri waved back at them and steered Viktor in their direction. Two minutes later, Guang Hong, Pichit and Leo de la Iglesia walked into the breakfast lounge too. Yuri waved to them and called them over. Their table was soon a bustling hub of social activity. All being documented by social media wizard; Pichit Chulanont. When Seung-Gil walked in a minute later with his coach, he took one look at their table and headed in the completely opposite direction, as far away from them as possible.

 

“I wish Seung-Gil wasn't so closed off and took part in more social interactions. I bet he is a really interesting person and has a lot to say, but just doesn't give himself the chance,” lamented the Thai skater. “I really want to get to know him. He's also incredibly cute.”

Yuri looked over at Phichit, eyes wide with surprise. He leaned in close to his ex-roommate and whispered.

 

“You have a thing for Seung-Gil?”

 

Phichit eyed Yuri coyly and smiled a secretive little smile back at him.

 

“I may, I may not. I was simply admiring his cuteness factor.”

 

Yuri sighed. “You have a secret folder of over two hundred candid photos, don't you?”

 

Phichit giggled. “Ah Yuri, I never could fool  _you_. It's just one hundred and fifty, for now.”

 

“You should just try and chat with him, Phichit. I think emailing or messaging might be better approaches. He seems quite skittish in social settings.”

 

Phichit shot his friend an incredulous look.

 

“Did those words actually just come out of your mouth right now? Did Yuri Katsuki, Mr. Socially Awkward, just offer advice regarding social awkwardness?”

 

Yuri blushed lightly when he realized how what he'd said sounded. He was left mumbling under his breath for a bit as Phichit had a good laugh at his expense. Yuri busied himself with the rest of his breakfast as the table fell into easy and friendly conversation.

 

…

 

Everyone was changed into their costumes before practice started. There wouldn't be much of a break between the allotted practice time and the actual start of the competition, and so everyone wanted to be properly prepared. Yuri was off in a corner going through his warm-up and stretches when he heard Viktor's song come on. As much as he was curious to see what was going on out on the ice, he and Viktor had both agreed to not watch each other's practices until the actual competition. Yuri had changed his jump composition a bit and added another combination jump in the second half of his program for extra points, and hoped that it would be enough to get him into a good position going into the free skate. He knew what Viktor was capable of and wanted to bring his full arsenal of tricks to the table.

 

Yura walked over next to him and placed his palms on the wall before extending his leg in a perfect standing split. Yuri couldn't help but feel a little jealous at the young Russian skater's flexibility. He wished that he had worked harder at making his own body more pliable when his body was easier to shape.

 

“How come you're not watching the old man's practice? I thought you'd be right there on the sidelines drooling over him or something.”

 

Yuri laughed as he formed a mental image of himself literally drooling over Viktor. Not because it was a funny image, but more because of how plausible it actually was.

 

“We made a deal to not watch each other until the actual performance. We wanted to surprise each other, I guess.”

 

Yura made an annoyed grunting sound as he switched legs.

 

“That damn geezer is still obsessed with surprising people, huh? Well, I guess that really  _doesn't_  surprise me.”

 

Yuri giggled as his young friend seemed to miss out on the joke he'd inadvertently just cracked.

 

“Good luck today, Yura. I'm sure you'll do great!”

 

“Obviously. You better bring your A-game, Katsuki. I wanna skate against that same guy who skated at Four Continents. You better bring it.”

 

“I wouldn't dream of anything less.”

 

…

 

“Viktor mon cher, where's your amorous shadow?”

 

The Russian skater paused to take a drink from his water bottle and brushing some hair off his face before turning to answer his Swiss friend.

 

“Off in some corner warming up, I imagine. There's only one more skater scheduled to practice before his turn is up.”

 

“Did you guys have a fight or something?”

 

Viktor seemed a bit shocked by the question.

 

“No, why would you say that?”

 

“Well cherie, It's just that you two seemed attached at the hip recently and it seems somewhat...I dunno...unnatural to see one with the other.”

 

“Ah, well...no fighting...just some competitive shenanigans, I'm afraid. We've both mutually avoiding each other's practices for the full surprise effect during the actual competition. It's all rather exciting and I'm very much looking forward to wowing Yuuri.”

 

“I see. What's with the gloves though? I haven't seen you incorporate gloves into your costume since your Junior days.”

 

Viktor's eyes softened as he looked down lovingly at his gloved hands.

 

“I'm wearing our rings today. Mine on the left hand and Yuuri's on the right. I wanted them to be present when I stepped back professionally onto the ice, but can't skate with them shining away in the floodlights for obvious reasons.”

 

Chris sighed. “Right, he hasn't regained his memories yet and seeing the rings before a major competition would have potentially disastrous consequences.”

 

Viktor nodded.

 

“So let's keep this just between us, okay?”

 

“Your secret is safe with me.”

…

 

Yuuri's practice run went off without a hitch. He landed every jump and left the ice feeling generally pretty good. As he was stepping off the ice, JJ was at the gate waiting for him. When he saw Yuri eyeing him suspiciously, he put his hands up in a defensive gesture.

 

“Peace, peace! I just wanted to wish you good luck. I look forward to competing against the best you have to bring today.”

 

Visibly relieved, Yuri extended his hand out to the Canadian skater.

 

“Thank you, JJ. I wish you luck today as well. High-quality skaters like yourself always serve to push me forward and make me want to better myself.”

 

Yuri caught JJ's eyes suddenly looking off to the side and was about to turn his head to see what he was looking at when he found himself suddenly pulled forward and an arm draped over his shoulder. Camera flashes went off left and right as JJ leaned in and whispered into his ear.

 

“C'mon Yuri, smile for the cameras!”

 

Yuri did his best to smile as non-awkwardly as possible as the reporters' cameras snapped pictures of the pair.

 

“So you see gentlemen, Mr. Katsuki and I here are just fine and have great respect for one another as competitors.”

 

Yuri nodded and waved at the cameras as he tilted his head and flashed his most charming smile.  _Thank kami I have so many Viktor source material smiles to draw from. It totally just saved me!_ Once the reporters left, JJ released Yuri's hand and smiled somewhat sheepishly at him.

 

“Sorry about just springing that on you. I saw the reporters approaching, probably looking for some drama, and wanted to lay that bullshit to rest once and for all. I seriously hold no ill will toward you, Yuri. I think you're a fantastic skater and I have a lot of respect for you. Good luck this afternoon, I'll be watching!”

 

And then JJ was gone in a blur of red and black and Yuri was left standing there, a little bit bewildered and somewhat in awe of what had just happened. Yura and Viktor both were shortly by his side, asking him if JJ had come over to try and start any trouble.

 

“No, he didn't. I'm actually, kinda really surprised. He...wished me good luck, told me he respected me as a competitor and then made us look really friendly for some reporters. It kinda feels that he really went out of his way to do that.”

 

Yuri was looking away and missed the knowing look that was shared between the two Russians standing nearby.

…

 

Yuri stood anxiously by the sideboards, waiting for Viktor to take the ice. The moment had finally arrived in which he would be able to see Viktor's return to the world of competitive figure skating. His whole body trembled with anticipation as he saw Viktor have one last pow wow with Yakov while he waited for his name to be announced.

 

“Skating for Russia, and making his return to the ice as a competitor, Viktor Nikiforov.”

 

Viktor stepped onto the ice, his costume shimmering prettily under the arena lights. He had chosen Lindsey Sterling's Shadows to skate to, which apparently was a bit out of character for Viktor, who was known to go with more operatic and orchestral pieces. He had wanted to make a roaring first impression though, and had chosen the song for its contemporary mix of violin use and more modernized beats. The song started out with a beat that instantly got the crowd right into it. Thirty seconds in and Viktor had thrown down a quad flip. The cheers hit the roof as the Russian man landed his signature jump flawlessly. The song then picked up speed until the forty second mark, at which Viktor launched into his first step sequence. It was such an elegantly fluid thing of beauty. The way Viktor moved out on the ice was simply poetry in motion. Every movement poignantly precise and crucial to the story playing out on the ice.

 

At the one minute and thirteen mark, the violins cut out a bit and only the sounds of the dubstep beats filled the arena. Viktor chose that part of the song to meet his spin requirements. What he lacked in flexibility, he more than made up for in creative positions, transitions and combinations. The violin came in once more, starting off slowly an building up once more. In came a triple Axel followed by a quad toe, triple toe combo. The music picked up again followed by a second step sequence. Yuri could see that Viktor was getting a bit tired, but still looked good. He was doing a great job of hanging in there. The song ended on a slow and easy beat, giving Viktor the opportunity to end things up with another dazzling spin sequence. The song faded out slowly, getting cut over a whole minute of its full run-time. Viktor took his final ending pose, down on one knee with his head cradled in his hands. Yuri knew that it was a strategic position, it would give Viktor a few precious seconds to catch his breath so he wasn't huffing and puffing when he stood back up.

 

Viktor pushed back up on two feet, giving his head a dramatic toss to the side as he smiled and waved to the crowd. The whole arena was on their feet, cheering for the Living Legend's triumphant return to the ice.

…

 

The day ended with Yuri in first place over Viktor by the narrowest of margins; eight hundredths of a point. Viktor Nikiforov was a worthy opponent. If Yuri wanted to win that gold, he'd have to pull out all the stops in two days' time.

 

______extra stuff ______

Viktor's costume based on this one

<https://www.aliexpress.com/item/RUBU-Customization-Ice-Skating-Dress-Competition-Figure-Skating-Baton-Twirling-Costume-Men-and-Child-Ice-Skating/32848782062.html> but with varying shades of silver replacing the red/orange/yellow tones. Also, black sparkly gloves accented with rhinestones.

 

From the previous chapter, Mila's costume is based on this one, but with a longer skirt in the back.

<https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/alena-leonova-of-russia-skates-in-the-ladies-short-program-news-photo/155938626?adppopup=true>

 

 


	59. The Perfect Storm

The following day and a half was rather uneventful. The weather was absolutely dreadful and most competitors had opted to stay indoors and close to their hotels during down time. Even the locals seemed a bit alarmed by the turn of events and were opting to stay indoors as well. The dense cold air system coming down from the Arctic Ocean met with warm air blowing up from the Gulf of Finland, resulting in a violent blanket of thick and heavily falling snow. Helsinki was right on the shorelines of the gulf, its narrow mouth making it seem more like a lake than a connection to the Baltic Sea. This geological feature also meant that the gulf experienced near-identical conditions to that of lake effect snow.

Most of Scandinavia was being slowly buried in ridiculous amounts of the white stuff, and that same system was making its way east toward Russia. Viktor was getting really worried about the looming inclement weather. It had all the hallmarks of a perfect storm, the kind that only hits once a decade and maybe only every half-century. St. Petersburg was particularly vulnerable, for it was flanked on the west by the Neva Bay and a bit further away on the east by Lake Ladoga, and also had the Neva River branching through it. All those bodies of water would serve to feed warm air into the storm and fuel it further.

His house was on one of the upper scale and sparsely populated islands in the Petrogradsky District, which meant that it was completely bordered by water. Viktor was no stranger to Russia's severe snowstorms and blizzards, and felt rather prepared with his two generators and cache of emergency supplies. It had been quite some time since a storm of this magnitude had come along and he wanted to make sure that he was one hundred percent ready. So here he was, the night before the free skate, mentally going over his supplies in his head and making a list of things he wasn't sure he had or that he'd need more of. Yuri was in the room with him, busying himself by making some tea.

Earlier in the evening, they had had dinner at the hotel with the St. Petersburg crew and a few of the other skaters they knew well from other competitions. Mila had won her first gold medal in the ladies' event and not even the bad weather had been able to put a damper on the celebrations. There had been a lot of champagne flowing freely at their table, and the ladies had partied without a care, since their event was officially over. Yuri and Viktor had both politely turned down the champagne and had recused themselves from the festivities to have a quiet remainder of the evening back in their room. Many of the men had also started to break off from the main party to get their rest in before the free skate. It was their turn to have a ridiculously early practice time, their free skate was slotted to start at 10:40 a.m.

"Hey Yuri, do you want to change our flight tomorrow to an earlier one? I've talked to Yakov about it already and he says he doesn't mind, as long as we cover any fees and stuff."

The young Japanese skater paused the tea-making process to look at Viktor.

"Hmm, I don't mind. It  _would_  be much better to be back home when the storm hits. I'd rather ride out the storm in familiar surroundings than here in Helsinki. How much earlier are we talking about?"

"I was thinking that we leave for the airport right after the exhibition skate. According to the satellite images, it seems that there might be a short reprieve in the weather around that time. We might  _just_  make it out of Finland before it picks up again."

Yuri nodded as he stepped away from the kettle with two piping hot mugs of tea.

"I'm alright with that. It'll mean we'll have to be all packed tonight and take everything with us to practice tomorrow morning. What about Makkachin?"

"Makka is getting picked up by the same house sitting company I always use. They'll drop him off together with the supplies I've asked them to get. They'll turn the heat on too, so hopefully the house will be all warm and cozy when we drive in."

"Sounds like you've got everything taken care of. Now, all we've got left is packing."

...

It was a dark, cold and miserable morning. The hotel lounge was filled with all the usual faces, but everyone was much more low-key and retrained. Many of the competitors looked half-asleep, their small eyes struggling to stay open. It was an incredibly stark change from the lively and chatty group from just two days ago. Yakov was parked out front, ready and waiting for all four of them promptly after breakfast. Yuri and Viktor loaded all their luggage into the back of the van while Georgi and Yura scurried into the van to escape the cold and wet, slushy falling snow. The drive to the arena that morning took twice as long as it usually did. Yakov was being extra cautious as the roads were a bit of a mess. Plows were out in full force, desperately trying to clear the roads the best way they could, but still remaining somewhat overwhelmed by the amount that the skies kept dumping out the city.

Once they'd finally made it to their destination, all the luggage was taken to the locker room and securely stowed. They would have to take a taxi to the airport as Yakov would have to stay with the others for interviews and such. All four competitors quickly got to work getting dressed and doing the stretches and warm-ups. Yuri's practice time slot was in the first block of time along with Christophe, Phichit, Leo, Michele and Seung-Gil. They would first start all together on the ice as they went through their warm-up exercises, then would have the chance to have one full run-through of their whole song. Yuri was going through some last minute stretches when Phichit and Christophe approached him.

"Yuri cheri, you've been absolutely marvelous these past few events. What's your secret?"

The Swiss skater winked at Yuri as he spoke. He had, of course, a pretty good idea of what kind of wind had gotten under Yuri's sails. But was keeping his mouth zipped out of courtesy to his friends.

Yuri looked at Christophe with a bit of a puzzled expression on his face.

"Have I really been that different from before? The only new thing I really learned was the quad Lutz."

Phichit threw an arm around Yuri's shoulders.

"Nope. There's definitely something different about you. For starters, you're much more confident than before, and much less socially awkward. And can we talk about how easily I'm able to touch you nowadays?"

Yuri's brow furrowed as he tried to think back on a time when he wasn't just how he is now. He felt that he still got anxious about quite a few things and still awkward in his own mind about a lot of stuff. He didn't really understand what major changes those two were talking about, so he just shrugged and smiled.

"Ah...well, I guess learning to jump better has just given me a bit more confidence on the ice than before. Viktor is a great coach and he's helped me a lot."

Christophe and Phichit exchanged knowing looks between them. Phichit leaned in closer.

"What  _other_  kinds of training has Viktor been putting you through, Yuri?"

Yuri tried, and failed miserably to not show his embarrassment. As his face turned the telltale shade of red, the other two skaters burst into hearty laughter.

Phichit removed his arm from Yuri's shoulders and gave him a parting pat on the back.

"Ah-ha! Your secret is out, Yuri. It's quite clear now just what, or who, has  _inspired_  your great performances this year!"

Yuri mumbled incoherently as he excused himself from the pair to step out onto the ice for his practice.

...

Yuri was scheduled to skate last. Going into the free skate in first place earning him that illustrious spot. Going last was a bit more nerve wracking, because it required a lot more waiting, but it was also the best strategic position possible. It gave the skater the time to tweak a few small things according to how the other competitors' scores were stacking up. Much like the short program, he was only half-paying attention to the other skaters, and was mostly excitedly waiting for Viktor's turn to skate. He had chosen the song during one of their Game of Thrones binge-a-thons. It had taken the finale of season six, but Viktor's eyes had absolutely lit up when he'd heard the song. It was called Light of the Seven and was played when the Sept of Baelor had gone up in green flames. He'd managed to find a hauntingly beautiful orchestral cover that only required minimal cropping to fit the four minutes needed.

When Viktor stepped out onto the ice, Yuri sighed. The costume was absolutely stunning and glittered just right in the lights, giving him a sublime glow.

"Oh my god, get a room."

Yuri looked up to his left to see the very annoyed-looking eyes of a blonde Russian skater. Yura had skated already and had finished right after Christophe had taken the ice. His skate had gone quite well and he was actually in second place. Yuri smiled as he winked at the younger skater.

"We don't need a room, we have our own house."

"Ugh, you're such a sappy love suck sometimes, it's nauseating."

Yuri reached over to ruffle Yura's hair, earning him some angry swats, before turning his attention back to Viktor. As Yuri watched Viktor skate, he was in absolute awe. These other feelings stirred up inside him. More than the love he already felt for the man. More than the admiration he already had in abundance. It was an overwhelming sense of familiarity, like he'd been watching this man, and being enthralled by his performances for a  _long_  time. The back of Yuri's head tingled and he wondered if his brain was trying to remember something. He pushed the sensation from his mind as he tried to focus on the performance in front of him. Viktor had planned the majority of his jumps in the first half of the program. It was a wise decision as he wasn't the spring chicken he used to be, and he found himself getting tired much more quickly than before. He'd done a lot of conditioning since the new year, and had learned to manage his stamina depletion a bit better. He'd gotten quite good at putting forth maximum artistic impression with the minimal exertion required. As Viktor's skate came to an end, Yuri felt energized. His lover had put on a near-perfect performance. He would have to go out there and skate for his life.

...

Yuri stood on the podium, a silver medal around his neck. Viktor had won gold and Yura had managed to sneak past Christophe to snag the bronze. Yuri felt proud of his performance. He may not have won gold, but he really couldn't be mad, being beaten by such an amazing skater like Viktor. This was officially the last event of the skating season, and they'd have the whole summer to work on their new programs. Yuri was already looking to the future. His newly acquired skills gave him a lot more leeway with music choices and more challenging choreography and jumps. He would return in the fall armed and ready to take the skating world by storm. He'd still have Viktor to contend with on the ice, but he would come out swinging. Viktor smiled down at him and Yuri smiled right back.

...

Their mad dash to the airport began immediately after the exhibition skates had ended. They excused themselves from the photographers and interview requests, they had a plane to catch. They quickly changed into their comfy travel garb, thankful that the flight at least would only be an hour long. Viktor called the house sitting service to check in with them, and they informed him that everything had been taken care of. Makkachin was already in the house and had also been fed. They rushed out of the arena and grabbed the cab that was already waiting for them outside. Although the drive to airport was slow, really slow, they made it to the airport with time to spare. Check-in went without incident and they were boarding their flight a short while later. The snow had finally stopped falling and the skies looked clear for the first time in days. Viktor was feeling extremely thankful that the satellite images had not been wrong, and they'd be able to leave Helsinki in no time. The ground crew sprayed the plane with one last layer of de-icing fluid and then the plane was taxiing to its take-off runway. The plane sped up and then they were airborne. The question now became: would they be able to land in St. Petersburg before the storm caught up to them?

They made it, just barely. The flight that landed after theirs was the last one before they grounded all planes and began diverting flights to other airports. They had encountered a  _lot_  of turbulence on their final approach and Yuri had been scared. The plane had shook and rattled greatly as they continued their descent. The two men had held hands throughout the entire ordeal, desperately trying to comfort each other and give each other strength. Babies had started fussing and their cries added to the worried murmurs of the other passengers on board. When they had finally landed, shaken but in one piece, Yuri felt like he could have  _actually_  kissed the ground. He was so relieved to be off the plane. He had a strong suspicion that there were at least two hundred other people who agreed with him. 

They took a taxi back home, the growing curtain of snow forcing even the craziest of Russian drivers to slow down. The drive back home took nerve nerve-wracking minutes, instead of the usual forty. Their whole trip had left both men a bundle of nerves and they almost cried with relief when their little house came into view. They had finally made it. There was nothing on earth a hot shower, a hot meal and some hot tea couldn't fix. Viktor paid the taxi driver, making sure to tip him well for having driven in such horrid weather. They hurriedly took their luggage inside the house and brushed off the piles of snow off their coats before removing them . The weather had become much worse during their drive. The wind had picked up significantly and visibility was nearly nil. There was a high likelihood that they'd be stuck in the house for a few days until the storm passed. 

They split up and went about different tasks as soon as they entered the house. Yuri went for the shower first while Viktor got started on making some food. Yuri took their carry-on backpacks to the bedroom and began stripping. Viktor popped in quickly to remove some of the edible goodies he's picked up at the Helsinki airport. They had to be refrigerated or they'd spoil. He gave Yuri's butt a little love tap before winking and heading back into the kitchen. Once Yuri was under the soothing hot waters of the shower, all worries and stress seemed to melt away and he immediately relaxed. He washed his hair thoroughly, taking the time to massage his scalp. He put on a pair of shorts and then walked out of the bathroom, vigorously rubbing the towel in his hair to dry it. 

As he walked into the bedroom, Yuri tripped over something or other on the floor. The towel had obscured his vision and he had not seen whatever he had just stubbed his toe on. As he fell forward, he reached out for something to steady himself on. Once he removed the towel from his head, he looked down. He saw that he had tripped over Viktor's backpack and knocked it over. As he squatted down to pick the bag up and put the stuff that had fallen out of it back in, a small velvet covered box caught his attention. Curious, Yuri picked it up and opened it. He gasped as he saw two golden rings nestled inside. A million and one thoughts and feelings rushed into him at once.  _Was Viktor going to ask him to marry him?_  As Yuri picked up one of the rings, he suddenly felt sick to his stomach. The growing pressing at the back of his head went straight past tingling right into pounding. Unsure and confused as to why he'd be having such a strong reaction to a ring, Yuri powered through the discomfort to examine the piece of jewelry further. He thought he saw something engraved on the inside and wanted to get a better look. He brought the ring up to the light and it glinted brightly. That gleam of gold entered his eyes and seemed to cut right through his skull. Yuri quickly dropped the ring, and brought both hands up to his face. The room was suddenly  _way_  too bright and his brain felt like it was melting. Yuri looked over at the ring one more time, and then  _remembered_. 

 

**_extra information_**

Viktor's short program song: watch?v=JGCsyshUU-A

Viktor's free skate song: watch?v=uEzj1EUq0mE

Viktor's costume: .

Change the reds-yellows to shades of green, worn with black gloves.


	60. A Raging Flood of Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I cannot express how cathartic it is to finally here and writing out these scenes I've had in my head since November of last year! Things will definitely pick up a lot from here on. Full angst warning in effect, folks. Shit's gonna get dark and traumatizing for a bit...so please hang in there. The weather is most peaceful right after a raging storm!
> 
> This chapter is the succession of memories and feelings that are hitting Yuri after seeing the glinting light reflecting off the ring has finally unlocked his memories. It's a bit of a monster, but necessary. ^o^

 

Memories all rushed into Yuri's mind at once, creating a kind of bottleneck in his brain. There were so many of them, rushing past him at blinding speeds, playing out like a movie stuck in fast forward. Some of the things that came to him, he had already remembered on his own sometime after his accident. He had started skating because of Yuuko and that simple act had resulted in his life being much less miserable than it had been previously. It had made his parents happy and had served to have them finally stop needling him about his shy awkwardness. Of how he had gotten to know about Viktor through her as well, and how seeing Viktor skate had set something off in him that pushed him to become the best he could be. He remembers now, how his sole purpose in skating had become about being good enough to share the ice with Viktor someday.  _If only I could go back in time and tell my younger self that it would be all worth it one day, to be sharing not only the ice with the man, but his love and bed as well._

The next big chunk of his life flew by in a blur. He caught glimpses of competitions, his victories and disappointments. Seeing how his lingering anxieties had sabotaged him on more than one occasion, nothing new. Then came the Grand Prix in Sochi. The blood, sweat, tears and sacrifices that had come just prior to qualifying for the event. He had moved heaven and Earth to get there, and was finally getting a chance to skate on the same ice as Viktor. He would get to show Viktor what he was capable of, at last. He had placed well after the short program and was feeling pretty good about things, until that fateful phone call from his parents. They could have waited, no… _should_  have waited until he had performed his free skate. But his parents had never bothered too much with his  _feelings_ , and to them, Vi-Chan was  _just an animal_. He relived the emotional turmoil of losing his dog, the only one who had truly been there for him during the tougher times. The only one who didn't care about his anxiety or insecurities and loved him unconditionally as he was. He had gorged himself on anything even remotely edible during the two days between the short program and free skate, turning to food for comfort as there was no one  _real_  he could actually turn to. He had been a depressed husk of his former self and it showed in his performance. He had tanked magnificently, scoring over one hundred points less than Viktor and ruining his chances to ever be seen as anything as an utter failure.

On his way out of the arena with Celestino, he had seen someone holding a small poodle in their arms and had felt a stab of guilt deep in his heart. He had always meant to return for Vi-Chan, but had put his career first. He had put one Viktor before the other, and ended up losing both. After listening numbly to newscaster Morooka's words of encouragement, he thought he had heard his name being called by Viktor's voice. He had turned around, hopeful that perhaps the man would offer some words that would lift his spirits. But he had been talking to  _Russian Yuri_  and not him. He had paused to stare at them, marveling at their camaraderie, and wishing he had someone to have that level of affability with. Viktor had spotted him then, and surmised that he had wanted a commemorative photo.  _A photo to commemorate what? The worst moment of his entire career?_  No, he did not feel worthy of being on the same ice as Viktor anymore, let alone in his presence. He saw himself turning away from Viktor, and following Celestino wordlessly out.

Later on that same night, he was in his only suit, a poorly crafted and itchy thing that had been the only affordable option within his budget. He was miserable and definitely  _not_  happy at all about it. He had wanted nothing more than to just stay in his hotel room that night. He didn't want to face the other competitors, he didn't want to deal with their pity, curiosity or questions. But Celestino had strong-armed him into going to the damn banquet. His coach had friends he wanted to see and wanted to enjoy himself that last night in Russia. Yuri couldn't really blame him,  _he_  hadn't been the one with the catastrophic fall from grace, things rolled off the man like water off a duck's back. Yuri envied and cursed that ability of Celestino's. He just didn't know how it was possible to  _not_  let things affect you like that.

They arrived at the banquet and Celestino had been swept away immediately by a very sociable group of people. Celestino had charm and charisma, and people actually  _wanted_  to talk to him. He had been left abandoned by the champagne table, and so he did the only rational thing left for him to do. He drank. And drank, and drank, and drank. Each successive glass of champagne made him care less and less about…everything. Alcohol does strange things to people. It loosens their inhibitions and leads them to often make  _bad_  decisions. Some people became sad and depressed when drunk, others got really flirty and forward,  _he_  was a party animal drunk. He supposed that alcohol unlocked some deeply hidden fun and exciting version of himself that his anxieties usually kept locked away under layers of self-doubt.

The memories started becoming fuzzy and unclear, but he still managed to grasp snippets of crucial moments. He watched on, with great chagrin, as he saw himself lose his tie, then his shirt and finally his pants. He had ended up challenging everyone to a dance-off and had ended up pole-dancing with Chris.  _How the hell did a pole end up at the banquet?!_  He had danced with Viktor. Good god,  _how_  he had danced with Viktor. How had he not retained any memories of such a momentous event? He cursed the alcohol for making him forget such moments, even if it was for his own good. He imagines that he would have been morbidly mortified waking up the next morning to these memories. He saw himself pressing  _obscenely_  close to Viktor, asking him to be his coach and to come visit the hot springs in Hasetsu. It was then he saw it, that  _look_  in Viktor's eyes. The one he'd grown accustomed to seeing every day. He  _saw it_ , the moment Viktor had fallen in love with him.

Time flew forward once more and he was back in Hasetsu, licking his wounds and trying to get himself out of the bog of self-pity he had been mired in since tanking at the Grand Prix and then sinking even further by finishing dead last at Nationals. He had been depressed and then had decided that he was sick of being depressed and started training again to lose all the weight he'd put on. He had worked hard on perfecting Stammi Vicino, Viktor's gold-winning aria, and had decided to show it to Yuuko. Her triplets had secretly filmed the whole thing and posted it online. The video had gone viral and the next thing he knew, Viktor was naked in his family's hot spring. Everything made so much more sense now. Viktor was there because he had invited him during a drunken bender he had no memory of. Viktor had been so forward with him at first because he had practically dry-humped his leg at the banquet. As the scenes of their life together at Yu-Topia played out in front of his eyes, he recognized the lustful looks Viktor had often sent his way. He also did not miss the hurt that flitted across those beautiful eyes every time he had acted unintentionally cold or closed off toward him.  _Oh my God, how could I have been so blind? It was all there in front of me from the beginning! Viktor told me he'd been in love with me since before he became my coach, I didn't realize that it's been for so long!_

The Onsen on Ice event came next, and he smiled wryly as he finally figured out why Viktor had assigned him Eros to skate to. Based on the pole-dancing lascivious Yuri he had experienced at the banquet, Viktor must have figured it wouldn't be much of a stretch to him at all. It also reminded him of how Yura had come crashing into his life, literally. Yuri's chest tightened painfully as he recalled how callous and rude he'd been to Yura the first time he'd run into him at the Sports Champions Club.  _No wonder he acted the way he did. I was treating him like some spoiled brat of a near-stranger instead of someone I had lived and trained with._  Good God, Yura had taught him the quad Salchow! He would have to apologize to him profusely later on. He felt a bit conflicted about this particular memory. For some reason still unknown to him, his brain had decided to block everything related to Viktor and intimately connected to him as well. That explains why he had been so sketchy on Yura's role in their hot spring stand-off. His accidental encounter with Viktor's trophy room had reminded him that Yura had been in Hasetsu, but had neglected to fill in all the holes of the event in his memory. But if he had retained his memories of Yura from the beginning, perhaps they never would have developed their friendship to the point it's at now. He had felt a bit intimidated by the teen and a bit jealous of his easygoing relationship with Viktor. Perhaps everything  _does_  happen for a reason.

When Viktor had suggested that he produce his own free skate and he had gone into a panic. He had never chosen his own music before and was deathly afraid that Viktor would finally see his shortcomings and how weak he was. He had avoided the man for days but was finally roped into going to the beach with him. Viktor had asked him what role he needed to play in his life. He had simply stated that Viktor should just be himself. Later on, he had announced his theme for the season on national television, the theme of love. Looking back on his words from that time, he groaned. They certainly now clearly sounded like the ramblings of a love-sick man to his own ears. He had inadvertently confessed his feelings to Viktor, who had of course totally missed them due to the language barrier.  _How did two people so comically keep missing the signs they were putting out for one another? How had Viktor had enough sanity to hold on for so long?_  He then skipped forward to Nationals, and looking back on things now, Viktor applying his lip gloss had been a blatantly public act of seduction...which of course he had missed. He understood now why Minami had been freaking out.  _Geez, I must be **really**  slow if Minami caught onto Viktor before I did._

The Cup of China memories came next. He was thankful that things were pulling up to more recent times, he was feeling absolutely exhausted and the back of his head was still pounding. He had skated with the intention of showing everyone that he had gotten to where he was because of Viktor's love. Had he even considered that Viktor actually  _loved_  him at the time? Love is a word thrown about so freely at times that it tends to lose its power. For him at the time, 'love' had been Viktor having faith in him to be more than what he believed himself to be. How naive his inexperienced self had been, then. His short skate had scored him a new personal best score, beating his old one by ten points. He had been absolutely over the moon at the time. How quickly his joy had soured in his mouth when he realized that he had actually finished the day on top. The pressure of leading the pack and everyone's well wishes from back home had amped his anxiety up to the max. He didn't sleep a wink that night and it showed the next morning at practice. Viktor had sent him right back to bed, telling him to sleep right until competition time. He remembered that morning he'd woken up in bed next to Viktor at the Hilton Barcelona. The man hadn't been wrong, they  _had_  shared a bed before. Unfortunately, he hadn't been able to sleep then either, the stress of performing replaced by worrying if Viktor had set the alarm or not.

He had flubbed a jump during practice when Viktor had specifically told him not to do any jumps. It had, as Viktor had predicted, only served to shred the tattered remnants of his confidence even further. During the other competitors' performances, hearing the crowds cheering had only pushed him deeper and deeper into despair. Viktor, bless his inexperienced coach soul, had tried all the  _wrong_  things in an attempt to snap him out of it. All he had desperately wanted at the time was for Viktor to tell him he had more conviction than he himself had at the time. Faith that he would win, even when he was drowning in so much self-doubt. He had cried at the time, an act that had actually worked to his advantage as it had been a violent release of all his pent-up anxiety. He had gone into his free skate a lot more relaxed than he thought he should be, given the circumstances. And even though he had touched down on the triple Axel and over-rotated on the triple Axel-single loop-triple Salchow combo, he had felt really good. He decided to raise the stakes by changing his last jump into a quad Flip, which was Viktor's signature jump. He had fallen, but had gotten all his rotations in so it counted as a quad Flip.

He had seen Viktor covering his face, and for a moment, had wondered if he was crying or was mad at him for doing something so reckless. When he had skated toward the kiss and cry, Viktor had opened the gate and  _launched_  himself at him...and  _kissed_  him. His first kiss had been over before it started and had happened in front of thousands of strangers. His reaction, or lack of reaction, puzzled him. It was weird, seeing Viktor's lips closing the distance between them and  _not_  feeling the tingle of anticipation he associated with the act nowadays. How had he been so blase about the act when kissing Viktor was one of his favorite things to do of all time? He had ended up with the silver medal that day, Phichit having taken the well-deserved gold.

The Rostelecom Cup rolled into view next and he found himself being a bit taken by surprise by his conviction to show Russia that Viktor belonged at his side and that he would intimidate  _them_  before they could intimidate  _him_. He had been so worried about not qualifying for the Grand Prix final, and how it would be the end of his partnership with Viktor. He had been absolutely steadfast in his belief that Viktor would leave him and return to competing professionally if he failed to get to the final. He had been under the impression that Viktor had dropped everything on a whim to be his coach, that there hadn't been a rhyme or reason to his actions. And that he would leave on another equal whim once he became bored of dissatisfied with him as a skater. He quickly saw how some missing memories from a drunken night had led to  _so much_  misunderstanding. He had lived those months training with Viktor under constant fear that the man would change his mind and leave. But Viktor had simply accepted his invitation and had come willingly and knowingly to him to be his coach. The viral video of the aria must have come across to Viktor as restating the invitation.  _Oh, how much easier things would have been between them had all the cards been on the table from the get-go!_

He blushed as he recalled how forward he had been, grabbing Viktor by the tie and pulling him in close like he had, before promising to show all of Russia his love. He was reminded then, that he had this kind of imaginary switch that got flipped every once in a while when all the conditions were just right. That had definitely been one of them. He had taken to the ice that day like he owned it, and it had reflected in his score and he had ended the day in second place behind JJ. Then...and then...he had gotten that call from Mari. Makkachin had gotten into some steamed buns and they had gotten stuck in his throat. He was at the emergency Vet, but they weren't sure he'd make it or not. He had gone into a panic. Viktor needed to return to Japan. He  _had_  to. He had to be with Makkachin no matter what. He didn't want Makka to end up like Vi-Chan. Viktor had left him in Yakov's care and had returned to Japan that same night.

His vision had been blurry and watery as he had taken the ice. His anxiety had reared its ugly head again then. As it was apt to do during moments he needed it to be the furthest thing from his mind. His poisonous thoughts and self-doubt had gotten to him and the more he fought to dig himself out of the hole, the more things seemed to stack up against him. He had flubbed some jumps and had tried to make them up with some triple combos in the second half, but knew it wouldn't be enough. As he had seen his score in the kiss and cry, he had been all but sure that he wouldn't qualify for the Grand Prix Final and that Viktor would return to Russia without him.

Then, there had been a shining beacon of light in his bottomless pit of darkness. He had tied Michele Crispino in points, but because he had won the silver medal in the Cup of China, he squeaked in and took the last available spot. He had walked around in a zombiefied stupor, hugging anyone he could get his hands on. Then came the part he had remembered back when Yura gave him pirozhki back in St. Petersburg. It had been the moment he had decided that he would try to win gold for Viktor and then retire from skating regardless of what medal he won. That way, Viktor wouldn't have a reason to stick around. The Russian Legend would return to professional skating and all would be well with the world.  _What a selfish thing for me to do. I never even once asked Viktor what **he**  wanted or how  **he**  felt about things._ So great was his fear of Viktor's rejection, that he would lash out and reject Viktor first and spare himself from the hurt.

Back at the Fukuoka Airport, he had gotten off the plane with every intention of telling Viktor about his plans. But seeing Viktor through the class had sent every single of those intentions flying out the window. They had run alongside the glass together, and when the door finally opened, he had thrown himself into Viktor's open arms. He didn't  _want_  it to end. He wanted Viktor to be his coach forever, but he also didn't want to be the one who killed Viktor as a competitor. The longer Viktor remained as his coach, the harder it would be for him to return to the ice. He had asked Viktor to be his coach until he retired, knowing full-well that he would retire at the end of the season. His deceitful little heart had almost broken when Viktor had compared his request to a marriage proposal, kissed his hand and stated that he wished he would never retire. His tears then had been of anguish, though he is sure Viktor had likely thought they had different meaning.

He finally made it to the Grand Prix, the point from which his memories of Viktor had previously ceased to exist. He was anxious to know what had happened during those days, and hopefully get some answers. They had flown into Barcelona from Japan and the jet lag had hit him hard. He had gone to sleep immediately, requiring at least a short nap to be able to function normally for the rest of the evening. When he'd come to, his toxic thoughts had threatened to overwhelm him once more. How was he supposed to win gold when the other five skaters were so amazing and he had bombed to terribly the year before? Viktor had shown up then, cold and wet, with Chris in the same state tagging along with him. It had been a timely distraction. After practice, he had asked Viktor to take him sightseeing, and they had had a ton of fun doing all the touristy things together. He had screwed up by losing one of Viktor's shopping bags and they had ended up walking through a Christmas market in silence.

Then he had decided to buy the gold ring.  _Oh! The rings in the box! One of them was his!_  He had wanted to give Viktor something golden, in case he didn't win gold in the Grand Prix Final. He had wanted him to have a 'good luck charm'. He had put the ring on Viktor's finger in a church. _For the love of all that is holy, it looks exactly like an engagement!_  And before he knew it, Viktor had produced a matching ring for him, too!  _When the hell did he get **that**? _He could see the emotions in Viktor's eyes. He could see how affected he was by what had happened in that church. He knew right away that Viktor saw them as much more than good luck charms. They met with Mari and Minako-Sensei at a restaurant that currently had all the Grand Prix finalists but one in it. He had mused at how weird it was to be acting so social with everyone when he didn't speak to anyone, not even Viktor at the previous year's banquet. Viktor had spat out a copious amount of beer at that comment. It had apparently never crossed Viktor's mind that he  _didn't_  remember that night. He could relate, seeing those memories just a short while later had been a huge shock to him at the time as well. Chris had noticed their matching rings first, and when Phichit saw them, he immediately thought they were married. He had denied it vehemently and Viktor had said they were just engaged and that they would get married after he won gold. The atmosphere at the table had soured immediately and then JJ had shown up with his fiancee and the gathering had officially broken up.

The short program didn't go as well as he had planned, despite adding a quad Flip as a final jump in order to keep up with JJ. He had touched a hand down on the ice and had broken down bitterly on the ice after the music had ended. He had needed it to be perfect, and it wasn't. He was unhappy with his score, and salt was added to his wounds when he saw how well the other competitors had done. Phichit had scored a new personal best. Yura had a world record-breaking skate after changing his jumps to Tano jumps for extra points. Yura had broken Viktor's record, and he had seen the wistful look on the man's face. He'd immediately assumed that Viktor was missing his competitive skating career. They had gone up to the stands and sat next to Sara and Mickey, and Emil to watch Chris' skate. He'd seen how Viktor was intently watching Chris' skate and had sunk further and deeper into the growing abyss of guilt in his fragile heart. He 'realized' that he was just selfishly keeping Viktor from something he loved, and had to let him go before it was too late.

Chris had under-rotated his last jump but still managed to score higher than him. Otabek had skated next, and after landing every jump perfectly, also scored higher than him. JJ had been the last one to step onto the ice that day and had experienced an uncharacteristic fit of anxiety and subsequent breakdown. He had felt immense sympathy for the Canadian man. Although he felt that JJ's attitude left a lot to be desired, he wouldn't wish that kind of mental anguish on his worst enemy. He was intimately familiar with anxiety's ability to ruin the best-laid plans. JJ's score was dismal, the worst one he'd ever gotten, and he was dead last after the short program.  _Well, at least it wasn't **me**  at the bottom. _He had made his mind up then, knowing at this stage that it would be impossible to win a gold medal for Viktor. He had taken Viktor away from his skating career and hadn't even given him anything worthwhile in return. He had felt like a failure, a waste of Viktor's time and talents.

That night, he had told Viktor that after the finals, they should end things. He would retire, having had a career that had never amounted to much, and then Viktor would be free to return to the world of competitive skating. Watching Viktor's tears streaming down his face, seeing the overwhelming hurt in those eyes, it cut through his very soul. Feeling the way he does about Viktor, having known the man's love for months now...it devastated him that he had been the cause of such pain to someone he loved with all his heart and soul. But the version of himself from that time had acted with detached and apathetic curiosity. Viktor had been in love with him for over 9 months and had received a ring from him not even two days before. In Viktor's mind, it had probably seemed like he had accepted those feelings and reciprocated with a ring. How crushing it must have been for Viktor to be suddenly told that it had been decided, without him, that it would all end soon. It had been more than just skating to Viktor for a long time, but to him, the only thing he was thinking about was the skating. He had decided, on his own, what was best for Viktor and had effectively shut him out.  _What a fool I was, then! I was so focused on martyring myself for Viktor that I didn't even notice how what I was doing was wounding him so deeply._ In the end, they had agreed to hold off on making any final decisions about their futures until after the final results.

Things had been awkwardly quiet and somber between them the next morning, each man lost in their own thoughts. When Viktor had tried to give him some words of encouragement, he had called him out on trying too hard to sound like a coach and should just be himself, echoing his words from that day on the beach in Hasetsu. Viktor had responded by reminding him that he had taken a break from skating to coach him, but had yet to get a gold medal he could kiss. He had laughed and hugged Viktor then, the tension between them instantly gone. He had gone on to put on the performance of his life, he changed his triple Loop to a triple Flip and then a quad Salchow instead of a triple Flip. He ended the skate with a perfect quad Flip, his score breaking Viktor's free skate world record. At the kiss and cry, Viktor had told him that he had decided to return to the ice as a competitor. He had been so happy, it was what he wanted more than anything at the time, wasn't it? In the end, he had ended up with the silver, getting edged out by Yura by the smallest of margins. He had taken his medal and presented it to Viktor, who had stated he didn't want to kiss it unless it was gold. His heart chose that moment to throw caution to the wind and he asked Viktor to stay on as his coach. He had been elated, riding the high of his meteoric rise from the ashes of last year's Grand Prix Final. Nothing would ruin this moment for him. He was just waiting to hear the word 'yes' from Viktor's lips.

And then he heard Viktor's _actual_  answer, and his blood ran cold in his veins.


	61. Pandora's Box

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am DESTROYED. Writing this was emotionally exhausting and traumatizing. So, needless to say, the high angst warning is fully in effect for a solid 5 chapters (at least). Have faith in Yuri and Viktor. There’s a reason I spent a good chunk of the story developing their relationship!
> 
> Sidenote: the reason that Yuri could only recover his memories after the last event of the season is that this particular timing will play a crucial role in the second half of the story (which wouldn’t work during the regular season).

 

**_"Viktor! Please be my coach for one more year! This time, I will win gold for_ **

**_sure!"_ **

**_"No."_ **

Yuuri was transported back in time, reliving a moment his mind had clearly meant for him to never remember. All the thoughts and feelings from that time came rushing back to him, threatening to overwhelm him. Shock, confusion, disbelief and devastation infused his entire being. Such was the intensity of his despair that he felt as if his throat was closing on him, and he struggled to breathe. He fought to make sense of what was happening. Viktor’s voice rang out in his head, so loud that he felt it would cut right through his skull.

**_"You were determined to retire after the Grand Prix so that I could return to skating. You made your decision, so I made mine. We need to end this."_ **

Yuri’s heart sank as Viktor threw his own words back at him.

_Threw his own words back at him…_

His head shot up and he examined the Viktor from his memories more closely. Suddenly, everything just seemed _wrong_. He knew Viktor’s facial expressions intimately, the face he made when he was happy, the one he made when he was annoyed or frustrated, and the face he made when he was dead-serious about something. He narrowed his eyes, further scrutinizing Viktor’s expression. His mouth was set in a hard line, like it would normally be when he was serious about something…but the eyes were totally off. He had spent months and months openly gazing into those eyes, getting lost in their stunning ocean-blue depths. He knew that those cerulean orbs would often tell him more about what was going on than Viktor’s own mouth did at times. And all he could see in them at that moment was sadness and hurt. Yuri knew, right there and then, that Viktor’s words lacked their intended conviction.

Hindsight truly is 20/20. It’s such a cliché thing to say, but there’s no denying that it’s absolutely true. He had perspective now that he didn’t have back then. He had intricate knowledge and experiences that the version of himself from the Grand Prix Final didn’t have…couldn’t possibly dream of having. He had thought that he was doing Viktor a favor by ‘setting him free’, but he could see now that it had just all served to wound him deeply. Viktor’s response, the way he had acted that day…had been how he had chosen to lash out at him. He knew now, how all their cumulative misunderstandings and lack of crucial information had led to so much _hurt_. He had run hot and cold with Viktor during the entire nine months they had been working together. Drunkenly seducing him at the banquet and then inviting him to be his coach. Then acting detached and stand-offish as if none of that had ever happened. Declaring that he wanted to ‘hold onto Viktor’ and the love he had learned from him and then acting as if it wasn’t that much of a big deal. Then he’d given him the ring one night and told him he wanted to end it the next. He couldn’t blame Viktor for finally snapping and wanting to hurt him as much as he’d been hurt. Everyone has limits, and he fully comprehended that he had pushed Viktor past his. The Yuri he was now _understood it_ , but the version of himself from that night had been rightfully devastated, and understood that as well.  

He was so torn. The memories of that night seemed so foreign to him, as if they belonged to a completely different person. His life in St. Petersburg with Viktor was so ingrained in his soul, and the memories he’d been making with him during all this time didn’t jive with what was playing out before him. He was struggling to reconcile the two astoundingly polarizing realities, it was all too surreal. The versions of himself and Viktor that he was seeing didn’t match with the reality he knew. How could two people who came to love each other so deeply exist with such a gulf of suffering between them just a short while ago? His thoughts and reasoning kept turning circles in his mind, making him dizzy and confused.  His heart tightened painfully in response to seeing himself so desolate and crushed, further adding to his turmoil. He wished that the ‘him’ from that night could have seen what had been so clear to the ‘him’ from the present. He wouldn’t be experiencing such anguish and feeling so forsaken. He wished he could reach into his memories and give himself a firm shoulder shake, and stop himself from getting so drunk he’d crack his skull on the ground.

A sudden prickling feeling pulled violently at the back of his mind. He had been told that his accident was the result of partying too hard while celebrating his silver medal. But seeing how things had just gone down with Viktor, he doubted that he’d be in much of a mood for any kind of party. Things weren’t adding up, and for the first time, he was filled with a sense of dread and foreboding. He also became aware of how the memories were becoming more and more tainted by increasing levels of dejection, despair, and hopelessness. He’d taken his skates off in the bathroom and just left them there, and then set off barefoot on bloody feet. He saw Otabek Altin move in to talk to him, but instead stop to stare at him in appalled horror. He didn’t seem to care about much of anything anymore and trudged along numbly through the arena.

Tears streamed down his face in real time, dripping down onto his thighs as he knelt on the floor of their room in St. Petersburg. His thoughts grew increasingly more dangerous and he lifted a hand to his shirtless torso, clutching desperately and uselessly at his twisting heart. His eyes widened in panic when his next thought became clear. Somewhere along the line, he had made the decision that life without Viktor…wasn’t worth living. _No…No…this can’t be right….this isn’t happening!_ Yuri felt as if he’d been stabbed in the gut with a searing hot knife. All the air in his lungs was forcibly expelled from his body, trailed by a gurgled sob. Makkachin was suddenly next to him, whining softly as he nosed worriedly at his hands. But Yuri didn’t notice him, all he could do was stare unseeing into the room. He was lost to the barrage of cruelty ravaging his brain, tearing his heart apart and shattering his soul. He begged for the torment to end, even as his mind plowed ahead relentlessly.

He saw himself climbing up some stairs, rising until he reached the final door at the top. When he stepped through it, he found himself on the roof. _Stop! Turn back! Turn back!_ He was hyperventilating now, throat and chest both tight with the onset of the panic attack. Makkachin was barking, but Yuri remained unaware of his presence. Still he watched, in powerless terror, as he stepped up onto the ledge and reached out, before closing his eyes and letting himself fall forward.

He screamed.

And screamed.

And screamed.

…

Viktor hummed along to snippets of some song or other that was currently stuck in his head as he placed the chocolates and snacks he’d bought in Helsinki into the refrigerator. He was feeling severely pleased that they had made it back to their home in one piece before the storm hit. As he looked out the kitchen window, he saw that a solid fifteen inches had already fallen and coated the landscape in a thick blanket of white fluff. There was only one road leading to his house, and he could tell that it was already impassable. The snow plow would only come out there once the weather cleared and posed less of a safety hazard. He’d have to wait out the weather as well before attempting to go out there to do some shoveling. Perhaps he’d be able to drag Yuri out there with him. Maybe they’d even play around in it a bit, make some snowmen, or snow angels even. The season was finally over and they’d have the summer to work on their new programs and come up with new ways to surprise the skating world together. He had visions of creating a pairs exhibition piece to showcase at the events he and Yuri would both compete at. Viktor smiled as he found himself getting excited about skating again. Having Yuri in his life had done wonders for his soul.

He grabbed some bread, cheese and deli meats from the fridge before setting out to make them a late lunch. He’d keep himself busy as he waited for Yuri to finish his shower. Makkachin lay curled up in his bed, eyeing his master hopefully, perhaps wondering if any scraps would come his way. Viktor was puzzled when Makka suddenly sat up straight and cocked his head to the side before trotting out of the kitchen. It wasn’t very often that he willingly removed himself from the prospect of free food. _Hmm, I wonder what that was all about. Maybe Yuri’s finally out of the shower? I hope he remembered to leave some hot water for me…_ He carried on making the sandwiches, turning in the kettle for their tea once he’d washed his hands. He heard Makkachin barking from their bedroom and immediately turned in that direction. He wiped his hands quickly on the apron as he walked quickly toward it. Halfway there, he heard a sound that temporarily froze his beating heart solid in his chest. He heard a wounded wail, loaded with so much grief, affliction and agony that it made him doubt that it could ever be of human origin. Viktor launched into a full-blown panic. There was only one conceivable source of that scream.

“YURI!”

Viktor burst into their bedroom to a scene of utter chaos. Makkachin was bouncing circles around Yuri while barking at him. And Yuri… _Good god, what the hell happened to Yuri?!_ The Japanese skater’s petrified eyes were wide, and his trembling hands clawed erratically at his head and face. Viktor was on his knees at his side in an instant.

“Yuri! Yuri! What’s wrong?”

He tried shaking Yuri’s shoulders but there was no reaction. The younger man did not seem to be aware of his surroundings, stuck in some unreachable place far from here. When Yuri’s screaming finally stopped, Viktor breathed a sigh of relief, feeling as if he had somehow managed to get through to him. His reprieve was very short-lived however, as Yuri’s body went rigid, and he began toppling over. Viktor wrapped his arms around him, hoping that he could at least prove useful somehow by holding Yuri until they rode out whatever this was. Then, to his sheer alarm and distress, Yuri began convulsing. Viktor was terrified out of his mind. He didn’t know what was happening or how to stop it, or if he _could_ even stop it.  He sobbed his despair into the crook of his arm and held on tightly as Yuri’s thin frame was wracked by waves of violent spasms. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the convulsions stopped and Yuri was deathly still. He immediately checked for breathing and a pulse, nearly crying out with joy as he found signs of both. He picked Yuri up and placed him on the bed, tucking him warmly under the thick comforter. When he returned to the area to try and find clues as to what had set Yuri off, his eyes were drawn to a golden shimmer at one of the feet on the wooden bed frame. He bent down to examine it more closely and immediately recognized what it was. Yuri had found the rings. Yuri had remembered…everything.

…

 ** _Yuri was back at the Ice Castle, the scene all too familiar yet hazy, like a faded photo worn by the ravages of time. He realized that hadn’t come here in a long time, but couldn’t remember why. He pushed off with his right skate and did a lazy lap around the rink, simply enjoying the cold air and reveling in the quiet solitude. A dark shadow flew past him somewhere and his face lit up._** _Oh! That’s right, the man-shadow lives here. **Yuri looked around excitedly, anxious to see his friend once more.**_

 **_The lights dimmed and the temperature at the rink seemed to drop by at least ten degrees. Yuri shivered as an ominous and oppressive air filled the space._ ** _This isn’t supposed to be how I feel in here, something isn’t right. **There was something incredibly hostile there in the space with him. He didn’t feel safe there and started looking for a way out. A sinister and haunting voice suddenly boomed from somewhere in the rink. Yuri’s eyes darted wildly around, trying desperately to locate the source of the sound.**_

**_“Weak.”_ **

**_A dark blob floated out of a dark corner toward him._ **

**_  
“Pathetic.”_ **

**_Yuri backed away from the dark blob that was rapidly approaching him. He could feel its burning hatred toward him, so palpable that he almost choked on the cloying cloud it had blanketed the arena in._ ** _“Stop! Stay away from me! Don’t come any closer!”_

**_“Spineless.”_ **

**_The black blob rippled and wobbled, and within seconds started taking on a human form._ ** _“Who are you? What do you want from me?”_

**_The hateful shadow hissed as it spat yet another word at him. “Coward.”_ **

**_The inky entity’s abruptly stopped shimmering in the darkness, finally having reached its desired human form. Yuri waited with apprehension as he saw the shadow lift its head to look at him, yet more poison dripping from its ebony mouth._ **

**_“Failure.”_ **

**_His scream caught in his throat and all he could do was stand paralyzed in unmitigated terror. Yuuri Katsuki was standing face-to-face…with himself._ **

****

**_A/N 2: So, I find it interesting that what people seemed to be most worried about was if Yuri was going to hate/love/forgive/not forgive Viktor. People seemed to forget that Yuri tried to kill himself. A Suicide attempt is serious psychological trauma. He has these two versions of himself that he’s going to need to reconcile. Shadow Yuri is a manifestation of all his negative feelings, anxiety and doubt that had been buried deep under the memory loss. Pandora’s box has been opened and Yuri’s going to need to find that little strip of hope and hold on with all he’s got. _ **

_additional information_

Yuri experienced something known as a ‘nonepileptic pseudoseizure’. That’s when someone who doesn’t have epilepsy has a seizure due to severe psychological stress.


	62. A Shadow of His Former Self

**_A/N: I’d like to clear up some misunderstanding with the shadows in Yuri’s dreams. They are intended to be manifestations of his psyche. So, the first shadow was definitely Viktor. The way a little bit more of the shadow became known to him in each dream was meant to correlate with him remembering a few things here in there in real time. So now that Yuri has remembered everything and suffered the psychological shock of recalling his suicide attempt, the shadow has taken on the form of his suppressed anxiety, and self-doubt that is now hyper amplified. Sorry if my writing didn’t make that clear, and confused people. I’ll work harder to keep this kind of confusion from happening again in the future._ **

**_Sidenote: ‘S/Y’: indicates Shadow Yuri. The things it says are thoughts Yuri’s had along the way but buried deep down, justified, and/or refused to acknowledge._ **

___start chapter___

The shadow’s eyes glinted darkly despite the fluorescent lights of the arena, as it stalked closer and closer to Yuri until he was backed against the rink wall. When it spoke, Yuri recognized the voice as his, but with a malicious edge to it that made his skin crawl. It was extremely unsettling to hear it coming from something wearing his face.

S/Y: “Hello there, old friend. Did you miss me? We’ve been apart for  _so_  long. I was starting to think we’d  _never_  be together again.”

The shadow practically purred as it spoke to him and it made Yuri’s stomach turn.

“Who the hell are you?”

The shadow brought a hand up to place it over its heart, gasping as its face twisted in mock indignation.

S/Y: “Yuri, you  _wound_  me. I’ve been a part of you since the very beginning. I’m as much you, as  _you_  are you.”

Yuri shook his head, refusing to believe that something so malignant and vicious could be a part of him.

“You’re lying, this is just a very bad dream, all I have to do is wake up and it’ll be all over.”

The shadow smirked wickedly at him.

S/Y: “You see darling, that’s not quite right.”

It brought a hand up and tapped Yuri’s temple with an index finger, the act bringing on an intense sense of revulsion in him.

S/Y: “I’m in here. And…”

The shadow trailed the finger down the side of Yuri’s face and neck, setting off ripples of revulsion within the young man, before stopping where his heart was beating wildly in his chest.

S/Y: “…in here. I’m an integral part of who you are, dear friend. You were able to forget about me temporarily, but I’ve been here the whole time, just waiting for the day we could be reunited.”

Yuri turned his head to look down at the ice, avoiding the shadow’s intense gaze.

S/Y: “I’m disappointed, friend. You completely forgot about me and turned into someone you were never meant to be. So confident and self-assured, it was disgusting to watch. You even gave your heart and body to the man you previously knew you would never be good enough for.”

Yuri slapped the shadow’s hand away.

“Shut up! I don’t care who you are, but Viktor loves me and I love him. That is a fact.”

The shadow cocked its head to the side, eyeing him with a look of pity.

S/Y: “Is it, now? Let’s review the  _facts_  then, shall we? You idolize the man for over half of your life, and when you finally get the chance to impress him, you crash and burn  _spectacularly_.”

Yuri gritted his teeth and practically snarled at the shadow.

“And whose fault is  _that_? Yours! You apparently only rear your ugly head during the times you’re least welcome!”

The shadow laughed, a grating sound that immediately got on Yuri’s nerves.

S/Y: “You’re a weak, WEAK man, my friend. I may be a constant presence within you, but you step aside easily and let me take over every time. You don’t fight to suppress me because you don’t have the inner strength.”

Yuri fell silent, shocked as the shadow’s words reverberated inside his head.  _Was the shadow right?_  Perhaps it had been like that at the beginning, but things changed once Viktor had become his coach, hadn’t they?

“You’re wrong. Skating for Viktor gave me courage, strength and purpose. I skated to show him my love.”

S/Y: “Oh, you poor disillusioned soul. You convinced yourself of all that ‘love’ garbage just so you’d feel better at the end of the day. When Viktor became your coach you simply rebranded your feebleness and tried to pass it off as ‘strength’. You were never skating for his  _love_ , you were skating because you were petrified that he’d leave you if you embarrassed him. Your weakness simply took on another form.”

Yuri gasped as the shadow’s words cut right through to his heart. Memories of the Cup of China came rushing back to him. The breakdown he’d had at the parking lot in front of Viktor. How he had been worried about how his mistakes would reflect on Viktor and how he’d asked Viktor to have more faith in him than he had in himself. His heart clenched painfully at how pathetic he sounded.

S/Y: “Then after fighting  _so_  hard to keep him, you decided that you wanted to push him away instead. You painted your act in your mind as ‘self-sacrifice’. You’d retire so that Viktor could return to skating. He was the one with the most promise and belonged more in the figure skating world than you did, right?”

Yuri nodded weakly, unable to fight the truth in the shadow’s words.

S/Y: “Cowardice! You were pushing Viktor away before  _he_  could leave  _you_! You weren’t looking out for  _him_ , you were looking out for your fragile little heart.”

The venom in the shadow’s voice returned with a vengeance.

S/Y: “And then, you didn’t even have the conviction to stick to your own decision! You tell Viktor you’re retiring, and then like some spineless weakling, you then beg him to stay with you! No wonder the man turned you down. He’d probably had just about enough of your capricious bullshit and wanted nothing more to do with you. I can’t say I blame him, he thought he’d fallen in love with a  _man_ , not an unstable and insecure  _freak_.”

Yuri wrapped his arms around himself as tears began streaming down his face. The more the shadow spoke, the more truth he recognized in its words. He really  _was_  just a worthless sack of flesh after all.

S/Y: “You truly managed to outdo yourself with that last stunt you pulled, though. Kudos on that final gutless act, a shiny cherry to top the sundae your miserable existence has been. Then, once Viktor decided to finally wash his hands of your pitiful presence, you took the ultimate coward’s way out. You tried to kill yourself, and then couldn’t even do  _that_  right. Priceless!”  

Yuuri’s legs gave out under him and he fell in a crumpled heap onto the ice, tears flowing freely down his face. The shadow crouched down next to Yuri and wrapped its arms around him, raising a hand to lovingly stroke his hair.

S/Y: “There, there. Don’t worry, you’ll always have  _me_. Viktor may not be able to love the sorry mess you are, but I’ll  _always_  be here for you. Forget Viktor.”

“Forget…Viktor…?”

…

Viktor was in a panic. He had called Dr. Fedorov, but not even  _he_  could get out in the inclement weather. Yakov, Georgi, Mila and Yura were stuck in Finland, so Viktor was completely and utterly alone. He was pacing back and forth nervously in the room when Yuri became fitful and started moaning and writhing in his sleep. Viktor ran to the bed and sat down next to him. He grabbed hold of one of Yuri’s hands and brought it up to his lips, kissing it gently.

“Oh Yuri, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I wish, more than anything, that I had been there when you remembered everything! How badly I want to be in this nightmare with you to help you fight the demons that are tormenting you. I feel so helpless here on the outside.”

When Viktor spotted the tears running down Yuri’s face, his level of distress tripled. He reached for a tissue from the nightstand and frantically tried to wipe them away, his trembling hands sabotaging his efforts. When one of his hands brushed up against Yuri’s forehead, he realized that the Japanese man was burning up. He stood up and quickly grabbed a hand towel from the bathroom and wet it down with cold water. He placed the towel on Yuri’s forehead and took hold of one of his hands once more.  _What do I do? What **can**  I do? _He had no access to any doctors at the moment and didn’t trust Russian ambulances in this kind of weather. He was certainly also not going to risk Yuri’s life by trying to drive out there himself, especially not in the state he was in.  _Who could I even possibly talk to this about? No one here in St. Petersburg even knows Yuri’s medical history. If only…_

Viktor’s eyes widened as he was suddenly struck by the most obvious thought…Dr. Ramirez! Viktor released Yuri’s hand and ran like a madman to the kitchen to get his phone. As he walked back toward their bedroom, he scrolled through his call log, praying against all hope that the doctor’s number was still in there. He cursed his bad luck as it appeared that he didn’t have any records prior to February of this year. He was about to Google the hospital information when he remembered that the doctor had called him and left a voicemail. As far as he could recall, he hadn’t deleted the message. He dialed his voicemail and a wave of sheer relief washed over him when he discovered that Dr. Ramirez’s voicemail was still there. He got the phone number from the message and then jotted it down on a piece of paper.

He dialed it immediately and waited. Barcelona was just one hour behind St. Petersburg, so it would be just after lunch time there. The phone rang a few times before a woman’s voice answered.

“Buenas tardes, departamento de neuropsicologia. Dr. Ramirez’s office, how may I help you?”

Viktor took a deep breath and tried to calm himself before speaking.

“Hello, this is Viktor Nikiforov. I am calling to speak to Dr. Ramirez about a patient he treated at the end of December last year. The patient’s name is Yuri Katsuki and he had head trauma and memory loss. Mr. Katsuki has experienced a rather large…setback…and I need to speak to the doctor immediately.”

“Mr. Nikiforov, I remember you! This is Nurse García, I was there during Mr. Katsuki’s recovery process.”

Viktor let out the breath he didn’t even know he was holding. He instantly felt a weight lifted from his shoulders at the sound of a familiar voice.

“Nurse García, of course I remember you! I wish I was calling on better terms, but Yuuri is not doing well and I really need to get some advice from Dr. Ramirez. It’s kind of an emergency.”

“Mr. Nikiforov, I am terribly sorry to hear that. Are there no adequate neuropsychology clinics in St. Petersburg? I can prepare an emergency referral if you need one.”

“The problem is not the lack of available adequate treatment facilities, the problem is that we’re currently in the midst of the storm of the decade. We’re completely snowed in and the roads are impassable. Not even my private doctor is able to come to my residence at the moment. I just need some advice on how to keep Yuri stable until I am able to get him to a doctor.”

“Oh, no! That sounds terrible! I wish I could put Dr. Ramirez on the phone with you right now, but he’s in appointments for a least another two hours. What happened?”

“Yuri’s memory all returned to him at once after he saw our engage…the golden rings we both used to wear. He recalled all the events the night he was admitted into hospital.”

“I see. Tell me Mr. Nikiforov, what symptoms has Mr. Katsuki presented to you?”

“I was not present when his memory was triggered, I was in a different room. I heard him screaming and after I ran into the room he went all stiff and then was shaking violently just before he passed out. He’s been thrashing around on the bed, making a lot of noises and crying in his sleep. I’m just so distraught and I just don’t know what to do! I don’t have anyone to call and I’m all alone here!”

Viktor’s voice had progressively increased in pitch and speed as his explanation turned into borderline rambling.

“Mr. Nikiforov…Viktor…I need you to calm down. This is a  _very_  severe reaction. Reactions to memory recall vary in terms of the magnitude of the repressed memories.  There’s something you’re not telling me here. Mr. Katsuki was admitted for a head injury due to a fall during alleged reckless behavior. That’s not exactly true now is it, Viktor?”

Viktor sighed shakily and then took a deep breath.

“No, it’s not. There’s quite a bit more to the story, Nurse García.” 

“Then I suggest that you tell me  _exactly_  what happened that night Mr. Katsuki was admitted, Viktor. I can’t even begin to try to help either of you until I know the  _absolute_ truth, and nothing but the truth.

Viktor lowered himself onto the bed and took another deep breath. He opened his mouth and began to tell Nurse García the truth.                                                              

**_A/N 2: What Shadow Yuri says about suicide being the ‘coward’s way out’ is not a view I personally have on the matter. If anything, I believe that suicide is an incredibly tragic end for people who desperately needed help. The way I see it, someone must be in inconceivable pain if they arrive at the conclusion that killing themselves is the only option left to them and/or the only way to make their constant pain finally end. I absolutely do not condone the mocking of people who have either committed suicide or have survived attempts (for valid/legitimate reasons of course, some manipulative people use suicide as emotional blackmail/attempts at getting attention)_ **

**_terminology_**

Buenas tardes, departamento de neuropsicologia (Spanish) – good afternoon, department of neuropsychology  


	63. The Rift

_**A/N: I'm beginning to sound like a broken record...I know. Sorry! *cries*. Work has gone into hellish overdrive and my free time has suffered greatly. I work in publishing and we have a new set of English textbooks coming out and there are just meetings upon endless meetings to discuss content/layout/etc...When I DO get home from work, I barely get a few hundred words down before I'm lapsing into a coma. Hopefully things will settle down a bit once the meetings are all done and I can get back to a regular posting schedule. Sorry to have kept you waiting!** _

Nurse García listened to his whole story, from beginning to end, without interrupting him. Once he had finally finished talking, a pregnant pause stretched out between them as both parties remained silent. After about a minute or so, the woman finally spoke.

"Viktor, that wasn't a very smart thing to do."

"I know. I KNOW."

Viktor sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger.

"You have to understand that this is a  _very_  sensitive issue, especially for a high-profile athlete and his even higher-profile coach. Yuri already suffers from severe anxiety and if his suicide attempt had been leaked to the media, it would have been disastrous for him personally as well as professionally. I'm sure you'd like to think that your staff and the other people who work at the hospital are honest people who respect the privacy of others, but there are always those who are willing to turn for the right price. The best way to keep something secret is not let anyone know about it."

Nurse García sighed at the other end of the line.

"I know you were just trying to protect Mr. Katsuki, Viktor. That much is very clear. But if we had known about the circumstances of his injury earlier, we could have properly prepared  _both_  of you for the moment he eventually regained his memories so that you  _wouldn't_  end up in the very situation you find yourself in right now. He's going to have to deal with all the fallout from a suicide attempt that he didn't even remember for over four months. It's going to have a much bigger impact on him than had he remembered it from the time he regained consciousness."

Viktor made an exasperated noise, his hand moving from the bridge of his nose to rub at his temple.

"So what I can do? How can I keep him together until we're able to get help? He refuses to see any mental health professionals, I tried getting him an appointment with one here in St. Petersburg after that rather bad sleepwalking incident, and he had a panic attack over it. There's a huge stigma about mental health issues in Japan and he views it as admitting there's something wrong with him. We're in the middle of the storm of the century and will be confined to the home for  _at least_  two more days."

"I'm not a doctor, Viktor, so I can't give you any medical advice. I'll leave an urgent message for Dr. Ramirez and have him get back to you as soon as possible. However, what I  _can_  tell you to be as supportive as you possibly can. Be there for Mr. Katsuki and reassure him  _often_ that you're there for him and will continue to be there for him. You love him, don't you?"

"Yes, Nurse García. I love Yuri more than anything."

"Then tell him,  _a lot_. He's going to need you and all your patience during his recovery. More than anything, he's going to need to feel like he's not a burden to you. He is going to need time and may even need some space. Just….be there for him."

"I understand. Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me, I appreciate it more than you'll ever know. Please let the doctor know that he can call me at any time, day or night. I'll have my phone with me at all times."

"Alright, Viktor. Take care."

"Thank you, you too. Bye."

Viktor ended the call and looked down at Yuri's unconscious form. Since he'd been on the phone, beads of sweat had formed on his brow and he seemed fitful. Some low moans and whimpers were being emitted from him also, and they worried him the most. He couldn't even imagine the inner hell that he must be going through. He leaned in closer and placed the back of his hand on the man's forehead, checking for fever. Yuri was quite warm, but did not seem to be running a fever at the moment. He stood up and stripped off all his clothes before walking to the bathroom and stepping in for a quick shower. He didn't want to get into the bed with a layer of travel grime on him so he washed his hair and body in record time. He whipped out the hair dryer to speed things up even further and accomplished his goal in about two minutes. His hair was quite fine, so it never took very long once hot air got involved.

He slipped on a clean pair of bikini briefs and walked back to the bed before pulling back the covers and crawling in next to Yuri. He pulled the Japanese man in against his chest, wrapping one arm around his waist and cradling the back of his head with the hand of the other. He stroked Yuri's hair, and placed some feathery-light kisses on his forehead.

"I'm here for you, Yuri. I love you. I'll always love you. Be strong, my love. I believe in you."

Yuri snuggled in closer to him, wedging himself cozily under his chin. Viktor's felt the tension drain from the man's body and he quieted down, and his heart sang at the victory. He kissed the top of Yuri's head, and continued whispering words of love and encouragement to him. He fervently hoped that his feelings would reach Yuri, wherever he was.

Meanwhile...

**_Yuri was on his knees, his heart clenching and twisting painfully at the shadow's cruel words. He couldn't bring himself to deny that there was a ring of truth to them and it caused him to sink further into despair._ **

_I should just completely give up on Viktor. He doesn't deserve to have to put up with a mess like me. He'll be much better off alone. He'll..._

Yuri lurched forward, gasping as he felt himself suddenly enveloped in a blanket of warmth and comfort. He bolted to his feet, dislodging the shadow in the process, sending it unceremoniously to the ice on its ass. His head whipped around frantically as he looked around the rink for its source. He felt the warmth in his chest building, growing in heat and intensity with each passing second. It puzzled him, because instead of making him feel pain, it left him burning for a whole other reason.

_I love you. I'll always love you._

Yuri heard Viktor's voice, clear as day, echoing and reverberating off the ice in the arena. His heart filled with so much love and joy at the moment that he seriously thought his heart would burst.

S/Y: "You're such a gullible fool. He doesn't love you, he  _pities_  you. He feels guilty for your attempted swan dive off the roof and has simply taken responsibility for the nutjob living under his roof."

_I believe in you._

Yuri closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around himself, swaying back and forth on his feet as he relished the relief that washed over him. Every doubt, every worry, every negative feeling he'd been having seemed to melt right off. A sense of calm took hold of him, and he exhaled slowly. He opened his eyes and turned to the shadow.

"How can you be this way about Viktor? If what you say is true and you're a part of me, then surely you must love him as well?"

S/Y: "My love is expressed in the form of admiration. From falling in love with his skating when I was just twelve and then building my own future around it. Viktor was always meant to be worshiped from  _afar_. I always knew that I would never be good enough to reach his same level competitively nor even matter enough to get his attention. I didn't have any delusions that Viktor would ever be anything more than an idol to me."

"But things have changed, don't you see? I got drunk at the Sochi banquet and asked Viktor to become my coach, which he did…even though I didn't remember it at all! He picked me up after that disastrous ending to last season and helped me obtain two new world records and a Grand Prix silver medal."

The shadow crossed its arms and snorted contemptuously at him.

"His career had stalled and he didn't know how to surprise people anymore. So he took you in as a charity case and got exactly what he wanted. The skating world was absolutely shocked, wasn't it?"

Yuri shook his head slowly, a small smile growing on his face until it lit up all his features.

"At first, that's exactly what I thought, too. Why else would the great Viktor Nikiforov  _ever_  take interest in some dime a dozen skater from Japan, right? But you see, the truth is, Viktor fell in love with me on the night of the banquet. He loved  _me_  even before I had figured out that I loved  _him_  more than as an idol. He opened me up to him slowly during all our time together, and built me up to a more evolved version of myself. I started to realize my feelings for him around the time the Grand Prix series started, but allowed my fears and insecurities to hold me back."

S/Y: "What a pile of garbage. Did he ever tell you  _explicitly_ during that time that he loved you? You were just on very friendly terms. He was your coach and you spent a lot of time together. You mistook his attention for love."

Yuri shook his head once more.

"Love is not something that can only be affirmed verbally, you know. Sometimes actions speak louder than words. Viktor kissed me at the cup of China and I gave him the rings in Barcelona. We had both done everything  _but_  say the words."

S/Y: "So it was this "love" that caused Viktor to break your heart on the night of the Grand Prix?"

Yuri smiled wistfully as he addressed the shadow.

"In a roundabout kind of way, it was. I betrayed Viktor's love and he was hurt. I played with his heart and toyed with his feelings. He had every right to be angry at me. He  _cried_  that night after I said we were ending it. I never imagined that Viktor would  _ever_  feel anything so strongly that he'd cry over it. He retaliated by hurting me the only way he knew how, by turning his back on me. He played on my biggest fear, the fear of being abandoned by him. My mental weakness is what led me to react the way that I did. The reason we both reacted so strongly was because we were already in love with one another, and so it hurt hundreds times worse. We both made mistakes, certainly, but we found our way back to each other even when I couldn't remember him."

S/Y: "Your cursed recklessness caused me to be shut away in the dark recesses of your mind for  _months_! I was reduced to nearly nothing and confined to manifesting in your dreams. I fought and fought to come out and make myself known to you, but you were too busy letting Viktor shove his dick in your ass. Disgusting. The things desperate people will do to hold on to someone."

Yuri stared incredulously at the shadow, his ears not really believing the vulgar filth he'd just heard. First he was shocked, then he seethed with anger.

"You have NO right to tall about our love like that! YOU'RE disgusting. It makes my skin crawl to think that you have  _anything_  to do with the person I am. The last four months have been the best of my whole life! I had found love and was truly happy for a change. Now I know why! The only reason that I  _could_  finally find happiness is because  _you_  were out of the picture!"

The shadow stepped in close to him, practically growling at him through gritted teeth.

S/Y: "I have had just about enough of this sappy lovesick puppy you've become. It's not who you're supposed to be and I hate it! I don't want any part in this. I wish I wasn't a part of you!"

Yuri took a step toward the shadow, closing the distance between them.

"You're nothing but a bane on my existence! You  _always_  stick your nose into my life when you're least wanted and always mess things up for me! You're toxic and I don't want that in my life! I wish  _I_  wasn't a part of  _you_!"

A bright light suddenly exploded between the two forms, sending the shadow flying across the ice and forcibly ejecting Yuri from the dream.

…

Viktor had drifted off to sleep with Yuri held snugly against his body. He didn't know how much time had lapsed since that had happened, but was roused from his slumber when he felt Yuri growing restless in his arms again. He gingerly untangled himself from the Japanese man and sat up in bed, rubbing at his eyes before reaching for the phone to check the time. He got out of bed to use the bathroom, stopping to give Makkachin some lovin' before going in to relieve himself. Bladder emptied and hands washed, he paused by the window to check the situation outside. He was rather dismayed to see a blizzard so fierce that he couldn't even make out the tree just outside the window. The snow had piled up quite high already and he knew that getting it all cleared after the storm passed was going to require professional assistance. Back at the bed, he gently rolled Yuri onto his back so that he could better keep an eye on him. No sooner had he sat back down on the bed than Yuri bolted upright, nearly scaring the living daylights out of him. When he looked over at Yuri, little alarm bells sounded off in his head. Something didn't look right. Viktor approached him slowly and as quietly as he could, not wanting to startle him. He kept his voice to a low whisper as he addressed him.

"Yuri? Are you alright?"

Yuri's eyes were wide open, and he was staring ahead blankly. Viktor tried calling his name again, but there was no response. He then tried waving a hand in front of his face, but the man continued staring into nothingness. Viktor shifted his weight on the bed so that he could examine Yuri's face more properly. What he saw sent chills down his spine. Yuri's eyes were like two empty, bottomless voids. 


	64. Keeping in Touch

Viktor tried to remain calm even as his panic levels were threatening to spiral out of control. He needed to be strong for  _both_  of them, panicking was not going to do  _either_  of them any good. He tried calling out softly to Yuri once more, but the young man just continued staring ahead blankly. He tentatively reached for one of Yuri's hands, his fingers just barely grazing the top of the Japanese man's hand. Yuri's fingers reacted to the touch immediately, twitching lightly under the contact. Viktor fully covered the smaller hand with his.

"I love you, Yuri. I'm here. I'll be here until you're ready, okay?"

Yuri's fingers trembled beneath his hand and Viktor breathed a small sigh of relief. The young man wasn't speaking or looking at him yet, but at least seemed conscious of his touch and was reacting to it.

"I'm going to have us lean back on the pillows, OK Yuri? It'll be more comfortable to hold you that way. Would you like that?"

The fingers fluttered in a frenzy and Viktor smiled.

"Good, that's very good Yuuri. I'd really like to hold you right now."

Viktor carefully switched out his right hand for his left, making sure that he didn't lose contact with Yuri at any time. He then used his free hand to prop up the pillows behind them and fluff them up so that they were in a comfortable pile. He grabbed his phone and made sure that it was readily within reach.

"I'm going to put my hand on your shoulder and pull you down onto your back with me, alright?"

Slim fingers trembled their acknowledgment and Viktor lightly placed his right hand on Yuri's shoulder before lowering them both onto the nest of pillows. He shifted his weight a bit so that he was laying on his right side, their interlaced fingers resting on Yuri's chest. Viktor was  _so_  incredibly confused, he had no idea what was going on in Yuri's mind nor the specifics of the state he was currently in. The one thing he knew for sure was that Yuri now knew the truth of what happened on the night of the Grand Prix Final and was not outright rejecting him.  _Does that mean that Yuri's not…mad at me?_  He had been torturing himself daily since that night, caught between wanting Yuri to get all his memories back and being scared to death that he  _would_  and then hate him for what he'd done. And here they finally were, the actual day having come upon them rather suddenly. Of all the things that Yuri had been exposed to in the last four months, their rings ended up being the catalyst for triggering the memories of that fateful day. And even though Yuri didn't seem to be in the best place mentally, he hadn't jilted nor shunned him. He was reacting to his touch and was letting him hold him. Hope bloomed in his chest at the possibility that Yuri may have forgiven him. He didn't want to assume, heaven knows  _that_  had blown up in his face at least once already. He would still beg for Yuri's forgiveness and get his definitive answer at that time.

"I'll hold you forever if that's what it takes, Yuri. Just please come back to me, my love."

Yuri's hand gave his a slight squeeze and Viktor returned the gesture.

…

With the adrenaline suddenly gone from his system, Viktor crashed hard. The residual exhaustion from the competition, the stress from the incoming storm and then Yuri's episode all hit him at once. His eyelids felt as if they were weighted down by lead and began to flutter closed. At some point, he lost the battle, and his eyes closed and did not open again. Sometime later, his phone started ringing and he woke up with a jolt. He rolled over and reached for it, answering it mechanically in Russian on reflex.

"привет, это Виктор"

"Viktor, is that you? This is Dr. Ramirez."

Viktor immediately sat up, releasing Yuri's hand so that he could rub at his eyes.

"Yes, this is Viktor. One moment, please."

Viktor leaned in close to Yuri and whispered in his ear.

"Sorry love, I need to take this. I'll be back with you as soon as I'm done."

He planted a quick kiss on Yuri's cheek and reached down to give his hand a squeeze. Once he received a return squeeze from the Japanese man, he stood up and walked out of the bedroom and into the living room. He sat down on the sofa and reached for the flannel blanket to cover himself with.

"Sorry about that, I had to leave the room. I didn't want Yuri to overhear our conversation."

"That's quite alright, Viktor. I should be the one to apologize. I meant to get back to you much earlier but I had to go into an emergency surgery that took quite a bit longer than expected due to complications."

Viktor put his legs up on the sofa and wrapped the blanket around him snugly.

"No worries, doctor. The important thing is that we're on the phone now and I can finally try and get some answers, or advice…or  _something_. I'm absolutely out of my depth here and I am struggling to keep it all together."

"I understand that this is a very difficult and challenging time for you and Mr. Katsuki, Viktor. Nurse García has updated me on the particulars of Mr. Katsuki's situation. I won't lecture you on your questionable choice of your actions, since you've apparently already gotten an earful from her when you spoke. I'm going to stick to the facts and the symptoms or signs that he is presenting to you. How has he been since the panic attack he suffered during the memory recall?"

"He was unconscious for a while at first. I'd say for about an hour or so."

"Did he present any other symptoms during that time?"

"Yes, he was rather fitful while unconscious. In the past, those same symptoms have presented whenever he was experiencing nightmares."

"I see. Has he regained consciousness yet?"

"Yes, he has Doctor. His behavior since he regained consciousness has me rather worried."

"Describe his behavior to me, Viktor."

"He hasn't spoken a single word since he abruptly became conscious about…hold on, let me check the time."

Viktor looked at his watch, surprised to see that it was already early evening.

"Wow, I didn't realize it was so late. I fell asleep next to him for a bit. This happened about three hours ago."

"You mentioned that Mr. Katsuki has not spoken since he regained consciousness? Have you tried addressing him?"

"Yes, that's correct. Of course I've tried to address him, he didn't respond to me. Well, not verbally at least."

"What do you mean by that, Viktor? Please elaborate."

"Well, he was just staring blankly into space. He wasn't blinking at all and not a single sound came out of him when I called his name. But, he  _did_  react to my touch. His fingers moved every time I asked him a question."

"And how have you been speaking to him?"

"I've kept my voice very calm and soft. I've informed him before touching more than his hand and before I lay him down on the bed next to me. I only moved to do so after I received affirmation through his actions."

"Hmm, that's very good, Viktor. Well done."

Viktor heard the sound of shuffling papers and something that sounded like scribbling. The doctor was probably writing everything down in Yuri's file.

"This is a rather interesting case you've presented to me, Viktor. Mr. Katsuki is exhibiting the textbook signs of catatonia; he's mute and withdrawn. Catatonic patients also refuse to eat or drink and are usually also fully immobile. But you have stated that Mr. Katsuki has acknowledged your touch, and responded to it. Has he made any effort to look in your direction or make eye contact with you?"

"No, he has not."

"Viktor, Nurse Garcia has informed me that you're currently experiencing some very abnormal weather in St. Petersburg and are physically unable to get Mr. Katsuki to a doctor. Correct?"

"Yes, we're currently being buried alive under endless meters of snow. The roads are completely impassable."

"Listen to me very carefully, Viktor. The human body can go a long time without nourishment. It's not healthy, but it will turn to fat stores to supply the energy it needs to perform basic functions. Since Mr. Katsuki is an athlete, his percentage of body fat is much lower than that of the average human. So that means his muscle mass is going to get cannibalized first. It's certainly not an ideal or desirable situation, but it'll have to do until you can get him seen by a doctor. What worries me the most is his water consumption. Human beings can only go three days without water before it starts to affect their bodies and mind negatively. That's how much of a grace period you've got. I suggest that you get Mr. Katsuki seen as soon as possible."

Viktor took a deep breath as he processed everything that the doctor had just told him. What Yuri was like right now was apparently just the tip of the iceberg. Everything was going to be a struggle until he could get him to a doctor.

"What can be done for him in this kind of situation, doctor?"

"Well, he's going to require medication to get him out of this catatonic state. Patients are usually unable to snap out of it on their own. Most doctors recommend going with benzodiazepines. They're a group of psychoactive drugs that act as sedatives and muscle relaxants, with anti-anxiety and sleep-inducing properties. One drug in particular, lorazepam, is able to get catatonic patients out of their 'frozen' state within three hours of being administered a short-acting dose."

"That's very encouraging news, Dr. Ramirez. I have a private doctor who treated Yuri before when he had his unplanned bout of hypothermia. I can count on him to be here as soon as he's physically able to. What should I do in the meantime?"

"Just keep up what you're doing right now, basically. As detached as he may seem, he's at least proven that he's aware of your presence and your touch. Build on that. Don't smother him with excessive touching, but touch him enough to reassure him that you're there for him. I hope you're prepared to have a lot of patience, Viktor. He's going to be a borderline invalid until he gets that medication. You're going to have to take care of  _all_  his needs. That includes bodily functions. Are you prepared to do all that for Mr. Katsuki?"

There was no question at all in Viktor's mind that he was, and so he did not hesitate for even a split second when he gave his answer.

"Yes doctor, of course. I'll do anything for Yuri."

...

Viktor opened the door to the backyard so that Makkachin could go out and do his business. There was just one tiny little corner that hadn't piled up completely with snow and the dog was quick to do what he needed before running back into the house to get away from the stinging flurry of snow. He toweled him off and wiped his paws before heading back into the bedroom. The room was completely dark, but he could still just barely make out the faint outline of Yuri's form on the bed. 

"I'm going to the turn the light on, Yuri. On the count of five, four, three, two, one."

Viktor flipped the switch and the room flooded with light. Yuri was laying in the exact same position he'd left him earlier, eyes open and staring blankly at the ceiling. He sat down on the bed next to him and immediately reached for his hand. 

"I'm back, my love. Sorry to have kept you waiting, I had to let Makka out for a bit."

Fingers twitched in response and Viktor brought them up to his lips, placing a kiss on each individual digit.

"I'm going to take care of you, Yuri. We're going to be okay. We're going to be just fine."

As Yuri's fingers quivered under his lips, Viktor fervently prayed that they would be.


	65. A Break in the Skies

Two and a half days dragged by in near silence. The sounds of the raging storm and Viktor's whispers of reassurance to Yuri were the only backdrop to an environment of otherwise absolute stillness. Every minute that ticked by had felt like an hour, each sixty-second period mercilessly driving home the feeling of utter uselessness and helplessness. Viktor was used to being able to make things happen for himself. He was used to having control over the important aspects of his life. Yet he was now in a situation in which everything felt out of his control and he hated it. He looked over to Yuri and winced as he took in his haggard appearance. He had clearly not slept at all since becoming trapped in this catatonic state, and the black circles under his eyes were a testament to this fact. True to what the doctor had stated, Yuri did not eat or drink anything during the entire time. He had tried bringing food to his lips but there had been no reaction, and those haunting eyes had just continued to stare forward. They were unblinking orbs void of any expression and emotion, so different from what Viktor was used to seeing when he stared into their cherry-brown depths. He worried that Yuri’s eyes were drying out and had started putting eye drops in them about once an hour. The lack of water was having a bigger effect on Yuri's condition than anything else. His lips had become dry and cracked and he hadn't needed to go to the bathroom in over a day. 

Viktor recalled the first time that he had picked Yuri up and carried him to the bathroom, stood him up and helped him relieve himself. He had felt drops of hot liquid falling on the top of his hand and had looked up to see that Yuri's face was flushed red and that he was crying out precious moisture. And even though the eyes were blank and there was no other outward expression of emotion, Viktor had known immediately; Yuri was embarrassed. He'd flushed the toilet and lowered the lid so that he could sit Yuri down on it while he washed his hands. Once he was done, he had knelt down in front of him and taken both of his hands into his own. 

“I'm not ashamed, nor angry, or even slightly bothered at having to care of your needs. That includes ALL your needs. I love you and I would do anything for you…ANYTHING. Do you understand, Yuri?”

More tears had streamed down the young man's face, but the telltale hand squeeze had come through in the end. Viktor had stroked Yuri's face and placed a kiss on his forehead before carrying him back to the bed and setting him in the usual spot. Since then, Yuri's body had not produced any more liquid waste and Viktor was extremely worried. They were pushing the three-day limit a human body can go without water, and it was very clear that it was already having a negative effect on Yuri's system. Yuri had always been religious about keeping himself hydrated, so the sudden withdrawal was having a much more marked impact. The crushing dryness of the Russian winter was not helping the situation and not even the humidifier he’d set up in the bedroom seemed to be having any effect. 

The storm was finally starting to lose strength and was forecast to dissipate completely overnight. He had called a private snow removal company and they were scheduled to plow the road leading to his house as well as the surrounding area. He was paying extra to have them show up as early as possible, and had also arranged a visit from Dr. Fedorov early tomorrow afternoon. He had briefed the Russian doctor on what he'd been told by Dr. Ramirez back in Spain and the man had gruffly agreed that Yuri needed to be medicated as soon as possible. 

Earlier in the day, to keep himself going stir-crazy, he'd gone into the kitchen and made some honey lemon water and poured it into an ice cube tray. He figured that he might be able to coax at least a little bit of water into Yuri that way. He went into the kitchen and checked on the tray, and was happy that the water had fully solidified into ice form. He popped out half of the tray and kept a few ice cubes intact while he crushed the rest into shards. He put everything in a bowl and walked back to the room. He sat down on the bed next to Yuri and grabbed hold of his hand. 

“My love, I can see that you're suffering and it's breaking my heart. I've brought some ice with me, so I need you to try really hard and swallow down as much as you can.”

Viktor reached for his lover's face once more. And brought his head down to rest his chin on the young man's shoulder. 

Copious tears leaked out of Viktor's eyes as he stroked Yuri's face with one hand and held on to his hand with the other. 

“Please, Yuri. I feel so lost. I want to help you, but I don't know how. I just feel…so useless! Please, let me do this one thing for you. Let me give your body the water it desperately needs!”

A few tense seconds passed without response, and Viktor started to feel deflated at yet another failure. Then, ever so weakly, fingers twitched their owner's permission. Viktor pulled Yuri into a tight hug, wrapping both arms around the young man. 

“Thank you, thank you...you have no idea how much this means to me.”

Viktor placed a towel on Yuri's lap and wrapped another one around his neck so as to catch any overflow. He grabbed an ice cube between his index finger and thumb and brought it up to Yuri's lips. 

“It's going to be a bit cold at first. Just wait for the heat from your body to melt the ice and then you should be able to get it down.”

Viktor rubbed the flavored ice cube along Yuri's lips and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the liquid disappear into the man's mouth. He made a few more passes and then practically jumped with glee when he saw Yuri's Adam's apple move up and down the column of his throat. Yuri sputtered and coughed a bit, and Viktor was quick to administer a few gentle pats to his back. 

“You're fine, my love, that was great. It's a bit cold and your throat hasn't had anything in it for a few days, but you're doing very well. Let's keep going, okay?”

Viktor continued rubbing the ice cube on Yuri's lips until it was all gone. He had stopped periodically to keep his mouth from becoming too cold, but was feeling rather optimistic overall.

“I've got some ice shards now, I'm going to put them in your mouth. Just let them melt in there and then you can swallow when you're ready, alright?”

A firm squeeze from Yuri's hand was the most reassuring reaction he could have ever hoped for. He knew that Yuri was likely absolutely parched, and the sweetness from the honey was probably giving him a bit of much-needed energy. He slipped the ice chips between Yuri's lips and waited with bated breath to see how the young man would handle them. There was a slight movement and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that Yuri had swallowed. He fed him a few more rounds of ice chips, stopping to wipe the bits that occasionally dribbled out from the corners of his mouth. Satisfied that Yuri had managed to get a semi-decent amount of water, Viktor decided to give Yuri a break.

“That was wonderful, Yuri. I’m really proud of you. You tried so hard for me, and I’m truly grateful. Let’s try and have some more a bit later, ok?”

The rest of the day passed a bit more quickly, the eye-drops and ice-feeding schedules keeping him busy and giving him something to look forward to every hour. Late that evening, Yuri’s fingers twitched of their own accord. Viktor had taken to being in constant contact with Yuri’s hand and had become quite attuned to the slightest movement of the young man’s fingers. He sat up, immediately alert.

“What is it, Yuri? Do you need water?”

No response.

“Are your eyes dry?”

Still no response.

“Do you need the toilet?”

Fingers twitched energetically and Viktor had his answer. He took Yuri to the bathroom and was able to get through the ordeal without any tears this time. His urine was dark and concentrated, which meant that he was still not properly hydrated, but was at least back to passing liquid waste. He filled the tub with warm water and poured in some of Yuri’s favorite bubble bath, a sakura-scented one he said always reminded him of Japan. 

“I’d really like to take a bath with you, Yuri. Would you like that?”

Viktor smiled when Yuri agreed to his request and began undressing him. He threw the dirty clothes in the hamper and went about divesting himself of his own. He picked Yuri up and placed him in the tub first and then crawled in behind him. He just held Yuri in his arms at first, relishing their intimate contact. He loved feeling connected to him and could honestly just sit like that for days. He picked up the shower pouf and poured some bodywash onto it. He squeezed it in his hand a few times to build up the suds and then began washing Yuri’s chest. He lifted each arm out of the water and washed it thoroughly from the tips of the fingers right up to the armpit. He sat Yuri up a bit farther up in front and washed the expanse of his back. He reached down in between Yuri’s legs and washed his nether regions before maneuvering the younger man into a position facing him. He picked up each leg and washed it from hip to big toe, taking the time to wash between each little toe. He pulled the plug on the tub and reached for the shampoo as the water drained out. He turned on the tap and reached for the detachable showerhead he’d left within reach before getting into the tub. He wet down Yuri’s hair and then squeezed out some shampoo onto it. He massaged it until it had lathered up nicely and then rinsed it off along with the residual soap from the bath. He got Yuri all dried off and dressed in his favorite pair of jogging pants and comfy t-shirt before setting his down on the toilet seat. 

“I’m going to take a quick shower now and wash my hair too, okay? Wait for me.”

Viktor left the shower curtain pulled back as he showered, mostly because he wanted to be able to keep an eye on Yuri at all times, and partially because his exhibitionist tendencies were hard to ignore. Once he was all clean and dried off, he got dressed and then took Yuri back to bed. He managed to get another round of hydration into Yuri’s body before his eyes began to droop and he fell asleep. 

Viktor woke up with a start the next morning to rhythmic squeezing from Yuri’s hand. He groggily rubbed at his eyes and became instantly aware of loud mechanical and beeping noises coming from outside. He stood up and ran to the window, and pulled aside the curtains. He was nearly blinded by the white light reflecting off the snow and voiced his displeasure with a few choice Russian obscenities. Once his eyes had adjusted to the morning light, he was able to see three snow plows hard at work all around the house. Viktor nearly jumped for joy as he saw the house becoming slowly freed from its snowy prison. He rushed back to bed, throwing his arms around Yuri as soon as he was sitting back down. 

“Yuri, they’re clearing the snow! The doctor can finally come see you and give you the medicine that you need.”

Suddenly feeling rather energized, Viktor practically pranced into the kitchen. He brewed a strong pot of coffee and made a quick sandwich. He put his things on a tray, which he took into the bedroom with a bowl of honey lemon ice shards. He alternated between feeding Yuri and then feeding himself. Once their respective breakfasts had been consumed, Viktor went about tidying the room up a bit. He then let Makkachin out into the freshly cleared yard and had a good laugh as he watched the dog zoom around excitedly in circles. He must have been feeling all cooped up in the last couple of days as well. His phone rang in his pocket and he reached in to answer. A quick glance at the caller ID told him it was Dr. Fedorov calling and he quickly answered the call. 

The following denotes Russian speech _**/"..."/**_

_**/“Hello Dr. Fedorov, good morning.”/**_

_**/"Good morning, Vitya. I'm just calling to let you know that I am on the way and should be arriving at your house within the hour."/**_

_**/"Thank you, doctor. I'm truly so incredibly grateful that you're coming out here so soon after the storm."/**_

_**/"Has there been any change in his condition?"/**_

_**/"Not overly. I was able to get him to consume some water in the form of crushed ice, but he's still woefully dehydrated."/**_

_**/"I'll bring supplies to put in a catheter and a few bags of saline. Do you have plans to take him to a local hospital?"/**_

Viktor paused to think, subconsciously bringing an index finger to his lips, before he answered the doctor's question.

_**/"I want to see how he does after the medication first. He's going to be in a very fragile state once he finally comes around. I wouldn't want him to become unnecessarily distressed by waking up in a foreign environment surrounded by a bunch of strangers he probably doesn't understand."/**_

_**/"I understand your position and your desire to protect him, but you must be prepared to take him should his condition take a turn for the worse."/**_

_**/"Yes. I understand."/**_

_**/Good. I'll be there shortly."/**_

The call was ended and Viktor went about doing a bit more tidying up to pass the time. He poured some water into his Saki electric samovar and reached for his favorite teapot. He took out the diffuser and packed it full with some of the fancy black tea they'd muled in from Japan, along with a stick of cinnamon, some fresh orange peel and some cloves. Once the water had come to a boil, he filled the tea pot full and let it steep. Hopefully it would be nicely concentrated by the time the doctor was done with Yuri. He wanted to make sure that Yuri would have some tea waiting for him when he came around. The smell of the spiced tea filled the kitchen and he took great comfort in the familiar scent. About thirty minutes later, the doorbell rang and he let Dr. Fedorov into the house. 

_**/"Hello Doctor, welcome. I hope you had a safe journey."/**_

The doctor took off his boots and beat them together just outside the open front door to get rid of the snow. He placed the boots on the mat in front of the closet door and straightened up before removing his coat and handing it to Viktor. 

_**/"Yes, Vitya. Whoever plowed the roads did a magnificent job. I had no problems getting down here."/**_

_**/"I should hope so! I've paid them the equivalent of my weight in rubles."/**_

The doctor shook his head, a small smile playing at the corner of his lips.  

_**/"Is that fresh tea I smell?"/**_

_**/"It is. You can have your fill of a full tea service once you've finished your visit."/**_

The old doctor grunted in acknowledgment as he followed Viktor to the bedroom.

_**/"You certainly know your way into an old grumpy man's heart."/**_

...

The doctor checked Yuri over, literally, from top to bottom. He took his temperature and his pulse, he shone a light into Yuri's eyes and had checked for any neurological damage. When he checked his dehydration level, he tisked his displeasure. 

_**/"You mentioned that you've been able to get water into him in the form of ice, correct?"/**_

_**/Yes, I was worried that he would become severely dehydrated and I was able to get through to him enough to be aware enough to swallow."/**_

_**/"That was very wise, he's suffering from advanced dehydration as it is, I do not want to think of how much worse things would be had you not done that for him. He is as the Spanish doctor said; catatonic. He is a rather abnormal case, however, given his ability to hear and understand you and actually communicate through touch. You were there at the time he lapsed into this state?"/**_

_**/"Yes, I was there as it happened."/**_

_**/"How soon after did you make physical contact with him?"/**_

_**/"Almost immediately."/**_

_**/"Hmm. The only plausible explanation I can offer is that you were able to reach him and establish a bond before he became fully trapped in his own mind, so to speak. Let's get his medication on board and put his catheter in. I want to monitor him for the first thirty minutes to make sure drug has taken effect and that he won't suffer an allergic reaction."/** _

"Yuri, the doctor is here and we're going to give you the medicine now. I'm going to turn you onto your side so he can inject your muscle, okay?"

Yuri's fingers fluttered excitedly and Dr. Fedorov just about fell off the bed in disbelief. He would have never believed it had he not just witnessed it for himself. Together with the doctor, Viktor gently rolled Yuri onto his side. The drug was sucked into a syringe and Viktor assisted by prepping a section of Yuri's rump with rubbing alcohol. The injection was administered easily and Yuri was rolled back over. Next was the catheter and Yuri was once again informed of the upcoming procedure before it happened. The doctor applied a tourniquet to Yuri's arm and tapped the inside of his forearm with two fingers before turning the arm back over and rubbing an alcohol-soaked cotton ball over the area. He uncapped the catheter and slid it in with practice ease. Once the flash filled with blood, he pulled it out and capped the catheter. He flushed the catheter with saline and then dressed it. Once that was done, he prepared the IV line, making sure that there weren't any deadly air bubbles left in the line. He hung the bag from an exposed nail on the wall above the bed and removed the catheter cap before connecting the IV line. Once he'd set the drip rate, he checked everything over once more. Satisfied that everything was in order.

_**/"Good. Now, we wait."/**_


	66. Love's Silver Lining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OMFG, this chapter is so emotional and laden with feels...so I apologize in advance for any increased tissue consumption. I certainly had to take a few breaks while writing it because it was just so...UGH. It's super rewarding to have finished it and it covers a scene that's been a a long time coming. I hope you enjoy this chapter and that I did the scene justice.

Watching the drug’s effect on Yuri was akin to watching a flower’s unfurling petals as it bloomed in the early sunlight. His muscles were the first to become affected, losing their rigidity within the first thirty-five minutes of administration, and allowing the young man to finally relax and melt into the mattress. Yuri’s body was absolutely exhausted, and Viktor could clearly see the muscle spasms and twitches roiling through it. All that lactic acid had been building up in his muscles for days, and he knew that Yuri had to be in pain. Viktor stood up and walked over to the vanity and opened the top drawer. He reached in and took out the muscle rub that he and Yuri were both quite fond of. He sat back down on the bed and uncapped the tube.

“I’m going to rub down your arms and legs, OK Yuri? I’ll do your back later after you’ve had some rest.”

Yuri nodded and Viktor squeezed out a small amount onto his left palm. He then brought his hands together and spread the gel around before bringing them to Yuri’s calf. The young man grunted as his sore muscles immediately resented and fought back against Viktor’s manipulations.

“Hang in there, Yuri. I know it hurts, you just need to bear it a little bit longer. You know that it will feel much better in the end.”

Yuri nodded once more and clutched the bedsheet tightly in his hands. Viktor did his best to try and knead all the knots out as quickly and efficiently as possible. He could see that Yuri was doing his hardest to keep quiet, despite the obvious amount of discomfort he was in. Viktor managed to get both legs rubbed down in record time and then moved onto his arms. Careful to avoid the area where the I.V was attached, Viktor worked, deftly lending all his focus to the task. He got less of a reaction from the upper limbs, and was all done just about the time a light sheen of sweat had formed on Yuri’s skin. He put the muscle rub back in the drawer and washed his hands in the bathroom. He paused briefly on the way back to check with Dr. Fedorov but was gruffly dismissed and told to go sit with Yuri instead.

So, Viktor sat down next to him on the bed, holding onto his hand by force of habit. By the time another ten minutes had passed, Yuri was blinking on his own for the first time in days. His eyes instantly welled up with tears, and although the expression in them was not particularly what Viktor wanted to see, at least they _had_ expression. Yuri’s cracked lips moved weakly as he tried to speak, but was only able to produce a raspy croak. Viktor immediately propped him up on the nest of pillows and brought a glass of room temperature water to his lips.

“Drink some water first, and get a little moisture in your mouth. I’ve got some lovely tea all ready for you and you should be able to talk after you drink it. I don’t want to hear anything from you until you’ve finished your tea.”

Yuri nodded and gave his hand a little squeeze and even managed to smile at him through his cracked lips. Dr. Fedorov stood respectively off to the side, keenly observing their interaction and noting the progression of Yuri’s recovery in a small notebook. Viktor patiently meted out small amounts of water until Yuri had finished an entire cup. He had to tell him to slow down a few times as the thirsty man had tried to gulp down the water as quickly as it had touched his lips. After speaking with the doctor, it was decided to allow Yuri to have another full glass of water before letting him drink a little bit of tea. The heated liquid would be good for his throat, but the doctor didn’t think that caffeine was recommended when he was still so dehydrated.

So Viktor dutifully returned to Yuri’s side and sat with him as he slowly drank down another glassful of water. He then went into the kitchen and grabbed the Thermos cup of tea he’d set aside earlier. Hopefully it’d had the chance to cool a bit and wouldn’t burn Yuri when he tried to drink it. When Yuri got his first taste of the tea, he closed his eyes and moaned appreciatively as the soothing hot liquid made its way down his throat. He cradled the cup in his lap, seemingly enjoying the slight warmth it provided. He sipped it in silence until it was all gone, handing Viktor the cup once he was all finished. Yuri then took hold of Viktor’s hand and gave it a pressing squeeze. His eyes darted slightly toward the doctor standing off to the left and then back to Viktor. The Russian skater opened his mouth to ask the doctor for some privacy, but the highly perceptive man beat him to the punch.

_**/”I’ll be waiting in the kitchen. Come out when you’re ready. I’m feeling ready for a nibble or two, do you mind if I start the tea service without you?”/** _

_**/”Thank you doctor. I’ll come out as soon as I can. No, please go ahead. Help yourself to anything in the kitchen and make yourself at home.”/** _

Doctor Fedorov excused himself and left the room, closing the door behind him. Viktor immediately turned to Yuri and beamed his trademark megawatt smile at him.

“Welcome back, my love.”

Yuri threw his arms around Viktor and held him as tightly as his weakened state would allow him, his body wracked by heaving sobs. Viktor returned the embrace, rubbing soothing circles on his back and waiting patiently until Yuri got it all out of his system. Yuri was feeling so overwhelmed by so many thoughts and emotions and nearly bursting at the seams with all the things he’d been desperate but unable to express to Viktor during all these last few days. He was sorry, _so_ sorry for the pain he’d caused him and wanted to beg for forgiveness. He was embarrassed and mortified by all the trouble he’d caused for him and wanted to apologize profusely. He was scared to death because he knew that with the medication, sleep would be following soon, and could already feel it tugging at the corners of his consciousness. He knew that there was something sinister waiting for him in the dark recesses of his mind, and he didn’t want to be trapped with it again. There was _so_ much he wanted to express, but in his gut, there was only one of thought...one overwhelming feeling...that took precedence over the others. When the sobs finally died down, a slightly raspy and gravelly voice broke the silence.

“I love you.”

Yuri’s words sank first into his brain and then flew straight into his heart, burying themselves there and nestling deep. Had his ears deceived him? Had he actually just heard the words he'd been desperately longing to hear? Their life together in St. Petersburg had brought many declarations of love from the young Japanese man, but this one was not like the others. This one carried such a crushing weight of importance that Viktor feared he'd be unable to breathe. Every worry, doubt, and negative thought he’d been having over the last five months had formed a cloying second skin of uncertainty around Viktor’s heart. He had never wavered in terms of his feelings for Yuri, but there had always been the niggling possibility that he might be denied happiness after it was all said and done. That after finally finding the love of his life, the man would reject him upon remembering the truth about that awful night that had changed their lives forever. Suddenly, a huge weight was not only lifted, but hurled clear from his body. For the first time in a long time, Viktor felt light. He felt _free_. Their roles reversed, it was now Yuri’s turn to hold onto Viktor as the Russian man fell apart in his arms. He stroked Viktor’s hair and rained down kisses on every part within reach, fervently professing those words repeatedly like a mantra. Eyes red and bloodshot, and looking very much like a hot mess, Viktor cupped Yuri's face in his hands and stared into his eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes shone with such depths of love that the Japanese man felt he would burst from it all.

“Yuri...you...forgive me?”

The young Japanese man's eyes grew impossibly wide as he stared, incredulously , at the Russian man before him.

“Wh...what? Forgive you? For what? _I'm_ the one who should be asking _you_ for forgiveness!”

It was Viktor's turn to be confused.

“For how horrible I was to you that night! For saying something so callous and thoughtless that it broke your heart and...made you...you wanted to...you almost...”

Yuri took both of Viktor's hands in his own and brought them to his lips for a scratchy kiss.

“Your words to me that night caused a pain within me that I was unable to handle at the time, but the blame is certainly not all yours. I allowed my weakness to swallow me up completely that night. Had I actually paused to think, I would have realized that you never gave your ring back, nor asked me to remove my own. Of course I forgive you, there was _never_ a question that I wouldn't.”

Viktor brought their joined hands to his forehead and hung his head as he wept. So much was leaving him through those tears. They purged all the fear and the worry and the sorrow, and they also celebrated the joy and absolute elation he was feeling at having finally heard the words he feared he'd never hear.

“But even more importantly, Viktor, I was reckless and insensitive with your heart. My clueless behavior and indecisiveness cut you deeply, and for that I am _truly_ sorry. My crippling anxieties and constant self-doubt made me second-guess everything when it came to you. I thought my actions would serve to protect you, but ended up toying with your feelings instead. Please forgive _me_.”

Viktor's head snapped up and he looked at Yuri with such awe and surprise that the young man had to hold back the small laugh that threatened to burst past his dry lips. Viktor was absolutely adorable during these rare times he fully let his guard down in front of him.

“Of course I forgive you! You were so inexperienced and I was so pushy and obstinate back then. We both had a lot of issues to work through. We let things run their course without really knowing what we were doing. We were two people who madly wanted to love one another, but didn't really know how. I can't believe I actually have to say it...Yuri, I forgive you.”

Yuri let out the large breath he'd been holding, and it rushed out of his body in a big gust. The two men wrapped their arms around each other one more and just held onto each other for dear life. A short time later, Viktor could feel Yuri's hold weaken and his arms begin to slide back down to the bed. He released his hold on him and leaned him back against the pillows. His eyes were droopy and had begun to gloss over.

“Feeling sleepy?”

“Don't wanna.”

“Why's that, Yuri? You haven't slept for nearly three days, surely you must be anxious to close your eyes and rest.”

“ _He's_ there.”

Viktor quirked an eyebrow and stared, somewhat concerned, at the groggy man before him.

“Who's _he_?”

Yuri's eyes slowly rolled over in their sockets as he tried to look at Viktor.

“Bad _me_. _All_ bad.”

Viktor didn't quite understand it, but chalked the weirdness up to being a side effect from the drug.

“Well, you know Yuri...whether there's a good Yuri or a bad Yuri...I love them all. You could be wake up blue one day and grow a tail, and I'd _still_ love you. Yuri will always be Yuri, and I love your heart, your mind and your soul.”

Yuri smiled, incredibly goofy and endearing. He tried to say something to him but it came out as unintelligible garbling. Viktor jumped off the bed and ran to the dresser. He grabbed the little velvet box and sat back down on the bed next to Yuri before opening it.

“Yuri Katsuki, would you do me the great honor of allowing us to wear our good luck charms once more?”

Yuri's glassy eyes passively leaked tears into the surrounding pillows as he was able to contort his mouth into one last answer.

“Yerrssshhhhh.”

Viktor quickly placed Yuri's smaller ring on his finger and the slightly larger one on his own. He then brought Yuri's hand up to his lips and kissed the ring he'd placed there. He felt Yuri's fingers twitching excitedly and couldn't help but smile. Nothing could have prepared him for all the feelings that rushed into him at once. It's like...everything was suddenly right again in the universe, and all was where it was meant to be. He held Yuri's hand the whole time, only releasing it when he was positively sure that the young man was fully asleep. Viktor placed his ringed hand over his heart and stared up at the ceiling with a look of pure wonder on his face. He had a feeling that things were finally going to be OK.

 


	67. The Man Who Learned to Love Again

Viktor smiled down at the sleeping visage of his beloved and brushed a few unruly locks of hair away from his face. He yawned as the exhaustion kicked in and he was suddenly feeling incredibly weary and drained. The adrenaline that been a constant presence in his system over the last couple of days was suddenly gone and he was crashing hard.  He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on Yuuri’s forehead before standing up and going into the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face. A few eye drops later and his eyes were still slightly red but could be potentially passed off as tired eyes and not crying ones. He walked into the kitchen and found Dr. Fedorov sitting down and enjoying the tea and the cheese platter.

**_/”Sorry to have kept you waiting, I wanted to stay with him until he fell asleep.”/_ **

**_/”It’s no bother, your tea spread has kept me more than busy enough. How is he?”/_ **

**_/”He was surprisingly lucid and alert for a while. We were able to have a short conversation before the drug fully took hold and he lapsed into sleep.”/_ **

Viktor sat down across from the doctor and poured himself some tea. As he eyed the snacks before him, he suddenly realized that he was positively ravenous. He hadn’t previously been feeling that hungry, the stress and worry over Yuri’s situation pretty much having killed his appetite. He needed something more substantial and excused himself to raid the fridge. He offered to also make the good doctor a sandwich but the man politely declined, stating that he was more than satisfied with what was already before him. Viktor sat back down once he had managed to put something together and devoured the sandwich voraciously. The doctor watched him silently as he sipped on his tea, contemplating the changed man before him. He’d been treating Vitya since he was a child, and had watched him grow into a man and highly successful athlete over the last few decades. He’d immediately noticed a change in the younger man the last time he’d been over for a house call, and there was an even more marked change this second time around. 

**_/”I’m sorry for my bad manners, I haven’t eaten much at all in the past three days and I find myself severely hungry.”/_ **

**_/”That’s understandable. You’ve been quite worried, haven’t you? I can tell you haven’t slept much either.”/_ **

Viktor nodded in between bites of his sandwich. 

**_/”I couldn’t rest knowing that he might need me or something.”/_ **

As Viktor brought the sandwich up to his mouth once more, the kitchen light bounced off the golden ring on his right hand and the resulting glint caught the doctor’s eye. 

**_/”The young Japanese man, he is more than a friend, is he not?”/_ **

Viktor paused mid-bite to stare at the doctor. He lowered his sandwich back down to the plate and brushed the crumbs off with his hands before crossing them in front of him on the table. He tilted his chin up in a clear act of defiance and fixed the doctor with an intense cerulean stare. 

**_/”He is. Yuri means the world to me…no…he IS my world…and I love him. And if this ‘kind of thing’ bothers you, I’ll quickly prepare your payment and kindly ask that you be on your way.”/_ **

Dr. Fedorov took in the young man before him, his facial expression and entire body posture just _daring_ him to disagree. It was a look he was familiar with, and one he’d seen a long time ago.

 **_ *** _ ** _ Flashback (St. Petersburg, circa 15 years ago) ******* _

_/”Vitya, that’s a very severe sprain, I’m afraid you’re going to have to pull out of World’s.”/_

_The young thirteen-year-old athlete currently sitting on his exam table wrinkled his nose in disdain before defiantly crossing his arms and tilting his chin up. He shook his head from side to side in a clear challenge. His ponytail swished angrily with the action, the long silver hair glistening under the fluorescent lights._

_/”I refuse.”/_

_The doctor sighed heavily and grumbled obscenities under his breath. Viktor Nikiforov was one of the most obstinate patients he’d ever had, and he was just a spindly teenager. Trying to talk him out of something after he’d gotten the idea stuck in his head was damn near impossible._

_/”Vitya, be reasonable. It’s already January, Worlds is in March. You need to rest the leg for at least two weeks. That leaves a month and a half to complete rehab and practice. I know you’re highly talented for your age, but you’re not superhuman.”/_

_/”I’ll rest the leg for two weeks, I will compete as planned and I **will** win gold. If you insist on this distasteful ‘withdraw’ business, I will simply find another doctor who agrees with me.”/_

_/”It’s not just about finding another doctor to agree with you! You could permanently damage yourself and end your career prematurely by pushing your body beyond its limits!”/_

_The young man brought his index finger to his lips and tilted his head to the side as he winked at him._

_/”I fully intend on having a very long skating career, doctor Fedorov. I would not do anything foolish to jeopardize that. I have a plan.”_

_The doctor sighed again for the umpteenth time and shook his head. He threw his hands up in the air and just decided to leave this one up to the gods._

_/”Alright, Vitya. Come back in two weeks for your checkup. I’ll re-evaluate your condition at that time.”/_

_It turned out that the young man **did** have a plan after all. It was a completely insane and audacious plan, and if it had come from anyone else, he wouldn’t have believed it possible. But this was Viktor Nikiforov we were talking about and the boy lived to surprise the world. In the two weeks he had rested his right leg, he trained his left. Any jump or weight-bearing move that required landing on the right leg was changed to the left. He did one-legged squats and one-legged weight training until his left leg was temporarily promoted to the position of dominant leg. True to his word, Viktor did not use his right leg at all during the time of rest, but still managed to spend nearly every waking hour at the rink, skating around on one leg until he collapsed. A new trainer had been hired by Yakov, a rather hard and militant young man named Volkov. The man apparently hadn’t had any qualms over giving Viktor exactly what he wanted and pushed him as harshly as he could. The two-week check-up went well, and Viktor carried on with his gutsy plan._

_When Worlds came around, Viktor artfully skirted any questions regarding his knee sprain and how it would affect his performance. The reporters tried repeatedly to get him to give them even the slightest hint, but he just smiled secretly at them and told them to not take their eyes off him. When Viktor’s turn to skate came up, it was immediately clear that his program was more exceptional than usual. The right-footed skater was skating on his left foot as if he’d been doing it that way his whole life. It created a huge stir within the skating community especially since the day ended with Viktor leading the pack after the short program. The reporters had had a field day, and there’d been growing buzz that Viktor had been ambidextrous the entire time. They didn’t know how hard he’d worked, they didn’t see any of his blood, sweat, and tears._

The feat was once again repeated flawlessly during the free skate and after all was said and done, Viktor Nikiforov stood on the podium, a shining gold medal around his neck.

/”That stubborn little sonofabitch. He actually did it!”/

 _Viktor Nikiforov was determined enough to get whatever he set his heart and mind to._                                                                    

_ ***end flashback*** _

Dr. Fedorov placed his teacup back on the table and stood up, not missing the brief flash of disappointment in Viktor’s eyes. He walked over to the younger man, grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him into his arms for a crushing bear hug.

**_/”I’ve been treating you since you were seven years old. I watched you grow up before my very eyes. Watched you become a world-class athlete and the undisputed king of the figure skating world. I watched you slowly lose your inspiration and worried for you when the competitive spark drained from your eyes. Seeing you now, full of passion and determination, brings joy to my cold old heart. You have found something other than skating to love, and someone to hold on to. I feel like a father whose son has finally grown up and become a man.”/_ **

Viktor gasped as he stood frozen in shock by the sudden turn of events. He’d never realized that the doctor had been paying that much close attention to him all these years. It was touching and rather humbling to know that he’d cared so much about him.

**_/”Vitya, you idiot. This ‘kind of thing’ has made you the happiest I’ve seen you in years. And I mean real happiness, not that fake shit you’d put on for the cameras and reporters. Of course it doesn’t bother me, it makes me incredibly happy for you. Yuri must be very special and dear to your heart if he’s evoked such strong reactions from you.”/_ **

The younger Russian wrapped his arms around the burly man and returned the hug as best as he could. He buried his face in the man’s shoulder and sniffled minimally as both men shared a quiet moment. The doctor was the first to finally break the embrace.

**_/”I must go now but will leave some written instructions for you. You desperately need some rest, you look like the walking dead.”/_ **

Viktor laughed as he wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his housecoat.

**_/”I always knew I could count on your brutal honesty.”/_ **

Viktor packed up a few more treats in a plastic bag and walked Dr. Fedorov out to the front door. He shook the man’s hand once more and thanked him profusely for coming as soon as he did. The doctor nodded as he waved his hand dismissively, stating that he was long used to how demanding his star patient could be. Once their goodbyes were said and done, the doctor went on his merry way and Viktor returned to the bedroom. He replaced Yuri’s I.V bag, his mouth opening wide in a huge yawn as his eyelids grew heavy. He set his alarm to go off in two hours and crawled into bed next to Yuri, wrapping his arms around the younger man’s waist. His eyes closed instantly, and for the first time in three days, Viktor was able to sleep like a baby.  


	68. The Tie that Binds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A million and one chocolate-covered apologies to everyone. This last month has just been insane. Between work, trying to write a Spooky Zine I signed up for and trying to get caught up on the ever-growing fic projects I've had kicking around in my overactive brain...time is just a commodity I haven't had enough of. Things have finally settled down now...and I can kickstart the next major arc of this story. Once again, my greatest apologies for keeping you waiting!

**_(Nearly the entire chapter takes place in Yuri’s dream, so I have spared the italics to go easy on everyone’s eyes.)_ **

Yuri groaned and trembled as he immediately recognized where he was. He had spent three nights successfully avoiding this place...avoiding **him**. Yet here he was again, against his will, and being forced to face the side of himself that he never even wanted to acknowledge the existence of. A cloyingly thick black miasma hung close to the ground, dense and impenetrable. A black cloud of depression seemed to hover over the entire arena, making the place nearly unrecognizable.

Yuri lifted his shirt up to cover his mouth, struggling to breathe in the oppressive environment. As he looked around, he was surprised to see a small bubble of clear air in the farthest corner of the rink and was instantly drawn to it. Before he was able to get there, however, a dark shape rose up from the miasma. It stood directly in his path and Yuri knew right away that it was the dark shadow.

S/Y: “You **dare** show your face back here again?”

Yuri’s skin crawled with disgust as he came face-to-face with his dark side once more.  

“Trust me, I have no more desire to be here than you do to see me. My mind has decided to torture me in my sleep, and I have no control over where it sends me. Apparently it really likes this place for some reason.”

The shadow snarled as it stalked purposely toward him, his very existence radiating hostility. Yuri felt a twinge of fear and knew that some kind of altercation was inevitable.

S/Y: “Only one of us can exist in this space. One of us **has** to go. It makes sense that it should be the weaker one, no?”

Every instinct Yuri had was screaming at him to turn around and run, to get away from the danger in front of him. But there was nowhere to escape to, and he was sick and tired of running. He decided right there and then that he would **not** turn tail and run. He would stay and face the shadow. He lifted his chin high and braced himself for a fight.

Before the two were able to face off against each other, however, the small corner of the arena with the clear air started to glow brighter and pulse rhythmically. Both Yuri and the shadow stopped to look at it, surprised to see the bubble expanding with each pulse. The frequency of the pulses suddenly increased before culminating in one massive burst that completely cleared the dark miasma away and removed the suffocating aura from the whole area. Yuri and the shadow both shielded their faces and lowered their heads as they fought to keep from being knocked down by the pressure blast.

When Yuri looked back up, his heart filled with hope. He felt it before he saw it, the presence of the shadow that first came to him in his dreams. The mysterious shadow with the golden skates and golden ring…

Yuri gasped and both hands came up to cover his mouth. Could it be? Could it **really** be? The shadow skated into the light, flooding with color as it did so. First to come into focus was a pair of black pants, followed by a set of black sleeves extending up to the elbows. The familiar outfit was rounded out by a beautifully designed and custom-tailored magenta jacket with twin tails. Standing before his very eyes was none other than Viktor Nikiforov himself. Yuri’s eyes filled with tears as the weight of the realization hit him head on. Viktor had been there with him all along…since the very beginning. Even before he had any inkling of who Viktor was and what he meant to him. He had been subconsciously reaching out for Viktor since the very start.

He had not seen much of shadow Viktor in his dreams over the last few months, and now had a pretty good idea why. As his connection to the real Viktor grew in the waking world, shadow Viktor’s presence had gradually waned. Yet here he was, coming to him like a knight in shining golden skates just when he needed him the most. _How did Viktor_ _do that?_ _How did he always manage to insert himself into every aspect of his life like that?_ Yuri shook his head as he wiped the tears of joy from his eyes. He loved that man with all his heart, every single _extra_ little ounce of him.

Yuri looked over to the dark shadow, surprised that he had remained silent the whole time. What he saw shocked him to the core. The dark shadow was staring at Viktor with a look that he knew all too well, a look he had seen on his own face more times than he could count. It was a look of sublime adoration, the look of someone who was seeing their idol in front of him. As dark and menacing as it had been toward him, it was acting totally different in Viktor’s presence. Yuri’s eyes widened as all the pieces of the puzzle finally fell into place, and suddenly he **understood**. The shadow represented the version of Yuri that worshipped Viktor like a God, put him on a pedestal and deemed him untouchable. It depicted the person he used to be, back before he lost his memories of Viktor and learned to love him as an equal partner. He was such a different person now though, he…

No, that wasn’t it. He and the shadow were actually like the two sides of the same coin, two very different sides of the same person as if he had been shattered and split in half. Yuri shook his head and smiled sadly. In a roundabout way, he kind of **had** been.

**D/V = Dream Viktor**

D/V: “Yuri, hiiiiiii!”

The two incarnations of the one called Yuri Katsuki looked up at the version of Viktor currently standing before them, the smiles and excitement showing clearly on both their faces.

S/Y: “Viktor…you’re really here! The presence I’ve been feeling…that was you?”

Viktor flicked his head to the left, the hair over his eye briefly uncovering the cerulean orb beneath. Next came the trademark heart-shaped smile.

D/V: “Yep!”

Yuri smiled. Viktor was always fantastically goofy, regardless of the medium in which he presented himself.

S/Y: Now that you’re here, you can decide which one of us is the **real** Yuri, and the only one that should ultimately exist.

Viktor cocked his head to the side and seemed genuinely confused by what had been said.

D/V: “I love Yuri.”                             

S/Y: “Yes, yes…but _which one_?”

Viktor continued staring at them with a puzzled expression before his eyes lit up with understanding. Yuri was immediately filled with a sense of dread as he worried that maybe Viktor wouldn’t choose him and would choose the shadow instead. _What would happen to him if Viktor didn’t choose him? Would he simply disappear into the ether or be trapped in this dreamscape forever?_ Viktor reached out with both hands and took the shadow’s hand in one and his in the other. He looked at Yuri first and smiled.

“You are Yuri.”

He then looked at the shadow and smiled at it as well.

“You are Yuri.”

Viktor brought both hands to his chest and hugged them tightly.

“I love Yuri!”

Yuri wanted to say that he was shocked by Viktor’s actions, but he actually wasn’t. He chuckled as he shook his head, eyes filled to the brim with love. Next to him, the shadow stood quietly, mouth agape as he stared back and forth between the two men. Yuri’s eyes softened as he looked at the shadow.

“You know, we may have our differences…and we may have different kinds of love for Viktor…but the important thing is, we both love him in our own way.”

He then gestured toward Viktor with his head and smiled.

“He does not see any difference between us. To him, we are simply Yuri, and he loves us both.”

Suddenly, the sound of piano filled the arena, joined a few seconds later by a deep operatic voice singing in Italian. Yuri immediately recognized the Aria and he could tell that the shadow did as well. Viktor pulled them both toward the ice, an excited bounce in his step as he did so.

“Skate with me, Yuri!”

Yuri wanted to protest. He didn’t have skates on, he didn’t… As soon as all three stepped onto the ice, skates appeared on all three pairs of feet. Yuri found himself dressed in a near-exact replica of Viktor’s outfit, except his was in a nearly white soft powdery blue. He looked over to the shadow and saw him in the same outfit, but in a blue so dark that it was almost black. Viktor pulled them both along the ice, the glee clearly showing on his face. He stopped at the furthest end of the rink and told Yuri to stand there. He then skated to the opposite end and placed the shadow there before taking his own place right in the middle. When Viktor began moving with the music, muscle memory and instinct instantly kicked in, and all three were soon gliding in sync across the ice.

Yuri felt like he was soaring. Viktor took turns skating next to him and the shadow, taking the time to caress each of their faces. Toward the end of the song, he and the shadow found themselves skating next to each other. For the first time since they’d met, the shadow was smiling and genuinely looked like it was enjoying itself. Yuri felt a huge weight lift off his chest and he suddenly felt at peace. When he looked down at his outfit, he was surprised to see that it had become a rich royal blue color. Wondering if the shadow had also experienced the same thing, his eyes scanned the arena. He couldn’t spot it anywhere though. He was about to ask Viktor where it had gone when he felt a little ripple inside his heart. The little ripple grew and grew, and soon there was a small tempest. He knew then that the shadow had been reabsorbed, and even though he felt ‘whole’ again, he also sensed it pushing back against him. It was strangely unsettling.

“Yuri?”

Yuri looked up and saw Viktor standing in front of him. He suddenly became blurry and fading in and out of focus.

“Yuri…Yuri…Yuri…”

___end dream___

Yuri opened his eyes slowly, blinking a few times as his vision came back into focus. As they adjusted to the light, he saw Viktor’s face in front of him.

“Yuri my love, you need to get up. I need to put on a new fluid bag, and you probably need to go to the bathroom.”

Yuri nodded eagerly before his mouth opened in a massive yawn. The pressure on his bladder was borderline uncomfortable and he was feeling rather thankful that he been woken up seemingly just in time by Viktor. Viktor clamped off the IV line and reached over to help Yuri get out of bed. Once the young Japanese man was standing on his own two feet, he grabbed the IV bag and walked them to the bathroom. Viktor kept a close eye on Yuri the entire time, making sure to let him do as much as he could on his own and only stepping in when he absolutely needed help. Soon, they were both back in bed, and Yuri lay awake on it for a bit before he felt sleepy again. When he looked over to Viktor, he saw that the man was already fast asleep. He reached over and tenderly stroked the man’s face, pushing a silver lock away from his angelic sleeping face. The man must be absolutely exhausted, he never fell asleep that quickly. Yuri felt so devastatingly guilty at that moment for having put Viktor through so much hell over the last couple of days. He rolled over onto his side and scooted over until he was pressed up against his Russian lover. As he snuggled in close and made himself comfortable, he vowed to repay his kindness any way he could.


	69. The Flip Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri begs Viktor to tell him his side of the events that transpired that fateful night.

Over the next few days, Yuri fully regained both his strength and his appetite. He was healthily hydrated once more and was able to stretch out and work through the lingering stiffness in his muscles. Viktor remained incredibly attentive throughout the entire process, only finally being able to relax once Dr. Fedorov had made his follow-up visit and given the young Japanese man a squeaky-clean bill of health. Physically speaking, Yuri was on the up-and-up, mentally speaking...Viktor wasn't so sure.

He had watched Yuri like a hawk during his recovery period and had discovered that there was a whole lot he said with his body and his eyes that didn't always make it out of his mouth. It had been such an earth-shattering observation that he could have kicked himself for having been missing out on so much this whole time. Once he paid attention to Yuri, _really_ paid attention, it was all clearly there for him to see. Since coming out of his catatonic state, Yuri would occasionally stare at him with the same eyes he had when he first became his coach. Those puppy-dog eyes of admiration he often saw on his fans' faces. At the beginning of their journey, he had enjoyed getting such stares from Yuri, but as his connection to him had deepened, he had yearned for more. He had wished so desperately to see love reflecting in those eyes instead of the anxious adoration. It had taken a near-tragedy for that love to finally show in Yuri's eyes, and he was loathe to see that look for worship back on him.

He had been checking in frequently with Yuri, asking him how he was doing and if there was anything he needed. He always smiled happily and said that everything was fine, but his smiles just didn't seem to reach his eyes. They had spent countless hours cuddling those days, silent and simply content to be in close physical contact with one another. During those times, Yuri's eyes often took on a glassy quality and he would just stare off into space. Viktor's biggest fear was that he would lapse back into that catatonic state and would just hold Yuri more tightly and whisper words of affection and encouragement in his ear. He'd continue to do that until Yuri eventually came out of it and would sink back into his embrace.

He wanted nothing more than to ask Yuri was what was wrong...to just straight-up ask him to tell him what was going on, but also didn't want to push him too much, considering all the trauma he'd experienced recently. He wanted to give him time and space, but was also growing increasingly worried. Suddenly, and out of the blue during one of their cuddle sessions, Yuri asked him to tell him his version of what happened the night of the Grand Prix final. His heart had dropped into the pit of his stomach and he had inwardly gone into a five-alarm panic. He wasn't sure if Yuri was ready to hear the gruesome details and relive that night for the second time in less than one week. Sensing his distress, Yuri had taken both of his hands into his own and kissed them tenderly as he had assured him that he would be able to handle it.

“I'll be fine Viktor, I promise. It's been absolutely eating me up inside that I don't know your side of it. Please, I need to know.”

Viktor stared into those pleading mahogany eyes and saw the truth and sincerity, clear as day, in them. He brought Yuri's hands up to his own lips and sighed before nodding slowly.

“Yura saw the moment I walked away from you and then saw you stagger out of the arena shortly after. He was in the middle of interviews and didn't think too much about it at the time. Apparently, you went to the bathroom right after because that's where Otabek spotted you. You came out of the bathroom barefoot and with bloody feet and just walked right past him in a daze. He took one look at your face and was instantly alarmed. I'm glad that the fates placed him in your path that night, he was the catalyst that sent everything into motion.”

Yuri was genuinely surprised. He did not recall seeing Otabek at all that night.

“I guess you must have found my skates in the bathroom at some point, since you had them at the hotel in Barcelona.”

“Right. Otabek went back and got them for you since he knew which bathroom you came out of.”

Yuri took a deep breath and nodded.

“What happened after Otabek saw me?”

“He went straight to Yura and told him that something was seriously wrong and that they had to find me right away. Yura sent a message to Pichit, Chris, and JJ, asking them all to get in touch with him as soon as they found me. A little later, everyone seemed to converge in the main foyer, which is where I was.”

Viktor tore his gaze from Yuri's eyes and looked down at the floor as he was suddenly overwhelmed by the feelings of shame that came rushing back to him. His vision blurred and he could feel the tears dripping unbidden from his eyes. A pair of warm hands framed his face and gently turned it until he was facing Yuri once more.

“Talk to me, Viktor.”

The Russian man sobbed and hiccupped for a few moments, unable to speak. After taking a few deep and calming breaths, he was finally able to find his voice.

“I...was...so…callous. It’s just… I was... _so_ hurt...and angry...with you...for ending it. You didn't...even...ask me. I’m a…horrible, terrible person. Please…forgive me, Yuri!”

The young Japanese man pulled him into a tight hug and rubbed soothing circles on his back as he fell apart in his arms.

“Shh, shhh...it's alright. I've already forgiven you, remember? Please stop punishing yourself Viktor. Kami knows you've suffered more than enough. I can't even imagine how devastating it would be if you woke up one day without any memories of me. You took me into your home and cared for me, even though I didn’t remember you, even though it must have pained you to do so. You loved me anyway, and I fell in love with you too.”

Yuri pulled Viktor in impossibly closer and peppered the top of his head with kisses.

“I'll say it as many times as it takes for you to finally believe it. I love you, and I forgive you.”

They clung tightly to each other for a few more minutes before Yuri pulled away, stating that he would go into the kitchen and make them some tea, giving Viktor a little time to compose himself. He returned a few minutes later with two piping hot mugs, setting them down on the coffee table before kissing the ring on Viktor’s hand.

“Feeling better now? Think you can continue?”

Viktor sniffled and blew his nose as he nodded. He grabbed one of the mugs and smiled as he took a sip.

“You used my favorite jam, thank you. Yes, I think that thanks to you, I’ll be alright now.”

Yuri made himself comfortable on the sofa and waited patiently for Viktor to resume his story. A few sips of tea later, he cleared his throat and began to speak.

“Everyone had something to say that night about what had happened. Yura was mad, _really_ mad about…what I’d done…to you. I think that even though he’d been a bit stand-offish with you…deep down, he’s always cared for you. He said that I…I didn’t deserve you.”

Yuri placed a comforting hand on Viktor’s arm and smiled.

“Although I’m glad that Yura stood up for me and was mad on my behalf, he’s wrong about you not deserving me. If anything, I feel that _I_ don’t deserve _you_.

I truly feel like the luckiest man on Earth.”

Viktor took Yuri’s free hand into his own and gave them a firm squeeze.  

“Chris was brutally honest as usual, comparing me to a scorned woman of sorts. Phichit reminded us all that you’re a sensitive soul and that you were still very much susceptible to your anxiety. I’m sorry, Yuri…I didn’t have any previous experiences with anxiety and just understand it properly at the time. I probably acted very insensitive toward you and unintentionally hurt you many times.”

“You know, even _I_ don’t understand it sometimes. Anxiety means different things for people and manifests itself in different ways.”

Yuri playfully booped Viktor’s nose with an index finger as he smiled.

“You weren’t very good with emotional outbursts to begin with, remember? The look on your face when I broke down in the parking garage at the China Cup, was pretty priceless!”

Viktor crossed his arms and pouted, turning his head away in a huff from the giggling Japanese man.

“I did the best I could at the time with my limited experience, okay? I’m a lot better at it now though, wouldn’t don’t you think?”

Viktor found himself abruptly tackled only his back, his eyes widening in surprise as Yuri planted a quick peck on his lips.

“Yes, of course you are! You’ve grown by leaps and bounds, and I’m so proud of you.”

Viktor wrapped his arms around his lover and nuzzled his dark locks lovingly.

“Thank you, that means a lot to me.”

“What happened after Phichit spoke?”

“Well, we all got a big shock, that’s what happened. I’m used to surprising people, but not even I was prepared for what happened next. And especially not the source it came from.”

“Come on Viktor, just spit it out already!”

“Well, JJ totally lost his cool and yelled at me for telling my fiancée that ‘this was the end’. That you, being you, would automatically assume the worst and would take it badly. He revealed to us that he used to suffer from near-crippling anxiety as a child, and that his coping mechanism was creating an alter-ego for himself.”

Yuri’s head shot up and he gasped as he brought a hand up to cover his mouth. Had he just heard correctly? _JJ, ‘The King’, Mr. I-Ooze-Confidence-From-All-My-Pores…suffers from debilitating anxiety?_ Yuri’s eyes grew wide as he thought back to how JJ had crashed and burned during the Grand Prix final. It had provided a window into a side of JJ he didn’t think existed, that he didn’t think was even possible.

“Wow. Just…wow.”

“Right? It makes me wonder if the ‘asshole’ side of him is really him or just a part of the alter-ego he’s created for himself.”

Yuri suddenly recalled the strange encounter on the beach in Gangneung. The impromptu hug and the sincerity behind JJ’s words.

“You know, I think that deep down…JJ might be a decent human being after all.”

“Oh Yuri, you have no idea. I haven’t even finished telling you everything that happened that night. JJ gave us an insight into what anxiety can do to your mind, and how it hinders the ability to have rational thoughts. We all realized pretty quickly that you were in trouble and organized a search party. I was with JJ, Yura was with Otabek and Chris was with Phichit.”

Viktor took a deep breath and tapped Yuri on the shoulder, signaling that he wished to sit up. Yuri slid off the Russian’s body and sat in the corner of the love seat, tucking his legs under him. He knew what was coming and that it would be a challenging part for both of them. He reached out grabbed hold of Viktor’s hand once more.

“We found you on the observation deck and you were…on the…ledge. And you started…falling,” his voice cracking under the emotional strain. “Oh god Yuri, that…was the most… _terrified_ I’ve been…my _whole_ life. I thought…I…was going…to lose you. But then…JJ, Ебена мать…I’ve…never seen him move so fast! He ran at you and jumped, managing to grab enough of your jacket to pull you down with him. That’s how you hit your head, unfortunately. At the time we were all just grateful that we’d made it in time, and that you…were…alive.”

Yuri was shocked. Of all the people in the world, JJ had been the one to save him? Tears ran down his face as he realized what an asshole he’d been to JJ during the last couple of competitions.

“Oh, kami…I’m awful! He saved my life…and I was so mean to him! Why didn’t he say something? Why didn’t _you_?”

“Please don’t beat yourself up, you didn’t remember. You had no idea what he’d done for you. As far as you were concerned he was just JJ, another competitor. We _couldn’t_ say anything to you, because your situation was rather delicate.”

“Wh-what do you mean… _delicate_?”

“Doctor Ramirez said that if we pushed you too hard to remember before you were ready that it could actually cause your mind to shut down further and that then you’d never get any of your memories back.”

“くそ! I’m sorry Viktor, you must have been walking on eggshells that whole time.”

“It’s fine, Yuri. I would have waited as long as it took to get you back. And although it’s not something I _wanted_ to think about, I was also prepared to continue loving you…even if you never got them back.”

Yuri was quiet for a long time after that, and Viktor just let him have his space and sort things out on his own. When the young Japanese man turned to face him, there was a look of sheer determination on his face.

“I need to go back to Japan for a bit.”

Caught somewhat off-guard by Yuri’s sudden desire to visit _home, Viktor scrambled to process how long the preparations would take. Would he be able to take Makka with him? When would be the earliest they could fly out?_

“S-sure, I think that’s quite doable. It may take some scrambling to get everything done expediently, but I don’t see any reason we couldn’t have things  ready for us in a couple of days or so.”

Yuri placed a hand on his shoulder and stared intently into his eyes.

“I mean…alone.  You can’t come with me this time, my love. There’s something that I need to do, and it has to be without you.”

**_terminology_**

Ебена мать! (yebena mat’) – holy shit

くそ (kuso) - fuck


	70. Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My keyboard is NOT wet...my eyes are definitely NOT red. *sniff*

Viktor was having a hard time processing what he'd just heard, or what he thought he'd heard. Surely Yuri hadn't just told him that he wanted to go back to Japan without him. He needed to clarify things, he must have simply misheard.

“You want to go back to Japan...alone? Without...me?”

Yuri smiled, and for a brief second Viktor though that he'd just laugh it off and call him silly for ever thinking he wanted to go somewhere without him. But the floor dropped right out from beneath his feet at the young man's next words.

“Yes Viktor, that's right.”

Viktor was shocked, waves of hurt washing over him as he tried to make sense of what was happening.

Yuri seemed to sense that something was off and the smile quickly melted off his face. He took Viktor's right hand into his own and kissed the ring on it before looking back up into his eyes.

“Viktor, what's wrong? Talk to me.”

A million and one things were running wild in his head and there was an entire lineup of things he wanted to say...no scream at Yuri at the moment. _Don't go. Don't go without me. I won't let you go without me. You need me. I need you. Please don't go._ Instead, he forced himself to take a deep breath and said...

“Why?”

Yuri's eyes softened and he let out a breath that he didn't realize he'd been holding.

“Thank you. Thank you for trying to understand.”

Yuri looked off to the side, his eyes taking on a faraway look.

“Since I recovered from the catatonia, I've been feeling... _off_. I can't quite explain it, but it's like...I'm me, but I'm not _me._ Like there's warring versions of myself inside my body. It's really unsettling and I feel like I just need to do something about it.”

“Yuri, I can help you. I love you and there's nothing I wouldn't do for you. Just tell me what to do.”

Yuri looked back over to Viktor, a sad smile upon his lips.

“I know, believe me. I really do. This is just not something that you can fix for me, Viktor. I need to do this for myself...by myself.”

Viktor's eyes filled with tears as he looked at the Japanese man before him.

“Am I not...enough?”

Yuri's heart clenched painfully in his chest at all the hurt and despair that had been expressed in those four little words. He immediately jumped to his feet, and threw his arms around his distraught lover.

“Oh, Viktor...please don't talk like that. I would not be where I am today, I wouldn't have survived the worst of it all, had it not been for your love and your patience. You're _more_ than enough. You've done all you can, and the ball's in my court now. I _have_ to do this alone. I feel like this will just keep holding me back unless I deal with it.”

Viktor's eyes grew wide and he shook his head fiercely from side to to side. When he spoke, his voice was rife with raw emotion and he had this pleading look on his face.

“But you...don't have to do...this alone! Let me...help you!”

Yuri pulled back and wiped Viktor's tears away with the pads of his thumbs.

“Your love for me is the purest and brightest force on this planet, my love. You have stated many times that you would always love me no matter what. It is precisely this love that would keep me from what I must do. To you, I am perfect as I am, regardless of what version of 'me' I happen to be at any given moment.”

Yuri leaned forward and kissed the new tears from Viktor's eyes.

“You've sacrificed so much for me, and I feel like I owe it to you...and to myself... to be... _whole_...before I can be fully with you. You're the source of my strength, Viktor. I want to be the Yuri that you deserve. I don't want to be away from you, but it won't feel right being with you unless I do this. I _need_ to do this.”

Viktor sniffled quietly and slowly nodded as Yuri handed him some tissues. He didn't like it, and still honestly didn't understand it, but could recognize that look on Yuri's face from a mile away. It was the look of someone who had set their mind on something and was determined to see it through. He'd seen it enough times on the ice to know that Yuri was nearly unstoppable once he got like this.

Viktor let out a drawn-out and shaky sigh before nodding once more.

“Let's book you a flight, then. But you're flying first class, and that's non-negotiable.”

Yuuri smiled and leaned in to place a chaste kiss on his lover's lips.

“I accept your terms. Thank you, Viktor.”

___***___

 He contacted Yura shortly after Viktor had helped him book a one-way ticket to Japan and filled him on everything that had happened since they had returned from Helsinki. He had apologized profusely for being so rude and mean to him when he'd first arrived in St. Petersburg, he just didn't remember meeting him before. The Russian tiger had simply laughed it off and dismissed it, stating that Yuri had more than made up for it by becoming his good friend and saving his Dedulya's life.

“You go and do whatever it is that you need to do, and leave the old man to me. I'll kick his ass and make sure he stays in line. Just promise me that you'll take good care of yourself and get your ass back here as soon as you can.”

“You have my word, Yura.”

One day later, the three of them were standing in the departure hall of the Pulkovo Airport. Yuri had his carry-on bag in one hand and his passport and boarding pass in the other. Yura had absolutely insisted on coming along to see him off, and was chattering excitedly about all the tiger merchandise he was expecting when Yuri returned. Viktor had been uncharacteristically quiet all day and was just standing off to the side, staring unblinkingly at the hustle and bustle of the terminal. Yuri kept his ears on the conversation with Yura and his eyes on the morose Russian to his left. Unable to stand it any longer, he excused himself from the moody teen and walked over to the silver-haired Russian. He slipped in beside him, standing as close as possible without drawing too much scrutiny. Viktor was wearing a hoodie and had pulled the hood up to cover his most identifiable feature. Yuri knew he was likely not in the mood to be very social or deal with any fans. Yura had also tied his hair back and hidden himself under a hoodie that must have been just about the only non-wildcat themed article of clothing he possibly owned. Today was about Yuri, he'd said. He didn't want any overzealous fans crashing their goodbye.

He looked up at Viktor's face, displeased with the blank mask the man had slipped on to hide his emotions.

“Hey.”

Viktor looked over and returned the greeting, his voice low and raspy. Yuri felt a sudden and rather enormous pang of guilt for having to put Viktor through this after all they'd just been through.

“How are you holding up?”

Viktor shot him a withering look and Yuri sighed for what must certainly have been the thousandth time that day.

“This isn't easy for me either, you know.”

Yuri was surprised as he heard a derisive snort coming from Viktor's direction.

“Is it? I'm sorry, I can't tell due to the lack of any outward signs.”

Yuri looked down at the floor and shuffled his feet around aimlessly for a few seconds before replying.

“I thought I owed it to you to keep it together and not make things worse than they already are. I'm sorry if you feel as if I am not affected. I assure you that I am.”

They stood next to each other in awkward silence until Yura got pissed off at them both and stalked off to get a drink. Yuri checked his watch and knew he couldn't wait any longer. He had to make his way through customs in order to get to his boarding gate on time.

“Viktor, it's time. I have to go.”

“You don't _have_ to go. You're _choosing_ to go.”

“Viktor, please.”

Yuri's voice cracked pitifully and Viktor's head snapped around to look at him. His eyes widened slightly and a hint of surprise lit up his features.

“Please don't make this any harder. I'm barely keeping it together here.”

Viktor opened his mouth to speak, but Yura was standing there in between them before he could.

“Don't worry about him, Yuri. He's just being a childish ass right now. He didn't get his way and now he's just purposely being difficult. The great Viktor Nikiforov isn't used to not getting everything he wants.”

Viktor glowered darkly at the young teen but chose not to react to his statement nor comment on it.

Yura spat out a “keh” at him before turning to face his Japanese friend.

“Can I give you a goodbye hug?”

Yuri smiled and held his arms open. The Russian Tiger stepped in and gave him a sturdy mini bear hug.

“You've got this, I know you do.”

Yuri nodded wordlessly against the teen's shoulder.

Yura pushed back, releasing Yuri from his iron grip.

“Hey, old geezer! You gonna hug Yuri goodbye or what?”

Viktor looked over at them for a second that dragged on for an eternity for Yuri. His breath caught in his throat as he waited for the verdict, every instinct in his soul screaming at him to just run into Viktor's arms. Finally, Viktor shook his head and Yuri's felt his heart drop down to the pits of his stomach.

“If I hug you right now Yuri, I won't be able to let go. Please, let's just get this over with already. I don't think my heart can take any more.”

“Oy! You conceited, selfish...”

Yura had started making his way over to Viktor to give him a piece of his mind, but Yuri grabbed hold of his arm and held him back. As Yura looked back at him, the young Japanese skater shook his head and the teen backed right down.

Yuri cleared his throat and nodded toward Viktor.

“I...understand. I'll message you when I'm safely in Japan, then.”

Viktor's relief was palpable and some of the tension finally drained from his face.

“Thank you. Safe travels, Yuri.”

Yura grabbed him by the arm and practically half-dragged him to the customs gate. Yuri could tell that he was fuming, and was only trying to hold back because Yuri had wordlessly asked him to.

“I'm going to fucking kill him, I swear. I'm going to shave him bald first, take a bunch of embarrassing pictures of him and THEN kill him.”

Despite his sadness and the sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach, Yuri's mouth quirked up in one corner as he tried to conjure up a bald Viktor in his mind.

“I know you're mad, but I'll be okay, really. Viktor just doesn't realize yet that I'm doing this not just for me, but for us. He's hurting, I know that. I'm hurting too, but he doesn't really see that.”

“I'll be sure to be extra nasty to him while you're gone, then.”

Yuri chuckled weakly as he approached the customs gate.

“Alright, I condone periodic patches of nastiness. Not daily though, he'll be having a hard enough time as it is.”

The Russian teen shook his head and clucked his tongue.

“I don't get how you can be so nice to him when he was such a dick to you. He wouldn't even hug you goodbye. That's a whole new level of asshole.”

“It's called love, Yura, and someday you will know what that's like. Love's not always butterflies and rainbows. Love is hard, it's imperfect, and it hurts a lot sometimes.”

Yura crossed his arms and tossed his head up in defiance.

“Well, I'll just never fall in love, then. Love sounds like a whole bunch of stupid bullshit. It just turns people into sappy idiots.”

Yuri playfully punched at the top of Yura's arm as he finally arrived at the customs line.

“It doesn't work like that, you know. When love hits you, there's not much you can do about it.”

Yuri gave his Russian friend one last hug before entering the customs line. Yura stayed behind and periodically waved at him until he was finally through to the other side. Yuri pulled his carry-on behind him as he calmly made his way over to the nearest bathroom. _We didn't even say 'I love you'_. He found an empty stall and went in, ensuring to lock the door behind him. He sat down on the toilet seat, and for the first time since Sochi, he cried his heart out in a bathroom stall.

___***___

The Russian Tiger practically stormed in a rage all the way back to where Viktor had been left waiting. That selfish bastard had hurt his friend _again_ , and he was going to make sure that he kicked his ass long and hard over it. As he rounded the corner to where Viktor was waiting, his stride faltered before he came to a screeching halt. He had expected to find Viktor standing there exactly how he'd left him, a cold and unfeeling asshole. He had not expected to find a sobbing mess crumpled over on the floor. He sighed loudly as he rolled his eyes and then plopped down unceremoniously next to him. He begrudgingly threw an arm around the man's shoulder and pulled him roughly against him.

“You're both fucking hopeless.”

 


	71. The Prodigal Son Returns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We'll find out how Viktor is doing back in Russia in the next chapter. Nothing bad has happened to him, I promise! Poor guy is just in shock...and suddenly very lonely.

Somehow, amidst the haze of hurt and red puffy eyes, Yuri managed to make it to his gate just in time for first-class boarding. He lined up and shuffled along with the other passengers until he was asked for his passport and boarding pass. The airline worker took in his haggard appearance and immediately asked him if he was alright. He nodded weakly and mumbled something unintelligible before being allowed to go through and make his way down the gangway toward the plane. He found his seat and stowed away his carry-on luggage before sinking down gratefully into the comfortable chair. Just before take-off, a flight attendant approached him with a glass of water and a sympathetic look on her face.

“May I offer you some water, Sir?”

Yuri looked up blearily at the woman and nodded, reaching out to accept the cup being offered to him.

“We also have ibuprofen tablets should you need any, Sir.”

Yuri cleared his throat and pulled down his surgical mask to attempt a smile at the woman. When he spoke, his voice was all raw and raspy.

“I think I’ll take you up on your offer. Thank you.”

The flight attendant dipped her head in acknowledgment and was back a short while later with the tablets. Yuri thanked her again and then popped both in at once before chasing them down with a few big gulps of water. He had a raging cry-headache and was extremely grateful that at least some of his misery would be abated. He clicked his seatbelt in and settled in for the next restless twelve hours until he arrived in Beijing. Two meals were served during the flight, but Yuri didn’t really feel hungry. He picked absentmindedly at a few things without really quite finishing anything. He tried passing the time by watching movie after movie, but his mind was a million miles away and he just couldn’t concentrate on any of them. Playing video games brought him a few hours of mindless entertainment, but he eventually got bored and turned it off, opting instead to sit there in silence with his sleeping mask over his eyes.

When he finally disembarked in Beijing, he dragged himself through customs and then went straight to the first-class lounge. He would have to thank Viktor properly later for being so insistent on the first-class ticket. After nearly two days without a proper night’s sleep, he was running on fumes. His flight to Seoul was scheduled to take off in just under four hours’ time, and so he would be able to nap on a comfortable bed in one of the lounge’s private rooms. He walked up to the counter and checked in, requesting a wake-up call in two hours. He rolled his carry-on into the room with him and opened it up to fish out his bag of toiletries.  His checked-in luggage had already been put through to the next flight, and so he thankfully did not have to worry about it. He removed his glasses before brushing his teeth and throwing some warm water on his face. He dried off and then sent Viktor a text message to let him know that he’d made it to Beijing in one piece. He lay down on the comfy bed and was out cold the second his head hit the pillow.

Yuri’s phone alarm went off at just about the same time as a gentle knock was heard on his door. A slightly muffled attendant’s voice came through the door.

“Mr. Katsuki, sorry to disturb you, but it’s time to wake up.”

Slightly groggy and fuzzy from sleep, he managed to sit up and throw his legs over the edge of the bed.

“A-ah, thank you. I’m awake.”

He checked his phone and saw that there was no reply yet from Viktor. His heart sank a bit once he noticed that his message hadn’t even been read yet, as it was quite unlike Viktor to not check his phone. St. Petersburg was only four hours behind Beijing and Viktor should definitely be up and about. _Maybe he had a rough night too and is just sleeping it off today._ He gathered his things and tried to smooth out some of the wrinkles in his travel outfit before stepping out into the main lounge. There was a buffet set out and he decided to eat a few things now that he was a bit rested and feeling a bit hungry. He kept things light by having mostly fruit, some crackers with cheese and a cup of hot tea. Once he’d finished eating, he headed off to customs and made his way to the next boarding gate. The flight to Incheon was mercifully much shorter than his first flight, and three hours later he was in Korea. He arrived just before 5 PM and then had just over an hour to wait before his final flight to Fukuoka took off. Another hour later and he was finally on Japanese soil. After three flights, Yuri was absolutely exhausted and still absolutely emotionally raw from the night before. As he came out of customs, he immediately scanned the crowds for the familiar stormy-eyed ballerina.

“Yuuuuuuuri!”

The young Japanese skater looked up in the direction of the voice and immediately spotted Minako with a ridiculously large banner featuring his name. He groaned and nearly face-palmed as the embarrassment colored his face. As he approached her, a few fans and reporters suddenly came seemingly out of nowhere and were simultaneously congratulating him on his recent medals, asking him what his theme for next year was going to be and why he was in Japan without his famous coach and fellow competitor. Yuri stood wide-eyed and rigid, instantly overwhelmed by the current mob. His current level of exhaustion, coupled with his fragile emotional state, had him doing a rather accurate impression of a deer caught in headlights.

He had just spent slightly under twenty-four hours traveling from nearly halfway across the world and he was tired. He just wanted to go somewhere where he could have a hot shower, a proper meal and a comfortable bed. He knew that he had responsibilities and expectations to meet as a national athlete in the public eye, but times like this really rubbed him the wrong way. People just assumed that he was at their disposal and would drop everything to answer their questions whenever they wanted. Something inside him snapped and he realized that he just wasn’t in the mood to deal with it all. He cleared his throat loudly and held up his hand for silence. The group immediately quieted down, anxious to hear his answers to their questions.

**_/”…”/ - Denotes Japanese speech_ **

/“Thank you all for being here to greet me this evening. As always, I appreciate your interest and support.”/

The crowd started murmuring and Yuri knew that they would become raucous again soon if he didn’t stop them in their tracks. He held his hand up again and they quieted down once more.

/“However, I have just spent the last twenty-four hours traveling and I am rather exhausted. I’m afraid that I am simply unable to pay you the proper attention and answer all your questions coherently. Please submit any inquiries or requests for interviews and media appearances through the usual channels. Thank you so very much for your understanding.”/

Yuri quickly turned on his heel and walked away from the stunned crowd, making a beeline for the brown-haired older woman waiting for him on the sidelines.

/“Hello Minako sensei. Thank you for coming to pick me up. I’d love to greet you properly, but for now, please just get me out of here.”/

The former ballerina nodded and grabbed hold of his carry-on luggage, rolling it behind her as she took the lead. Yuri was left with his larger piece of luggage, and duffel bag containing his skating gear. The pair quickly made their way to the parking lot and soon the airport was all but a distant speck in the rearview mirror. Yuri breathed a huge sigh of relief and finally allowed himself to relax. He picked up his phone and sent a message to Viktor to let him know he’d landed safely. He frowned when he saw that his last message still wasn’t showing as read.

/“You were quite impressive in the way you handled those reporters back there. When I saw you freeze up, I thought that I was going to have to step in and rescue you. But then you took charge of the situation and let them down politely, but firmly.”/

Yuri hummed distractedly back at the woman, his brain still too focused on wondering why his messages to Viktor weren’t being read.

/“Yuri, are you alright?”/

Yuri’s head snapped up at the question, surprised that it was coming from someone other than Viktor. He opened his mouth to speak, fully intending to make up some answer… _any_ answer to give her, but his voice failed him. Instead, his bottom lip began to tremble and his vision swam with unshed tears. What he eventually managed to get out was far from what he wanted to say, but by far, much more accurate.

/“No.”/

If Minako was surprised by his answer, she didn’t show it. She nodded once, slowly, and drove on as if she hadn’t heard him. A few minutes later she was pulling off the highway, making her way down the ramp into an urban area. Yuri remained silent, patiently waiting to see how it all played out. When Minako pulled into a hotel parking lot, however, he finally decided to speak up.

/“Minako sensei? What’s this? Why are we stopping at a hotel?”/

/“You look like shit and apparently feel even worse. We’re spending the night here, potentially even longer, if needed.” /

Yuri stared at the older woman in disbelief, sputtering helplessly as he struggled to formulate words.

/“Wh-wh-what? Why?”/

/“You barely kept it together when I asked you if you were fine. Are you telling me that you’re in the proper headspace right now to deal with your whole family?”/

Yuri’s mouth open and closed silently a few times as he stared at her, making him look like some confused fish out of water. Realizing that she was right, his shoulders finally sagged in defeat and he nodded weakly at her.

/“That’s what I thought. Stay here while I go check for availability.”/

Minako left the car and Yuri dozed off almost immediately. He was later awoken by a gentle shaking sensation and opened his eyes to find a pair of gray orbs peering down at him.

/“I managed to get us a double room. Come on, let’s get you showered and settled for the night. I highly doubt that you managed to get much, if any sleep at all, during the last twenty-four hours.”/

Yuri yawned loudly and he undid his seatbelt and stepped out of the car. He stretched his arms over his head and swiveled his hips around a few times in an effort to ease some of the stiffness. He walked back around to the trunk and removed all three pieces of luggage from it. Although he knew that Japan was relatively safe and that his skate bag would be completely fine if he left it in the trunk, he still wanted to have it in his sights. He followed Minako to the elevator and they went up to the fifth floor. She swiped the keycard on the electronic lock and handed it to him.

/“Go on in and get yourself showered and changed. I’m gonna go on a food and booze run. Is sushi ok with you?”/

Yuri stepped into the room and nodded as he pushed his bags into a free corner. He looked up at her, his mouth forming a shaky and watery smile.

/“Thank you for doing all this for me, Minako sensei. I can’t even begin to express how much gratitude I feel at this moment.”/

The former ballerina waved her hand dismissively in front of her as she made some rather unladylike snorting noises.

/“You’re my most successful student and have brought me a ton of new business in the last couple of months. Consider this a small thank you.”/

The older Japanese woman excused herself, closing the door behind her. She then set out on her quest for food, leaving her former student to his own devices. Yuri checked his phone again and chewed nervously on his bottom lip at the continued lack of contact from Viktor. He was starting to feel increasingly worried and decided to message Yura.

 **Yuri K:** Hey Yura. I made it to Japan in one piece. About to take a shower, have some

            dinner, and pass out for the night.

After a few tense moments, a reply came through.

 **Yura:** Hey. That’s great news. Glad you made it! How are you doing?

 **Yuri K:** I’m…coping. Thanks for asking. You at practice?

 **Yura:** Yeah, been here a few hours already.

 **Yuri K:** Is Viktor there with you?  
**Yura:** No. He’s probably at home being all mopey and shit.

 **Yuri K:** Oh, I see. Do you think he’s OK?

 **Yura:** I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since the night you left. He drove me to my grandpa’s house and then just went home after, I assume. What’s got you worried?

 **Yuri K:** Well, I’ve sent him a few messages and he hasn’t even read them yet. Maybe I’m just overreacting and he’s just sleeping in or something…

 **Yura:** That definitely doesn’t sound like him. I’m going to kick that asshole into next week for making you worry like this. Go and take your shower. I’ll try to contact him and let you know.

 **Yuri K:** Thanks, Yura. You’re the best.

 **Yura:** Don’t you forget it! (heh smiley)

Yuri smiled warmly at the phone screen, glad to have such a spitfire in his corner. His attention then turned to his luggage and he sighed heavily before rummaging through it and finding a comfy pair of gray jogging pants and a navy-blue t-shirt. His bag of toiletries came out yet again and he stepped into the bathroom. He took the hottest shower that he could physically stand, moaning appreciatively as he washed all the travel grime and sweat from his hair and body. When he came out of the room, Minako was already back and emptying the contents of her food run haul onto the small table in the room. He spotted a few takeaway containers of sushi and quite a few cans of beer. He checked his phone again and saw a new message from Yura stating that Viktor wasn’t answering his phone and that his calls had gone right through to voice mail. He would ask Yakov to drive him over there after practice and would let him know as soon as he had new information.

/“Are you awake enough to eat?”/ 

Yuri looked up from his phone and nodded.

/“Yeah, the shower helped wake me up quite a bit. Looking at the food just made me realize how hungry I actually am. I don’t think my stomach would let me sleep without feeding it first anyway.”/

They both sat down at the table and slowly made their way through the various types of sushi and sashimi. As good as the few sushi places in St. Petersburg were, nothing would ever quite compare to the taste of _home_ incorporated into the sushi made in Japan. They ate in silence until every container was empty and Yuri’s stomach bulged outward happily with all the food he’d just eaten. As Minako reached for a can of beer, Yuri did the same. Minako’s jaw hung open in frozen shock as he popped it open and chugged it all in one go. After emitting a satisfying belch, he wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand and set the empty can down on the table. A few seconds later, the older woman sitting across from him seemed to finally find her voice once more.

/“Well, shit, Yuri. Now I know there’s _definitely_ something horribly wrong if you’re pounding back beer like _that_. You hate what alcohol does to you and you usually avoid it like the plague.”/

/“Yeah, well…there are a few things eating me up inside that I need to get off my chest before they fester any longer. I’m sorry to be such trouble, Minako sensei, but I really need you to hear me out and not interrupt or ask any questions until I am fully done. OK?”/

The gray-eyed ballerina pounded back her own beer and then opened two more cans for them right after. She made herself more comfortable in the chair and then signaled that she was ready. Yuri took a deep breath and mentally prepared himself to tell Minako everything. If there was anyone in Japan that he could open up to, it was her. All those years he’d spent as her student had resulted in a rather strong and unbreakable bond between them. She had been there during his highs and lows. She had been there during his worst bouts of anxiety and had gotten him through each and every one of them. She was more of a mother to him growing up than his own biological mother.

/”It all started the night of the Grand Prix Final. The night I tried to kill myself.”/


End file.
